


Some Things Are Meant To Be

by UchihaNaruto_2



Series: Life in Visions [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Cheating, F/F, F/M, M/M, Sexual Content, aha look at me, indecent amount of pining, mentions of violence/blood, part twoooo, sns, violence in the form of fighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 143,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23573611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchihaNaruto_2/pseuds/UchihaNaruto_2
Summary: like a river flows, surely to the seadarling, so it goessome things are meant to beabsence make the heart grow fonder. it also makes for some amazing stories. the story of how naruto and sasuke found themselves together again.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy, Hyuuga Hinata/Inuzuka Kiba, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Life in Visions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1696834
Comments: 124
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i didn’t keep anyone waiting too long :)  
> 

Sasuke always woke up before Naruto, before the sun was up. He was already looking at something on his computer, his hair wet from a shower, when Naruto first blinked his eyes open.

“Are you working?” Naruto sat on the edge of the bed and stretched himself out, groaning when some of his joints popped. 

The tapping across the room stopped and Sasuke looked at Naruto over the rim of his glasses. “I told you I was going to work,” Sasuke said as a reminder. 

“It’s not as though you can go into the courtroom,” Naruto said childishly. Sasuke rolled his eyes, huffed a breath and closed his computer gently. Naruto caught sight of the chains adorning Sasuke’s pale throat, shining in the light of the early morning as it filtered in through the sheer curtains.

“I have things to finish before we get on the plane,” Sasuke said. He still shuffled his way over to Naruto, and pressed himself into Naruto’s space easily. Any of Naruto’s mild annoyance melted away when Sasuke’s skin touched his. Sasuke felt Naruto hum, felt the rumble of his chest, and he closed his eyes.

“You owe me a story,” Sasuke said against Naruto’s throat. Naruto’s skin was so warm, and he needed to shave. But Sasuke liked this the most, the side of Naruto that no one else ever got to see. The parts he saved just for Sasuke, when they were really alone. 

Naruto chuckled into Sasuke’s hair, blowing a few wet strands out of place. “A story? About what?”

“What did you do without me? Before the wedding,” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto laughed again. “I died without you, is that good enough?”

Sasuke pulled away from Naruto’s body and gave him a serious look. “No, you made me talk for  _ hours  _ about things that happened 20 years ago. So now, the least you can do is tell me what happened. I deserve that,” Sasuke said petulantly.

“Alright, alright. Let me take a shower, and then I’ll try to remember,” Naruto said dismissively. He had figured Sasuke would ask this eventually, though he was surprised that it had taken him so long. 

Sasuke was crunching on those awful granola bars he always insisted upon eating for breakfast, working again, when Naruto got out of the shower. He didn’t bother to even attempt to dry his hair before he flew back onto the bed. 

“ _ Naruto _ ,” Sasuke said sharply, though it was impossible to hide the way his lips curved up at the end at Naruto’s antics.

“Come here,” Naruto whined. Sasuke sighed and crawled back onto the bed, sitting facing Naruto so that their knees touched. “Alright, young man,” Naruto said, drawing Sasuke close and jostling his glasses in the process, “it’s story time.”

Sasuke muttered something about not being that young anymore and took his glasses off. “You’re going to tell the story naked?”

“Is that a  _ problem,  _ Sauce?” Naruto asked.

“Go ahead, then,” Sasuke said in a sigh. Naruto felt Sasuke’s eyelashes brushing the skin of his chest as he blinked. 

“So… I guess I should start with what happened after you left, right?”

Sasuke nodded wordlessly. He reached for Naruto’s hand that was snaking around his waist and instead pressed it to his heart.

“Right. Well…”

***

Naruto watched as Mikoto sped off, leaving him in the dust. He let out a heavy breath and he didn’t move from the spot until he couldn’t see them anymore. The picture he’d swindled from Sasuke through Sakura was still in his pocket, though it was getting rather ragged from being folded over and over. Now, it was burning a hole into his side. Naruto turned his eyes up to the sky when he felt something hit him directly between his eyes. 

Rain. 

He took his time trudging back to the house; he was in no hurry. By the time he’d slogged back to the house, there was rain plastering his hair to his forehead, and his clothes were wet. Sakura and Ino looked toward him from where they were nearly sitting on top of one another on the sofa. 

“It’s raining?” Ino asked.

“Uh… yeah,” Naruto replied. He didn’t have much to say, but Sakura insisted upon making him talk. 

“Naruto,” she said, in a tone of voice that made him wince. He turned on his heel to face her again, and he wished he hadn’t. Hearing her wrath was one thing. Seeing it,  _ feeling  _ it, was completely different. She had even muted the TV, so that there was no way he could say he hadn’t heard her.

“You know that he isn’t the one who should have left,” Sakura said. She gripped the back of the sofa tight as she turned to face him with her whole body. “You’re different? Naruto, tell me right now that you’re not fucking her again. Say it right  _ now _ .”

“I’m not fucking her,” Naruto said easily. For once, it was true. It wasn’t as though she wasn’t trying; she was trying. She had already attempted to come on this trip, “for old time’s sake,” but Sakura was having none of it. Hinata had been promising Naruto whatever he liked when he came back to town on Friday, since he’d be leaving on Saturday for North Carolina. It was almost unfair, the way that Naruto hadn’t even been allowed the chance to take the bait yet. But he wouldn’t have, really. He was tired of Hinata being such a bully to everyone in her pursuit for power. And power over what? Her only goal was to remain at Naruto’s side and in his life forever, by whatever means necessary. Naruto flared his nostrils as he thought about her.

Sakura’s eyes were narrowed in his direction, but she decided that he was telling the truth this time. “Either way,” she said, “you’re not different. And the fact that you could sit there and say that shit to him lets me know that you don’t care.”

“Sakura, come on—”

“No,  _ you  _ come on, Naruto. All Sasuke has ever done is love you, support you, uplift you and your dreams, no matter how much you hurt him. No matter how deep you cut the wound, and no matter how hard you twisted the knife. He is in  _ love  _ with you, Naruto, in the plainest way possible.” Sakura was always a little scary when she started talking with her hands. Ino was looking pointedly at the TV, even though there were no sounds but the increasing crescendo of Sakura’s anger.

“He’s never done anything but love you. And, alright, he kept things from you, he did. But he came clean, and he never did anything else. You kept and  _ keep  _ fucking up. It’s unbelievable, really, how little you actually seemed to care in those moments when he needed you the most,” Sakura continued. She started counting on her fingers. “After his first accident, you were there, I’ll give you that. But after the second one? You  _ fucked  _ Hinata. Two. Times. And you lied about it. So, ok, if it were me, I wouldn’t have put up with any more of your bullshit.”

Naruto shifted his weight while he tried to listen. It wouldn’t do him any good to sit; it would only make her more angry if he moved. 

“But he did, he did. He just loved you  _ so _ damn much, it was fine that you did that shit because you said sorry for it. As long as you’re sorry, right? And you promised to work on it. He worked on it, being honest with you even when it hurt him. He confided in you about things that would be dangerous in the wrong hands, things that he wasn’t sure if he should tell you, things that he didn’t expect would change you so much.” Sakura shook her head. She was talking about the visions. Naruto took careful note of how she didn’t mention them around Ino; she hadn’t told her about them. “But you changed. You  _ knew  _ that no matter what he did, he’d forgive you eventually, so what you did didn’t matter, right? Naruto, that’s assholic. You know that.” Sakura threw her hands in the air and took a few deep breaths. 

“He kept trusting you, and you kept stepping on him, like an ant. Like something unimportant. Did you ever really love him?” Sakura’s eyebrow quirked when it took Naruto longer than she’d expected for him to answer.

“What, that was a real question?” Naruto asked incredulously. “Yes, I loved him. I love him right now.”

Sakura shook her head and put a finger up to stop Naruto right there. “Oh, no. No, sir. Don’t say that, don’t say it anymore around me,” she said as a warning. Naruto put his hands up in defeat. 

“Alright, ok.”

Sakura waved her hand in Naruto’s direction. “Nothing further. Dismissed.” She turned back around then and Ino instantly molded back into Sakura’s side. 

Naruto threw himself onto the bed once he got inside his room and closed the door. He didn’t even know what to do with himself. Should he cry? Should he try to call Sasuke, or text him? Should he just pretend it hadn’t happened? No, that was certainly not an option. It had happened. 

It  _ had  _ happened. 

Fuck, Sasuke was really gone. And not just gone for now, not gone for a week. He was gone forever. He would not come back, he would not call. How could he come back, anyway? Naruto was leaving. How incredibly ironic that while Naruto was the one who was leaving, Sasuke was the one who’d made an escape. Escape from Naruto, and all the hurt he’d been putting him through. At least he wouldn’t have to lie to Sasuke anymore, because there was no way before that he could have told Sasuke why Hinata had been trying to call him in the first place. Something about Kiba, was it? Naruto almost felt bad for the kid.

Naruto was in exile for the rest of the trip, but it didn’t matter anyway. He didn’t want to be seen, he didn’t want to be reminded of anything. He was only allowed to be in Sakura’s sight to wish her a happy birthday and to give her what he’d brought for her. It was a stuffed Pikachu wearing a dress, something Sakura had been trying to order online for months.

“Oh my  _ God, _ Naruto!” Sakura exclaimed, snatching the toy from him. “I mean, uh,” she cleared her throat, “thanks. Off with you, now.” Sakura’s voice was hard, but her eyes betrayed how upset she was.

When it was finally time to leave on Friday morning, Sakura finally gave up her silent treatment. “So, you’re leaving tomorrow morning, hm?” She was sitting in the backseat, peeking over the seats while Naruto struggled to put their luggage in the trunk.

Naruto could barely hear her over his own grunting. “Huh? Oh, yeah, tomorrow. I have to wake up early. It’s, like, five hours away, but Dad wants to make a  _ trip  _ of it.” Naruto rolled his eyes. 

“Like, sightseeing? That’s cool, I guess,” Sakura said. She wanted to ask him something, or say something, but she was taking her time getting to the point.

“What is it, Sakura?” Naruto pulled a bag shut by its zipper with extra force, and then he leaned forward with his arms above his head, his hands gripping the rear door of his Tahoe. 

Sakura sighed and seemed suddenly very interested in her fingers on the upholstery of the backseat. “I’m going to miss you, that’s all,” she said quietly, turning her eyes up to him at the last word and then looking away, past him. 

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest. “Sakura,” he said, in a tone that implored her to please not cry. 

But she  _ insisted _ . “I know that I was mad at you this week, but I’m going to miss you, Naruto! You’re one of my best friends, you and Sasuke!” she wailed. 

“Hey, hey, come here.” 

Naruto slammed the trunk shut just as Sakura was lunging from the backseat to hug him so tight it almost hurt. She knocked the wind out of him and he made a choking sound before wrapping his arms around her shoulders weakly. He ran his hand over her back slowly, to maybe stop her from crying, but there was no use in hoping for  _ that _ .

“I didn’t ever think you’d actually leave,” Sakura was blubbering. Naruto wished that she wasn’t wearing makeup, it was getting on his shirt. Anything for her, though. 

“I’ll come back, you know that,” Naruto said when there was a lull in her loud crying. “And we’ll get together, and it’ll be like old times.”

Sakura shook her head violently. “No it  _ won’t,  _ it won’t ever be like this again,” she said.

“What do you mean? When I come back, we can come home and it’ll be just the way it is now,” Naruto said. But Sakura just shook her head again. 

“It won’t be the same, because there won’t be any  _ Sasuke _ !” She cried. She gripped Naruto harder than before. Naruto’s shoulders sagged at the sound of Sasuke’s name. His eyes caught Ino’s, watching them from the window of the passenger’s seat, and she shook her head slightly before looking away. 

“I— it’ll be fine, ok? It’ll get worked out.” 

But no amount of pep talking Sakura could stop her crying, nor did it convince Naruto himself that what he’d said was even true. Just because he hoped it would be worked out didn’t mean it would be. Sasuke, for all that he was worth, was a stubborn boy, when it came down to it. He only ever did things because he wanted to; there wasn’t an ounce of follower in him. Even this far, choosing to forgive Naruto, was Sasuke’s choice. And now, he was making the choice to not give Naruto any more chances. Naruto didn’t know how long this would last, but somehow it felt a lot more like goodbye then see you later.

Naruto dropped Sakura off first, and in the silence that followed, Ino posed him a question.

“How could you do it?” was all she said.

Naruto knew that it wasn’t his place to be annoyed by the questions, he  _ knew  _ that, but he hated to have to answer the same question over and over again. “Because I’m selfish,” he said eventually, when it was obvious that she wanted a real answer. 

Ino scoffed and continued staring out the window. “Being selfish isn’t an excuse to break someone’s heart like that,” she said quietly. That wasn’t meant to be answered, and even if it was, Naruto didn’t have anything to say to it. 

When Naruto was alone in the car after dropping Ino off, he was alone with his thoughts. The radio wouldn’t help. The only sound he wanted to hear was Sasuke’s voice in his ear, telling him his secrets and saying that he forgave him, that they’d work it out, it would be alright. But Naruto knew he didn’t deserve that. He  _ deserved  _ whatever Sasuke was going to do, however long Sasuke wanted to keep his distance.

When Naruto got home, the sun was at its highest place in the sky. Minato was hard at work in the kitchen, and Kushina was at town hall. 

“Son, welcome back! Did you have a good final lake trip? Any accidents this year?” Minato greeted Naruto with his usual warmth, but his smile faltered when he saw Naruto’s expression. He wiped his hands on his apron and came to Naruto, who had sat at the kitchen table. 

“What’s wrong, what happened?” Minato asked. He smelled the way baking fruit smelled. He was making a pie. He laid a hand over Naruto’s shoulder and frowned in concern.

Naruto shook his head and closed his eyes. Having to repeat himself  _ over  _ and  _ over  _ was only making it worse. Hearing himself say the words again only grated more and more on his pain until there was nothing left of his heart but shreds of memories of Sasuke.

“No accidents happened,” Naruto began. Minato gave a small sigh of relief.

“Well, that’s good, right? No?” 

Naruto shook his head again. “No.”

Minato’s hand ran down Naruto’s arm to hold his hands. “You can tell me,” he said. His voice was hopeful. It was different, telling Minato what  _ really  _ happened. All Naruto’s parents really knew was that he and Sasuke were close friends, closer than normal maybe, but  _ friends _ . Minato and Kushina may have suspected, but Naruto never told them what was really going on. Now, it was coming back to bite him.

Naruto sighed deeply, opened his eyes and forced himself to look Minato in the eyes as he said it. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t. 

“I love Sasuke,” he began. Minato’s eyes were soft and getting softer. It dawned on Naruto that Minato had known. Too late now to talk about  _ that _ . “I love Sasuke and… I hurt him. I hurt him real bad, Dad.” Naruto’s voice broke at the end of the sentence, and Minato caught him when Naruto was about to lay his head on the table.

“Sh, sh,” Minato whispered. Naruto hadn’t let himself cry before. Maybe it hadn’t hit him yet. Maybe it was that he was stubborn, too. All he knew now was that his shoulders were shaking, and he was gripping his father so  _ hard _ , like he was going to fall if he didn’t. Minato let him, let Naruto wet his t shirt and let Naruto dig his nails into the skin of his arms. Not until the oven made a sound did Minato pull himself from Naruto. In the time it took Minato to go to the kitchen, pull the pie from the oven, and return to Naruto at the table, Naruto had at least stopped sobbing and was now just trying to draw in full breaths.

“Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to go into detail… and you don’t have to tell me everything,” Minato said. The look on Naruto’s face, apprehension at the idea of having to reveal so  _ much _ , made Minato tack on the last part. 

Naruto’s breaths were shaky, but he forced his voice not to waver. “We were together,” Naruto stated. Minato nodded, giving Naruto his rapt attention. “Um, yeah. We were together. But we were breaking up all the time, because of me.”

“Because of you? What did you do?” Minato’s voice held no judgement; there was nothing there but hope that Naruto would keep going, and maybe an understanding. Of what, Naruto wasn’t sure.

“The first time,  _ before _ we were even together, I—” Naruto cut himself off. He’d also never revealed to his parents that he was having sex. So many things he’d just have to get over with today, he supposed. Naruto began again, though he couldn’t make himself look at Minato this time. “I was lying to him… about Hinata.”

“I thought you two have been broken up for a long time?” Minato’s eyebrow quirked. 

“We are, we have. But I… do you remember when Sasuke had that accident, in the summertime?” Naruto couldn’t help beating around the bush, because saying these things to his father would only reveal how bad of a person he’d been being for almost a year now. He didn’t want Minato to see him like that, to really know who he had been and to be disappointed in him for it. Minato nodded to answer Naruto’s question, so he forced himself to continue. “I had sex with her.” Naruto drew his lip between his teeth and looked down hard at the table. 

He knew better than to expect Minato to explode on him, but he could feel the shift in Minato’s demeanor. “You had  _ sex  _ with her? When? How?”

“Dad,  _ please _ don’t make me say it,” Naruto begged. He looked up at Minato when he said it, pleading with his eyes. “You said I didn’t have to tell you the details.”

Minato sat back and rolled his eyes to the ceiling for a brief moment. “Fine,” he said, “you don’t have to tell me right now. But you’re going to have to have that discussion, and your Mother will be here for it.”

Naruto didn’t even have time to dread that. Kushina came into the door right then, yelling that she was home and dropping her things unceremoniously by the door. “Danna! Son! I see your car in the driveway, where are—”

Naruto  _ watched  _ as Kushina realized what was happening. At the very least, she could see that this was something serious. She dug around in her hair until she’d extracted all the pins and her bun fell down to a ponytail. “What’s this?” Naruto wished he hadn’t even started having this conversation with Minato in the first place, because now he was going to have to tell Kushina too, and her wrath was a lot scarier than the disappointment that Minato might be able to muster in his eyes or voice. Kushina was going to take  _ action _ .

“Naruto was just telling me something very important, weren’t you son?” Minato addressed Naruto after he’d turned toward Kushina. Naruto fretted with the zipper of his windbreaker and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe, if he wished hard enough, he could will himself away from here, or the ground would open and swallow him whole.

“Oh? Well, I think I’d like to hear.” Kushina sat in the chair behind Minato, at the head of the table. Naruto was forced to look at  _ both  _ of them as he thought of a way to continue telling his story of villainy. 

He’d just opened his mouth to speak again, deciding to just rip the bandage off, but then Kushina got a call. “It’s Mikoto,” she said, filling Naruto with an intense dread. “It’ll only be a moment, I’ll tell her we’re a little busy.”

But it wasn’t just a moment. Naruto, again, watched as Kushina’s face went from blank to enraged. He couldn’t hear what Mikoto was saying, but he could hear how fast she was saying it. Kushina didn’t take her eyes off of Naruto as she listened to whatever Mikoto was saying. 

“So, your son told you that Naruto’s been sneaking around with that  _ girl _ , and he… what’d you say again?  _ Broke your son’s heart _ ?” Kushina’s face had never been so serious. It went past angry, to the point where it seemed she didn’t have any emotions beyond the heat in her voice.

Naruto winced at Kushina’s tone when she spoke the words. Sasuke must have told Mikoto what happened. Why wouldn’t he? She was all he had. Naruto sat with his head in his hands as the talking just went on and on and  _ on _ . Eventually, Kushina sucked in a sharp breath, and her fingernail tapping ceased. “Sex? Did you say sex?” Naruto whipped his head up to see a fire in his mother’s eyes that he’d never seen before. 

“ _ Naruto _ ! Of all the things, of all the  _ stupid  _ things, you were having sex with that girl? How many times did I ask you that, and you lied? How many opportunities did you have over the years to tell the truth?” Kushina’s face was expectant. She hadn’t even hung up the phone, so Mikoto would probably hear this. It was bad enough that Minato and Kushina were hearing it; the audience was far too vast for Naruto to have to admit to this.

“Y-yes? Sometimes?” Naruto only answered one of the questions, because he figured that the others were rhetorical.  _ A lot  _ was the answer to both of them.

Kushina turned her lividity towards her husband. “Did you know about this?”

Minato shook his head fast. “He just told me before you came in the door. He was telling me that he’d done something real bad to Sasuke. Bad enough that he told his mother. And now,” Minato said, “you’re going to tell us.”

Naruto played with his fingers in his lap. There was no going back, now, because they could just ask Mikoto what Sasuke said to see if he’d told the whole truth. Naruto grit his teeth and refrained from slamming his fist down onto the table like he wanted to.

“I had sex with Hinata,” Naruto repeated. He’d hoped his voice would be strong, but it was quiet and quavering.

“ _ Why _ ?” Kushina asked from her position at the head of the table, but Minato reached out toward her and put his hand over hers. 

“That isn’t the point right now. He’s trying to tell us about Sasuke,” Minato said as a reminder. Kushina allowed this and conceded, watching Naruto with hard eyes that compelled him to continue  _ or else _ . She hung up her phone call and gave Naruto her full attention.

“And when it happened, there were a lot of excuses I’d made up in my head, I don’t know. But now I know that it’s because there was this  _ feeling  _ I’d get, when it was starting to get too deep. I’d start to, like. I’d start to need him,” Naruto said. “I would start to feel like there was nothing else, no one else. No light without him, no air without him, and that was scary. I’d never felt that way before.”

“He was very important to you for a long time,” Minato said. Naruto nodded.

“More than important, but I don’t know the right word. He would do things, or something would happen, and he’d almost—” Naruto made a choking sound then, and he shook his head. “… And I  _ knew  _ I needed him, but that was a terrifying feeling, needing someone so much. So I did whatever I could to try to convince myself that it wasn’t as deep as it was, that I didn’t need him as much as I thought I did, that I could stop if I wanted to.”

Minato hummed when Naruto paused. Kushina spoke to fill the silence. “So what happened on the trip?” As though she hadn’t just heard it. 

“It was getting deep again,” Naruto said. “He’d told me before, that he was living for me… and I think I started to realize how that felt. He’d forgiven me for so much already, and he loved me, he loved me so deep, so strong. And every time it got to that point for me, I’d start talking to Hinata again. But this time was different, because she,” Naruto sighed, “cheated on me.”

Kushina shook her head wordlessly, though her lips were curved into a scowl. “Go on,” Minato said gently.

“She cheated on me, so it didn’t feel the same,” Naruto continued. “It wasn’t working, the way it usually would. I’d come out of whatever Sasuke was doing to me just long enough to convince myself that I could live without him. But it wasn’t the same, and she kept telling me that she had something important to tell me, but I never actually found out what that was.”

“And so, did you tell Sasuke this?” Minato asked.

Naruto shook his head. “No. She called my phone at night, and he answered it, and she said whatever she’d said to him to make him think— realize, I guess, because it’s true, that she had power over me. And he was sick of it, sick of me, sick of feeling like he was giving me everything when I wasn’t giving him anything.” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“So we had a fight, a really bad fight. We were yelling and at the end of it, he left. He said he was done with me, and he meant it. I know he did.” Naruto was speaking to the table now, because he couldn’t look at either of them. It was beyond embarrassing, it was  _ mortifying _ , to say these words out loud. Because that made them real, made what happened real. Sasuke was  _ really  _ done, and he was  _ really  _ going to move on. And for all of Naruto’s attempts to keep himself from actually falling in love with Sasuke… to see Sasuke put everything, his entire soul, into someone else? Naruto would rather be blind than see Sasuke love someone the way he’d love him. 

“And now… you’re going to leave on those terms.” Minato made a disappointed sound, and Kushina remained silent. 

“Yes,” Naruto said simply. That was all he could say.

“I love you, son. And I get the feeling there’s parts of this we still don’t know, but right now, we know enough.” Minato turned to Kushina, who was watching Naruto so closely he felt that she might have been able to see his heart beating inside his chest, see the inner workings of his soul. He hoped that she could see he was sorry.

“Can’t punish you for this, because you’re leaving us,” Kushina said eventually. She had crossed her arms, and now took the opportunity to steeple her hands. “You’ll be punished enough, having to think about this. Having to work through it and look within yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and try to go to sleep at night. There’s nothing we could do that would be worse than that.” Kushina let her hair all the way loose from her ponytail as she pushed her chair back to stand. 

Before she went to her office, she turned her eyes to Naruto once more. “You are my son,” she began, considering Naruto carefully. “I love you more than I have ever loved anything, anyone. More than him,” she pointed to Minato, whose face was solemn, “more than myself. I love you. But I have never been more disappointed in you than in this moment, this very second as I speak. And I hope that you, for all the love that has been put into you by others, will learn to love yourself, too.” Kushina’s eyes were pained as she turned away without another word. Naruto looked to Minato, but he only stood, too.

“You need to get packed,” Minato said. “We’re only making one trip, and we’re leaving early. So don’t forget anything.” With that, he returned to the kitchen, and left Naruto alone with his thoughts. 

The next day, Naruto was the first one awake, for once. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, thinking about  _ Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke  _ and the fact that he was leaving everything he’d ever loved behind. Naruto spent a long while looking at the map Sasuke had made for him, all the places he’d been before. His eyes came to rest on home, where he knew there was Sasuke. He couldn’t look at it for too long, else he might start to cry again. To distract himself, he went over his bags, made sure he had everything he  _ might  _ need. 

“I’m going to miss you guys,” Naruto whispered to his toads. Minato had promised that he’d bring them with him another time, when they were the only cargo. Naruto pressed a fingertip to the glass and watched as the toads pointedly ignored him. He loved them so much.

Naruto called Sakura after he had put everything in the trunk of his mother’s car. His parents still weren’t awake, even through all the noise he’d made moving his things, and there was no way he was going to be alone with his thoughts anymore. It would just have him spiraling.

“Hello?” Sakura yawned. “Get out of here!” There was a sound like something hitting the floor, and scratching. “Hey, Naruto. That was my cat.”

“Hey,” Naruto mumbled. He was sitting at the kitchen table again, having pie for breakfast. He was already in the most trouble he’d ever been in, so he didn’t see a point in trying to be any better. Minato would be pissed off at him, but there was nothing he could do.

“Except not eat the pie, maybe? Because no one is holding a gun to your head to eat the pie? Maybe?” Sakura said. 

“Yeah, well. I want the pie and they’re not awake,” Naruto said in his own defense. 

“I can’t believe it,” Sakura said. “You’re leaving, you’re really about to leave.”

“Yep,” Naruto sighed. “5 hours away.” That was the least of his worries, really. Or… it was the most. He supposed that since it meant he’d be 5 hours away from Sasuke, it was the most. He’d never been so far away from Sasuke in his life. Hell, before Sasuke had moved across town, he’d never been more than 15 minutes away. 10 if he ran (and he always ran). 

“I know you promised that you’d come back, but… you know it won’t be the same,” Sakura said. She sounded so sad.

“Yes. I know,” Naruto said. And they both knew that was because of Sasuke. There would be no way that in a few months, when the summer came around, that Sasuke would want to see him. And beyond that, Naruto knew that the chance only got smaller, thinner.

The silence between them stretched until Naruto heard his parents banging around upstairs. “Ugh. They’re awake.”

“Call me when you’re safe in your dorm,” Sakura said, and then hung up. Naruto had just enough time before Minato came down the stairs to wolf down the rest of his pie and discard his plate.

“You’re up early,” Minato remarked. “What’re you doing down here?”

“Waiting for you,” Naruto replied. Minato narrowed his eyes at Naruto, but decided to leave it. He went back upstairs to finish getting ready, and was accompanied by his wife the next time he came downstairs.

“You already put your stuff away?” Kushina asked with suspicion. 

“Yes,” Naruto said. He had no idea what they thought he might have been doing down here by himself, or why they were acting so suspicious of him.

“Alright, then. If there’s nothing else, let’s go,” Kushina said. “We’ll stop somewhere to get something to eat. You get to drive,” she said cheerfully, throwing her keys at Minato. He didn’t seem too pleased to have been designated the first driver, but he didn’t complain. 

Confined to the back seat, Naruto had two options. Listen to the awful music Kushina was putting on the radio, or listen to his own music and be inside of his own head. It should have been a harder choice.

There was nothing that could draw Naruto out of his mind. Not even the prospect of  _ eat out food _ , which was something he hadn’t had in months. He ate it, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything except the fact that he’d never be able to forget the hurt in Sasuke’s voice, the pain in his eyes, the words he’d said. 

_ You’re not worth it. _

_ All I’ve ever wanted was for the two of us to just… to be in love. For us to see the truth in each other’s hearts and live in a place where even in ugliest parts of each other didn’t make the other one run away. _

_ Every time I pick up the pieces of my heart, of myself, and put them back in your hand, you crush them again without a second thought. _

Naruto wiped vainly at his face as he stared grimly out the window. There was nothing he would rather be doing in this moment than laying with Sasuke in the grass of his backyard, or sitting with Sasuke on that bench in the park, or… or anything.  _ Anything _ , something. To even text Sasuke at this point would have been enough for Naruto, but he knew better than to reach out. It wouldn’t do either of them any good.

The next time they stopped, they were in South Carolina. Minato insisted upon seeing some park and taking pictures before they got back on the road. Naruto didn’t care to see any of it, but his parents forced him. “You’re never going to forget your first time being there!” Minato exclaimed, and Naruto rolled his eyes. 

The rest of the way, Kushina drove. It wasn’t until he saw the sign welcoming him to North Carolina that Naruto began to realize what was really happening. He was about to start college. He was visiting a place he’d always wanted to go to, and he was about to be a real adult with classes and assignments and a job, and fame and recognition to go along with this job. His phone died, so he was forced to listen to the music his parents chose. It was Minato’s turn, though, and he played good music. 

“Look, Danna, look at it!” Kushina was pointing in front of herself with her index finger while the rest of her fingers remained wrapped around the steering wheel. Naruto’s school had come into view, and it was beautiful. There were so many people just  _ about _ , and so many tall buildings associated with it. Naruto could see the signs pointing them this way and that. Kushina kept pointing at things, and Naruto felt himself getting excited. This was his  _ home  _ now, where he would live and grow for the next four years. 

And, ok, he was going to miss everyone at home. But he’d come back. And maybe Sasuke was right. School, geography, soccer. That’s what Naruto would worry about in the meantime, to keep himself from going insane. 

***

The first few months went by agonizingly slow. Kushina had been completely right. There was no greater punishment than Naruto’s own regret. He couldn’t escape it, couldn’t turn it off. Facing it was too hard in a school week, and facing it on the weekend just wasn’t an option. Naruto thought about Sasuke when he woke up, when he went to sleep, when he was drinking water, when he was eating food, when he was playing soccer, when he was listening to his lectures. He thought about Sasuke’s face, his hair, his eyes, his smile, his laugh, the lines on Sasuke’s face. The touch of Sasuke’s fingertips on Naruto’s face, the  _ taste  _ of Sasuke, the sound of Sasuke’s voice when he was happy, when he was sad, when he was angry. When Naruto did eat, it was rare. He didn’t care about anything but getting through a day, an hour, a minute, without driving himself crazy missing Sasuke and hating himself for putting Sasuke through this.

In the other part of his life, Naruto hadn’t been the best student in high school, and it was coming back to bite him. Studying was something Sasuke always made him do, and now Sasuke wasn’t around. Even with Sakura’s help, Naruto struggled to begin with. Eventually, though, Naruto got into the groove of his class schedule as well as balancing his practice schedule and trying to make new friends. He only ever talked to Sakura, really, but sometimes he went to the team-bonding activities that his coach set up. He kept the picture Sasuke had given him folded up in his pockets. Sometimes it got washed, but he never forgot where it was. It was getting ragged from all the folding and refolding and washing, but it was Naruto’s prized possession. He took it everywhere with him. For the first few months of college, it was school, geography, soccer… and that small picture of Sasuke.

“So what day did you say it was again?” Naruto asked for the fifth time. He had his phone shoved between his shoulder and his neck, because he was getting dressed. There was an event with his teammates set up by the captain, and Naruto didn’t want to miss it. 

But he didn’t want to miss Konoha’s graduation, either. 

“Oh my-- it’s Saturday, May 25th. At 11 in the morning, at the same place they’re all at every year.” Sakura punctuated every sentence so that maybe this time Naruto would remember. 

“Thanks. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll make it, but I’m going to try.” He was lying. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sakura said dismissively. “You’re so busy up in the Carolinas, playing  _ sports  _ and meeting new  _ people  _ and taking college  _ classes _ . So I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t make it.”

Of course, Naruto did make it. He’d swindled Ino into giving him one of her spare tickets, and to not tell Sakura that he was coming. His parents were so excited to retrieve him from Chapel Hill that for the whole day, they didn’t mention his mistakes. They didn’t have to, anyway; Naruto never stopped thinking about it, no matter how much time had passed.

Naruto sat separately from his parents, and he cried. He cried when he saw Sakura and Sasuke filing in, next to the person who would sit opposite them in the row across the aisle. He cried when Sasuke’s name was announced, and he was a little surprised. He hadn’t been notified of the fact that Sasuke was the salutatorian. “The what?” He’d whispered to himself, but then he saw Sasuke stand and pivot on the lines, and his mind was blank.

Sasuke was nervous. He was gripping the edges of the podium so tight, his knuckles were whiter than Naruto had ever seen them. He was on the edge of his seat the entire time Sasuke was talking, watching the curve of his smile grow wider and more strong as he elicited more laughs. Sasuke’s confidence hit its peak when he began his final remarks. 

“You’re in charge of your own fate, your own destiny.”

The words hit Naruto in his chest. Oh, fuck. Sasuke didn’t even know that Naruto was here, and he was still saying this. He  _ meant  _ it, it was  _ real  _ to him. Whatever it meant to Sasuke, he was going to change his life. Naruto wiped his eyes with his sleeve and bit his lip as he listened to Sasuke’s last words. 

“Don’t let life happen to you.  _ You  _ happen to life.”

Sasuke had surely happened to Naruto.

Next came the names. Sakura had never looked so radiant, even from so far away. Her hair was in a style she saved for special occasions. She kept her cool when she was handed her diploma, but then she  _ ran  _ across the stage the rest of the way and grinned the widest he’d ever seen her smile. 

Between Sakura and Sasuke was Hinata. Naruto felt a strange feeling creep up his into his veins as he watched her. He hadn’t seen or talked to her since he’d left. She looked the same, mostly, because it hadn’t been all that long. But there was something off about her gait. She had always had a strong walk, but today, she was picking her steps carefully. Her hair was bone straight, and she was wearing white underneath her white gown. Naruto hated himself for noticing so much about her. He caught sight of the way she tried to obscure her abdomen, but by then the next row of people were beginning to stand, so he didn’t pay her too much attention. 

And  _ Sasuke _ . Sasuke was a dream, even in that awful color green that Naruto couldn’t believe that he’d been convinced to wear. He floated across the stage, his smile tremulous as he nodded to Mayor Senju, and then Sasuke smiled. He smiled, with his teeth, for his picture. He looked so clean, and like he was glowing. Everything about him was perfect. Naruto felt his heart sigh. He knew that he didn’t even have the right to be here right now, but he was so glad that he’d come.

Naruto was hiding when he saw Sasuke. He was hiding from his parents, and from Hinata. He knew that if Hinata saw him, she’d want to talk, and that was the very last thing that Naruto wanted out of today. He had just caught sight of Sasuke coming toward him, but it was too late to do anything before they collided.

“Woah there,” Naruto heard himself say.  _ Woah there? _ He could have slapped himself.

Sasuke stuttered when he addressed Naruto. It gave Naruto a feeling of confidence, to know that he still made Sasuke nervous. Maybe that was sick. 

“I came to watch my friends graduate,” Naruto said in response to Sasuke’s question. He noticed when Sasuke crossed his arms that his cap slid down his hair and covered his eyes.

“Oh, right.” Sasuke was patronizing him. “Because you have so many friends besides Sakura.”

Naruto thought of a believable excuse fast. He hated how easy it was for him to lie to Sasuke. “I came to get mine, since I didn’t walk,” he said quickly. He was trying so hard to catch Sasuke’s gaze, but Sasuke wouldn’t look at him. “But, you’re a friend, right?”

“Maybe I was, once,” Sasuke said. He finally looked at Naruto then, and Naruto felt all weak on the inside. “But friends don’t do what you did.”

Ouch. Naruto inhaled sharply. There was no way to argue with that, because Sasuke was right. “That’s right,” he said. And then there was silence. Naruto found himself admiring Sasuke up close after so long. He noticed that Sasuke had gotten some new glasses. Naruto wanted to say so many things to Sasuke; so many things that he couldn’t say  _ any  _ of them.

“Look, I have somewhere to be. With people that care about me.” Sasuke was not trying to spare Naruto on this hot and sunny day. “So if you have something important to say, please say it. I don’t have time for this.”

Naruto could only imagine what sort of things Sasuke had planned with his family. He wanted to ask about them, too, how Itachi and Mikoto and the dog were. Had Fugaku come back around? How were Mikoto’s classes? How was the divorce? How was Itachi’s research? But Naruto couldn’t make himself ask any of those questions, either. Because he knew that Sasuke wouldn’t answer him.

“I heard what you said,” Naruto began. He was beginning to get anxious. “About being in charge of your destiny and your fate. And I just wanted to tell you that, uh.” Naruto couldn’t keep his hands from shaking as his anxiety mounted.

“I know it isn’t my place to say this, but I hope that you don’t change your mind. And that you don’t change your destiny so that I’m not in it.” Naruto felt crazy,  _ delirious, _ standing in front of Sasuke saying this. Was this a dream? He hadn’t thought that he’d get this far, to begin with, but Sasuke was still standing here, still listening. Albeit with a reserved look on his face. Naruto forced himself to continue, to keep going before Sasuke had had enough.“Because I love you, and I know it’s not my place to say that either, but. Being so far away from you, and not being in contact with you, and only having a picture of you to remember you by…” Naruto quit his rambling and shook his head lightly. Too much too fast.

“I tried to tell you before that I can’t live without you. And I know that I did things and said things that made it very hard,  _ impossible _ to believe me. But I came to terms with one thing.” And though Sasuke wasn’t looking at Naruto when he inquired as to what it was Naruto had come to terms with, there was a  _ look  _ in Sasuke’s eyes that he could never hide from Naruto. It was the look he’d get when Naruto was pleading before, and he didn’t want to listen but didn’t know how to make himself stop. Like he was helpless to Naruto’s begging, helpless when Naruto got to this point.

“You are incredible, just like you said,” Naruto whispered. “And no matter where you go, or what you’re doing, I’m always going to think about you.” He remembered hearing Sasuke say that he’d said something like that to Shikamaru. “Even if you pretend I don’t exist, even if you tell people we’ve never met, even if you fall in love with someone else.” Sasuke still wouldn’t look now and Naruto didn’t blame him. He thought he might have caught sight of something thin and shiny around Sasuke’s neck, sitting underneath the collar of his shirt, but he told himself he’d imagined it. 

“I will never,  _ ever  _ forget you,” Naruto said, quieter still. For just a moment, Naruto could  _ feel  _ it coming off of Sasuke in waves, how hard it was for him to stand here and hear this. 

And then, Sasuke rejected him, and left him standing there like he was nothing. Like he was no one, and like he hadn’t ever been anyone. It was what he deserved, he knew. For Sasuke to walk away from him without too many words and to not look back, that’s what he’d earned. Naruto didn’t even watch Sasuke walk away, because there was no point. Half of his entire being was gone, tearing itself free violently, and Naruto didn’t need to put his eyes on it to feel it.

Naruto was wandering aimlessly after that. He was looking for his parents, but he saw a whole lot of other people instead. He saw Lee and Coach Guy, who told him that they were so glad to see him. He had to stop and talk to them for ten minutes about class and the team and how practice was going. Naruto saw Sakura, but he didn’t think she saw him. She looked sort of busy, standing near Ino and her parents. He knew that now wasn’t the time. He talked to Tenten, he talked to Shino. He said very few words to Kiba, and even fewer to Shikamaru. 

Naruto had just turned a corner, to find a place quiet enough to call his parents, when he heard her voice.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Hinata drawled. She leaned against the corner Naruto had just rounded, her white gown unzipped to reveal the white dress she wore underneath. Naruto squinted in her direction for a few seconds before going back to his phone. 

“So it works, huh?”

Naruto quirked an eyebrow but didn’t look up. “What works?”

“Your phone.”

At that, Naruto caught Hinata’s eye and saw a subtle fire there. “Yes, it works.”

“So you were  _ ignoring  _ me, then? That isn’t very nice, Naruto.” Hinata tsk’d and took a few steps closer. There was that strange way of her walk again, Naruto noticed. Up close, Naruto regarded Hinata more carefully. She was just as short as she’d always been, so it was easy to level her with a look. She had taken off her cap and had pulled her hair into a low-hanging ponytail. She was wearing flats, which surprised Naruto. Of course, the school would try to mandate how tall a heel was supposed to be, but she was usually the type to do as much as she could to get away with bending the rules about something like that. 

“What do you want now?” Naruto didn’t have to fake the boredom in his tone.

Hinata blinked up at him, and Naruto noticed that she was sweating. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her sweat before, unless it was when they were— yeah. Naruto grimaced at himself for allowing such a thought to cross his mind.

“I’ve been trying to tell you for months now,” Hinata said. Naruto watched as her hand that was twisting about in her hair came to his. She placed his hand on her abdomen, and he was about to pull away when it finally dawned on him.

“Wha— you? You’re…?” Naruto couldn’t make himself say the word. 

Hinata pushed Naruto’s hand off of her then and nodded. “Yes, Naruto. That’s what happens sometimes, when people have sex.” So she didn’t want to say the word, either.

Naruto crossed his arms. “Well congratulations,” he said. There wasn’t much else he wanted to say. He hadn’t really wanted to see her. He also didn’t want to bring up what they’d inevitably have to talk about, on today of all the days. 

“Congratulations on graduating, and for… this. It?”

“Him,” Hinata said. With no more pretenses, she felt free enough to put her hands around her belly now. “A boy. My son.”

Naruto felt that he was intruding on something. He was saved by Kushina returning his call and asking where he was. She told him that she’d talked to Dr Sarutobi, and he said he would arrange to have Naruto’s diploma mailed to them within a few weeks. 

“Wait, Naruto?” Hinata called after him when he’d turned to leave without saying very much else.

Sighing, Naruto stopped in his tracks but remained with his back to her. “Yes?”

“Are you staying in town over the summer?” The hope in Hinata’s voice nearly caught Naruto off guard.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t have any summer classes on campus,” he said. He sighed and turned to face her. “Why?”

Hinata shrugged. Usually, in a conversation like this, she would have been inching closer and closer and by now they’d be touching somehow. But she hadn’t, and they weren’t. She had kept her distance from him, and her hands were still wrapped around her belly. 

“Congratulations, really,” Naruto said, and then he left her there. What else was he supposed to do? Say  _ see you later _ ? He’d been ignoring her for months, and now that she was… in this condition, it wouldn’t change anything. He’d heard that it changed people, but he couldn’t keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. 

Naruto thought that maybe he should tell his parents what Hinata had told him, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know enough about the situation, and they’d jump to conclusions, anyway. Naruto wasn’t even really sure what he thought about it. She hadn’t tried to… implicate him, but he knew it was only a matter of time. What Naruto was worried about right now was making it through the summertime alive, without Sasuke to be there for him.

***

“You already told me that part,” Sasuke whined. 

“Why didn’t you stop me?” Naruto huffed.

“Because… I like to know that you missed me,” Sasuke admitted. His eyes turned up to Naruto’s face from where he was resting on Naruto’s chest, and a strange, yet all too familiar sort of heat ran through Naruto’s body fast.

“You’re evil,” Naruto said quietly. He pressed kisses to Sasuke’s forehead. “I told you, I died without you,” he said between every kiss. 

Sasuke squealed and wrenched himself free from Naruto’s hold. “You’re tickling me.” He caught sight of the time on his watch, and he worried his lip between his teeth.

“Are we late?” Naruto asked, sitting up fast. His hair was dry, but he was still naked.

“About to be,” Sasuke replied. He shook his head in annoyance. “And you’re  _ naked. _ Hurry up. I’m going to call home.”

Naruto liked to be there when Sasuke called home, but Sasuke had already stepped into a different room. Naruto was leaning over the sink, trying to get as close a shave as possible, when Sasuke came into the bathroom. 

“How is everyone?” Naruto asked. He set his razor down and slapped some aftershave over his cheeks and his neck. The warmth of Sasuke’s expression made Naruto feel certain that the news was good.

“Mom is ok. There’s some big case going on, that has to do with things with city hall. Your Mom’s alright, too. Minato is good, working on his cookbook,” Sasuke laughed at this, but then his face fell again. “Itachi is ok… well, that’s what he says. He had a cough, but he won’t ever admit that he’s sick until he’s sprawled out on the floor,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto sighed. “And how is  _ he _ ?”

Sasuke echoed Naruto’s deep exhale. “He’s alright. He said he misses us,” Sasuke said. Despite the fact that there was nothing wrong, Sasuke’s voice still sounded sad. 

“If everything’s alright, then why are you sad?” Naruto asked. Sasuke shrugged and flirted closer to Naruto, though he didn’t touch him. He too was examining himself in the mirror.

“I miss him more than he’ll ever know,” Sasuke said quietly. He pulled at the skin underneath his eyes and sighed.

“He wouldn’t like it if he knew that you weren’t happy,” Naruto reminded. 

“I know,” Sasuke said. “It’s just. I’ve never, ever been away from him this long, and now we’re going even  _ farther  _ away, for even  _ longer _ ,” he explained. “I know he wouldn’t want me to cry, but I feel so… empty, when I’m not around him.”

Naruto watched the way Sasuke’s eyes trailed over his own frame. He was judging himself. Naruto clicked his tongue, put a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder, and forced him gently to turn and face him.

“Listen to me,” Naruto said. Sasuke’s eyes seemed to want to look away, but he kept them trained on Naruto’s face.

“He isn’t going to forget about you. We’ll only be gone a week, and then you can go home and kiss him and hug him and do whatever else you want to do. Yeah?” Naruto’s voice was hopeful. Hopeful that Sasuke would realize it wouldn’t be as bad as he was making it out to be.

Sasuke nodded, and Naruto sighed a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Yeah,” Sasuke said. “You know what’s funny?”

Naruto narrowed his eyes at Sasuke and fixed his collar so that it wasn’t sticking up. “It better be funny.”

“I never thought I’d be the one with a kid before you. Crazy, right?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. He caught Sasuke’s face in both of his hands and kissed his lips hard. “Crazy. Now let’s go, or else we’ll miss the flight, and then we’ll have to go home anyway.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little short so sorry about that; as always, i hope you enjoy

It wasn’t until they were on the private plane that Sasuke decided he wanted to hear another story. He had just gotten off the phone with home again, and it was nighttime outside of the little circular window to his right. 

“Naruto,” Sasuke whispered. He stood from his seat and stumbled over to Naruto’s, falling onto him and getting into his space.

“Hm?” Naruto’s eyes were closed and he was on his way to sleep. His thumb was pushed past his teeth by this point, but he removed it when Sasuke fell on him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m bored,” Sasuke said. “Ken says hello,” he added.

Naruto’s eyes flew open at this. “Why is he awake?”

Sasuke chuckled. “Your Mom is letting him watch something. She promised my Mom that he’d be in bed in less than an hour.”

“Hmph. He should be asleep,” Naruto yawned. “Like me.”

“He’ll be fine. Are you too tired to tell me something?” Sasuke asked. When Naruto squinted up at his face in the dim light of the cabin, Sasuke was batting his eyelashes. He didn’t have his glasses on. Sometimes, Naruto forgot how Sasuke’s face looked without them. 

“What do you wanna know now?” Naruto asked. He should have been exasperated, but he could never stay mad at Sasuke. Even if he was waking him up in the middle of the night to tell him some story he probably wouldn’t want to tell.

“Um… Tell me about the wedding,” Sasuke said, his eyes circling before ending back on Naruto’s face. 

“Uhm, alright. What part?”

“The whole thing. We still have,” Sasuke lifted his phone to see the time, “5 hours. And knowing you, it’ll take just that long for you to tell it.”

“I’m a good storyteller,” Naruto said in his own defense. Naruto shifted from his side to his back, causing Sasuke to slide onto Naruto’s lap. “Do you promise to listen?”

Sasuke crossed his arms. “Of course I’m going to listen. You don’t say a single word that I don’t listen to.”

“Sure, yeah. But I’m not gonna skip the parts that came before then, because you  _ haven’t  _ heard that part yet,” Naruto pointed out. 

Grumbling, Sasuke shifted over Naruto and gave him an uninterested look. “Fine, but make it quick. I want to know about the parts I was actually there for.”

Naruto put his finger to Sasuke’s lips even as they pouted. “Shh,” he shushed him. “You were there in the summertime, anyway. Let  _ me  _ tell  _ my  _ story, you blind old man.”

***

“So, she’s pregnant, huh?” 

Naruto winced at the word.

“Yeah Sakura. I’m kind of surprised you don’t know. Don’t you follow her?” Naruto was laying outside on the grass in his backyard. It smelled the same, and these were the same trees he’d been looking up at his entire life, but he still felt the difference. There was no one beside him this time, no one that he was sharing this with. Besides his phone that he’d set in the grass next to his face.

“Well, yeah, but she’s not posting that,” Sakura said. “Maybe Hanabi is, I don’t know. Now, you’re sure it’s not yours?”

“I’m sure,” Naruto replied, rolling his eyes at the clouds. “The last time I did anything with her was in August… maybe it was July, honest. Sometime around then,” Naruto said. He counted on his fingers. “September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May… should I count June?”

“I don’t know, it sounds kinda bad, Naruto,” Sakura said. “That’s so crazy. Of all the girls,  _ Hinata’s  _ gonna be the one of us to be a teen mom. I feel bad.” Naruto could tell Sakura meant what she said, because her voice grew soft.

“I feel a little bad, too,” Naruto said, “despite myself.” He knew that he had no reason to feel bad for her. She had cheated on him and broken his heart, and had used him when she knew that he was stressed and vulnerable. And that hadn’t even been unprotected, so there was no way that she could implicate him in this situation. No plausible way. He was sure she’d find one that didn’t make sense.

“Sometimes, you’re a good person,” Sakura said. 

“Ouch.”

She laughed, and then her voice turned serious once more. “Have you tried to talk to him?”

Naruto sighed and closed his eyes against the glare of the afternoon sun. “Of course I have.”

By now, Naruto was certain Sasuke was ignoring him. He was sure that Sakura had let slip that he had summer classes online, which would imply he was staying in Konoha over the summer. Naruto knew that wouldn’t have Sasuke jumping for joy, but he had been hoping,  _ praying  _ for something. For a sign, a text, a glimpse, a letter. Anything. It took everything in Naruto not to show up at Sasuke’s door and beg him to come out just so that they could talk. Talk about being friends, at least. But there were two reasons why Naruto couldn’t do that: Mikoto and Itachi. Sasuke’s family would have probably liked to see him strung up some pole before they let him talk to their precious boy. He was precious to everyone. Naruto hated himself sometimes.

“And no answer? Wow. I didn’t think he was this serious about what he’d said.” 

Naruto hadn’t thought so, either. Before, even before all of this  _ mess _ had started, Sasuke couldn’t go more than a few days before he forgave Naruto for making fun of his snake or saying something mean about his shoes. But this wasn’t something so petty as that. This was a matter of Sasuke’s heart and Naruto breaking it. At a point, it had been about life and death. 

“I don’t know,” Naruto said, defeated. There was nothing else he could do but hope that Sasuke would reach out to him. It wasn’t possible that Sasuke hadn’t seen the twenty messages Naruto had left in the two week span that had passed since graduation or the tons before that. “I don’t want to give up, but I know it’s hopeless. Because he’s… really done with me.”

Sakura clicked her tongue. “I don’t think he’s done with you.” Naruto’s ears perked up at this. “It’s more like, he’s starting to know better. He knows that right now, there’s nothing he can do to change you. You have to want to change. And it’s gonna hurt a lot more to try to stand by your side while you’re not even sure who you are.”

“I don’t know who I am,” Naruto repeated. It was true. “I mean… who do you think I am? Be honest.” As if he had to tell Sakura not to sugarcoat.

“You’re one of my best friends,” Sakura began, as though the words were already on her tongue. “You’re funny, and you always know the right thing to say, most of the time. I just think that you’re a little selfish. And when you’re selfish the way you were, you hurt people without realizing or caring. You can say you cared, but you didn’t. You couldn’t have.” Sakura sighed. “And… you’re clumsy and not that smart but you make up for it with your heart. You just have some growing to do when it comes to other people, and knowing how much you actually affect other people. Some of us have invested a lot in you, Naruto. That’s why it fucking sucks to see you be this way.”

Naruto rolled over to face his phone. For just a moment, he saw Sasuke there, his big dark eyes looking upon Naruto with the gaze of someone who’d never been more sure. He couldn’t live like this, with no escape from his mind. He exercised, he conditioned, he talked with Sakura, he did his college work, he talked to his parents. It wasn’t enough. There was only one thing that could fill the rapidly growing void in his heart, and it was shaped like Sasuke. 

“Do you think I should keep trying?” Naruto asked. He couldn’t have kept the hope from his voice if he tried.

Sakura sighed again. “I don’t know, really. He’s keeping himself busy, working and helping his Mom. He spends a lot of time with Itachi. I think he was telling me that he liked law a lot, actually. Kinda wasn’t listening once he started talking about court stuff.”

“Law? Like… being a lawyer?”

“Yes, idiot. That’s how it goes.”

Naruto scratched his chin. He’d never have imagined Sasuke in such a  _ professional _ occupation. The thought of it excited him, for Sasuke’s sake. He could stay here and do that, and Naruto could come back after he was finished with school, too, and it wouldn’t be too long between—

“Maybe just… give it a rest?” Sakura sounded at a loss. “If he wants to talk to you, he will. And feel special if he does, because you know that it means he’s been through hell trying to decide whether or not you’re worth it.” 

“Uh, yeah. I’ll do my best.” Naruto had no plans to give it a rest, he didn’t know if he could. Just knowing that Sasuke was across town, and not five hours away, was filling him with an intense sense of urgency. He had to make it right before he left again, he decided. He had to.

“Well, Ino’s coming over soon, so I have to take a shower,” Sakura said. 

“Oh, right. Your girlfriend has priority over me now?” Naruto teased.

“Like you didn’t pick Hinata over me ten times out of nine,” Sakura retorted. She bid Naruto a snarky farewell and then hung up, leaving him alone in the grass once more. 

What he wouldn’t have given to have Sasuke there, lying next to him. To have Sasuke there, to hold, to touch, to kiss, to breathe, to taste, to listen to. He just wanted to ask Sasuke about his day  _ one time _ . One time. He wouldn’t ever talk about himself again if it meant that he could hear Sasuke speak for the rest of his life. 

“Naruto, come inside. It’s getting hot,” Kushina called to him. Her voice broke his thoughts enough to get him to sit up. He didn’t protest against her wishes. Now that he was home, Kushina and Minato were making the most out of it. Of course, they were happy he was there, but they were still putting him to work. It was punishment for how he’d acted before. He didn’t ever complain. He deserved it.

“Come in here, son.” 

Naruto stopped in the doorway of Kushina’s office. She beckoned him to enter. This was the same place Hinata had told him that he was in love with Sasuke, a  _ fool  _ for him. A fucking fool indeed. Naruto grimaced as he stood behind Kushina’s chair, waiting for her to get to her point.

“Mikoto called earlier,” Kushina said. She kept her back to Naruto, clacking away on her computer with its three screens. 

Naruto was glad she couldn’t see him, because the way his face drained of color was almost embarrassing. “What did she say?” Naruto rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet impatiently.

“She said that Sasuke wants to talk to you,” Kushina replied. She finally stopped working long enough to turn to her son and give him a hard look. “I don’t know what you’ve done to deserve a boy like that, loving you so much,” Kushina said. She pointed a pen at Naruto as she spoke. “You’re lucky— not even lucky. You’re  _ blessed  _ that he wants to speak a single word to you again, after all that you’ve done.”

Naruto fidgeted hard under Kushina’s strong eyes and even stronger words. “I know,” he mumbled, looking down at his shoes.

“So you call him, and you  _ listen  _ to him. Don’t say anything unless he asks you something. And don’t try to justify anything you’ve done,” Kushina added after a moment of thought. “Go on,” she said, waving a hand and turning back to her work. Naruto didn’t have to be told twice. He zoomed up the stairs and into his room, and threw himself down onto his bed. He first plugged his phone into the charger and then scrolled through his contact list until he saw Sasuke’s name. It had been so long since anything had been spoken between them, before the day of graduation. Naruto wasn’t sure that even counted. He held his breath as he pushed Sasuke’s contact, and closed his eyes when he heard the dial tone.

“Yes?”

Naruto let his breath out in a harsh sigh.  _ Sasuke _ . Annoyed with him, and maybe not wanting to have this conversation, but  _ Sasuke _ . This was already the most important thing Naruto had done all week.

“Uh,” Naruto cleared his throat, “my Mom told me that your Mom called… said you wanted to talk to me?”

“Right. It isn’t so much that I want to,” Sasuke clarified. Naruto’s shoulders sagged. “It’s that I need to.”

“Ok. What do you need to talk about?” Naruto asked lightly. He didn’t want to press Sasuke or rush him. 

“I have to ask you one thing, and tell you another,” Sasuke said. “I’m sure that you knew I’d eventually want to know about Hinata. Your side of it.”

No, Naruto wanted to say. He did  _ not  _ expect Sasuke to ask him about it at all. Why give him the benefit of the doubt? Naruto’s heart did a weird flip. Sasuke asking this question of him and not someone else made Naruto feel hope that maybe Sasuke still had a shred of respect for him, even on the basic level of friendship. They hadn’t ever believed rumors before asking one another, and Naruto was glad that at least hadn’t changed.

“Isn’t mine,” Naruto said quickly. He made himself go back and go slower. “She came to me the day of graduation, and she had been trying to reach out to me the whole time I was gone but I never answered her. She… put my hand on her belly,” Naruto said. Sasuke was still silent. “And that’s when I realized that she’s. Ya know.”

“She’s what?” 

“She’s pregnant, Sasuke,” Naruto ground out. He’d never allowed himself to think about it too much. That was the first time he’d even said the words out loud. He’d loved her for a long time. He’d always thought it would be him, but he was glad it wasn’t. He couldn’t imagine it being him now, after everything that had happened. 

“And you’re saying it’s not yours.” Sasuke stated his question instead of asking it. 

“He’s not,” Naruto said. 

“He. Interesting. And this is your last chance to tell me, and be honest with me, because I won’t ask again,” Sasuke said. His voice was stern, like Itachi’s when Naruto would have Sasuke home too late when they were little. 

“I promise, there’s no way that’s my baby,” Naruto said, sure of himself. Because there wasn’t any way. And if Hinata was saying there was, well. She’d already proven herself to be a liar sometimes. Not that Naruto hadn’t either, but.

“Promise? You’re not very good with those,” Sasuke pointed out. Naruto knew better than to respond to that. “Alright,” Sasuke said. “I asked you one thing, so now I’ll tell you another.” Sasuke’s voice never lightened up, and Naruto was beginning to get worried at what Sasuke was going to say. Was he moving away, for good this time? Was something wrong with his family? Was he… moving on? The unthinkable. Naruto shook his head at this.

“I know that you’re going to be in town over the summer,” Sasuke began. He was saying these words as though he’d been practicing them. “It has taken me awhile to come to this conclusion, believe me. I’ve spent hours, days thinking about this. I asked my brother, I asked my mother. I asked Sakura, and I asked Ino.” At this, Sasuke paused.

“And… what did they say?” Naruto asked, when the silence began to kill him. 

Sasuke ignored Naruto’s question and continued. “I haven’t forgiven you for all that you’ve done over the past, let’s say, year and a half or so,” he said. “But, I’ve seen your messages. And I believe, even if it may not be for the right reason, that you’re actually miserable. I don’t actually want you to be miserable. So…” Sasuke sighed. He took a deep breath and started again. “So,” stronger this time, “you can talk to me sometimes. Only a little bit, because I still don’t trust you.” He said the last part quickly.

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath. Sometimes wasn’t never, so he was satisfied with that. “And can I come over?”

Sasuke snorted. “No, Naruto. Only talking. Itachi won’t let you over here, anyway.” Oh yes. Right.

“That’s all I had to say. Ask you one thing and tell you another,” Sasuke said. “Is there anything  _ brief  _ that you’d like to tell me? Or ask me?”

Brief. Naruto wanted to spend hours talking to Sasuke, listening to his voice on the other end ramble endlessly about this and that. Naruto would accept anything, at this point, as long as Sasuke spoke to him. Brief. Naruto couldn’t think of a question that wouldn’t lead to ten others, but he didn’t want Sasuke to hang up so fast. 

“Um. Sakura said that you’ve been getting into your Mom’s law stuff?” It was the best he could do on short notice.

“Oh, yes. It’s rather interesting.” Sasuke’s voice was wistful now. “I go with her to the courtroom when she has to present a case sometimes, but they never let me in. Sometimes, she lets me see her classes if they record them.” This was something Sasuke was growing passionate about, Naruto could tell.

“Would you ever do that? Be an attorney, or something?” 

“I don’t know, maybe. D’you think I have the presence for that?” 

_ Did he _ . “I think so, yeah. You’re very compelling when you speak,” Naruto said evenly. He was proud of himself that his voice didn’t crack. What he said made Sasuke laugh, and Naruto’s eyes fluttered shut at the sound. Just what he needed to hear today. Now if only he could hear it for the rest of his life. 

“I suppose that’s all I had to say. I have something to do soon,” Sasuke said. 

“No, wait,” Naruto said quickly, sitting up fast.

“Hm?”

“I— I miss you,” Naruto said, before he could stop himself. He seemed to have caught Sasuke off guard, unless he imagined the little gasp he heard on the other end.

“Goodbye, Naruto. Take care of yourself. I’ll talk to you later.” And then, no more Sasuke. No more of his soft breathing on the other side of the phone. No more of his voice in Naruto’s ear. No more of his words filling Naruto’s brain slowly to the brim with  _ need _ . He was ready to wallow in his sorrow until he fell asleep, when Minato yelled his name from down the stairs.

“There’s someone here to see you!” He called, causing Naruto’s eyebrows to draw together. He didn’t think it would be Sasuke; this was real life, not a movie. Sakura, maybe? No, she would have texted. Naruto had no clue who would be waiting for him at the door when he got down the stairs. 

Neji was the last person he’d expected, for sure.

“Naruto,” Neji said in his serious voice. Minato looked between the two of them for a moment before deciding that this was far too much for him to be worrying about when he had other things to do.

“Be quick about it, alright? He’s got chores,” Minato said before leaving for the kitchen. Naruto stepped out onto the front step and closed the door lightly behind himself.

“What’s this about?” Naruto shoved his hands in his pockets. He had never very much enjoyed talking to Neji, even when he’d been with Hinata. Something about his presence was off-putting, and sometimes Naruto got the notion that Neji’s need to protect Hinata went beyond the fact that they were cousins. He’d never explored this theory, but Sakura agreed with him.

“I think you know what this is about,” Neji said. 

“I have no clue,” Naruto replied. 

“My cousin is pregnant,” Neji said, already growing exasperated. 

“By Kiba,” Naruto said. “Or someone.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Isn’t me, though.”

“The Kiba boy begs to differ.” 

“I don’t care what he says,” Naruto said with annoyance. “He lied to me, pretended to be my friend, and fucked my girlfriend for years. I thought she was going to be my wife.”

“Well, she isn’t. And you won’t speak about her like that,” Neji said. He pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled until he found some messages. They were between him and Kiba. “He says that her timeline doesn’t add up, for her to be due so soon.”

“When?” Naruto wished he could sound less interested. 

“A week or so, now,” Neji said. Naruto’s mind reeled as he tried to remember. But there was just no way, he told himself. The last time he had touched Hinata didn’t add up for it to be his, either. 

“Someone is lying, not taking responsibility for what he’s done,” Neji said, tucking his phone away. “All I can say is, we as a family are prepared to find out who exactly the father of the baby is.”

“Prepared to find out? What do you mean by that?”

“Through the courts,” Neji clarified. “Someone’s going to have to take accountability for this, and it won’t only be Hinata.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “I’ll do whatever you ask,” he said. “I don’t care.” On the inside, though, Naruto was beginning to panic. What if he  _ was  _ the father? He’d have to help, and he’d have to be tied to Hinata for the rest of his life. Before, that hadn’t seemed such an unfavorable outcome. Now, though, he would rather do nearly anything else. 

“Glad to hear that you’re willing to cooperate.” Neji regarded Naruto carefully, and Naruto returned Neji’s gaze with boredom. “See to it that you’re available in a few months’ time,” he said, “for the test.” 

Naruto made a face. “Alright, whatever. I have chores to do,” he said, and he left Neji standing there. In reality, Naruto just couldn’t have that conversation go any farther. He was starting to feel panicky. He didn’t want to be a father, not right now and not with her. He didn’t want to have to tell his parents, or Sakura. And he  _ definitely  _ didn’t want to tell Sasuke. He’d rather die than have Sasuke find that out. But it wasn’t true, it wasn’t true. This wasn’t really his problem.

“Naruto, get in here and wash these dishes,” Minato said as soon as the front door closed again. While Naruto was rolling up his sleeves to wash the pots and plates, Minato leaned on the counter with his arms crossed. “What did he want to talk to you about?” he asked, suspicion evident in his voice and on his face. 

Damn it, Naruto thought. If he lied, they’d find out. There was no use in trying to hide what was catching up to him. “Hinata is pregnant,” Naruto muttered. 

“What did you say? Look at me.” Naruto did always hate it when Minato used his Father voice.

“Hinata is pregnant, Dad. She’s pregnant and she’s having a baby in, like, a week.” Naruto watched as the shock etched itself into Minato’s features. His eyes grew wide and his jaw grew slack. 

“She’s… that girl that you had sex with, in August? She’s pregnant now?”

“Yes,” Naruto said simply. There wasn’t any way to embellish the statement; it was already as bad as it could get. The only thing that could make it worse would be… 

“Is it yours? Tell me the truth,” Minato demanded. Naruto turned the hot water off and winced when some of it burned his hands.

“It’s not mine,” he said, for the third time that day. “We were careful.”

Minato didn’t seem to be too convinced. “If you were so careful, why’re you a contender to be the baby’s father?”

“Because the other guy is a liar,” Naruto shrugged. 

“Like you tell the truth one hundred percent of the time.” 

“Ok, Dad, I get it.” Naruto turned back to the sink.

“You have to tell your mother,” Minato pointed out.

“Oh, Dad, come on. One thing at a time. She’s going to punch me,” Naruto whined. 

“Maybe you deserve a punch, Naruto! How many things is it gonna be before we can just go back to not having any more secrets in here?”

Minato’s yelling drew Kushina from her quarters. “Someone needs a punch?” she asked, cracking her knuckles. 

“Your son—”

“He’s always  _ my  _ son when he’s misbehaving,” Kushina said with exasperation. “Go on and tell me. The Hyuga girl is pregnant, right?”

Naruto’s jaw flew open. “How did you know?” Minato asked, genuinely confused. 

“I do have social media, you know. The moms in this town don’t know how to mind their own business.” Kushina shook her head. “The speculation is that you’re going to be a father,  _ son _ . Is there any truth to that?”

Naruto shook his head and scrubbed a plate extra hard. “No,  _ Mom _ , there’s nothing there. I didn’t— we didn’t do that, that time.”

Kushina didn’t seem too convinced. “We’ll see.”

Naruto hated this very much. He hated the fact that his life was becoming all about Hinata again, a year and some change after they’d broken up. He dreaded everyday getting the call until it finally happened. Hinata’s sister told him that she had done it, had the baby; it was hard for Naruto to wrap his head around. Hinata was a mother, like Kushina was his mother. It didn’t make any sense. He went to see her in the hospital a few days after the delivery of her son.

Motherhood became her, Naruto admitted to himself. Never had he seen her glow from within like this. Never had he seen this look in her eyes when she gazed upon him. The baby. He had very dark hair and very light eyes. Just like Hinata. Naruto didn’t know how to approach her, or the boy. Was this his son? He still really had no clue. Where there was a will, there was a way with Hinata.

“His name is Ash,” Hinata murmured. Naruto had to strain to hear her at first. 

“He’s very big,” Naruto blurted. It didn’t seem to bother her too much. 

“He is kind of big, I suppose,” Hinata agreed. “He’ll only get bigger.” She turned her eyes up from her son’s face to Naruto’s. Naruto was getting that feeling again, the feeling like he wished the ground would open and swallow him. He couldn’t stand to be sitting here next to her, after all of this time, and in  _ this  _ situation. 

“I’m glad you came to see him,” Hinata said eventually, after a silence had stretched between them in which they both had admired the baby and all of his novelty.  _ Ash _ . It was an alright name. Naruto liked it well enough. 

“Uh, yeah. Hanabi called me and told me you’d, ya know.” Naruto gestured to Ash. 

“I didn’t ask her to do that,” Hinata said. She shook her head, and some of her hair fell into her eyes. She blew it out of her face and then huffed a sigh. “I want to talk to you,” she said, “about a few things.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow. “About what things?” He leaned back, to give her and the baby some space. He had germs, he remembered belatedly. 

“I want to apologize,” Hinata said. The sounds of the world outside this room were screened out by the door. It was just them, and  _ him _ . And he didn’t seem to be listening very much.

“I was hoping that it hadn’t come from you,” Naruto said. Hinata made a face. 

“I’m not apologizing for people thinking that he’s your son,” Hinata said. “He isn’t.” She sighed again. “Neji just wouldn’t believe me when I told him that I’d been… being that way. It wasn’t a person that he’d ever known, someone who could do what I was doing. I hid that part of myself from him.”

“What part, exactly?” Naruto tried not to sound too relieved. So this was Kiba’s son. Naruto still liked him well enough. He was innocent.

“The part that could cheat on you, and lie to you, and manipulate you, and want you to hurt so badly that I would try to get in between you and the thing that was making you the happiest. I never wanted him to know how far I was going to get my way.” Hinata was looking at Ash as she spoke. “I can’t ever justify what I did. I just… couldn’t believe it. You were  _ mine _ , supposed to be mine forever. We belonged to each other, and suddenly it became so clear that you’d never belonged to me. I couldn’t live with that, it hurt too bad. And he… didn’t deserve it, either.” Hinata was talking about Sasuke. Naruto closed his eyes at the thought of him.

“I just want to say that I’m sorry for all that. The plotting and the lying and the cheating, the sneaking, the using. Did I miss anything?” Hinata looked up then.

“I think that’s everything,” Naruto said with a small shake of his head. “What’ll you do now? With college, and stuff?”

Hinata shrugged, stressed. “What else can I do? I can’t leave him here, and I don’t have the capacity to live on my own. I have the funds, sure, but I’m not ready for that. I have to stay here. I belong wherever he is.”

Naruto felt a tugging in his heart. Here was this person that he’d put nearly five years of his life into, with her dreams crushed. It was technically her fault, but she didn’t  _ deserve  _ it. It was still upsetting, because he knew how hard she’d worked in school. She got into her dream school, and she hadn’t had any reason she couldn’t go. He hoped that someday, she’d get to be what she wanted to be. Hinata liked to make music, it was what she was passionate about. He’d never forgotten that, even after all this time. She could still make music, he hoped. Maybe it’d be too loud, now.

“I wish that Sasuke was here,” Hinata was saying, breaking Naruto from his mind spiraling. 

He made a face. “Why?” 

“So that I could tell him that I’m sorry, too. I tried to reach out to him, but I think he blocked me,” Hinata said. “It’s alright, though. Hopefully, we can talk one day, and I can apologize. I want to go into this new stage of my life with no regrets, and no enemies. I have to move forward, but first I have to make amends. Will you give him the message, that I’m sorry?” Her voice was hopeful.

“I would if I could. He isn’t really talking to me, either,” Naruto said sullenly. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Well, thank you anyway. And thank you for coming, and listening to me.” Hinata ran her fingers gently over Ash’s hair. “This is my life now,” she said, as though she just couldn’t believe it.

“He’s very handsome,” Naruto said. “Congratulations. You’re really strong.”

“Thank you, Naruto.”

As he drove home, Naruto was glad that he went. He was glad that he’d given her the chance to talk to him. He knew he couldn’t just believe that she’d changed just because she said so, but it was a good step forward. And he felt very lucky to have been able to set eyes on her baby, even if it wasn’t his. He was cute. Now, he could breathe over at least one thing. He was one tiny step closer to Sasuke, but it wasn’t even. He needed more, he needed everything. Naruto thought about all that Sasuke had said, about changing his destiny. He wondered if he was still trying to make it so that Naruto wasn’t in it. Naruto prayed not, and maybe Sasuke reaching out was a sign. A sign that they  _ were  _ meant to be together, no matter what stood in their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted hinata to remain a human? because i knew that she’d been pretty unlikeable up to this point. sometimes people just need a reality check
> 
> and yes sasuke’s sons name is ken because of swords alright. sue me it’s CUTE


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to ‘bad decisions’ by ariana grande when i wrote this

Naruto didn’t see Sasuke again until a month later, on his birthday. He hadn’t expected to have been invited over, but he was so glad. Beyond glad. He didn’t know the word for the feeling.

Just as Naruto expected, it wasn’t too big of an event. The only people in the house were Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, and Naruto. Just the way Sasuke liked it. Itachi was with a friend, and Mikoto was at her night classes. She wouldn’t be back until around midnight, and then she’d go straight to sleep.

“Thanks, everyone, for coming,” Sasuke said. Sakura snickered in her corner of the couch. Sasuke pretended not to notice. “My Mom said that everyone can stay over, if they like,” he continued, “but no funny business.” He pointed a finger at Ino and Sakura. Ino’s face grew pink, but Sakura’s remained defiant. 

“No funny business here if no funny business _there_ ,” she said, jabbing a thumb at Naruto. Naruto wondered intensely why Sakura would say something like that.

Sasuke made a face. “You don’t have to worry about _that_.”

Naruto didn’t know why that made him upset. 

It was less of a party and more hanging out and talking about things that they weren’t allowed to say in front of their parents. Sakura and Ino said that they were secretly planning on moving in together in a year’s time, but they couldn’t tell anyone until the plans were final. 

“Like… _together_ together? As roommates?” Naruto asked, incredulous. He found that somehow, Sasuke had ended up on the sofa next to him, but he was exercising his highest degree of self control to act normal about it. 

“No, you dunce. As partners,” Sakura said. Even Ino rolled her eyes at him.

“That’s so grown up,” Sasuke said, awed. 

“So are you guys, like. In love?” Naruto asked. 

Sakura and Ino looked between each other. “I think so,” Ino said eventually, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “That’s what we tell each other.” Sasuke sighed beside Naruto. 

“I wanna play a game,” Sakura said mischievously.

“What kind of game?” Ino asked, turning her head toward Sakura. Their faces were inches from one another. Sakura’s arm that was around Ino’s shoulders got tighter, and there was a grin on her face that Naruto didn’t like. 

“Seven minutes in heaven!” Sakura exclaimed. Ino yelped when Sakura sat up abruptly. “I’m gonna put our names in a random spinner thingie, and then it’ll pick someone and…” Sakura turned her head back and forth to find a place with a door. She turned back to the three of them and threw her thumb over her shoulder, in the direction of a closet in the hallway. “And then you’ll go in there, for seven minutes. And _no funny business_ ,” she said mockingly. Sasuke scoffed.

“Fine, do the thing,” Sasuke said. Naruto’s eyes were wide and only getting wider. He would just have to hope that if his name came up, it would be with Ino or Sakura. He would have been fine if _Dior’s_ name came up on the wheel, as long as it wasn’t Sasuke. He had been stretching the limits of his self control so thin that he could already feel it beginning to rip in the middle. 

“Alright. First is Ino and…” The sound of a wheel spinning filled Naruto’s head for five seconds that actually felt like an eternity. “… Sasuke.” Naruto let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. “Seven minutes,” Sakura said, gesturing for them to get on with it. “I’m going to set the timer.”

When it was just the two of them, Sakura scooted closer to Naruto until their thighs were touching. “How are you? Did you see Ash?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve seen him a few times,” Naruto said. “He’s handsome.”

“Right? He is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I still feel bad, but she’s lucky that he’s healthy, and stuff. Healthy and so adorable.” Sakura heaved a sigh then, and Naruto wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Are you alright? Ready for school and stuff?” Naruto asked. This close, Sakura smelled like, well, flowers. 

“I don’t know, I guess. What choice do I have? I never thought I’d hate change this much,” Sakura said. Her eyes were sad when she turned them up to meet Naruto’s. “I mean, first you move so far away, and you and Sasuke still aren’t even really speaking, and it’s so weird. Weird for me, because I love you guys. Both of you, separately and together. I hate that it got this way. Does he talk to you?”

Naruto nodded. “We talk sometimes,” he said. “Not ever for very long, but it works for me. Talking to him for a few minutes every few days is better than not talking to him at all, ya know?”

Sakura nodded. “I understand. I can’t imagine, really, but I try to understand. He misses you, too, you know.”

“I _hoped_ ,” Naruto said. He didn’t like change as much as he thought he would, either. He’d always wanted to leave Konoha and explore the world outside of it, but now that he’d actually left, he only ever wanted to come back. Summertime had only reminded him of that fact. He liked his classes, and his teammates, and the parties, but there was nothing like home. Home was where Sasuke was, and Sasuke still barely wanted to talk to him.

The alarm went off on Sakura’s phone, and she got up from the couch to retrieve Sasuke and Ino. “Your girlfriend is so sweet,” Sasuke said. Rather than stopping at the sofa, he went straight into the kitchen. The hope in Naruto’s eyes faded more with every step Sasuke took towards the kitchen. 

“Does anyone want anything from the kitchen?” Sasuke asked.

“What kind of something?” Sakura asked, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Not _that_ kind,” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. He came back a few minutes later with a plate full of cookies. “Itachi made these for me,” he said, brandishing them high. “They’re _sugar_.” He brought them into the living room and placed them on the coffee table, before flopping back down onto the sofa next to Naruto once again. 

“Alright, who wants to go next?” Sakura asked. 

Naruto cleared his throat. “I’ll go. I just hope it isn’t you,” he said. 

Sakura glared at him, but she still rolled the spinner for him. “Naruto and Ino. Oh, no fair!”

Naruto threw a grin over his shoulder before he was led to the closet by Ino’s hand. It was a tight fit. His back was to the door, and she reached just over his left shoulder to turn the light on. She gave Naruto the smallest of smiles and pushed some of her bangs behind her ear. She had brought a cookie with her. Naruto laughed a little when she broke a piece off of it and ate it.

“What do you wanna talk about?” she asked, crumbs falling from her mouth as she spoke. 

Naruto shrugged. “Dunno,” he said. “What do you wanna talk about?”

Ino ate some more of the cookie and offered Naruto some. “Did you see Hinata’s baby?”

Naruto nodded and accepted the piece of cookie. “Yeah, I saw him.” He could somewhat understand the obsession with Ash; no one else their age was a _parent_ . Besides Kiba, but no one cared about his part in it. He’d said that he would help Hinata if she needed it, and she’d said she didn’t need it. Ash was _her_ son so _she_ was going to take care of him. Naruto didn’t understand not wanting to be there for your kid, but he knew that some dads were like that. Naruto also felt that he was too close to the situation, and he didn’t have as much interest in discussing it as everyone else seemed to.

“Sakura’s been talking about babies, this whole month,” Ino said. Naruto made a face at this.

“Babies? What do you mean?” 

“She wants a kid,” Ino said nonchalantly. “I don’t really understand her intense desire for a baby. I mean, I know it has to do with Hinata havin’ her baby, but that’s her. We aren’t… ready for that, I don’t think we are.”

Naruto hadn’t ever heard Ino speak so seriously. “You guys are really serious, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ino said. She nodded with more energy than she’d shown the entire night. “I mean. I hope she’s as serious about me as I am about her.”

Naruto laughed. “Trust me, she is.”

“Sasuke is serious about you,” Ino said absently. She was focused on breaking the cookie up and not dropping any parts of it. Naruto’s lips parted. For a moment, he didn’t know what to say. Had she meant ‘was’? 

“What do you mean? Did he say that?” All night, people had been saying things that were confusing to Naruto. No funny business, ‘he misses you too,’ and now this. Sasuke _is_ serious about you, Ino says. Not _was_.

“He told me so,” Ino nodded, “when we were in here.” She wiped her fingers on her shirt. “He said he knows that he shouldn’t feel like this anymore, because he told you that he was finished with you, and that he was gonna change his destiny, or something like that. I wasn’t really sure what he meant by that. But, anyway, he’s in love with you. He didn’t have to say very much, I could see it. He’s, like. He’s struggling,” Ino said.

Naruto’s eyes searched her face, but she wasn’t lying. Sasuke had confided in her, six and a half minutes ago, that he missed Naruto and that some part of him was struggling without Naruto. He took too long to try to figure out what else to ask. The door of the closet flew open, and Naruto almost fell backwards onto Sakura. 

“Woah, shit,” Sakura shouted. She pushed hard at his back, just as Naruto caught hold of the doorway to keep himself from completely crushing her. “Your soccer body is heavy,” Sakura complained. “D’you have fun?” Sakura asked of Ino. Ino shrugged and wiped some cookie crumbs from her shirt. 

“I guess. We shared the cookie,” Ino said. Sakura gave an endeared sigh. 

“I’m glad you had fun. We’re making a cake so we can sing Sasuke a song,” Sakura said as they all walked back into the living room. 

“You don’t have to sing!” Sasuke yelled. He was halfway up the stairs. “I’m going to check on my snake.” 

Naruto followed Sakura and Ino into the kitchen. He didn't actually help them cook, he only licked the bowl when they were finished. He was going to get to the bottom of all the weird things they were saying about Sasuke, while he wasn’t around to hear Naruto ask the questions.

“Ok, you guys have been confusing me all night. What’s going on with Sasuke?” Naruto asked. He kept his voice low, even though he knew that Sasuke was up the stairs and couldn’t hear him. He would be mortified if Sasuke heard him.

“What do you mean? It’s his birthday, there’s nothing wrong with him,” Sakura said. She peeked into the oven through the little window before turning to face Naruto again. He saw through the innocent look she had plastered on her face.

“I think that he means what’s going on with Sasuke’s mind,” Ino said. Sakura huffed. 

“Nothing, besides his Mom and the divorce,” Sakura said. She was trying to give Ino a look, but Ino was only looking at Naruto.

“He doesn’t have to say much for us to know that he misses you,” Ino said. 

“Ino—”

“He said that every time he hangs up the phone he wishes he hadn’t, because he knows how much you want to know what’s going on, and he wants to tell you,” Ino continued. Naruto stopped scraping the sides of the bowl and furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Ino! You weren’t supposed to actually…” Sakura let her voice trail off and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, yeah, he’s been saying stuff. But I think it’s just because he misses the attention that you were giving him, and right now he’s better off without… that.”

“Why are you always right,” Naruto grumbled, stating the question rather than asking it. He _knew_ that Sasuke was better off without him, and Sasuke knew it too. Naruto would only be going back to his old ways if he tried Sasuke tonight, knowing that he was struggling to keep himself on the right track. It was _because_ Naruto loved Sasuke that he was going to do whatever he could to keep up with the distance Sasuke was trying to maintain from him. Sasuke needed that from him more than anything else.

Sasuke came traipsing down the stairs then, and everyone stopped what they were doing. Sasuke quirked an eyebrow at the situation he’d just walked into. “What’s going on?”

“Uh, nothing,” Sakura said eloquently. 

“We just didn’t want you to come back down until the cake was finished,” Ino offered. Sasuke looked from her to Sakura to Naruto with suspicion evident in the curve of his mouth.

“Uh-huh. Well, it’s my turn to go in the closet again,” Sasuke said, changing the subject. “Sakura, do the thing.”

Sakura shifted her apps until she got to the spinner again. “So we have Sasuke and…” 

Naruto looked at everyone in the room. Sasuke’s eyes were pointedly not on him, watching Sakura as she waited for the spinner to choose. Naruto closed his eyes as the spinning dragged on and on and on. He knew it was coming before Sakura even said it. The feeling he had reminded him of a calm before a storm, when he knew something crazy was going to happen, but it hadn’t happened yet.

“… and Naruto.”

Naruto’s eyes squeezed shut ever tighter. He’d seen it coming, there was no way he was going to escape this tonight. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react. Should he pretend to be upset about it, throw a fit? Should he ask Sakura to spin it again? Should he refuse? Should he act _glad_? Or should he just go with it?

Sasuke made the decision for him.

“Come on, loser. It’s seven minutes, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Naruto pretended not to notice that Sasuke’s face was already on its way to pink by the time they got to the closet. “No funny business!” Sakura called after them. Naruto snorted. 

There Sasuke was, his back to the closet door. Naruto could feel Sasuke’s exhales fanning out across his neck. Inches apart. Naruto’s hand came up, just as Ino’s had, to flick on the light, but Sasuke stopped him by catching his wrist. “No lights,” he mumbled. Naruto attempted to drop his hand, but Sasuke wouldn’t let him do that, either. 

“Look, Sasuke, I—” Naruto blinked hard in the dark when he felt Sasuke’s finger against his lips, shushing him.

“No talking,” Sasuke said. Naruto felt Sasuke’s hand in his hair, and he thought that he might have seen a gleam in Sasuke’s eyes, even in the dark. Their breathing picked up in tandem. Naruto hated the way that his fingers found Sasuke’s hip so easily. He wished that he had put up more of a fight against himself, but Sasuke made it difficult, _impossible_. 

Sasuke’s lips ghosted over Naruto’s earlobe, and Naruto shivered hard. He used his weight to press Sasuke’s body to the door without really meaning to. The feeling of their bodies touching was something Naruto had almost let himself forget. Every part of Naruto fit every part of Sasuke and vice versa. It felt like they’d never been meant to do anything else but be stuck together like this. Surely two minutes had passed already. Five more minutes and he could breathe fresh air again. Naruto didn’t know if he would survive that long, though, because now Sasuke’s other hand was coming to the back of Naruto’s neck so that there was essentially no escape. Sasuke’s breath in Naruto’s ear moved to his cheek, and then the corner of Naruto’s mouth. Naruto had never wanted anything so badly in his life. By the time Sasuke finally closed the gap, Naruto was fit to beg for it.

Sasuke emitted a sound like a low growl, and all of a sudden Naruto felt the bite of fingernails digging into his skin. He relished it, relished all of it. He wanted every single thing Sasuke was willing to give him. Naruto felt Sasuke’s chest heaving when he pulled away briefly to breathe. Naruto wanted to say something about slowing down, maybe, for the sake of Sasuke’s asthma, but he remembered that Sasuke had said no talking, so he leaned closer again and closed the gap once more. 

Naruto realized while they were doing it that he hadn’t kissed Sasuke since spring break. It had been weeks, _months_ since Naruto had been allowed to feel this. His nerves were on fire with need. He wanted everything, as much as Sasuke would give, but _more_ . He had always been selfish. He remembered the last time he’d felt this, when Sasuke had finally let him take that next step. Oh, fuck, Naruto thought. A little too late. His body was reacting wildly. He couldn’t help himself, as he remembered the way Sasuke had sounded, the way he’d looked, the way it had _felt_ to finally go that far. Something so sacred, so special. Naruto had squandered it, like he did everything else, but he let that part slip from his mind for the time being.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Naruto breathed. He’d realized that he was rutting against Sasuke’s thigh. He took his hands off of Sasuke and forced himself to pull his body away. “I didn’t mean to, I just. Shit.”

“Stop apologizing,” Sasuke said. Naruto could hear his breath beginning to rattle. “Why would I agree to come in here with you if I didn’t think it’d go to this place?”

“You started it,” Naruto said defensively. 

“You were about to finish,” Sasuke said sweetly. 

Naruto didn’t have words for that, so he pointedly ignored it. “So you wanted to come in here with me?” he asked, for clarity.

“Uh, yeah. ‘S that a bad thing?” 

“I mean. Only if you let it be.”

“Well I won’t, dork. Now no talking.” 

Kissing Sasuke, _making out_ with Sasuke was a sensation that Naruto stored in his mind this time. He never wanted to forget the way Sasuke’s nails dug into his skin, or the way Sasuke breathed into his mouth when he needed air. Sasuke was starting to make those sounds, those sounds that always sent Naruto’s mind in a spiral. Now was no different. Or, maybe it was wildly different, because it had been so long. The time had made it all sound so much sweeter and feel so much hotter. It didn’t help that Naruto could feel Sasuke’s hips rolling forward to meet his every now and then. How long had it been?

“Alright, time’s up, the cake is— what the _fuck_ ,” Sakura deadpanned. Sasuke had stood up straight when he felt the door opening, which only brought him closer to Naruto. He didn’t need a mirror to know that his face was just as red as Sasuke’s, if not redder. 

“Ha, you owe me!” Ino yelled. 

“What happened to no funny business?” Sakura whined. Sasuke extracted himself from Naruto’s grip and shrugged.

“I’m an adult now,” he said as an answer. He took his glasses off and wiped them clean with his shirt; they’d started to fog up. “The cake is finished?”

They sang Sasuke a terribly off-key happy birthday, and ate the funfetti cake with the icing on the side, because “It’s my cake and I don’t want it on there. There aren’t even any candles. I get to pick,” according to Sasuke.

Naruto wasn’t sure what to make of what had happened. He was confused, to say in the least. He didn’t know if he should just live like nothing happened, or try to talk about it. Somehow, he thought that trying to talk about it would only make it worse. He’d already gone against what he’d told himself, that he wouldn’t do anything untoward. Sasuke made it impossible, but Naruto still wished that he had stronger self control.

Next were the presents. Everyone had to go out to their car to get the gift, and Sasuke watched impatiently from the front door. Naruto hoped that Sasuke’s interests hadn’t changed too much in the last two months. Sakura gave Sasuke some new shirts, a book about how to read a room, and a very fancy tie. “It’s for your mock trials,” she explained. Sasuke had insisted that he was not going to cry, there was just some dust in the room. 

Ino had complimented Sakura’s gifts with some extremely nice shoes, the likes of which Sasuke had never had. “How much did these cost?” he asked, incredulous, as he’d held them up close to the light and examined the insides of them. They were a soft brown leather and had deep blue insides, and when he tried them on they fit perfectly.

Ino shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, it’s for someone important,” she said. She had also gotten him some socks that were appropriate to wear with them.

“I’m going to look like a real lawyer!” Sasuke exclaimed. “Even more than my Mom.” He turned his eyes to Naruto then, who had been holding his presents behind his back. 

“It’s not as great as theirs,” Naruto said. He held the first of the books out for Sasuke to take. “My Dad insisted that I give you this.” It was a draft of a cookbook that Minato had started working on recently. Sasuke took it carefully and raised an eyebrow as he flipped through the hastily laminated pages. 

“All of the things with tomato sauces were highlighted,” Sasuke realized out loud. Naruto nodded.

“I know it’s your favorite,” he said with a shrug. He held the second book out for Sasuke, and this time he was a lot less sure of himself. “I… made this. I got the idea from the map you made me when I turned 18,” Naruto said. It was a scrapbook. Naruto had been working arduously on it since he’d left for school after spring break. He’d had to wait for weeks at a time to get more pictures from Kushina, and it didn’t help that there was no real open line of communication to Mikoto to get more pictures, but Naruto had done his best. He had printed out a lot of the photos from saved rolls of disposable camera film. There were pictures from when they were little, and Naruto had taken his time to think of little cheesy captions to go along with their smiling faces, or Sasuke’s scraped knee, or Naruto hanging upside down from a tree. Sakura was in a lot of the pictures, too, and as she looked over Sasuke’s shoulder she closed her eyes against what Naruto thought might have been tears.

Sasuke’s fingers gripped the spine of the little book tight, and when he got to the end he almost dropped it. “How did you get this?” he asked, pointing to his own face and adjusting his glasses to see better. The last page was of Sasuke’s graduation. Naruto had convinced Sakura that it would be for a good cause if she sent the pictures of herself and Ino, and if she somehow got Sasuke to send her the pictures of him with his family. When Naruto explained this, Sasuke shook his head. “No, _this_ one,” he said, pointing harder. It was the picture that was taken at the bottom of the stairs, after Sasuke had walked across the stage and had been handed his diploma. Where he’d smiled the biggest smile Naruto had ever seen.

“Oh… I went on the website and searched for it. For days.” Naruto realized that it was a little weird, maybe, that he’d spent so much time on something like this when they weren’t together anymore. But he loved Sasuke, would always love Sasuke, and at the very least he wanted something more tangible for Sasuke to remember him by. Now, he could look at this whenever he wanted to, and there were pages left over. “I was hoping that it’d get filled up. I’m sure now you’ll start… making your own memories, and stuff.” Saying the words felt like sticking himself with a pin directly in his own heart, because he’d wanted it to be filled up with memories of _them_. He’d really hoped that by now, it wouldn’t be this way, but there was nothing he could do. At the very least, Sasuke had it now, and he could put whatever he wanted to put in it.

Sasuke held the book to his chest. “Thank you, Naruto. I’m gonna show it to my Mom.” Naruto wasn’t sure how much he liked that idea, but then Ino suggested that they play a video game, and that thought was thankfully forgotten. 

Ino started yawning around 11:30. Sakura asked if there was a place they could sleep that wasn’t the couch. Sasuke said they could have Itachi’s room as long as they promised not to canoodle, and if they took Dior in there with them because she liked to sleep on his bed sometimes. It was just Sasuke and Naruto, then, and Naruto had been dreading this moment for hours. 

“You look a little tense,” Sasuke said across the table. He was on his phone, but every now and then his eyes glanced up to Naruto. 

“I’m ok,” Naruto lied. He knew that this night could only end one of three ways. Either he’d leave on his own (which was not happening), Sasuke would send him away, or they’d end up in a bed together. He knew what should happen, but he also knew that it wouldn’t. Of course, there was really no telling with Sasuke until the very last second what he would choose to do in any given situation these days. 

“Are you sure?” Sasuke asked. He set his phone down then, giving Naruto his full attention.

“I’m just tired,” Naruto said hurriedly. He couldn’t think of any other way to get Sasuke to stop asking him questions he already knew the answer to. “How is Aoda?” Naruto asked, desperate to change the subject.

“He’s asleep. D’you wanna come look at him?” Sasuke asked. Naruto could have facepalmed. He walked right into that. 

“Why not,” Naruto said flatly. There was no escape. Sasuke had Naruto wrapped around his little finger, and as Sasuke led the way up the stairs, Naruto wondered how he’d held out _this_ long. 

Naruto watched from the doorway as Sasuke moved around in his room. Somehow, the dam still hadn’t fully broken, and Naruto still had maybe three shreds of self control left. Maybe, they’d just go to sleep and he wouldn’t have to worry about anything. 

“Stop being a weirdo,” Sasuke said, beckoning Naruto inside the room. Naruto shuffled across the floor a few inches. This Sasuke standing before him was a different Sasuke than the one he’d stood in front of in the heat of the afternoon in May. This was a Sasuke that Naruto hadn’t spoken to in a long time. It was as though they were just friends and none of the other stuff that had happened, and yet Sasuke had just attempted to kiss Naruto’s soul out a few hours ago in that closet. 

Downstairs, there was the sound of the front door opening. “Your Mom is home,” Naruto said. He was searching for any reason to not have to get into the bed so soon, when his nerves still wouldn’t let him sleep. 

“I’m glad,” Sasuke said. He sat on his bed and shoved himself beneath his covers after he took off his shorts. “I always worry about her when she’s out there. She insists that she doesn’t need any help, but I don’t know where she’s going,” Sasuke said. 

“I thought you said that she was at school?” Naruto asked. He decided to sit at Sasuke’s desk, and he turned his back to Sasuke to take a look at Sasuke’s snake. He was big and getting old, but Naruto knew that snakes basically lived forever. 

“She goes to school, yeah. But I know her schedule, and she should have been home two hours ago,” Sasuke said. Naruto quirked an eyebrow and turned to Sasuke. 

“If she really, really needs your help, she’ll come to you,” Naruto said. “Especially now, since your brother is home. She knows she can lean on you guys.”

Sasuke chewed his nails. Naruto knew that he only did that when he was thinking intensely, or beginning to worry about something. “I guess, yeah. But she keeps secrets from us, too.”

“She’s a parent,” Naruto said. “That’s what they do.”

Sasuke shrugged. Something changed behind his eyes then, and he moved from the middle of the bed to the left side. The side he always seemed to sleep on whenever they shared a bed. “Didn’t you say you were tired? Turn off the light, come here.”

Naruto knew that he was in for it. 

He had expected Sasuke to start with him as soon as he touched the bed, but Sasuke had his back to him. He was on his phone again, scrolling through pictures. Naruto thought that he could manage this, if they just didn’t face one another then it would be fine. Naruto could keep to himself as long as Sasuke didn’t provoke him. 

And for a few hours, Naruto thought that he was actually in the clear. But he realized later, that was exactly how Sasuke had wanted him to feel. 

Naruto’s back was still to Sasuke when he felt Sasuke’s hands on him. They were cold, like Sasuke’s hands always were, and it made Naruto shiver. He hummed in slight confusion but forced himself to stay turned around. He wasn’t going to ask, but he knew that if Sasuke asked he’d say yes.

“Naruto,” Sasuke whispered, his words hot on the back of Naruto’s ear. 

“What time is it?” Naruto asked groggily. He wiped his thumb on his shirt.

“4 something,” Sasuke said coolly. He didn’t care. He’d planned this, Naruto was convinced. 

“Time for sleeping,” Naruto yawned. And yet, when he felt Sasuke’s fingers sneaking up his shirt, sleep was the farthest thing from his mind. 

“Oh yeah?” Sasuke challenged. Naruto felt Sasuke’s hand on his hip, pushing ever so slightly. Naruto had two seconds to do _something_ or else Sasuke would have him flat on his back with no way to resist him. 

“Your Mom is in the other room,” Naruto tried. Sasuke only laughed.

“She’s a heavy sleeper.” Sasuke leaned until his mouth was attached to Naruto’s throat. “And besides,” he whispered, “I promise to be quiet.”

And just like that, Naruto was looking up at the outlines of Sasuke’s body above him in the dark. Sasuke had taken his glasses off before he’d gone to sleep, and now he was leaning over the bed to retrieve them. Naruto knew that at any moment, he could say no, and tell Sasuke that he’d sleep on the floor or downstairs or at _home_ , but that wasn’t really going to happen. Naruto couldn’t have torn himself away from Sasuke’s body if he’d tried, if his life depended on it.

“What do you need to be quiet for?” Naruto asked, feigning innocence, but his thumbs were pressing against the soft skin of the inside of Sasuke’s thighs.

Sasuke shifted beneath Naruto’s grip, testing the limits. “You tell me,” Sasuke said.

“You tell me something first,” Naruto said. “Sakura and Ino said that you told them you miss me. D’you miss me?”

Sasuke scoffed. “What do you think? Before you did all that shit, we were friends. We had been friends our whole lives. I miss my friend,” Sasuke said. But Naruto wasn’t buying.

“Friends don’t sit on their friends with the intention of seducing them,” Naruto pointed out. 

“Seducing? You make it sound like there’s something about this that you don’t wanna do,” Sasuke replied. “You don’t have to, you know.”

“Don’t have to what?”

Sasuke fidgeted again, and this time Naruto felt it deep in his abdomen. “Whatever you wanna do,” Sasuke said with a shrug.

“Don’t make me have to choose,” Naruto complained. 

Sasuke’s eyes got hot. “If you are trying to say that you can’t choose because you’re a Libra, I’m going to throttle you.”

Naruto’s eyes shifted to the window to avoid Sasuke’s gaze. “I won’t say it then.”

“Now you tell me something,” Sasuke said, leaning down so that his face was close to Naruto’s. “If Sakura hadn’t come and opened the closet, what would have happened?” Sasuke’s fingers walked up and down Naruto’s arm as he spoke.

Naruto gulped. “She would have opened it anyway,” he said, “because you would have been too loud.” Anything to twist the situation into his own favor, so that he wasn’t the one begging. 

Sasuke could never let Naruto win, though. “Not if you covered me up like you always do,” he said, so low, so sweet. Naruto could taste Sasuke even before he slotted their lips together again. Naruto’s hands ran all over and across Sasuke’s body. Sasuke let Naruto do whatever he liked, until Naruto’s fingers started scraping around the band of his underwear. 

“Ah ah,” Sasuke tutted. “You didn’t ask for permission to do that.” He sat up straight again and watched Naruto’s face with great focus as he started moving his hips around. “You have to ask for things you want.”

Naruto could only roll his eyes and hope that he didn’t sound too desperate when he said, “Can I take them off?” For good measure, he snapped the elastic against Sasuke’s skin once.

Sasuke continued his assault on Naruto’s senses by emitting a sound between a whine and a groan. He never stopped the movement of his hips, and Naruto thought that whatever Sasuke had planned wouldn’t even happen. He was much too tightly wound for all of this _playing_ and _messing around_. “I guess,” Sasuke said after a while in his own world.

“Yes,” Naruto’s hands caught hold of Sasuke’s hips and kept them steady, “or no?” He accentuated his question by rolling his hips up to meet Sasuke’s, causing Sasuke to suck in a sharp breath. 

“Yes,” Sasuke said steadily, shifting to the side to give Naruto a way to get his underwear off. 

“You wanna know what I would have done?” Naruto was feeling more confident now that he was beginning to have control over the situation. If this was what Sasuke wanted, he’d get it. 

Sasuke nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, tell me,” he said. His other hand came out to splay out across Naruto’s chest. 

“I woulda tried to take your shirt off, probably,” Naruto said. “Start off slow.” Sasuke nodded again and shifted over Naruto, willing him silently to continue. “And I would have bit a little on your neck, right here,” Naruto pressed his first two fingers against a spot behind Sasuke’s ear, “where you like it.”

“And then what?” Sasuke’s voice was so eager.

Naruto scratched his chin. “Think maybe I would have reached into your shorts, but ah, ah,” Naruto said, running his hand over Sasuke’s bare hip. “They’re already off.” Sasuke still didn’t say anything, but he bit his lip hard when Naruto’s hand slid across his stomach and then down between his thighs.

“I might have gotten a little less coordinated from there,” Naruto said simply, finishing his story by running a thumb over the tip of Sasuke’s dick. “I’m not very good when I can’t see what I’m doing.”

Sasuke let out a harsh breath. “So then what?” he asked shakily.

Naruto shrugged. “I would have asked how far I could go,” he said. “Because while you make it very difficult for me to control myself, I don’t want to go too far.” Naruto’s hand closed over Sasuke’s cock. “Is this too far?”

Sasuke shook his head fast. “No, not too far,” he said. “Do you think Sakura would have come by then?”

“Maybe. She would have caught me with my hand in your pants,” Naruto said. “Then I guess that would have been the end of it, right?”

Sasuke shrugged. “What if I wanted to do more?”

“Then we can do more,” Naruto said. He moved his free hand from Sasuke’s knee to the corner of his mouth. “What else would you wanna do?”

“Maybe I would have tried to put my hands in _your_ pants,” Sasuke said, his lips brushing Naruto’s fingertips. Sasuke’s hands were fumbling with the ties of Naruto’s sweatpants. “Because that’s only fair, right?”

Naruto didn’t have time to reply before Sasuke was shifting back, leveling Naruto’s legs with the bed while he dragged Naruto’s pants down to his knees. He fell onto the mattress next to Naruto so that Naruto could get them off all the way. “It’s fair,” Sasuke said, answering his own question. “Maybe in the closet I wouldn’t have been able to get ‘em all the way off, but this is better.”

Naruto made a sound of general disbelief. “You really would have let me fuck you in that closet? 15 feet away from Sakura and Ino?” 

Sasuke made a face. “No.” He shook his head. “This was my plan all along.” He hooked his fingers around the waistband of Naruto’s underwear and repeated his earlier actions. “Now it’s _really_ fair,” he said, grinning. 

“How long is all along?” Naruto was much more interested in that than in the fact that Sasuke had gotten him nearly naked. 

Sasuke shrugged. “Since my Mom told me I could have people over,” he said. “So, like. Two weeks.” He seemed completely unfazed to be admitting this.

Naruto, however, was in utter shock. “You’re such a fibber sometimes,” he said. 

“A fibber? How old are you?”

Naruto ignored Sasuke’s comment. “You knew for two weeks that you wanted to do _this_ , and you still talked so normal on the phone, still acted like you could barely stand to talk to me at all,” Naruto said. “I can’t believe you sometimes.”

“It’s not serious.” Sasuke resumed his earlier position, with a lot more shifting around. “You’re going back to school in, like, two weeks, and it’s my birthday. I deserve something. You’re the only person I trust to do this with.”

Naruto didn’t really have the time to get into why this wasn’t such a good idea if _those_ were Sasuke’s reasons, because Sasuke was drawing Naruto’s hand back up to his mouth. Naruto’s full and undivided attention was on the way Sasuke took his fingers in, the look on his face that Naruto could just see from the light of the moon shining through Sasuke’s window. He noticed then that it was open, and he blamed the draft coming from it for why the hairs on his arms were rising. Completely nothing to do with the way that Sasuke looked as he swiped his tongue over Naruto’s fingers. Absolutely nothing to do with the way Sasuke’s hips rocked mercilessly against Naruto’s. Positively nothing to do with the way that Sasuke’s eyes were on Naruto with a hungry intent. It was the window.

Sasuke used one hand to hold himself steady against Naruto’s chest, and he used his other to guide Naruto’s down between his legs. Naruto’s breath caught in his throat when he realized what Sasuke wanted him to do. He couldn’t help the terribly shaky sound that he emitted when he went to press one finger in and Sasuke made him use two. Naruto was met with a lot less resistance than he had been expecting. His lips parted in slight confusion and he turned his eyes up from where he had watched his hand disappear between Sasuke’s legs, to Sasuke’s face. The column of Sasuke’s pale throat was bared in Naruto’s direction when he threw his head back, and he was biting on his knuckles as he rolled his hips experimentally over Naruto’s fingers. Sasuke caught Naruto watching him and offered Naruto a look that could only be described as pure evil. He’d been just about to say something, but then one of Naruto’s fingers found the place that he knew would set Sasuke off, and Sasuke dug his teeth into his own skin harder to keep from yelling. 

“Is this what you were doing when you checked on your snake?” Naruto asked. It was wild, a crazy idea, there was no _way_ Sasuke had really been plotting this so in-depth, but Sasuke nodded without words and Naruto groaned deep from his chest. Naruto thought he might burst at that exact moment. And then Sasuke started talking.

“I knew that you’d have to go in there with me eventually,” Sasuke breathed. He was working so hard not to moan out loud, but it was barely working. “I knew it, and the longer it took the more wound up I was getting. I knew they’d tell you what I said. It’s so much better, ‘cause you don’t know what was going on.”

Naruto tried for his third finger, and Sasuke took it. “How would you be so sure I’d say yes?” Naruto asked. His voice was straining, too; Sasuke was pulling him closer to the edge with every small huff of breath and every little movement of his hips. 

“Lucky g-guess,” Sasuke stuttered.

Naruto let Sasuke do what he wanted, move how he liked. He tried not to get too into his head about what exactly he was doing, so he distracted himself by listening intently to the sounds Sasuke made. 

The feeling of Sasuke’s body around Naruto’s fingers began to change. The grip was tighter, and Sasuke’s movements were getting a lot sloppier. Naruto could only watch and feel as Sasuke’s thighs started to clench around his hips, and his hand gripped Naruto’s shirt in a fist. The sounds, too, Naruto was listening to the sounds that were tearing themselves free of Sasuke’s throat, and the sound of the bed underneath them. Naruto was trying so _hard_ not to lose it, but then Sasuke whined and he stuttered out that he was going to cum soon, and that was all it took. Naruto didn’t have very much time to be embarrassed by the groans he emitted or the fact that he came first because Sasuke followed soon after, his body gripping Naruto tight and with his toes curling. 

“My shirt,” Naruto complained, breathing heavily.

“Get over it,” Sasuke wheezed. He slid from where he’d been sitting and stared up at his ceiling, his chest heaving. He turned his head toward Naruto, who was ripping his shirt over his head. “C’mere,” he said, reaching weakly for Naruto’s arm. His fingers scrambled to find purchase on Naruto’s bicep.

Naruto huffed a sigh and rolled over until he was breathing against Sasuke’s neck. “What do you want now?” he asked, as though he didn’t already know. There was feigned annoyance in his voice, but he wasn’t going to say no. He could never, despite having a slight notion that this wasn’t a good idea to begin with. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Sasuke if he requested it. It didn’t matter, Naruto reasoned with himself. It didn’t _have_ to matter, anyway. Not if they didn’t make it into something it wasn’t.

Sasuke drew Naruto in, so close, and wrapped his legs around Naruto’s waist. “Please?” he whispered, causing Naruto’s breath to catch. 

“Please what?” Naruto leaned on his elbows and ran a hand over the line of Sasuke’s jaw. “You have to ask for things you want,” he teased. Sasuke rolled his eyes hard and grumbled something not very nice under his breath. 

“Please, Naruto,” Sasuke repeated, this time reaching up to grip Naruto’s shoulders. He didn’t sound very inclined to ask for anything. 

“Like this?” Naruto asked. He edged closer, pushing Sasuke’s legs ever wider. 

“Yeah, like this.” Sasuke nodded and did nothing to stifle his squeal when Naruto’s hand came to grip behind Sasuke’s knee. 

Naruto didn’t _really_ have to be told twice, he just wanted to be certain that Sasuke was certain. He saw no reason in Sasuke’s eyes to think that this was something he didn’t actually want to do. Naruto reached blindly between them and got a hand around himself. There was something familiar about the feeling of sliding inside, but also something novel. He’d only ever done this twice now, and only ever with Sasuke. Maybe it was just the fact that he didn’t _want_ to forget it that he thought it was familiar. Naruto sucked in a sharp breath as Sasuke’s body tested him, pulling him impossibly close inside and out. Sasuke’s legs snaked around Naruto’s waist once more, and his arms likewise came to wrap tight around Naruto’s shoulders, keeping him exactly where he was in that moment. 

Sasuke shifted beneath Naruto, and Naruto felt him shudder. “You can do it,” he said, closing his eyes preemptively. Naruto tried to go slow at first, because he felt that this was special and momentous, but Sasuke kept rushing him and reminding him that he wouldn’t break. So Naruto leaned up, put a hand over Sasuke’s mouth, and gave him what he was asking for.

Just as fast as Naruto switched the pace, Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together and his breath was puffing hot against the palm of Naruto’s hand. Naruto could hear the moments that their skin touched, and he could feel deep inside Sasuke, better than he’d ever felt anything before. Even better than the first time. Sasuke was cursing and mumbling ‘oh my goodness’ over and over until Naruto came back down to him, took his hand away, and kissed him lazily. Sasuke was breathing harshly against Naruto’s mouth as Naruto moved within him. Naruto pushed his tongue past Sasuke’s teeth, and Sasuke did nothing to stop him. Naruto felt Sasuke’s nails digging hard into the skin of his back, so hard that he knew there would be red lines there when he woke up again. It didn’t matter, he’d take it.

“N-Naruto,” Sasuke stammered against Naruto’s lips. Naruto shushed him. The bed was protesting their every move, but Naruto was not inclined to stop any time soon. He felt his body tightening up everywhere, all around, and he swiped a hand across his forehead to get his hair unstuck. It was getting in his eyes. Sasuke’s back was arching, and Naruto was waiting when Sasuke bared his throat. Naruto nosed behind Sasuke’s ear and attached his mouth to the spot that he knew would set Sasuke off. “Fuck, fuck,” Sasuke breathed. 

“Gonna do it?” Naruto’s words were breaking, and his question turned up in so many places that he wondered for a moment if Sasuke would realize he was asking something. But Sasuke nodded, causing his hair to fall into his face.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sasuke pushed his hair back uselessly, and when his hand was moving to resume its position of scratching lines into Naruto’s back, Naruto instead caught it and held it. Both of their hands were sweaty, but it was the thought that counted. Sasuke’s low eyes suddenly opened wide and Naruto _felt_ it when Sasuke’s body started to convulse. He watched as Sasuke’s lips parted around a nearly silent scream, and he didn’t even wince at the sensation of Sasuke’s nails scratching deeper than they had been before. This time, it was Sasuke’s shirt that got messed up, but Naruto didn’t even have time to gloat because Sasuke was wiggling underneath him, trying to get free, and so he reluctantly rolled off to give Sasuke space. 

Naruto’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he felt Sasuke climbing back on top of him and anchoring himself by pressing his thighs against Naruto’s hips on either side. 

“Wha—?” Naruto didn’t know what he _had_ expected, but it certainly wasn’t this. Sasuke hovered over Naruto for just a moment before Naruto felt the inside of him again. Naruto made a choked sound and then frowned when Sasuke’s hand covered his mouth. His hands moved to Sasuke’s hips, where his nails sunk into Sasuke’s skin. Sasuke shuddered beneath Naruto’s grip and he didn’t give any warning before he started rocking his hips. 

Sasuke laid his free hand over one of Naruto’s, and Naruto took the opportunity to lace their fingers together again. He was already so close to the edge as it was, and Sasuke was working harder than he ever had before to push him completely over. Naruto was wrapped up completely in the way it felt, different but still so good. He wanted it to last forever, but he knew by the way that he was starting to feel tight and hot in his stomach that it was going to end rather soon.

Naruto’s eyes were squeezed shut when he felt Sasuke’s nose poking around where his pulse was. “Do it,” Sasuke whispered, over and over, like those two were the only words he knew. 

Naruto attempted to hold himself back for as long as possible, but then there was a sound at the _door_ , and it shocked him so much that his concentration broke and he lost it. Sasuke’s low-pitched moan turned into a gasp that caused Naruto’s eyes to fly open. 

“I’m sorry I missed your party, I—” 

Naruto had never seen Itachi’s eyes so wide. His hand, still on the doorknob, fell to his side in a fist. He did nothing to hide his disappointment or his shock. Sasuke lifted off of Naruto so fast that at first, Naruto’s mind was blanking on the fact that they were naked. He winced as another draft from the long-forgotten window blew in and made his hair rise. Sasuke took it upon himself to throw the covers over their bodies, and it was only then that Naruto realized what was happening. 

“Itachi, I…” Sasuke’s voice trailed off for lack of words. Naruto glanced at him. He’d never seen Sasuke’s face so serious and so mortified.

Itachi only shook his head, turned in his heel, and left the room without a word. Naruto felt Sasuke shaking beside him. He was about to try to console him, but when he turned his head to look, Sasuke was _laughing_.

“What possibly is funny?” Naruto asked, incredulous. “He just saw us naked. He saw us, like. Doing it. That isn’t funny.”

Sasuke snorted and exhaled hard a few times to steady himself. “It’s hilarious,” Sasuke said. He shook his head before sitting up and taking off his shirt. “He’s going to do the thing he does where he acts so awkward that even _he_ can’t stand it, and it’s always so funny. He squirms, a grown man.” Sasuke laid down on the opposite side of the bed than the one he usually occupied. Naruto’s perspective felt warped, now that he was laying on the left side. 

He knew that they’d have to talk about it, but Sasuke’s eyes were already fluttering shut. Naruto knew one thing for certain as he closed his own eyes and drew Sasuke close to him. He was still very much in love with Sasuke, and what they’d just done did not help in the slightest. If he’d been meant to be trying to get over Sasuke, he was back to square one. Alright, he told himself in his mind, that was two things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they aren’t very smart


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for this one, if you are like me and can barely even handle the mention of blood, take care of yourself please!! i promise i won’t be offended haha, just please only read what you can handle you’re all important to me don’t hurt yourselves

The summer stretched into a semester after Sasuke’s birthday. For the two weeks that remained before Naruto had had to leave, they didn’t speak one word to one another unless Sasuke was inviting Naruto over to do more stuff. If it wasn’t about something _bad_ , Sasuke was barely talking to him all over again. Naruto had never been more confused about the way Sasuke felt. He had started asking himself if it had just been sex to Sasuke, but that didn’t seem like Sasuke. He wasn’t the type, Naruto didn’t think, but what did he know? He didn’t know this person that he was seeing under the pretense of ‘missing him when he left.’ He didn’t know this person that only ever answered his calls when he wanted something from him. He didn’t know this person that drew him in so easily and then left him to be cold, and yet Naruto never said no. 

All Naruto _did_ know was that whatever ounce of being over what had happened that had developed over the time that they had been apart had completely dissipated. Naruto was certain now that he’d never get over Sasuke at this rate. He knew that he could say no every time Sasuke asked him over or said something slick, because he had autonomy, he was his own person, an adult. He was 19 years old now, and that should mean something. But, not really. There was no way to refuse Sasuke when he was everything to Naruto, everything Naruto craved, everything Naruto needed to feel. He hadn’t even allowed himself to think about what would happen when he got back home for the holidays.

Naruto missed Sasuke excessively even before he left. It made no sense, really, to think about how much he needed Sasuke, wanted to talk to him when he wasn’t around. It was made worse by the fact that Sasuke never wanted to _talk_ , it was only ever getting into each other’s pants until Naruto left for school again. Now, nearly five months later, they still hadn’t discussed what they’d been doing for those two weeks, and Sasuke seemed content to act like it all had never happened. It was easier, for the time being, but Naruto was going to come home soon, and he wanted to talk about it.

But Sasuke didn’t, so they talked about other things, instead. Besides school and helping his mother get through the legal process of his father being an asshole, Sasuke was working again. He was going down to Atlanta some weekends to see Sakura. He was visiting Hinata sometimes after his classes. He mostly went to catch glimpses of the baby, but sometimes they had conversations. He found that they had some things in common, besides the obvious. She had apologized to him, and he thought it was pretty genuine, he’d said. He loved her son, he decided, and he was beginning to understand where Sakura was coming from when she said she wanted a kid, too. 

“Not right now, though? Right?” Naruto asked hopefully. He had his phone stuck between his face and his shoulder, because he was packing some of his things for home. He glanced at his toads and smiled a small smile at the way they were lounging in the water so close together. His roommate, a swimmer named Suigetsu, had already vacated the room for the holidays, much to Naruto’s delight. He had the place to himself for the last week while he was waiting for Minato and Kushina to retrieve him, and he’d never slept better. Suigetsu had to play his white noise machine every single night, and he always chose something to do with water. It only ever made Naruto have to pee and disrupted his sleeping terribly for the first few months of the semester.

“Maybe not right now,” Sasuke said. He was chewing on something, a pen, probably. He had been offhandedly mentioning how stressed about his finals he was, so Naruto wouldn’t have been surprised to know that Sasuke was studying. “Because I don’t know where I’d put it,” Sasuke said, “and my Mom’s under enough stress as it is.” Like it wasn’t a child they were talking about, like it was another dog or something.

“ _And_ ,” Naruto said, “you’re not ready for that. Who even would you have a kid with?” Maybe he didn’t want to know the answer to that, because he knew the mechanics that were usually required, but he still asked. There were plenty of other options, he reminded himself.

Sasuke clicked his tongue. “Says you,” he said defiantly. “It doesn’t matter who.” Naruto didn’t like that answer very much, but he didn’t say anything in response to it. 

There was a lull in their conversation then as Naruto continued to shove unfolded clothes into his bags. He chanced bringing up what happened in July, though he didn’t think he’d get very far. Every time he brought it up, Sasuke found a way to miraculously change the subject or abruptly be busy and need to hang up the phone. 

“Sasuke,” Naruto began carefully. The sound of pencil scratching stopped on the other end. “Can we talk about… it? Maybe?”

“Talk about what, Naruto?”

Naruto heaved a sigh. “Your birthday,” he said simply. He placed his phone on his desk after putting it on speaker so that he could move around more freely. 

“What’s there to talk about?” Sasuke sighed. “It was nice and I’m glad that you… could make it.” Naruto noticed how Sasuke pointedly avoided using the word _came_. 

“I just… what was that? And what is this?” Naruto sat on his mattress, empty now except for the plain sheet that he still needed to wash.

“It was sex, Naruto,” Sasuke said with annoyance. “What do you mean, what is this? We’re talking, we’re friends, it’s not serious.” 

There it went again. _It’s not serious_ . Sasuke had been saying that same thing for months. Naruto would try to bring it up, and Sasuke would have to go, or they’d have to talk about something else, but not before Sasuke would remind Naruto that it wasn’t _serious_ . Naruto wasn’t convinced of too much in life, but he was convinced that while Sasuke hadn’t wanted it to be serious, it was. It was _too_ serious for Naruto. He wasn’t capable of doing things like that with people he hadn’t convinced himself he cared about (whether he did or not). He cared about Sasuke, maybe too much. So it was very serious for Naruto. He didn’t believe it wasn’t serious for Sasuke, but again, what did he know?

“I don’t think you mean that,” Naruto said. He laid his head on the bare mattress, staring up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes when he heard Sasuke scoff.

“I said it, so I meant it.”

“Alright, Sasuke.” Naruto opened his eyes just to roll them. Stubborn Sasuke could never admit defeat, and it was infuriating. “So that was just _casual_ ? It meant _nothing_ ? It really wasn’t _serious_ ?” Naruto hated having conversations like this over the phone, because Sasuke could lie, and Sasuke _would_ lie. Sasuke’s voice didn’t betray his emotions as well as his face did, but Naruto couldn’t see him, and Sasuke always used that to his advantage.

There was a pause as Sasuke seemed to be thinking. “It didn’t mean nothing,” he said eventually, causing Naruto to sit up. 

“What’d it mean to you, then? That’s all I’ve wanted to know.”

Sasuke sighed, and then he fell silent again. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said eventually. 

“I want you to tell me what it meant to you that the for the last two weeks of summer break, the only time we were talking was when you wanted to—”

Sasuke cut Naruto off. “It meant something, ok? Nothing I’ve ever done with you means nothing. What do you think?”

“It isn’t about what I think right now,” Naruto quipped. “Because I’ve been trying to tell you what I think for a while now, and you never want to hear it.”

“Why do you care, anyway?”

“Why do I _care_ , Sasuke? I love you, and you…” Naruto wasn’t sure how to finish his thought. His mind wasn’t working correctly, because he was thinking about all the times he’d heard the same tone come from Sasuke’s mouth about things that he had done, lies he had told, feelings he had manipulated, stories he had twisted. The taste of his own medicine was bitter.

“I what? Don’t say I manipulated you. You’re a grown up that can make his own decisions,” Sasuke growled.

“It isn’t that,” Naruto said, even though it was that. He pinched the bridge of his nose and scrambled for the right way to articulate what he was trying to say without pissing Sasuke off any farther. “I just thought that you were done with me, trying to get over me.”

“I was,” Sasuke said. _Was_. Naruto pursed his lips. 

“I don’t like to speak against myself, but that’s not how you do it,” Naruto pointed out. 

“Yeah, well. Sometimes people have to learn things the hard way.” Naruto could hear Sasuke’s growing annoyance. He could leave well enough alone, but there still were no answers to his questions. He wanted to know _why_ , why Sasuke would allow himself to slip so far behind after he’d been putting so much distance between them, after he’d been acting like he barely wanted to speak to Naruto to begin with, after he’d walked away from Naruto and torn him in half on the day of graduation. He didn’t want to know, he needed to know. He needed Sasuke to tell him.

“So you taught yourself the hard way on purpose? That just… doesn’t make any sense,” Naruto said. He was at a loss, really. “And what’d you teach yourself, anyway? What’d you learn?”

“Don’t you have something to do, somewhere to be?” Sasuke was shutting down again, just like that. This was the farthest Naruto had gotten in this conversation, though, and he wasn’t prepared to give up now. 

“Not for,” Naruto checked his watch, “two hours. That’s plenty of time for you to tell me what you learned the hard way.” Naruto could mention that the place he had to be was on the road to home, but that wasn’t what they were talking about. What was important was getting to the bottom of what Sasuke was really on about, or if this was just another diversion to get Naruto to forget his original point. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sasuke said. The finality in his tone made Naruto grit his teeth. “I’m positive that there’s something better that you could be doing than trying to talk about this _again_.”

“That’s just the thing, there isn’t! I don’t have anything else to do right now,” Naruto said. “So, like. There’s no reason not to talk about it, unless you’re _lying_ , or you haven’t figured it out yourself. That’s alright, too, but if you’d just tell me then it wouldn’t become such a big deal.”

“Lying.” Sasuke snorted. “We’re not gonna do this, Naruto. I’m not going to talk about this when it’s a nonfactor.” 

“A nonfactor, what the fuck are you even talking about? You know what, never mind. I _do_ have something to do,” Naruto said. He couldn’t help this. It wasn’t going to go any farther, he knew. Sasuke was talking in circles on purpose, and Naruto was sick of it. He didn’t really have anything to do until his parents came, but he couldn’t stand to say the same words in different ways. 

“Naruto—” Suddenly, Sasuke’s voice sounded like it was edging on a plea. But it was too late.

“There’s clearly just nothing to talk about, you were right.” Naruto was talking fast because he was annoyed. Past annoyed, infuriated. The fact that Sasuke was going to keep this up was fine with Naruto. They didn’t have to talk about it, if Sasuke really didn’t want to. “If it’s only sex and it’s not serious, let’s just let it be not serious. Bye.” 

Hanging up the phone hurt when Naruto realized what he’d done, but only for a moment before he got angry again. He couldn’t believe that Sasuke was continuing to stand on this, and continuing to act like it just really didn’t matter. Naruto didn’t know how it couldn’t matter. Having sex with Sasuke in any capacity was _important_ to Naruto in a way that he couldn’t even describe. He felt so _lucky_ , despite the way that it was happening, every time Sasuke sought him. Sasuke wanted him, needed him, and only him. He’d said it himself that Naruto was the only one that he trusted in such an intimate way. 

(Sasuke said a lot of other things, too. He told Naruto that he needed him, that he wanted it to last forever every time. He told Naruto that it was so good, so good, the _best_ . He said that he _loved_ Naruto, the very last time they’d done it before Naruto had to leave again. 

They really hadn’t had the time for it, because Naruto had to wake up early the next morning to get on the road on time, but Sasuke had somehow convinced Naruto that it would be worth it, and that it’d take the edge off before he was away for so long. Naruto was a fool, and he went along with it because there was just no denying Sasuke what he wanted, what he needed, what he begged for.

Naruto’s hands were gripping Sasuke’s shoulder and his hip to keep him in place, bent over Naruto’s bed with his face shoved into a pillow. It was the only thing Naruto could do to keep Sasuke from being too loud, despite the fact that Minato and Kushina were away at the moment. They thought nothing of it, leaving Naruto and Sasuke to themselves. Unlike Itachi, and probably Mikoto, Naruto’s parents didn’t know what he was doing. He had wondered at first why Mikoto hadn’t said anything, but it didn’t matter. 

What mattered was the way that Sasuke’s body was pushing back hard whenever Naruto pressed forward, so hard and so deep. What mattered was the way it sounded whenever their hips met, and the throaty sounds Sasuke was making every time Naruto hit particularly hard. Naruto was watching Sasuke’s eyes as they squeezed shut tighter and his fists as they gripped more of the covers around him. Sasuke lifted his face from the pillow to look back at Naruto, something he knew set Naruto over the edge. Naruto did his very best to hold it, because he didn’t want it to end, but Sasuke was saying things this time that drove Naruto completely insane. 

“So good, so good,” Sasuke said, the way he always did. He groaned out all sorts of praises and Naruto felt each of them winding him up tighter, making his blood run hotter. And _then,_ Sasuke had reached for the hand Naruto had on his hip, twined their fingers, and whispered something about how much he needed it, how much he loved it, how much he loved _Naruto_ , and it was all downhill from there. 

Maybe, Naruto thought now as he squinted up at his ceiling with his hands behind his head, trying not to get hard as he remembered it, if Sasuke hadn’t said that then it wouldn’t be so bad now. Naruto had known, had hoped, that even if Sasuke was trying to get over what they’d had, the love wouldn’t go away. Maybe it wouldn’t be so intense, so overpowering, so all-encompassing, but it’d still be there. In a healthier way. He hadn’t expected to hear Sasuke say it again so soon, if ever, but in that moment was when Naruto needed to hear it the least. He had already been unsure of how he was supposed to feel about what they were doing, and they weren’t talking about it, but Naruto had never ventured so far as to say he loved Sasuke again when everything was in such a strange limbo. If it’d been a clean break, Naruto wouldn’t be confused. And if they’d gotten back together, Naruto wouldn’t be confused. It was this, this weird in between, that Naruto hated. He hated it and he hated knowing now that Sasuke could just _say_ things like that to get what he wanted. It wasn’t the Sasuke he knew or had grown up with. It was someone different, an imposter.)

“Baby! We missed you so much! Phone calls aren’t enough, ya know.” Kushina kissed her son’s forehead over and over, and gripped Naruto so tight that his back popped at the top. 

“Aw, Mom, come on,” Naruto whined. It wasn’t as though anyone could see him; he was one of the last people on campus. It was just the principle of it, the fact that he was a grown up and she was kissing his face. That they were _both_ kissing his face, because Minato was kissing his temples. 

“Are you ready, do you have everything?” Kushina asked once she was finished assaulting Naruto’s personal space. 

“Yeah, I just need the toads,” Naruto said. Kushina and Minato left to start the car and warm it up, and Naruto went back into his room to retrieve his pets. He stood in the doorway of the room, just as he did the last time he’d left, and he surveyed what had been his home for months. He’d spent his first college birthday in here with Suigetsu and his jock friend Juugo; he’d crammed in here; he’d grown in here. He had discovered about himself over the last few months that he didn’t like leaving places as much as he liked the idea of going somewhere else. Naruto held his toads’ terrarium to his chest to keep them warm as he made the short walk from the dorms to his mother’s car. He complained about the temperature a little when he opened the door and climbed carefully into the backseat (after strapping the animals down with the seatbelt, of course), but as they got on the road Naruto welcomed the heat.

He hadn’t told Sasuke when he was going to come back, but he’d told Sakura, so he was sure that Sasuke knew. He hadn’t told Sakura that he had been sleeping with Sasuke. He didn’t want and didn’t need to hear that he was an idiot from her. He already knew it. He was going to have to ask her for her advice about it, though, because today was the first time that _he_ had shut the conversation down prematurely. He still couldn’t believe that he’d actually hung up the phone when there were still things he needed the answers to. Would he ever get them? Not the way it was looking now, but he would be back home for a few weeks and _clearly,_ a lot could happen in a few weeks.

Minato was shoving Naruto’s shoulder hard when he woke up. He hadn’t realized that he’d fallen asleep, or that he’d _been_ asleep for the whole trip, but there was his white car, his yellow house, the woods next to it. Naruto blinked his eyes open slowly and first turned his head to see if his toads were alright.

“Come on, now, we need your help with your bags,” Minato was saying, tugging at Naruto’s arm. 

“It’s only, like, two bags. And there’s only clothes in them,” Naruto argued, but he still unbuckled his seatbelt and took his things inside. He came back for his toads and once everything was situated in his room, he flopped down onto his bed in general defeat. He supposed that he was happy to be home, but only marginally. He would wake up in his own bed, and have his parents there to dote on him like they always did, but he didn’t even care. Sakura was right, just like she always was. Things weren’t the same now, and it was even more glaringly obvious than what she’d anticipated. 

**Naruto:** **_I’m backkkkk_ **

**Sakura:** **_really?? you guys made good time_ **

**Naruto:** **_I’m surprised too, the way my Dad drives like he’s elderly_ **

**Sakura:** **_i wanna see you, ugly :(_ **

**Naruto:** **_Come over tomorrow, beautiful_ **

**Sakura:** **_early!! i miss your Mom_ **

Naruto hadn’t been sure how _early_ early would be, but he hated Sakura for having Kushina beating on his door before 11am. “You have a visitor! Hurry up and brush your teeth!”

Naruto grunted and nearly fell off his bed when he rolled over. He was stumbling down the stairs five minutes later with uncombed hair and a wrinkly long sleeved shirt. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” Sakura was waiting for Naruto at the back door, signaling to him that she wanted to go outside. 

“It’s December, do we have to?” Naruto whined. 

Sakura gave Naruto a stern and searching look. “I don’t think you want to talk about this in here,” was all she said before slipping out the back door. Naruto saw that she’d brought a blanket with her, and he was reminded of the time he and Sasuke had used her blanket for something in the backseat of his car. Naruto grumbled and followed her after shoving his feet into the first shoes that he could find. It only dawned on him when he saw her face, the annoyance written all over it, that he was in trouble. She scared him more than Kushina did sometimes.

“He told you?” Naruto didn’t have to say, and Sakura didn’t have to ask. 

“Yes, he told me,” she said, rolling her eyes. She drew her knees up to her chest beneath the blanket, wrapping one arm around them. She used her other hand to make gestures in the air. “Do you know how stupid you both are?” Naruto knew better than to answer Sakura’s questions when she was chewing him out.

“You’re in love with him, right? And he’s in love with you. It’s worth noting that you guys suck at that,” Sakura said. “He was trying, really trying at first.”

“Trying to do what?” Naruto wanted to get under the blanket, too, but he thought Sakura was a little _too_ heated right now. Instead, he pulled his sleeves up so that his hands were covered and watched as Sakura’s anger mounted.

“To get over you, you being an idiot,” she clarified. “I don’t know what changed in him, but after his birthday he just said _fuck it_ and stopped caring. If it hurt, who cares? If it wasn’t right to begin with, what did it matter?” Sakura shook her head fast, so that some of her hair got into her face and she had to tuck it behind her ear. “You’re both fools. What good could sleeping together when there are so many feelings still mixed in really do either of you?” Her eyebrow raised after a while, which told Naruto that was a real question. 

“It was his idea?” Naruto tried. 

Sakura scoffed. “It takes two to tango, Naruto. You didn’t ever have to do it or say yes. Just because he suggested it doesn’t mean you aren’t liable. Please.”

Naruto wished to lay down in the grass, but it was much too cold for that, even with his sweatpants and long sleeves. He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know,” he whined. “He just, he’d pull me in and he’d tell me things he knew I wanted to hear, and he never meant them but I _love_ him so I just told myself that it was fine. We would get back together when it was all said and done, or at least we’d be a step closer to that. But now he won’t even _talk_ to me about it, and it’s driving me fucking crazy.”

Sakura rolled her eyes up to the clouds for a moment. “Naruto,” she said, leveling her gaze back onto his face. He hated when she spoke to him like this, all slow and deathly serious. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe _you_ should be trying to get over _him_ , too?”

Naruto’s eyebrows drew together. He grimaced. “Um. No?” Why would he? He was the reason it hadn’t worked out, that much was obvious, so he’d just assumed that he’d let Sasuke work through everything on his own end. Not once did it occur to Naruto that it would be healthy for him to come to terms with what had happened, too. He didn’t _want_ to. He didn’t see an alternative to the way he felt about Sasuke, and he didn’t want to put any active work into something like that. These feelings he had for Sasuke were what he would have forever, he’d already decided it, so of course he hadn’t been trying to get rid of them.

“That’s not healthy,” Sakura said, shattering all of the reasoning Naruto had just done with himself. Leave it to her, daughter of a therapist, to point out every single hole in his logic before he’d even said anything out loud. “It’s just going to be the same way it was before, if you feel the same way you did before. You’re not growing if you’re holding onto that shit. All you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure later. Because when, or I guess _if_ , with the way you two idiots were acting, but if Sasuke ever forms a healthier relationship with his feelings for you, you won’t have anything like that. It’ll be the same, this… teenaged and immature way of thinking. It isn’t healthy now and it won’t be healthy then. Having _sex_ with him and then not talking about it is the opposite of forming a healthier relationship with your feelings, by the way.” In case Naruto was confused.

Naruto let his hands free of his sleeves as he started talking. He didn’t ignore what Sakura said, he was just trying to build upon it. “So let’s say that I— that _we,_ him and I, that we both actually tried, at the same time, to get over each other and get over what happened. And then we did, right? What then?”

Sakura made a face. “Then you live your life like normal people,” she said. 

Naruto shook his head. “No, no. I mean, what then for us? Would we still be in love, would he still love me? Would I still love him? I don’t… there isn’t a world where I can be without him.” Naruto knew that he wasn’t articulating his thoughts very well, so he tried to slow down. “What I’m trying to ask,” he began again, “if we got over each other, would that mean there would be no chance for us in the future?”

Sakura pulled her blanket over her shoulders, and then she opened her arms to offer Naruto some space underneath. She hummed as she mulled over his questions. “I don’t know,” she said finally. Naruto’s shoulders slumped. “I mean,” she said quickly, “that’s up to you two. If it were _me_ , I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know how I’d go back to you in any serious capacity. Because you hurt him, Naruto. You hurt _me,_ having to watch you two go through that. It hurt me that he was so sad and feeling so helpless, and it hurt me to see you doing such awful things. I love you guys so much, and that’s why it makes me so mad to see you be idiots. I know you, I know you’re both better than that.”

Naruto leaned his head on Sakura’s shoulder when she wrapped an arm around his. He stared idly at the back door as the silence stretched between them. “There’s always a chance in the future,” Sakura said eventually. Her voice was a lot quieter now. “It just has to be for the good of both of you.”

The words Sakura said stuck with Naruto long after she’d left. He wasn’t doing himself any favors by making it all up to Sasuke to work through what had happened, that much was for sure. Neither of them could really say they didn’t know better than to do what they’d been doing, but Naruto accepted now that he had been in denial. Every time he thought that maybe it didn’t mean anything to Sasuke, he reckoned with himself that it _had_ to, because Sasuke wouldn’t just say those words, wouldn’t just do those things and not mean them. Naruto knew that sometimes things weren’t deceiving, and there weren’t any kind of hidden layers. Sometimes, things were exactly as they seemed.

That’s exactly what he told Sakura when he went over to her house the next day, because she had forgotten to give him his birthday present. 

“Yes,” she nodded, “some things are exactly what they look like.” Sakura gifted Naruto a very nice watch and his own white noise machine, since he’d complained to her constantly about his roommate. Naruto was turning the watch over in his hands while Sakura was making for him to eat. (She had insisted, since he hadn’t been home for his birthday. Besides, she said, it was the time for giving.) 

Naruto’s tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth as he concentrated on clasping the watch with one hand. “So what did he tell you?” he asked, looking up for just a split second before he grunted because the wristband fell out of his hand again. 

“Sasuke? He said you guys were seeing each other before you left,” Sakura said. 

Naruto raised an eyebrow at this. “He did not use the words ‘seeing each other,’” Naruto said flatly.

Sakura rolled her eyes. “He _didn’t_ , but that’s the nice way of putting it. Why?”

Shrugging, Naruto tried to play it cool. If Sasuke hadn’t told Sakura that they’d been caught, Naruto surely didn’t want to be the one to inform her of that. “That’s all he said?”

Sakura turned the stove off and crossed her arms. “He said a lot of things, but that was mostly it. What’re you getting at?”

Naruto shrugged again. “Oh, nothing, nothing.” It seemed she didn’t know about Itachi walking in on them, so at least he had _that_. Sakura scoffed but didn’t ask any mode questions. She set a plate in front of Naruto with a stack of pancakes shaped like a heart and rocked back and forth on her heels while she waited for his critique. 

“What’s in this? It’s got a…” Naruto smacked his lips and rubbed his fingers together. “Fruit, fruity,” he snapped a few times before shaking his head. “What is it?”

Sakura chuckled. “It’s apples, smarty,” she said. She took the seat next to him and watched as he ate. “You’re going to asphyxiate yourself if you don’t slow down,” she remarked. 

“I’ll be fine,” Naruto quipped, but he slowed down anyway. Sakura’s eyes were serious when Naruto’s caught hers again, so he stopped eating and turned to her. “You want to say something,” he stated rather than asked. 

Sakura’s chin was propped up by her fist, and she lifted her other shoulder in a shrug. “I just… I don’t know how you two let things get so weird,” she said. “It’s so strange to me. Like, he told that you would be together, forever, it seemed. Why wasn’t that good enough for you?”

Naruto wished that he hadn’t said anything. He was exhausted of having to explain himself. Every time someone asked, he had to relive it, and it made him feel worse and worse. “I hate talking about this,” Naruto said to himself.

“It was just, like,” Naruto waved his hands in the air, trying to figure out what to say. God, was he bad with words. “I just felt like… I couldn’t do any wrong. That’s what I thought, and that’s how he was treating me. Like, he’d go away, and it’d be bad. I missed him and I’d want him back. Then he would come back, and I would just feel like… well, he’ll be back. Every time he left, the feeling got stronger. He’ll be back, he said so. We’re gonna get married, he says, his _brother_ sees us together. So, whatever I do, he’ll be back. It’ll work out. And I don’t know how I could really treat him like that, like.” Naruto shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “I’ll never forgive myself for that. After spring break, I thought he meant it, like. He wasn’t going to come back, and whatever he’d seen in the future wasn’t going to happen because I was just too fucked up.”

Sakura nodded along while Naruto spoke. She figured he was finished when he started eating his pancakes again. “Well…” her voice trailed off, and at first she seemed conflicted about what she wanted to say. Sakura cleared her throat. “I think that you’re just going to have to _make_ him talk about it. If it’s that important to you, and I can tell that it is,” she added when she saw the look he gave her, “I think the only way you get him to take you seriously is to act serious. If it matters to you, you have to make it matter to him.”

Naruto twisted the watch around on his wrist and played with the time dial of his old one. “How do I do that? Why can’t girls ever just say what they mean?”

“Idiot,” Sakura said, gripping his forearm to get his attention. “Figure it out. Calling him doesn’t work. Texting him doesn’t work. What’s your other option?”

***

“Sakura told me to! Sakura _told_ me to. Sakura told me to.” 

Naruto was practicing what he’d say when Sasuke inevitably asked why he was there, standing at his door. He had hoped, at least, that this is what Sakura had meant. She’d sent him on his way after sitting and talking for a few hours. Her mother came and started trying to analyze the clothes he was wearing, so Sakura helped him out the door by reminding him that he needed to get some groceries… or something. 

Stepping outside, Naruto was reminded once again that it was December. He hadn’t been here, driving his own car, since the summertime. He hadn’t expected things to feel so different, so foreign, but even as he was making his way back up the streets that led to his home, he felt like he didn’t belong here anymore. He never thought that he’d feel this way. Naruto’s eyes caught sight of his house as he passed by it on his way to Sasuke’s. He knew, deep in him, that he lived there. It was still like passing by all the other houses on the street; he was only on the outside.

“Sakura told me to,” Naruto repeated to himself once more before he parked on the street in front of Sasuke’s house. As soon as his feet hit the pavement, Naruto knew that something was wrong. He had noticed a car flying past him in the opposite direction, but he didn’t think anything of it when he passed it. Now, he craned his neck to take another look at where it had disappeared. Who would be driving so recklessly on such a quiet street? Naruto made a dissatisfied sound. He’d seen that car before, but he couldn’t put his finger on where. 

Naruto approached the house slowly, attempting to take careful note of everything he saw on his way. His eyebrows drew together when something caught his eye. There were curtains blowing in the wind, but on the _outside_ of the house. The window was broken in a fashion that made Naruto suddenly hyper aware of the fact that someone was in that house what wasn’t supposed to be. He checked over the cars in the driveway; he saw Sasuke’s and Mikoto’s. Naruto turned his head again to glimpse where he’d last seen the car racing down the street. It was making his skin crawl that he couldn’t figure out where he knew that car from.

His original plan was forgotten by the time Naruto had picked his way across the lawn and up the driveway. There was glass littering the grass and the concrete, and as Naruto got closer to the house, he could see that there was blood on the window, and on the doorknob. Naruto’s heart started to beat a little erratically. His panic at the situation was mounting with every step he took. The door was already open when Naruto tried it. He made sure not to touch the knob as he pushed his way inside the house. Naruto ventured first into the kitchen, and then into the living room. He didn’t want to go up the stairs, this wasn’t his business, were his first thoughts. But then he thought, like it or not, Sasuke and Mikoto would be his business forever. They were his family, no matter what happened. They’d do the same for him. And he needed to help, whatever had happened. There was no way that a bloody door and broken glass was a good thing. 

Naruto took careful steps up the stairs, and he first stopped by Itachi’s room, just to be sure. There was no one in there, of course. The bed was still made up, the lights were off, and the closet door was shut. This room didn’t get touched unless Itachi was home to touch it (or, Sasuke had a birthday party and invited too many friends over). Naruto next tried the bathroom door, but he didn’t find anything in there, either. Along the hall, there were little bits of glass, and Naruto what _hoped_ was not blood. By then, hair on the back of Naruto’s neck had risen and his blood was running cold.

Gulping, Naruto stopped when he reached Mikoto’s room. The door was ajar, and he could just barely see inside. Dior was laying near Mikoto, who herself was sprawled out on the ground. At first glance, Naruto didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. When he pushed the door open and came closer, he gasped. Naruto had to hold onto the edge of Mikoto’s bed frame to keep from falling over. 

The long sleeve of her shirt was torn open, and her arm was exposed to the air. There was a gash there, on the back and stretching to the inside of her arm, still red and raw, and Naruto couldn’t look at it for very long before beginning to feel faint. He saw that there was a stain forming beneath her, and her eyes were closed. He kneeled beside her and chanced shaking her shoulder once, twice. 

“It’ll be ok, Dior, we’re gonna be fine, they’re gonna co—” 

Naruto’s eyes shot up to see Sasuke coming out of his mother’s bathroom with a wet rag. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed the running water before; he chalked it up to shock. Sasuke’s mouth hung open when his eyes caught sight of Naruto. 

“What are you _doing_ here?! Did you touch her? What are you doing up here?” Sasuke rushed to Mikoto’s side with the rag, where he shoved Naruto out of the way so that he could dab at her wound. Sasuke’s eyes held a hot glare when Naruto saw them again.

“I came to t-talk to you,” Naruto stammered. He felt a little stupid, standing there, having been about to try to contfront Sasuke about their stupid situation. He was too shaken to care about the way his voice broke when he spoke. Naruto’s hands balled and unballed a few times; he didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t want to keep standing there, staring and doing nothing, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from Mikoto and Sasuke. He moved away from Mikoto to give Sasuke space to move around her, and he sat crisscross a little ways across the floor. He gripped his ankles to steady himself as he watched Sasuke tend to Mikoto the best way that he could. Dior’s eyes were watching every move Naruto made intensely. 

“Did you touch her?” Sasuke repeated. He took his eyes from Mikoto’s vacant face for just a moment to fix them on Naruto before he had to turn back to what he was doing. 

“I shook her sh-shoulder, yeah,” Naruto said. Sasuke shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh. 

“The police are coming, Naruto, so you’d better just… stay.” Sasuke turned his eyes to Naruto again. There was anguish, pain, pleading. Naruto had never _seen_ Sasuke’s face like this, with so much need. 

“Please, stay,” he mumbled, before he took his eyes from Naruto and paid attention to Mikoto again. Sasuke held Mikoto’s hand and squeezed it. Her face was so pale, whiter than Naruto had ever seen it. Her eyes were closed, and there was no expression there. She looked like a mannequin, or a doll. Something fake. Her hair fell heavy over her shoulder as Sasuke drew her head up to his chest. Naruto noticed then that there was blood on Sasuke’s shirt.

“What happened to her?”

Sasuke closed his eyes and put his face in Mikoto’s hair. His shoulders shook once in a silent sob, but then he shook his head and opened his eyes again. “My Dad happened,” he mumbled, and then he repeated himself. 

“My Dad happened to her.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little bit more mention of blood and wounds in general, but mostly in the beginning. take care of yourself, bubbies, please
> 
> mom/son parallels ayee

The police officers were situated a few feet apart with completely different stances. One of them, the one with the fiery red hair, was sitting directly in front of Naruto with something akin to concern on his face. The other, a man with long blonde hair that reminded Naruto of Ino’s, was standing in the corner with his eyes closed and his arms crossed. “Alright, hm,” that one said, jolting Naruto from his intense thoughts. “Tell us the story again.” 

Naruto fidgeted under the gaze of the red-haired one; he thought the man’s name might have started with an S. They hadn’t introduced themselves, but Naruto had heard them talking before they’d asked him to come into the room to give his statement. He decided that he hated it in here, this room painted an awful color of green that bordered on vomit, with these terrible chairs set at a terrible table. He’d never been past the front of this place, because he’d come on a field trip when they were little. Now, as he cut his eyes to some rust on the corner of the metal bars covering the window, Naruto wondered what they’d do if he just didn’t say anything. 

“I don’t have much to say,” he said. He’d already told them the story once, but then they’d gotten into a very idiotic fight (even for Naruto’s standards) about who was going to be the good cop, and so now they were asking him to start over. The one sitting in front of Naruto was poised to write notes this time. 

“That’s alright, just tell us everything you remember,” the man said. Naruto sighed in exasperation. He wanted to see Sasuke again, he didn’t have time for this. Sasuke was so far _away_ , at the hospital, but since Naruto wasn’t directly related he didn’t have an excuse to go there first instead of here. 

Naruto rolled his eyes. “I was going to the house to talk to the son, her son,” he began. Naruto tried not to wring his hands as he started to relive the moments in slow motion.

“And what was your business with the son?”

Naruto made a face. They hadn’t asked this before. “To talk to him, like I said.”

“No need to be aggressive, hm.” Naruto heard this from the corner and flicked his eyes in the direction of the voice. “We just want to get all the facts, so that you’re not implicated.”

“Implicated, seriously? I didn’t do it,” Naruto said indignantly.

“You won’t be the judge of that,” the man with red hair said. “Keep going, now. What was your business with him?”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s my ex-boyfriend, I wanted to talk to him about something to do with our… relationship.” _Ex-boyfriend_ , _relationship._ Naruto hated it the more that he said it out loud. He’d never even realized that. Sasuke was his _ex_. 

The man nodded as Naruto spoke and wrote a few key words. “So when you got to the house, did you see anything out of the ordinary?”

“On the way there I saw a car rushing past me, which was weird, ya know. It’s a quiet street,” Naruto said, playing his fingers on the cold metal table. “I knew I had seen that car before, but it went by so fast that I couldn’t see who was driving it.” He shook his head. “Anyway. Um, I go to the house, parked on the street. I got a creepy feeling when I got out of the car, like something was off. When I got up to the door, I saw a window had been busted, and there was, like. Blood on stuff.”

“Blood on what?”

“The window, the door. Like someone had cut themselves punching the glass, or something, and then they opened the door. Or it was opened for them.” Naruto shrugged. “His car was there, his and his Mom’s, but only theirs. It was all so weird. I knew I probably shouldn’t have, but I went inside. They’re like family to me, I’ve known them all my life. If something bad happened and I didn’t try to help, I’d never be able to live with myself. So I went in, and I checked all around the place, but there was no one downstairs.”

From the corner came the next question. “So you felt comfortable enough in the house to walk around without alerting anyone of your presence? And you say you touched the door? The _bloody_ door?”

Naruto’s eyes cut to the blonde man. “Yes, I touched the door,” he said shortly. “It wasn’t that I was _comfortable_ ,” he said, “it was just that I felt _compelled_. I had to help.”

“Go on then, hm. So you were in the house, checking downstairs, and nothing. What did you do next?” The man crossed his arms again.

“I went upstairs,” Naruto said. He was slowly getting that feeling again, the chill in his blood. When he closed his eyes, he could still see Mikoto, still see her arm. He tried not to think about it too hard as he continued, which proved impossible. “Um. I checked every room, the bathroom and the brother’s room, but I didn’t see anyone in them. So I went to her room, Ms Uchiha, and…” Naruto shook his head. He could _not_ , he couldn’t.

“Take your time,” the red haired man said. He was writing notes, so Naruto felt that he’d said it more for his own sake than anything else. Naruto welcomed the pause, though, because it allowed him to take a few deep breaths to steady himself. When he thought that he could continue, he went on with the last part of the story. The worst part.

“I went into her room, and I saw her on the floor. I dunno, nothing seemed wrong besides that. I don’t know what kinda stuff she might be getting into, exercise or the like.” Naruto spoke with his hands. He laid them flat on the cool metal of the table when the blonde cop made a sound. He raised an eyebrow at Naruto’s statement. 

“I thought you said that you were a family friend? That they were _like_ family? How do you not know what the victim might be ‘getting into,’ if you’re so close to them, hm?” The man used air quotes around the middle of the sentence to mock Naruto.

“It’s a complicated situation,” Naruto said simply. He was _not_ going to get into all of that with them, no matter if they were cops or not. He wasn’t even sure if he should be saying all of this right now, or if he should wait for a lawyer or something. Naruto didn’t think telling them would hurt him, though, since he didn’t do anything and they weren’t going to find out that he did. “Anyway, I got closer and I knew something was wrong, terribly wrong. Her eyes were closed, and she looked so pale. Her shirt was torn open, and there was the… her arm,” Naruto said. He made a gesture to indicate where the injury had been. “I shook her shoulder, to try to wake her up, but she wouldn’t wake. She looked so… _cold_ , I don’t know. I couldn’t look for too long, I was panicking. And then her son came out of the bathroom, he’d been cleaning her up. I guess he’d already called 911 before I got there. I don’t really know how long she’d been like that, but I guess it couldn’t have been long.”

“And why do you suppose this?” The red haired man asked.

“Because the person that drove past me was the one who did it, her husband,” Naruto said. It was obvious, anyway, but Sasuke had confirmed it to him. _Sasuke_. Naruto was aching to be near him. “Is there anything else you need from me? I have somewhere to be, I have to call my parents.” He was impatient and under the impression that these two were idiots, and he didn’t want to one in their presence any longer than he had to be. 

The cops looked between themselves for a moment before each shaking their heads. “I think that’ll do,” the blonde man said. Naruto stood up instantly, but his wrist was caught by the red haired man before he could leave the room. 

“Be sure that you’re available during the investigation. It sounds like your DNA might show up on a few tests.” 

“Yeah, yeah, ok,” Naruto said quickly. He wrenched himself free and didn’t look back until he was safely outside of the doors of the precinct. He climbed into his Tahoe and looked at himself in the rearview mirror. He couldn’t wipe the terror from his face, so there was no way that he’d be able to keep it from his voice long enough to make sure that his parents didn’t panic. Oh well, he thought. He had to tell them. Naruto started his car and set his phone in its holder, and then he called his mother. She was down the street at city hall, so he thought of her first. 

“Hello? What is it?” Kushina seemed annoyed with Naruto’s call.

“Mom, something bad happened,” Naruto said. His hands were holding the steering wheel tight so that they didn’t shake. He was on his way to the hospital, and he was speeding.

“What? When?” Kushina’s annoyance had dissipated and morphed into concern just that fast. 

“At Sasuke’s house, today. Hour ago, hour and a half. Mikoto is hurt.” Naruto chanced running a yellow light as he continued his route across town. 

Kushina made a choked sound. She begged pardon of someone else in the room, and then Naruto heard a door click behind her. “What happened to her? Where is she? Who did it? Where’s Sasuke?” Kushina’s words were running together. 

“She’s at the hospital, they both are,” Naruto said. Her panic was permeating his false calm easily. “Sasuke’s Dad was over there, he… hurt her.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, he could _not_.

Kushina gasped, and Naruto heard her sob. She cried for at least two minutes before drawing in a hard breath. “Ok, I’m on the way. Where are you?”

“I was at the police station,” Naruto said. He rolled his eyes at the memory of the stupid cops.

“Why?”

“Mom, I’ll tell you when I see you at the hospital,” Naruto complained. Kushina huffed a breath but agreed, and she said that she would go get Minato before she met with Naruto at the hospital. Without her voice in his ear, Naruto felt sickeningly lonely. He was worried beyond belief about Mikoto and Sasuke. He didn’t know what would happen, if Fugaku would get in trouble for this or if it would just pass, but right now he was concerned about the two of them. 

Naruto barged up to the front desk and asked if he could see Mikoto. The woman behind the desk, pretty with blue colored hair and amber colored eyes, made a face at him. “Sir, she’s in the OR,” she said flatly. She went back to typing then, but looked up when Naruto was still standing in front of her. 

“So where’s that? When can she take visitors? What’s that even me—”

“Naruto.” It was Sasuke, at Naruto’s left side. Naruto whipped his head around so fast he heard something pop. 

Sasuke looked so exhausted. He had dark spots under his eyes beneath his glasses, his hair was tousled from fingers running into it, and before he sat up, his posture was that of someone who was two seconds from passing out. He probably was. He was wearing the same shirt as before, still with blood on it. He beckoned Naruto in his direction. Naruto didn’t have to be told twice. 

When Naruto was close enough, Sasuke slouched back down and held his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. Naruto sat next to him, and put a hand on Sasuke’s back before he thought about what he was doing. Sasuke didn’t protest and instead lifted his head to look at Naruto. “They’re giving her stitches,” Sasuke mumbled. His voice was wispy, now that they were close together. Sasuke looked from Naruto’s feet to his eyes. “Where were you?” There was pain in Sasuke’s eyes.

“They took me downtown,” Naruto said. “I had to talk to the cops.”

Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, fuck, I’m going to have to talk to them, too, yeah? Shit.” Naruto noticed now that there were scratches on Sasuke’s hands that had been bandaged already. Naruto pointed a finger at Sasuke’s palms. 

“What happened there?”

Sasuke glanced down at his hands. “My Dad,” he said bitterly. “I was trying to stop him, make him go away, and I didn’t realize that he had a… knife.” Sasuke steeled himself to say the last part. “He, like, he pulled it out and my hands were up, trying to stop him, and he cut me a little bit. Not bad. Doesn’t matter at all.”

Naruto replaced his hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. “Did ya call your brother?” he asked as his hand rubbed circles into Sasuke’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said shakily. He closed his eyes, took his glasses off, and wiped his eyes. “He said he was going to come home as soon as he could.” Sasuke shook his head and pressed his face to Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto’s eyes looked up to the fluorescent lights, and he willed himself not to lose it. The feeling that was forming in his heart could only be described as anguish. This was not the way he wanted to reunite with Sasuke, under any circumstances. His original purpose for going over to Sasuke’s was completely forgotten; at this point, they _never_ had to talk about it. It didn’t matter a fraction as much as this did.

Naruto held Sasuke’s shoulders, pulling him closer, and Sasuke let him, leaned into it. He was crying, Naruto realized when Sasuke’s body shook twice. Naruto remembered waiting for Sasuke to get out of surgery, or what _ever_ was going on with him whenever he ended up in the hospital. He remembered the stress, the anxiety, the panic that just wouldn’t go away no matter what they came and told him. He didn’t believe Sasuke was alright until he’d seen him with his own eyes. He didn’t realize that he’d dozed off until he heard Kushina saying his name.

His parents stood there, mirroring one another with the concern deep in their eyes. Kushina kneeled down in front of Sasuke, and Naruto let Sasuke sit up properly. Kushina didn’t have any words to say, no words that would matter, so she just gripped Sasuke and held him tight to her chest. Sasuke returned her embrace reluctantly. He heaved a sigh when she let him go. “Is she in surgery?” Kushina asked, and Sasuke only nodded. The rest of the story could wait.

There was a tense silence for another two hours that was only broken by Sasuke’s occasional crying and Kushina greeting over him. Minato was pacing a little ways away, and Naruto was growing more exhausted and stressed out by the second. He wanted to tell Sakura, but Sasuke said that right now he didn’t need any more people worrying about him and he didn’t want to talk about it too much and jinx it. If they told Sakura, she’d tell Ino, and who knows what would happen then. Naruto wanted to point out that this wasn’t gossip, but he didn’t. There was no reason to contradict Sasuke when he was already on edge like this.

Sasuke said that Itachi was already on a plane when someone came out to tell them that the surgery was finished, and that Mikoto was in a stable condition. “She’ll have to give a statement to the police,” the man said. He had brown skin and a scar across his nose.

“What? When? Certainly not today?” Sasuke was standing then, and Naruto felt cold once more. 

“Sometime this week, when she’s a bit more coherent,” the man explained. 

Sasuke adjusted his glasses in a sulky manner while Kushina stood and addressed the nurse. “Mr…” she looked down at his tag, “Umino, we were just hoping to have him be able to speak to her.” Kushina put a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder.

The nurse, who Naruto saw was called Iruka, gave a fretful sound. “She’s still recovering,” he said. “She’s not awake yet.”

Sasuke cursed under his breath and went to stand near Minato. “When will she wake up?” Naruto asked before he could stop himself.

“The anesthesia should wear off in an hour’s time, or so,” Iruka said. “She lost a lot of blood, so she was too weak to have the procedure done while she was awake.”

“The procedure?” Naruto looked to Kushina. 

“Stitches, I think,” she mumbled back.

Naruto didn’t like the answers he was getting, and he felt a sudden and overwhelming urge to stand up for Sasuke, even though Sasuke hadn’t asked for his help. That was just it, he never would, and so Naruto took it upon himself. “He was in here last year, and they let me see him when he was still asleep,” Naruto said, throwing a thumb behind his shoulder in Sasuke’s direction. “We’re not even related. She’s his Mom, he should be able to look at her face.”

Iruka coughed uncertainly. “I will go and ask,” he said, and then he disappeared into the throngs of people standing and milling about with all degrees of apprehension and stress on their faces. 

Naruto made a displeased sound and fell back into his chair. Sasuke resumed his earlier seat, too, after finally mustering up enough strength to tell Minato and Kushina the basic reason as to why they were there. He didn’t tell the full story with all of its details, and Naruto didn’t blame him. By the time Sasuke came to sit next to him again, Naruto saw his hands shaking. Sasuke pressed his palms to his thighs and winced when the bandages were disturbed. Naruto didn’t know what he could say, but he wanted to say _something_ , he couldn’t just sit here. So he said the only thing that he knew he could.

“It’s gonna be ok,” Naruto mumbled. He couldn’t make himself turn to face Sasuke, but there was no one else close enough to hear him. “You’re really strong, because she’s really strong, and it’s gonna be ok.” Sasuke’s eyes were on Naruto, he could feel it, but he still couldn’t look. Not until Naruto saw Sasuke’s hand leave his own leg and come to rest on Naruto’s knee did Naruto’s eyes turn up to meet Sasuke’s. 

“Thank you,” Sasuke whispered. It was there, Naruto could feel it coming from Sasuke just as much as he could feel it rolling off of himself in waves. It was _need_ , and though they needed different things, they needed one thing in common. One another.

“For what?” Naruto managed to ask. He felt like he couldn’t say too many things at once because he was going to choke on his words. 

“For… being here,” Sasuke said with a tiny voice. “For always being here.”

Naruto closed his eyes tight and willed Sasuke to not do this, not here, not now. “Least I can do,” Naruto ground out. Seeing Sasuke like this was beyond upsetting. Naruto would rather have all of Sasuke’s pain in that moment than for Sasuke to feel it for one more second.

Iruka came back then, holding a clipboard. “She is stable enough that you may be in the room,” he said carefully. “She was saying someone about ‘baby, baby,’ so we ran some extra bloodwork. The tests haven’t come back yet, but they should at any moment.” 

_Baby_ . Naruto thought about Hinata then, for a strange second, before his mind turned to Sasuke and the vision he’d had a while ago. A lifetime ago, when he’d seen them much older and established. He’d made mention that Naruto had said something about a _family._ Goodness, Naruto thought. He just hoped that it wasn’t what he was thinking it was. 

“If you’re ready, I can lead you to her,” Iruka said, breaking Naruto’s focus. He watched Sasuke stand. Sasuke turned back to face him when it became obvious that he wasn’t following.

“Aren’t you coming?” Sasuke asked, genuine confusion etching into his features. He frowned so much. Naruto hated it. 

Naruto looked back at his parents, who nodded. “We’ll come by to see her later, when she’s awake,” Minato offered. Naruto turned to Sasuke once more.

“I… yeah.” He sighed. “I’m coming.”

Mikoto’s room was akin to the one Sasuke had been in after his accident a year and some change ago. Naruto remembered walking into the room, seeing the bandages and the cast around Sasuke’s arm. It _still_ didn’t feel real. His heart had been beating in his throat then, and it was now. Iruka left them to the room, and as soon as the door closed Sasuke was rushing to Mikoto’s side. She was still asleep. Her eyes were shut in a way that made her seem at peace. Sasuke pulled a chair closer to her bed and held her hand first to his lips and then to his chest. Her other arm was where the stitches were. Naruto felt shaky when he glanced at them. So _many_ of them.

“Mommy,” Sasuke mumbled, his voice quavering. His free hand came to push Mikoto’s hair from her face. His fingers stayed for a moment, before running down her jaw, to her shoulder, down her arm and back to her hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him,” he said. He was leaning so close to her that Naruto could barely hear the words Sasuke was saying, despite the fact that they were sitting just inches apart. Naruto knew that this wasn’t about him, it wasn’t _for_ him to know.

“I tried, I tried,” Sasuke was saying, over and over. Like she wouldn’t believe him if he didn’t repeat it. Maybe he was trying to convince himself. “Itachi is coming, he’s coming right now. And soon, we’ll go home again, and we can kiss Dior and watch a movie and do some more studying for your classes.” Sasuke took his glasses off and laid them in his lap. He wiped at his face before scrambling to hold Mikoto’s hand again. Naruto almost felt that he was intruding on this, this moment Sasuke was sharing with his mother. He couldn’t say anything, what was there to say? He didn’t know why Sasuke wanted him back here, until he felt Sasuke’s bandaged palm on his arm. 

“Naruto came too, he’s here,” Sasuke told Mikoto. No part of her responded. Sasuke pressed on with whatever he was trying to say. He sounded like at any moment his voice would give out from his efforts to not succumb completely to his emotions. “He’s here for you, too, just like I am. And his parents, but they’re coming later.” Sasuke looked at Naruto then, with hope so deep in his eyes that Naruto thought he might drown in it. 

“I’m here,” he said with a small nod. He was affirming it to Mikoto, maybe, but his eyes were fixed on Sasuke’s. He watched as Sasuke heaved a small sigh and placed Mikoto’s hand where he thought her heart might be. Sasuke turned to face Naruto then. There was still panic thrumming in Naruto’s veins, but now it was about whatever Sasuke wanted to talk about. 

“I had some idea you’d come around eventually,” Sasuke said quietly, so small. He shook his head a bit. “Didn’t expect you so soon, I didn’t have a plan. Hadn’t thought of what to say.” 

Naruto didn’t have to ask Sasuke what he was referring to. “It doesn’t matter now,” Naruto said. “Nothing matters more than this, than her.” He nodded in Mikoto’s direction. 

“I… know, but everything’s just been eating me alive,” Sasuke said. Naruto saw something in Sasuke’s eyes change, from soft to determined.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” Naruto said. “I don’t think that now is the time.” Not that it hadn’t been eating him alive, too; it had. For days it was all he’d wanted to talk about, and Sakura had finally knocked enough sense in him to get the courage to actually _speak_ to Sasuke about it, but it mattered naught. Naruto didn’t want attention diverted off of Mikoto for his own silly issue.

“Are you sure? You were really worried about it a few days ago. And all semester.”

“I’m sure. Now isn’t the time, today isn’t the day,” Naruto said simply. “It can wait.”

Sasuke nodded slowly, processing what Naruto had said. He played with the tape holding his bandages together, to distract himself, maybe. He put his glasses back on, and they made him look even more like Mikoto. Sasuke’s hair was getting long, like his brother’s. He always cut it when it started to look like this, Naruto remembered. Sasuke gave a small sigh and closed his eyes. Naruto had never wanted anything more than he wanted to hold Sasuke in that moment. 

“Something about this doesn’t surprise me,” Sasuke said to his lap. Naruto hummed in slight confusion. Sasuke answered the question Naruto hadn’t voiced. “I mean. This is my Dad. My _father_ , who has pushed her within an inch of her life more than once,” he explained. “He’s done it before, just different ways. I never thought he’d… go so far,” Sasuke’s voice broke, “but I don’t think I’m surprised. I just hate him.”

“He won’t get away with it,” Naruto said. “I talked to the police, and you will, and she will, and he won’t get away with it.” 

Sasuke looked up at this. “I don’t _want_ her to have to talk to them,” he said. “It’s too much. I don’t want to talk to them either. To even have to speak the words again, of any of the things he’s done to me, to Itachi, to her…” Sasuke’s voice trailed off and his eyes fell in Mikoto’s sleeping face again. “I don’t want to,” he repeated. “I don’t want to, and I don’t want her to.”

Naruto sighed. “Sasuke, do you want him to be out there? He knows where you live, he knows where you go to school. And if he doesn’t, he’s probably got people who will find out for him.” Naruto took Sasuke’s hand from where it was gripping the arm of his chair and held it just as tight. “He could do it again. I think he would do it again, if something doesn’t happen to him. I can’t speak to how hard it would be, to have to say these things to police, and to a jury—”

“I’m not doing that, all those people? And what if we do get up there, tell them the deepest secrets we have, and then they let him go?” Sasuke took his hand from Naruto’s and ran it into his already mussed hair. “If they let him go, do you know what he’d do? That inch of her life would be gone, Naruto.” 

Naruto worried his lip between his teeth. There was nothing he could say to change Sasuke’s mind, not right now. Everything was too fresh. 

The sun was close to the horizon when Mikoto’s bloodwork came back. Mikoto still wasn’t awake, which made Naruto’s nerves feel prickles as he thought about it. “She’s clean,” Iruka said, “and she isn’t pregnant.” He handed Sasuke some papers that were stapled together, just so that he could look at them for a moment. Sasuke flipped through the papers after reading each one carefully, and he handed them back to the nurse without a word.

“There’s a Kushina Uzumaki wanting to visit her… and since you’re saying her husband did this, it would seem that you’re the next of kin right now, since you’re the two of the children in town,” Iruka said. “It usually doesn’t work like that, but we want to make certain that she isn’t in any immediate danger. Your brother was deemed too far away at the moment to make the decision.” Sasuke maybe hadn’t realized this, his role of authority over Mikoto. Or maybe it was the mention of his father, but Naruto saw the way Sasuke’s face turned all grave and serious, and maybe a little scared.

“Let her in,” Sasuke said shortly, and then he turned back to his mother’s face. Iruka stood awkwardly for a moment before scurrying out of the room. Kushina came inside not two seconds later, and she sat on Mikoto’s other side. The _broken_ side. 

“Do you want the room?” Sasuke asked of Kushina. She was taken aback by the question. 

“You don’t have to go, sweetheart,” Kushina said, but Sasuke shook his head. 

“It’s alright. I need some air, anyway,” Sasuke said. “You’re free to stay.” He directed this at Naruto, but Naruto knew better. 

“Take your time, Mom,” Naruto said. He saw the tears threatening to fall from Kushina’s eyes before he’d even stood up. Sasuke had already left the room, but Naruto went around to where Kushina sat and leaned down to hug her tight. So tight that she started clawing at his arms. 

Sasuke was waiting for him right outside the door. Just as it clicked shut, Naruto heard his mother cry out. He winced at the sound. “Are you tired?” Naruto asked. Sasuke looked fit to collapse, but of course he shook his head. So stubborn, Naruto thought with a small roll of his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Sasuke lied. Naruto stood fully in front of Sasuke, lifted his glasses just a bit, and ran his thumb underneath Sasuke’s eyes. He didn’t care that people were filing past them, or that anyone could see them. It wasn’t about anyone else. Inside that room, it had been about Mikoto. Now, out here in the real world, it was about Sasuke.

“You’re _not_ ,” Naruto said, “and that’s ok. Sometimes you can ask for help, ya know.”

Sasuke shook his head, though he made no real efforts to make Naruto stop touching him. “I don’t need any help,” he said with a yawn. Naruto had expected Sasuke to not want to meet his gaze, but Sasuke’s eyes were defiant as they stayed stuck on Naruto’s. 

“You don’t need help out of this shirt?” Naruto asked, taking his hands from Sasuke’s face and holding the hem of Sasuke’s shirt up. “It’s… messed up.”

“You can say bloody, Naruto,” Sasuke said. Naruto sucked in a sharp breath when Sasuke wrenched himself free. “I don’t need help to take off my shirt,” Sasuke said, like a child. He seemed to be making his way back to the lobby, and Naruto only assumed that he was meant to follow.

Before he could stop himself, before he could think about how _stupid_ of a question it was, Naruto caught himself asking, “Are you ok?” and instantly regretting it. 

Sasuke turned around so fast that Naruto nearly bumped into him because he didn’t notice at first. “Am I _ok_? Naruto, my Dad fucking sliced my Mom with a steak knife from our kitchen. No, I am not ok,” Sasuke spit. “I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight,” he said with much less venom. 

“What do you mean?” Naruto couldn’t stop himself from putting a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. He wanted to touch Sasuke’s face again, but he was aware now of where they were and how many random strangers were around them. 

“I can’t go back there, not alone,” Sasuke said. Naruto could hear the panic edging into his voice, more and more with every word he said. “I can’t, I can’t, Naruto. He’ll come, he’ll know that I’m there, and the window’s already broken, he’ll get in again. Won’t matter if I lock the door, he’ll find a way, force himself, and then what’ll I do? He’ll assume I’m talking to the cops, he always just _assumes_ things, he never asks, he just does stuff, and I—”

Naruto decided all at once that it didn’t matter how many strangers there were around them. He held Sasuke’s face in both of his hands and ran his thumbs over the bones of Sasuke’s cheeks. Sasuke made a sound like the air had been knocked out of him, but at least he wasn’t rambling anymore.

“Listen to me,” Naruto said, firm but with care. Sasuke, for once, seemed to be listening. His eyes were wide but he kept his mouth shut. “You can come with us tonight, however long you need, ‘till Itachi gets here or longer. Stop _worrying_ and acting like you don’t need help, like you have no one. You have my Mom, and my Dad. And if all else fails,” Naruto’s voice dropped to a whisper, “and _God_ forbid it does, you have me. Forever. Today, tomorrow, yesterday. For the rest of my life, for all the life I’ve already lived. Until I die. _After_ that.” 

The smile that played across Sasuke’s lips was so tremulous that Naruto thought he’d imagined it. Sasuke’s arms wrapped around Naruto’s shoulders, and Naruto released Sasuke’s face so that he may do the same. “Thank you,” Sasuke whispered into Naruto’s shoulder. He was warm, just the way Naruto remembered. Naruto wished to wipe at his eyes, but crying was alright. Today was strange. 

Sasuke wanted to sit in the car, “only for a little bit.” Naruto felt a part of him wanting to refuse, because he’d heard this before. But the look in Sasuke’s eyes told Naruto that it wasn’t about that, this time. Sasuke shoved himself into the far side of Naruto’s backseat, and Naruto climbed in and closed the door behind him. It was night time now, and the stars were glittering in Sasuke’s eyes when the car light turned off. Maybe it was just the reflection of the parking lot lights above the car, but Naruto could dream. It was cold outside, so Naruto had to lean into the front of the car to turn it on and get the heat going, before returning to where Sasuke was waiting for him. He opened his arms for Sasuke, who was already on his way into Naruto’s personal space. Naruto’s back was against the car door, his face and his fingers were in Sasuke’s hair, and his arm was holding Sasuke loosely about his shoulders.

For ten minutes, Sasuke cried. He just cried. He didn’t try to say any words, or move from where his face was pressed to Naruto’s shirt, or anything. He didn’t try to hide it, and he didn’t try to stop himself until he was finished. Naruto felt choked up as he listened, as he _felt_. He felt Sasuke’s tears on his shirt. He felt Sasuke’s body being wracked with the force of his anguish, his pain. He felt Sasuke’s fingers just barely able to grip his arms because the bandages hindered him, and he thought he might feel the marks Sasuke was leaving when he woke up tomorrow. He felt Sasuke’s sobs against the skin of his neck, sometimes, and against his face at others. Naruto didn’t feel like he was allowed to cry right now, but it was so hard not to. Eventually, Sasuke exhausted himself. He was still so pretty to Naruto, even with his messed up hair and his wet face, even in the dark. Sasuke heaved a few deep breaths, or tried to, before he dug into his pocket and used his inhaler once, twice. Naruto held him the whole time. It was all he could do, all he wanted to do. The only thing he wanted to do forever.

“You s-said I can sleep at y-your house?” Sasuke sniffled hard a few times and then let out a congested sigh. 

“Yes. You can sleep in my bed,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke scoffed and sat up. “No.” He shook his head. “It’s your bed, I’ll sleep on the floor like we used to.” 

Naruto made a face. “You are not sleeping on the fucking floor, you idiot. I’m just gonna… I’ll sleep on the couch.” Naruto shrugged. It wasn’t a problem; he probably wouldn’t end up sleeping very much anyway, but at the very least, Sasuke deserved the better accommodations.

“No,” Sasuke said again, though fast this time. It wasn’t stubborn, it was anxious. “I don’t wanna be alone,” he said quietly. Naruto closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You won’t be alone. I’ll sleep on the floor.” He put his foot down at this.

Kushina called Naruto and asked where he was, and he told her. “Your father and I are going to head home, I think you should, too,” she said. She sounded just as exhausted as Naruto felt.

“Did she wake up?” That was Sasuke, leaning over the center console so that Kushina might hear him better. 

“No,” Kushina sighed, “not yet. I’m starting to wonder if she’s not under anesthesia, and it’s something else.” Sasuke slumped back in the passenger’s seat and stared out the window on the way to Naruto’s house. He didn’t even have to ask his parents if it was alright for Sasuke to be there; they’d assumed he’d be staying. 

“But, wait,” Sasuke said, about halfway there. He put his arm out as though it could stop Naruto from going forward.

“What?”

“Dior is alone,” Sasuke said sadly. “She’s _never_ been alone.”

Naruto grumbled the entire way to Sasuke’s house, but he still went inside to get Dior and the things she might need for a few nights away from home. He didn’t even make mention of Sasuke coming back inside with him. Naruto was ever vigilant this time around, checking for any cars or people he might recognize. Everything was just the way it was the last time he’d seen it, down to Mikoto’s bathroom light still being on upstairs, the glass littering the steps, a drawer being left open in the kitchen that Naruto hadn’t noticed earlier. Sasuke snuck his snake with him, too, but Naruto pretended not to notice the large glass container in the backseat.

Minato promised to wash Sasuke’s shirt when they got to the house, but Naruto shook his head. “He might have to turn it in,” he said. “For evidence.” Sasuke didn’t like the sound of that. He made a big fuss about making sure his snake had a prime place to rest and also absorb the sun, but he still ended up on the desk next to Naruto’s toads. Kushina and Minato retired to their room soon after that, and it left Sasuke and Naruto in his room with Naruto sitting at his desk and Sasuke sitting cross legged on Naruto’s bed with his dog in the middle. 

“So are you tired now?” Naruto asked, watching as Sasuke held Dior up to his face and kissed her squarely between the eyes. 

“No,” Sasuke yawned. He took off his glasses and laid them on the bedside table where Naruto kept things like his keys when he wasn’t using them, and pencils. Sasuke looked down at his shirt, still stained, and then back up to Naruto’s face. 

“You know where it is,” Naruto said when he caught the gist of what Sasuke was asking him without words. He didn’t stay to see Sasuke pull his shirt off, because he was already in the hallway getting things so that he could sleep on the floor. When Naruto reentered his room, he saw Sasuke was already underneath the covers and holding Dior close to his chest. He’d almost forgotten how delightful it was to see Sasuke wearing his clothes. Naruto thought he might regret it, but he knew that Sasuke couldn’t sleep without the window being open, no matter how cold it got. Naruto hooked his fingers beneath the lower sash of his window and shoved it up just a fraction, just enough to put a shiver in his spine when he laid his blankets and pillows out on the floor and got underneath them.

Naruto didn’t realize how plain tired he was until his head hit the pillow. He didn’t know what time it was when he fell asleep, but he knew that it was still night, or maybe morning, when he woke up. Something above him was making sounds, and for a moment Naruto forgot where he was. The angles and perspective of his room were a lot different on the floor compared to the bed. There was a shuffling, though, almost like struggling, that caused Naruto to sit up fast and hit his shoulder on the windowsill. 

It was Sasuke. He was having a nightmare. Dior was at his feet now, probably having retreated from the reach of Sasuke’s arms because they were flailing about. Sasuke was making the faintest whimpering sounds, and the longer Naruto watched, the more like _words_ the sounds became. Sasuke was begging someone to get away from him, to leave something to him instead of trying to protect him. Naruto didn’t know whether or not to wake Sasuke up, because he’d read that you _should_ wake people up, but he’d also read that you _shouldn’t_. He was growing anxious the longer he listened to what must have been Sasuke reliving what had happened that day. 

“Mom, go! ‘Way from here, ‘s ok,” Sasuke mumbled. He was rolling around, so it was harder to hear. “I’ll stop him, he won’t get you.” Over and over, “he won’t get you.” Naruto couldn’t take it, watching Sasuke have this memory playing out in his head in a way he couldn’t escape. He didn’t want to give Sasuke a heart attack, or something, but he couldn’t sit and watch this for two more seconds. 

“Hey, Sauce, hey.” Naruto shuffled across the floor on his knees and leaned over his bed, putting a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. He felt Sasuke’s body tense up, but he didn’t wake. Instead, Sasuke’s face whipped around, though his eyes were still closed, and he reached for Naruto’s arm with a deathly grip. Naruto tried to pull himself free, but Sasuke’s nails were dug into his skin. 

Naruto could see Sasuke’s chest heaving, even in the dark, and he knew what was imminent. He only had two choices; stand there and watch Sasuke have an asthma attack in his _sleep_ , or so something about it. 

It _hurt_ to pull his arm free from Sasuke’s grip. He felt his skin breaking open as he did it. Naruto threw the covers off of Sasuke and dug blindly into Sasuke’s pockets for his inhaler. He sucked in sharp breaths every time a draft ran cold wind over the scratches Sasuke put in his arm, they were deep, but he forced himself not to pay too much attention to that. Sasuke’s hands were curled up into his sleeves now, like a baby, and his breathing never calmed down. Naruto squinted in the dark at the side of the inhaler that must have had instructions, but it was useless. He couldn’t read them. All he could do was shove his first two fingers into Sasuke’s mouth and press the plunger the way he’d seen Sasuke do it a few times. 

Sasuke’s eyes flew open and he inhaled deeply. Naruto sat back on his knees and watched Sasuke recover. Sasuke sat up and touched himself in various places, as though he couldn’t believe it was his own body. He ran a hand over his face and screwed his eyes up in Naruto’s direction. “Naruto?” He rubbed his eyes a few times and leaned over the edge of the bed to touch Naruto’s cheeks, his eyelids, his hair. 

“Yeah, me.” Naruto took Sasuke’s hand from his hairline. “Are you ok?”

“I… guess. I kinda forgot where I was,” Sasuke said. He took another look around the room. “‘S that my snake over there?”

Naruto looked to where Sasuke was pointing. “Yes. You brought him. You’re at my house. In my room, in my bed. In my shirt.” Naruto watched Sasuke sit up and look down at himself and hold the hem of the shirt he was wearing so that he could see it better. He ran slow fingers over the sleeves, which were long, where his own shirt had short sleeves. “Are your parents here?”

“Yes,” Naruto said. “Everyone is here, you and her,” he gestured to the still sleeping Dior, “and your snake, and my toads, and me, and my Mom and my Dad.”

“And my Mom is… in the hospital.” Sasuke closed his eyes and put a hand to his forehead. “The hospital. Because of my Dad.” 

Naruto couldn’t say anything about that.

“Do you remember the summer?”

“What?”

“The summer,” Sasuke repeated. He reached behind himself and slid his glasses on.

“Yes…? What part of the summer?” Naruto wouldn’t have expected Sasuke to be the one to start this conversation, not in a million years. He willed his face to not get so hot, but luckily it was dark and his back was to the window, so hopefully Sasuke couldn’t see it.

“The end.”

“I remember,” Naruto said. “What… about it?”

“Do you remember on my birthday, when I said that my Mom was staying out longer than she needed to?” Sasuke maneuvered himself so that he was leaning over the edge of the bed again, where his and Naruto’s faces weren’t even a foot apart. Naruto was sure that Sasuke could see how red his face was, now. He could probably feel how hot it was, too.

“A little,” Naruto admitted. He’d been thinking about other things that night.

“She was going to see my Dad.” Sasuke’s voice was small. When his hand came out to run into Naruto’s hair again, Naruto closed his eyes. 

“I thought he had, like, a girlfriend,” Naruto said. 

“I don’t know _what_ he has going on,” Sasuke replied. “All I know is that she tried to invite him to my graduation, and we told her no. No one wanted him there.”

“Did he come?”

“No,” Sasuke said. Naruto felt his hand shift when he shook his head. Sasuke’s fingers ran over Naruto’s ear on their way down to his jaw. “She invited him to _dinner_ , and it was awful. He’s not any different, he’s exactly the same. And he _cheated_ on her. I hate him. But, anyway,” Sasuke made himself refocus. “When she was going to see him, I knew it. Something in me said that she was doing something dangerous, but she’s my Mom. She’s a grown up, she has her own business. So I never asked her.”

Naruto opened his eyes when he heard Sasuke’s voice closer to him. “You can’t possibly blame yourself for what happened?”

“I can,” Sasuke retorted. “I was just so wrapped up in… in you, that I didn’t let myself worry about her. I was worried about you coming around, which was really just worrying about me. So many times I could have been checking on her, but I was with you. And it isn’t your fault, she’s _my_ Mom. And you’ve never been able to say no to me.” These words brought the faintest of smiles to Sasuke’s face, but only for a fleeting moment. “That’s what was eating me alive. And I didn’t want to talk about it because I was just always reminded of how selfish I had been.” Sasuke sighed deep. “Itachi told me that I was in denial about something, but I didn’t get it then.”

Naruto sat patiently, because he figured that eventually Sasuke would tell him. There was turmoil in Sasuke’s expression. Naruto could feel it even in Sasuke’s silence that this was going to hurt him to say. 

“I knew from the moment I saw you again, at graduation, that it would be impossible. I tried so _hard_ , you can ask anyone. I did everything I knew how besides cutting you out of my life completely. But how could I live without you? I couldn’t. I can’t.” Sasuke’s hand moved back up and his fingers curled into a fist in Naruto’s hair, drawing him ever closer. Naruto didn’t protest and instead shifted closer than Sasuke was trying to bring him.

“I told Itachi about it, and he said that there was no way I could ever dispel or dispute it. I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.” Sasuke’s tone made it sound like… a bad thing. Naruto didn’t like the thought, the idea that he’d only ever be a burden to Sasuke. 

Sasuke went on slowly to keep his words from breaking too much. “I told him that he was crazy, you know, I can do whatever I want to if I put my mind to it. I _can_ balance getting over you and still talking to you. I _can_ love you and know better. I _can_ invite you over and nothing will happen. But I was lying, I didn’t put my mind to it. I was lying to him, I was lying to me. I was lying to you.” Naruto’s thumb shifted Sasuke’s glasses up the bridge of his nose as he wiped at the corners of Sasuke’s eyes. 

“I just. I didn’t want to have to choose, between what I knew was right and what I wanted so desperately with every fiber of my being.” Sasuke gripped Naruto hard, and the feeling was jarring, but not unpleasant. 

“Me?” Naruto asked eloquently.

“Yes, you. Idiot. Stupid. Forever. Even if we can’t be together. And we can’t.” Sasuke sat up all at once. He was suddenly so far away. Naruto fell back onto his knees with slight dissatisfaction. “Anyway. Then he _caught_ us, and he never let me hear the end of it. He didn’t act one bit like I thought he would. Every day, _I told you so_. He said that he was just waiting for me to realize it, because he’d seen it a mile away. And then he saw it close up.” 

“Did he tell your Mom?”

“No, heavens _no_. She was dealing with enough, clearly.” Sasuke rolled his eyes up to the ceiling before looking down at Naruto again. “Do you really wanna be on the floor?” 

Naruto had never been on his feet faster. He should have known it, or maybe he did know. There’s always something about the way Sasuke was so slick with things, though, that always made Naruto feel like whatever they did was his idea, when it never was. Sasuke fit into Naruto’s personal space so easily. They found ways to fit together like they’d been carved from one piece of something into two. The window being open didn’t matter so much now that Naruto could listen to Sasuke’s heart beat. It put him to sleep.

When Naruto woke up, the sun was high. It was cutting over his eyes, and when he put his hand up to shield himself is when he noticed that Sasuke wasn’t there. His glasses were gone, and Dior was gone, but Aoda was still in his glass shoved tight next to Gamatatsu and Gamakichi. Naruto heaved a sigh of relief at this. Sasuke wouldn’t go anywhere without Aoda, not for long. 

Naruto closed his window and fed his toads before he left his room. He cut his eyes to Sasuke’s snake. He had half a mind to try to feed him, but Naruto only knew one thing Sasuke’s awful snakes ate, and he didn’t want to be down to one toad.

Minato and Kushina were fretting over Sasuke in the dining room when Naruto found them. Sasuke let it happen, so long as he could eat. “Danna, your son is awake,” Kushina called. They were fully dressed, but for what Naruto wasn’t sure. 

“Where are you going?” Naruto asked. He hadn’t been sitting for five seconds before Minato placed some food in front of him. 

“To get his brother from the airport, and take him to see her,” Kushina said. Her fingers were in Sasuke’s hair, making the part in the middle a little more to the left. “So handsome,” Kushina mumbled. Sasuke’s face grew the softest of pinks, but he never protested. 

“Did she wake up?” Naruto asked. Sasuke looked up fast, causing all of Kushina’s hard work to be reversed. She huffed and shook her head. 

“We haven’t gotten any calls,” Kushina said carefully. She didn’t want to say no outright, Naruto could tell. He decided to stop talking and to just eat, so that he didn’t upset anyone. By the time Kushina and Minato left, Naruto had already washed his plate, and he was in his parents’ room, on their bed. He didn’t expect to see Sasuke standing at the doorway after a few minutes, but then again, he never knew what to expect with Sasuke. 

“Itachi is coming,” Sasuke said. He took careful steps into the room. Naruto rolled over onto what must have been Kushina’s side of the bed to allow Sasuke space, should he want to join him.

“I heard,” Naruto said. It wasn’t that he wasn’t glad; he… was. He was happy that now Sasuke might feel safe enough to sleep in his own home now. But he didn’t want Sasuke to go away, and anyway, how safe really was he? Naruto didn’t want to let Sasuke out of his vicinity until he was sure something was going to be done. 

“Means I’ll probably go home.” Sasuke gave up pretending to be shy and fell directly next to Naruto on the bed.

Naruto turned to face Sasuke. “Do you want to go home?” 

Sasuke just shook his head. He seemed out of tears, now, but there was still a great sadness on his face that Naruto wished with everything he had to be able to erase. “Where else would I go, though? He’ll want me there. _Surely_ he won’t want me here if he can have me with him.” Sasuke grumbled under his breath about how unfair it all was. Dior found them after five minutes, and she whined until Sasuke leaned down and got a hold of her. “She really likes you. It’s annoying.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Naruto yawned. He didn’t know why he was still so tired. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he’d woken up in the middle of the night. He glanced at Sasuke and saw that his eyes were closed, too. “Sleepy?”

“Yes,” Sasuke mumbled. He pulled the covers over himself and Naruto, and Naruto almost wished that the window was open. It was _hot_ where their bodies touched, which was basically everywhere. Dior wiggled her way between them, but it didn’t help. Naruto felt the scratches on his arm throbbing, and for a moment he forgot where he’d gotten them. He didn’t mention it when he remembered; the less stressed out Sasuke was, the better.

Naruto didn’t know how long he’d dozed off for when Sasuke started to shake him. “What, what is it? Lower your voice.” Naruto blinked his eyes open and swiped his thumb across his shirt. 

“Itachi just called,” Sasuke said. He was sitting up and his hand was still on Naruto’s shoulder, but he wasn’t shaking him anymore.

“What’d he say?” Naruto sat up, too. Dior jumped hastily onto his lap and Naruto let her shove her face beneath his shirt. He was a little cold now that he didn’t have his arms around Sasuke. 

“She woke up,” Sasuke choked out. “And she had a vision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love the akatsuki, ok, and i realized that there was a sore lacking of them in this universe. i also want to acknowledge that i’ve gotten over 5k hits on my first story, and i would like to sincerely thank anyone who’s stuck with me that long, or even anyone who read that but isn’t reading this. every thing that you all do motivates me to continue writing


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dai nana han  
> but as sasuke and the two people that love him the most

“Naruto. I should have expected you would be here.”

“Itachi, stop being rude.” Her voice was soft, but full.

Naruto stood awkwardly near the door of Mikoto’s hospital room. She was awake now, sitting up and giving him a gentle smile. He could see her stitches, even more pronounced in the light of day against her pale skin. Sasuke sat on that side of her, and Itachi was at the other. Kushina had said once again that she’d let the “kids have their time first,” so she was out picking things up for the house. Naruto was supposed to call her when everyone was finished. 

The drive to the hospital had been nerve-wracking, to say in the least dramatic terms. Sasuke was  _ rushing  _ him, as though there were no traffic laws, and Itachi wasn’t making it any better. Sasuke called him again, and Itachi kept telling Sasuke to hurry, come fast, she wanted to see him. It only incited Sasuke to act worse and worse as the time dragged on, until the point where Naruto felt frazzled before they’d even made it halfway across town.

The stress of it had gone away, though, when he’d laid his eyes upon Mikoto’s, and he saw that she was looking back at him. Her face held that same dreamy expression it always did when she saw Sasuke again after a while. Naruto remembered that look from throughout the years; she would always get it when Sasuke came back home from spending the night. Sasuke had rushed to her just the way he had the day before, held her hand just the same. Only today, she squeezed back. For a moment, it seemed that she could only feel and not see him, because her eyes looked as though she was seeing through him. But then she blinked once, twice, and a smile played across her lips. 

“My baby,” she whispered, so quiet that Naruto barely heard her all the way across the room. Mikoto held Sasuke’s sleeve between her fingers. “Is this yours?”

Sasuke shook his head fast. “No, it’s Naruto’s.” At the mention of him, Mikoto’s attention turned to the far end of the room where Naruto was standing, watching and feeling out of place. Her right hand slipped from Itachi’s grip to beckon Naruto closer. 

“Come here, little one,” Mikoto said sweetly. Naruto shuffled across the room until he was standing at the foot of her bed. She laughed lightly. “No, closer,” she said. Naruto glanced at either side of him. There was Itachi at Mikoto’s right, glaring at Naruto harshly, and there was Sasuke at her left, holding the hand of her fragile arm. Naruto shifted to his right and sat next to Sasuke. At the very least, there would be no hostility on this side of the room.

Mikoto reached for Naruto, and Sasuke moved so that Naruto could get closer. Mikoto’s fingers were delicate as she reached over her body to hold his face. Naruto noticed that her left hand seemed a little weak, now that he was closer. She could barely move her fingers; it was mostly Sasuke that he had seen squeezing her hand and not the other way around like he’d originally thought.

“Thank you for letting Sasuke and Dior stay with you last night,” Mikoto said. Naruto could tell that every word she spoke was taking a toll on her. She had never been so weak in Naruto’s eyes. It wasn’t like her. He felt a sudden flash of hot anger towards Fugaku for having reduced Mikoto to this. All he could do was hope,  _ pray  _ that she got better, no matter how long it took.

Naruto shrugged. “It was the least that I could do to help,” he said. “Aoda came too.”

Mikoto laughed again. “Of course, that old snake.” She turned her eyes to Sasuke, who had never stopped looking at her. “Did you tell Minato and Kushina thank you?”

“Yeah, Mom,” Sasuke said with a sigh. 

Mikoto took her hands from Naruto’s face then. The expression on her face was polite. “I don’t want to send you away, dear one,” she said, “but there’s something I have to tell my sons. Is that alright? You can come right back when I’m finished, if you want.”

Naruto saw Itachi look at him again from across the room. “Uh, yeah. It’s alright.” He figured it was something to do with her vision, and why she’d been asleep so long, so he didn’t press it. Naruto left the room without another word, and he sat in the lobby alone for what seemed like an eternity. His mind was racing with what Mikoto might have seen. 

By now, he knew that visions were about the people that someone cared about the most. Mikoto’s visions were about Sasuke and Itachi. Itachi’s were about Sasuke, too. Sasuke’s were about Naruto. So, at the very least, Naruto knew that Mikoto would have seen something to do with her sons. But for so long? It was the time that was throwing Naruto off. He hadn’t ever been around Itachi when he was out, but he’d known Sasuke’s to only be a few minutes, half an hour at the longest. Mikoto had been asleep for almost 24 hours when she woke up. What could she have been seeing for so long? How much of that was even the vision? And Naruto’s mind went back to what he’d heard nurse Umino say, that she’d been saying something about babies. Babies? Her babies, someone else’s? Naruto shook his head and huffed in general confusion at the situation. He hoped that Sasuke would tell him what Mikoto had said, but he got the feeling that would be difficult with Itachi around. 

Itachi’s attitude toward him was a lot different than Naruto remembered. To be fair, Naruto thought, the last time they’d seen one another hadn’t been under the greatest of circumstances. Naruto felt white hot embarrassment creep up into his veins as he remembered it. Now, knowing that Itachi was onto him only made him less certain of where he stood with him, and Sasuke, too. Sasuke had told him that he would be in love with Naruto for the rest of his life, even if they couldn’t be together. And… they couldn’t? 

Why not? 

Time had been taken. Things had been said, and other things had been realized. Sasuke and Naruto could not live without one another; anyone could see it. And yet, Sasuke was still stating that they couldn’t be together, not even without a label. Naruto knew it had something to do with Itachi, but he didn’t know  _ why _ . Alright, so Itachi had been right. Sasuke was in denial. But that was before, and Sasuke had stopped denying it. Naruto didn’t get why, if they had both seemingly come to terms with the way they felt, and they felt the same, still they couldn’t be together. The fact that Itachi was dictating Sasuke’s decisions  _ again _ , for the millionth time in their lives, made Naruto almost angry. It wasn’t Itachi’s business, not really. Naruto wanted Sasuke to be happy, and it just so happened that they’d be happy together. He didn’t see the problem with it, or why Itachi was so worried about something that really had nothing to do with him. He supposed that since he didn’t have a brother, he couldn’t  _ really  _ say anything, but it was Sasuke’s life, that was the point. Naruto wanted to talk to Sakura more than anything, but Sasuke still hadn’t given him any kind of permission to say anything about it to her. He needed her advice, and he also felt like she needed to know what was happening, as the head of their trifecta. (Naruto had already faced the fact that he’d be lost in this world without Sakura a long time ago. She knew, too.)

Naruto was still stewing in his own thoughts when Sasuke and Itachi both came around the corner. They were wearing starkly different expressions; Sasuke’s was one of annoyance, and Itachi’s was mostly peaceful. Naruto’s eyebrows drew together and he sat up quickly. Sasuke came to stand in front of Naruto, with Itachi behind him.

“Is everything alright?” Naruto asked. He was looking at Sasuke, but Itachi answered. 

“Everything is just fine, now,” Itachi said. He was always so serious. “Tomorrow, the authorities will come and speak with her. Sasuke and I are headed downtown now.” He put a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I suppose that means you may call your mother and tell her that ours is free once more.”

“You’re going to talk to the police, both of you?” Naruto asked. He was surprised, at first, but he figured that at the very least, Itachi could build a case against Fugaku. Establish a pattern, or whatever they called it.

“We are,” Itachi affirmed. He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Thank you for allowing Sasuke refuge in your home for the night.”

“Of course,” Naruto said easily. He could tell by the way Itachi had said  _ for the night  _ that it wouldn’t be the same today. He felt a sort of crushing feeling, like something was being taken away from him and there was nothing that he could do about it. Because something was, and he couldn’t. 

“We’ll be by later to get our pets,” Itachi continued. All the while, Sasuke’s arms were crossed and his face had gone from annoyed to completely angry. “For now, though, we’ll be on our way. Sasuke.” Itachi made a gesture as though for Sasuke to leave in front of him, and Sasuke had no choice but to listen. As Naruto watched them leave, his feeling of sorrow was replaced slowly by one of apprehension. There was something going on here that Naruto couldn’t figure out right now. He didn’t have enough details, and he wasn’t the greatest at sleuthing, anyway. He wished desperately to know what Mikoto’s vision had been about, but hopefully Sasuke would find a way to tell him later. 

Kushina picked up on the first ring when Naruto called. He told her that Mikoto’s room was free now, but that he didn’t want to leave the hospital until she got there. He didn’t trust Fugaku not to try to get in here somehow, and at the very least, if there were visitors in Mikoto’s room, it would make it impossible to disturb her. Naruto waited until he saw his mother to leave. 

Except, he didn’t really know where to go. The only place he could really be at that moment was home. He couldn’t go to Sakura’s, Sasuke was busy, and his father was home, anyway. He could spend more time trying to wrap his head around what was going on with Sasuke and Itachi. 

Minato wasn’t in the kitchen like usual when Naruto got home. Instead, he was in the living room with Dior. “Your friend Sakura called,” Minato said when Naruto came into the room.

“What’d she say?” Naruto kicked his shoes into a corner and fell in a heap on the sofa. 

“She wants to talk to you, she said something about… an update?”

An update on Sasuke. Naruto grit his teeth for a second before nodding. “Thanks, I’ll talk to her.” He stood and sighed. He was halfway up the stairs before he remembered something, and he had to run back down and peek his head around the doorway. “Sasuke and Itachi are coming to get their pets soon,” he said quickly, and then he ran up the stairs and into his room. He had  _ just _ told himself he wouldn’t do this, but… it was a sign. That’s what he told himself as he waited for Sakura to answer his call.

“Hello? Finally, you nerd. Where have you been? Your Dad answered the phone. I didn’t even realize I’d called the house and not you—”

“Sakura, something bad happened, something real bad,” Naruto interrupted her quickly.

She was silent for only a few seconds. “What do you mean? Are you ok?”

“Me? I’m fine, not about me,” Naruto said. He tried not to speak too fast, but repeating the story only made his nerves excited all over again. “I went to Sasuke’s like you told me, right, and I saw when I got there that something was messed up.” Naruto’s eyes caught sight of Aoda across the room, laying on his rock with his eyes fixed on the toads. It just made his heart hurt instead of making him angry like he thought it would, and he ached for Sasuke as he continued the story. “I got there, and a window was punched out. Like, blood on it. Blood on the door. I went in, and no one was downstairs, but Sasuke’s Mom was in her room…” Naruto’s voice trailed off. He felt sick, like he couldn’t say the rest another time.

But Sakura pressed him to continue since he’d gone this far, and so Naruto gulped a deep breath but didn’t bother trying to keep his voice from shaking. Too much effort, one thing at a time. “Sasuke’s Dad hurt her, Sakura.”

On the other end, Naruto thought he heard the sound of a car door closing. “How? Hurt her  _ how, _ Naruto?”

“Don’t make me say it,” Naruto pleaded. 

She didn’t.

When there was a knock on the door downstairs, Naruto unplugged Aoda’s tank and hurried down the stairs as carefully as possible. “That was fast, it took me— oh, hey.” It was Sakura, not Sasuke, standing at the door when Naruto got down the stairs and turned the corner. 

“Where is he? I came as fast as I could.” Sakura made no move to come in. Minato looked over his shoulder fast when she spoke. He seemed relieved to see Naruto. He left his son to Sakura so that he could do some laundry. 

“He’s at the police station,” Naruto said. He adjusted his hold on the snake tank. “Thanks for coming but… why?”

“So we can go to him,” Sakura said, exasperated, as though it were the most obvious thing. 

“Oh.” Naruto grimaced. “The thing is, he told me not to tell you yet.”

Sakura scoffed and swirled her keys around her finger. “Why would he say that?”

Naruto shrugged. “I… don’t know,” he lied. Sakura gave him a hard look and crossed her arms. Naruto’s shoulders sagged. “Because he thought you might tell Ino, and then she’d tell people?”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “She wouldn’t tell something like this,  _ first  _ of all. It’s not school gossip. I’m offended that he’d say that about her. And,” Sakura added, putting a finger up in the air, “I’m  _ doubly  _ offended that he would really not tell  _ me _ something because of someone else. What are we, acquaintances? Not fair.” She put a hand on her hip and watched Naruto struggle to keep the terrarium balanced in his hands. “But I won’t get onto him about that until later. A little later.” Sakura held her fingers just an inch apart to show how much time  _ later  _ would be.

“Can you come in? This thing is fuckin’ heavy.”

“Naruto!”

“Sorry, Dad.”

Naruto plugged the terrarium into the wall in the dining room and placed it between himself and Sakura on the table. 

“So, how is he? How’s everyone?” Sakura asked. She was typing furiously on her phone, but when Naruto didn’t answer she looked up.

“He’s with the police. I hope he doesn’t slap them or something. The officers I talked to were really dumb,” Naruto said with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t know, though. I got a weird vibe from them after they talked to her.” Naruto leaned close so that Minato wouldn’t be able to hear him if he was close by. “She had a vision, and she told them about it, but she asked me to leave. I wasn’t mad or anything. I just hope that Sasuke can tell me what she saw. I feel like Itachi is watching him really closely.”

“They’re brothers, what do you expect? How long was she out for?” Sakura asked.

“Uh… like. A whole day,” Naruto said. He ran a finger up his arm to show Sakura where Mikoto’s injury was. “She got stitches all the way up to here.”

Sakura winced. “Goodness.” She shook her head. “His Dad did that?” 

Naruto nodded.

“He told me over the semester that she was going to see him. I thought he meant with, like, lawyers. To move the divorce along.” Sakura said the last part with her hands moving in a circle. “I can’t believe this. What do you think she saw?”

Naruto watched Sasuke’s snake as it woke up and started to move around. “I really have no idea,” he said. “Except, one of the nurses said that she kept saying  _ baby _ . But that’s all I know. What baby, who baby? I just have no idea about anything. I wish this was over already. I wish it hadn’t  _ happened _ .”

“I wish I’d known sooner,” Sakura said. Naruto looked at her flatly through the glass of the terrarium. “ _ But _ ,” she said, holding her hands up, “I guess I can understand why he didn’t want to tell me. It’s hard to say.”

“I don’t think he would have told me if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes,” Naruto said. Sasuke was secretive to begin with, especially about things to do with his family, and  _ especially  _ about things to do with his father. There were still things, ten or so years later, that Naruto didn’t know about, and that he’d given up on trying to find out. He didn’t think he’d ever pry everything out of Sasuke, no matter how hard he tried.

“All we can do is hope,” Sakura sighed. “Hope and wait.” 

_ Waiting  _ was the hardest part. Naruto and Sakura took Dior outside and Kushina came home before they heard anything from Sasuke and Itachi. It had taken so long because Sasuke had a hard time repeating what had happened. Naruto frowned when he heard this; he remembered Sasuke saying something like that yesterday. He wished he could have been there, at least for moral support, but he had watched the crime shows and he knew that if witnesses talked it made the case look bad. Or something like that. Naruto was basing a lot of this experience off of what he’d seen on TV, because he’d never had to go through something like this before. It was one of those things that happens only to other people and never you. Except, it was happening to him now, and he was completely unprepared.

Just as promised, Itachi and Sasuke came by the house to get Dior and Aoda. Naruto tried to figure out Sasuke’s face, but he couldn’t. Mostly because Itachi asked Sasuke to stay in the car, and so Naruto could only go off of what he saw in the car window, but Naruto also thought it had something to do with the fact that his mind was still working on such high energy, and he was missing something.

“Thank you, Mr Namikaze,” Itachi called out. Minato looked down from the second floor with a full basket of laundry in his hands. 

“No need to thank us,” he said, shaking his head. “We didn’t want him to feel unsafe or afraid. Plus, I think Naruto was happy to see him.” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. 

At the mention of him, Itachi turned to Naruto as though he hadn’t noticed him before that moment. Sakura was at the kitchen table again with Aoda, watching Naruto with intense eyes to see if she should get up. Naruto cut his eyes to her before looking to Itachi again. He tried to keep a straight face and to not say anything unless something was said to him.

“Thank you again, for taking care of my brother,” Itachi said. Dior was wiggling around under his arm, until he put a palm to her head and she calmed down.

Naruto shook his head. “It’s just like Dad said. We wanted him to feel safe.” Itachi nodded. Naruto waited with growing impatience for Itachi to get to whatever point he was trying to make, because there was clearly a reason why he’d been the only one to come in here. 

“I’m sure Sasuke wasn’t able to tell you yet, so I will,” Itachi said, finally. At this, Sakura flew out of her seat and came to stand next to Naruto so fast that she almost knocked him over. Itachi’s eyes got wide when he saw her. “Oh, Sakura. I didn’t know you were here.”

Sakura waved her hand to dismiss this. “I am here,” she said simply. “What is it that Sasuke didn’t tell him?” Her arms crossed and her foot was tapping.

Itachi seemed a bit reserved to mention it in front of Sakura. He looked between the two of them a few times before he spoke. “After the mess with the police is handled, and my Mother is safely out of the hospital, I’m going to be taking them… on a trip.”

“A trip? Where? They both have school,” Sakura said. She had never been afraid to challenge Itachi when they were little, and time had not made a difference. Especially not when it was something so important, and to do with Sasuke.

“Of course I am aware of their coursework and how important their degrees are,” Itachi said. “The semester is over, however, and I won’t have them away for long.”

Naruto and Sakura looked at each other. She raised an eyebrow, and he lifted one of his shoulders in a shrug. “Can we talk to Sasuke? He needs to get his snake,” Sakura tried. Itachi looked over his shoulder out the still open door, where Naruto could just barely make out that Sasuke was looking out the window of the passenger’s side.

“I suppose. But only a short while, we have things to do at home.” Itachi left them then, and in a few minutes his presence was replaced by Sasuke’s. As soon as he got close enough, Sakura wrapped him up in a hug so tight that his face got red. 

“You can be mad at him later,” she said, once she saw the look that Sasuke had fixed Naruto with. “And we can all talk about it. But for now, what the fuck, dude? You’re leaving?”

Sasuke huffed. There were new bandages on his hands, Naruto noticed as he reached up to fix his glasses. “I don’t know what he’s got planned,” Sasuke said. He looked so distraught. Naruto could still tell that there was something not being said, and now it seemed that it wasn’t even being said to Sasuke. He really hated not knowing what was going on. Now, Sasuke was  _ leaving _ ? Something wasn’t adding up.

“How long will you be gone for?” Naruto asked. Sasuke shrugged. 

“He says that we won’t have to worry about school, whatever that means. I don’t know what kinda strings he’s pulling. I wish he’d just tell me what he’s doing. Or  _ ask  _ me first. I’m not some baby, or his kid. I’m an adult now, too.” Sasuke grumbled something about how it was all so annoying, and how he wished for it to be over. “Anyway,” he sighed. “I’ll try to make sure you guys know what’s going on. At least as much as I know. Where’s my snake?”

Sakura and Naruto watched Sasuke and Itachi leave from the door. It made less sense the more Naruto thought about it, so he tried to push it out of his mind, but of  _ course  _ Sakura wanted to talk about it now more than ever. They were in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed. Both of them were holding their heads in their hands, until Sakura sat up fast and huffed out a breath. 

“I don’t like it,” she said. Naruto looked up. “I don’t like it one bit,” she repeated. 

“What?”

“He’s doing something,” Sakura said, rather than answering Naruto’s question. She sprang up from where she had been sitting and started pacing in front of him. “I mean, it’s just so weird,” she said, mostly to herself. “Something terrible happens and all of a sudden they’ve got to go? So  _ fast _ ?” 

Naruto laid out on his bed and didn’t bother taking off his shoes. He faced the ceiling, though every once in a while he turned his head to watch Sakura walk back and forth. “I don’t like it either,” he offered. She wasn’t listening.

“It’s obviously got to do with Itachi, and I don’t know why. He wasn’t here, he’s always so far away. Sasuke only sees him, what, three times a year, or something? And now he’s just going to  _ whisk  _ him away—”

“Wait, wait, say it again?” Naruto sat up on his elbows. Sakura stopped pacing and put her hands on her hips.

“Three times a year?” 

Naruto shook his head and gestured for her to go back farther. 

Sakura hummed. “He’s far away?” 

Naruto sat up all the way and snapped a few times. “Yeah, that. Did he say  _ where  _ he was taking them?”

Sakura’s eyebrow quirked. “He… didn’t. He just said a trip. A trip? A vacation? A trip for what? Sasuke belongs here,” Sakura rambled, but now Naruto wasn’t listening. He remembered the look on Sasuke’s face when they’d met him in the lobby; it was  _ angry _ . And then, after an hour or so, there was helplessness. Sasuke didn’t know what was happening, Naruto could chalk it up to that, but that didn’t seem right either. Maybe it was just that he knew he couldn’t do anything about it, whatever it was.

“I think he knows what’s happening. Where they’re going, how long he’s gonna be there. I think Itachi told him all that stuff, but he told Sasuke not to tell  _ us.” _ Naruto made space for Sakura to sit on the bed again. 

“Where do you think he’s gonna take them?” Sakura asked wearily.

“I don’t know,” Naruto sighed. “All I know is that I don't like the sound of it. Don’t worry about school? They’re both students here. Do you think that means they’ll be back before the semester starts?”

Sakura made a thoughtful sound. “Let’s just hold onto hope that they’ll be back by then,” she said after a while. She stood then, and stretched. “I have to go see Ino,” she announced. 

“Why? Are you gonna tell her?” Naruto asked frantically. 

“I’m going to see her because I love her? I’m feeling really weird right now, and she knows the right things to say. I like being around her, she makes me happy. I’m not gonna gossip to her, Naruto,” Sakura said angrily. “I might tell her, but only because it’s  _ crazy _ . I’m not going over there with the intent to have this spread across the whole town. I’ll see you later. Hopefully he can talk to us before then.”

Naruto stood because he wanted to apologize, but Sakura was already thundering down the stairs. She passed by Minato on her way out, and he looked up at Naruto from the ground floor when she slammed the door. He shook his head and clicked his tongue before going back to the kitchen. Naruto didn’t have very much time to feel bad for himself. He was exhausted, and as soon as he took his shoes off he fell onto his bed with his clothes on and passed out.

It could have been five minutes, or it could have been an entire day later before Naruto woke up. The sun looked to be in the exact same place as it had been when he’d closed his eyes. He squinted around his room for the sound that had woken him up. It took him rolling on top of it for him to realize that his phone was ringing. 

“Hello?” Naruto yawned. He sat up and then put his phone on speaker so that he could move around his room and change. He was tired of wearing these outside clothes. He noticed Sasuke’s soiled shirt on the floor next to his bed. The sight of it caused a deep pain to form in his chest. 

But it went away when he heard the voice on the other end. “Hello?”

It was Sasuke. Naruto didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but he surely hadn’t been expecting Sasuke so soon. 

“Sauce? Are you ok? How’s your Mom?” Naruto dove back onto his bed and grasped his phone tight.

“Slow down,” Sasuke said. “I’m ok and she’s ok. Itachi is spending the night with her,” he explained. 

“What day is today?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke snorted. “It’s tomorrow,” he said. “It’s Wednesday.”

“I was asleep for an entire day,” Naruto complained. “No one woke me up. They probably ate without me.”

“Oh, boohoo,” Sasuke mocked. “There’s no way to wake you up, anyway,” he pointed out. “You sleep like a bear.”

“That is  _ rude _ ,” Naruto said. He bit his thumbnail for a moment. “Sakura’s feelings are hurt.”

“I know,” Sasuke sighed. “She told me that she’s available to talk to me whenever I need her, but she… was mad. She only said it because she knew she had to. She is too good to us.”

“We’re really dumb sometimes,” Naruto agreed. “But she never gets tired of us.”

“She does get tired of us,” Sasuke argued. “It’s just that she loves us so much.”

Naruto hummed in response and dug around in his side drawer for some socks. He turned his head up to see the map Sasuke had made him, still in nearly perfect condition. He had to add a pin for Chapel Hill soon, he thought, but not right now. He didn’t even really want to. He wanted Sasuke to do it.

“Naruto?” Sasuke’s voice brought Naruto back into reality. 

“Yes?”

It took Sasuke a while to muster up the courage to ask the question. “Do you think that you could… come over here?”

“What? For what? Did I leave something?” Naruto asked. 

“No, you didn’t leave anything,” Sasuke said with exasperation. 

“What is it, then?”

“I don’t want to be alone.” Sasuke’s voice was smaller and a lot less harsh than before. “Will they let you sleep over here for the night, your parents?”

“I’m sure they will,” Naruto said. “What’ll your brother do when he comes home and he sees me in your room?”

“I… don’t care,” Sasuke said after a long moment. “It doesn’t matter. He’s snatching me away from you, anyway, so he should mind his own business. He’s already going to get what he wants.”

_ What he wants.  _ What did he want? Naruto’s general suspicion at Itachi was drudged back up at Sasuke’s words. He decided he’d just save it for when he got over there. 

“Can I invite Sakura?” Sasuke asked.

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s your house.” It was better, anyway. At least, with Sakura around, there would be no risk of them doing something they shouldn’t. “She was going to see Ino the last time I talked to her.”

“Yesterday?”

“Shoot, you’re right. I’m coming.”

Naruto shuffled down the hall to his parents’ room and busted in the door without knocking. Minato was sitting with his back to the headboard, reading a book. His face was green with the skin cream he always put on before bed, and his hair was held back from his face by a thick headband. Naruto used to think it was ridiculous, but he was used to it now. Kushina was in the closet picking out clothes, and she peeked her head out of the door when she heard the door open. “Naruto, why do you never knock? I could be naked,” Kushina said with annoyance. “What do you need?”

Naruto made a face. “Sasuke asked me and Sakura to go be with him, since his brother is spending the night at the hospital. I was just coming to tell you that I’m leaving for the night,” he said. Minato closed his book and laid it on his lap.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Minato asked with concern.

“Why would it be a bad idea?” Naruto shot back. 

Kushina came out of the closet after having chosen her outfit for work the next day. “Don’t be rude,” she said. She went over to the bed and climbed in next to her husband. “We just don’t know how safe you’ll be, over there,” she explained. “And we’re worried about you spending so much time with Sasuke when he’s going through something so traumatizing.”

“ _ Why? _ ”

“The amalgamation of yours and his emotions isn’t healthy, sometimes, Naruto. And spending so much time together when he’s going to be gone soon isn’t ideal, either. You know how you get when you miss him.” Minato sounded as though he meant well, but his words only served to make Naruto feel indignant. 

“We’re fine together,” Naruto said defensively. “I don’t even know what that word means,” he added. He said nothing to the part about how he got when he missed Sasuke. It would be much too embarrassing to try to defend himself against something that was so obviously true that even his parents could see it. “I’m sure that Itachi and Mikoto would be glad that we’re going over to make him feel safe. That’s what it’s about, making sure he feels safe. Me and Sakura will do whatever we have to.” He checked the time on his phone. “We won’t even be awake for long, it’s already getting close to midnight. I’m leaving.”

Naruto didn’t wait to hear what other nonsense his parents would try to say. He didn’t  _ care  _ if they said it wasn’t healthy. He didn’t care if they were right. Sasuke needed him, and that’s what mattered. Sasuke had gone to unfathomable lengths for Naruto, and it was time for Naruto to pay back a fraction of the favor. Staying with Sasuke tonight was the least he could do.

Sakura called and asked if he could pick her up on his way, so Naruto stopped by her house first. He hastily put some clothes into his passenger’s seat for the next day, just in case, and Sakura threw them behind her into the back when she got into the car. She crossed her arms as soon as her seatbelt was buckled. She didn’t want to talk to him, he figured, she was just doing this for Sasuke. Naruto hoped that he would get the chance to apologize to her before the night was over.

“Sasuke said something weird,” Naruto said into the silence. It was killing him. 

“What.” Sakura didn’t turn to look at him, but she was listening.

“He said that Itachi was getting what he wanted, by taking him and Mikoto away,” Naruto called. “What does it mean, what does Itachi want?”

Sakura sighed. “We don’t know enough to try to figure it out,” she said. Naruto supposed she was right. But that didn’t stop him from trying to figure it out.

Sasuke was waiting for them at the door by the time they got there. “Gah, finally. I made us a thing!” Sasuke said.

“A thing?” Sakura asked. 

“On the floor in the living room,” Sasuke explained. 

“Ah. A thing. Thanks, dork.” Naruto shook his head on his way past Sasuke into the house. He felt his heart beating strangely. Sasuke was so perfect. Naruto just felt happy that Sasuke was being himself after all of the things that had happened in the last few days.

They situated themselves on the floor once they were all in sleep clothes, with Sasuke in the middle. “To protect you, of course,” Sakura said. Every comforter and pillow in the house was put to the creation of their ‘thing,’ and Naruto nearly forgot that they were on the floor after a while, until he spilled something and had to clean it up.

“I have to tell you guys something,” Sasuke said. He was already squinting because he wasn’t wearing his glasses. 

“Where you’re going with your brother?” Sakura asked hopefully.

Sasuke’s eyes shifted to the side and he shook his head. “My Mom’s vision.”

“I’m very interested, believe me,” Sakura said, “but can we  _ please  _ have something to drink? Can I?”

Sasuke made a face. “Aren’t you, like, going to med school? You know that shit will kill you.”

Sakura was already up and had pushed the wooden barn door that separated the living room from the kitchen open. “This week has already been crazy, Sasuke, and it doesn’t help that no one wanted to tell me anything,” she said over her shoulder before digging around in the fridge and the cabinets. Sasuke knew he couldn’t stop her. He watched from the floor while Naruto was perched on the sofa. 

Naruto wasn’t paying very much attention to Sakura, anyway. He was thinking about what his father had said, about… whatever word he’d used. The parts of the sentence that he did understand did not make him happy. Spending time with Sasuke when he was leaving soon was exactly what Naruto felt was the right thing to do. It was the only thing he could do.

Sakura came back from the kitchen with a glass of something brown and Sasuke rolled his eyes hard. “Only two,” he said with finality.

Sakura rolled her eyes and took a sip. She waved a hand in the air after she’d sat on the sofa next to Naruto. “Go on, tell us what she saw.” Naruto turned to face Sasuke, too, leaning forward.

Sasuke’s hands were in his lap until Dior came to sit there. “Well, she said that most of the time she was asleep she was actually out. The anesthesia wore off when they said it would, and then she had her vision, and then she doesn’t remember seeing anything.” 

“She said that it started in the spring, and I was excited about something. I had been invited to a wedding, or something. She didn’t know who. But I was telling her that I hoped it was beautiful, and then this  _ kid  _ comes out of someplace. It wasn’t this house, it was somewhere else. Somewhere less hot in the spring and summer.” Sasuke shrugged quickly to make himself stop rambling. “So, anyway, the kid comes out of a door and he’s got these green eyes and hair just like me, and I feel… familiar, when I look at him. I know him, he’s mine.”

“Your kid? You’re gonna have a  _ kid _ ?” Sakura exclaimed loud after taking another large swig of her drink. “Lucky.” 

Naruto’s eyes had been wide from the moment Sasuke said the word. With  _ who _ , he wanted to know, and when. And why. And how. But mostly who.

“I guess,” Sasuke said. “He looked like me, alright.  _ He _ .” Sasuke made a soft sound, and his face held an expression of longing. “Anyway,” he forced himself to go on, “he asks if he can come and I told him no because he was too little. So very little, he could just barely walk all the way straight. I felt bad to have to leave him and be without him, but she promised to take care of him. And she said that she would call his  _ Mom  _ if she needed help. Someone is going to have my baby.” Sasuke shook his head.

“Is that what she was talking about when she was saying  _ baby  _ before?” Naruto asked. He had to force himself to engage in the conversation to mask his jealousy. This was the opposite of what he wanted to hear, really. 

But Sasuke shook his head again. “No, that was about me,” he said. “She was worried about me. The last thing she’d seen before she passed out was my face. She wanted to know if I was safe, but all she could think to say was ‘my baby,’ and all she could actually get out was ‘baby.’”

“I can’t believe it, it isn’t fair.  _ You _ , the first of the three of us to ruin the world with our spawn! It’s not fair at all,” Sakura said grumpily. Naruto slid across the couch and took her cup from her.

“That’s enough for you,” he said, placing it on the end table at his side of the sofa. He turned to Sasuke again. “Was that all? And, like, when was this?”

“It was in quite a few years from now, I think. She said I looked close to 30. That is so old,” Sasuke said with awe. “30. But, no, there was a little more. She asked if I had seen you recently, and I said not really. Not since some reunion. High school, I guess. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m going to go to that. I hate those people.”

“She asked about me?” Naruto was a little surprised, but Sasuke nodded. 

“Yes, you, stupid. She asked if I was going to ask you to be my  _ date  _ to this wedding I was invited to, and I said no. I think that… we had been apart a long time,” Sasuke admitted. “Like, a really long time. Something happened and it wasn’t just us taking  _ time _ , there was space involved. A lot of space away from… each other. If that makes sense.”

“It does not,” Sakura said. She was leaning on Naruto’s shoulder. Her body was all warm. Naruto was glad he’d taken her drink from her.

“Like, we spent time in different places. We grew apart,” Sasuke said. “Dunno. She said that I really seemed put off that she’d even asked about you.” 

“Sounds like you guys are going to break  _ up _ ,” Sakura said. “For realsies.” She tried to reach over Naruto to get to her cup, but Naruto beat her to it and drank all the rest in one gulp.

“No  _ more _ ,” he said sternly. There were a lot of things he wanted to ask, wanted to  _ know _ , but what else was there, really? Sasuke would move on, have a  _ family,  _ and be so uninterested in him that he wouldn’t even want to have a conversation about him. Naruto’s hand balled into a fist in his lap. “I’m tired, can we get on the thing?” he asked Sakura. She threw her body down into the floor and made no room for Sasuke to be in the middle of them.

“You’re gonna be a Dad, Sauce,” Sakura laughed. “I wonder who the poor sap will be.” 

Sasuke shoved her out of the way. “Let’s just hope they’re nothing like you.” He squinted up at where Naruto was sitting. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Yeah,” Naruto sighed. He almost tripped on Sasuke’s ankle on his way to the other side of the floor, where Sasuke was holding the blankets open for him. 

When they were all underneath the covers, both Sakura and Naruto wrapped themselves around Sasuke by instinct. Naruto closed his eyes and pressed his face into Sasuke’s hair. He felt Sakura’s fingertips brush his arm as she wrapped hers around Sasuke’s middle. Dior was at Sasuke’s feet. He tried not to think too much about what Mikoto had seen, but in the silence and the dark (Sasuke whined about the lights until Naruto groaned loud and stood to turn them off), it was all he could think about. 

Broken up, for real. Sasuke was going to  _ move  _ on. Sasuke wasn’t going to love him anymore. He was going to finally,  _ finally  _ come to his senses and realize that Naruto was a lost cause. It was the worst of the worst case scenarios. Naruto shivered when he felt Sasuke’s breath on his neck. He blamed it on the fact that there was a hole in a window a few feet from him, and he made a mental note to remind Sasuke about that tomorrow. Naruto was trying very hard not to cry when he heard Sasuke whisper something to him.

“You know how my Mom told me about changing destinies?” Sasuke asked. Sakura was already asleep, so he was making sure not to be too loud and wake her. Naruto blinked his eyes open and nodded in response. Sasuke bit his lip, Naruto could see it even in the dark. “I thought I wanted to change mine,” he said. “But now I want to change it back.”

Naruto stopped trying not to cry and just did. Sasuke wiped at his face, but it was hopeless. “You’re going to get r-rid of me,” Naruto breathed.

Sasuke shook his head just an inch. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m never going to get over you. I’m going to love you for the rest of my life. Nothing is going to change that. Not even me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more clues about kenny?? of course


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate school

Sasuke woke the two of them up through the night a few times. The first few times, he was having nightmares. He would flail his arms and kick his legs; he slapped Naruto’s face a few times, which was what usually woke him up. Naruto and Sakura would wrap themselves ever tighter around him, telling him it was alright and that he didn’t need to be afraid anymore. Sometimes, he woke up to go to the bathroom, and they would worry over him when he wasn’t there. The very last time, Sasuke was waking for good. The sun still wasn’t up, but it usually wasn’t when Sasuke woke up. 

When Naruto opened his eyes again, he was alone on the… thing. Not even Dior had shoved herself next to him somehow. He thought it was alright, really. It was still so warm from the bodies of his friends and all of the covers and pillows that he thought maybe he could just go back to sleep and live in this nest forever. He hoped Mikoto didn’t mind. 

Oh, fuck.  _ Mikoto _ . 

At the thought of her, Naruto bolted upright and looked about him. He was in Sasuke’s house, and he could hear sounds from the kitchen. When he laid back down with slight exhaustion, he could smell the scents of his friends lingering in the covers. And the dog. Naruto forced himself to stand and to follow the sounds he heard, which led him to the kitchen. 

Sasuke and Sakura were both in there, he found. They were chatting in quiet tones, while Sakura was at the stove mixing some things together. When Naruto opened the door all the way, Dior came flying out, and he saw when he turned his head to look over his shoulder that she turned in a few circles and laid in a ball in the direct spot where Sasuke’s head had been the night before. 

“You’re finally awake,” Sasuke said, this time without whispering. He stood from where he’d been sitting and came over to Naruto. The feeling of Sasuke’s arms sliding around his neck was not a new one, but it still caused a blush to come to Naruto’s cheeks.

“You should brush your teeth,” Naruto said stupidly. Sasuke rolled his eyes. 

“You should  _ shut up _ ,” Sasuke retorted, but he didn’t move away. Not until Sakura banged something on the stove loudly. 

“Excuse me,” she said, as though it had really been an accident.

“ _ You  _ are excused.” Naruto felt Sasuke moving away from him and he watched Sasuke go back to where he’d been sitting. 

“We have a lot to do today,” Sakura said in that tone of voice she used when she was trying to parent them.

“What? I didn’t know that  _ we  _ had anything planned,” Sasuke said with confusion. Naruto came to sit next to him at the table, and they both watched Sakura cook for them. 

“We don’t have plans, per say,” Sakura said, “not set ones. I just want to spend time with you guys, doing all the things we used to do. Before we had to grow up.” She sighed. “Do you guys have any fruit? I can’t find it.”

While Sasuke got up to help Sakura rifle through the fridge, Naruto continued the conversation from where he sat. “So what do you wanna do first? It’s still dark outside.”

Sakura shrugged. “I don’t know. We don’t have to figure it out until later. Whenever Itachi gets back, so he can watch the house.” She thanked Sasuke for helping her find what she was looking for, and then he returned to his seat. “And I want to exhaust myself of the two of you before Sasuke leaves,” she added, “whenever that may be. He made it sound so  _ soon _ , I’m afraid that I won’t get to spend enough time with you. And I’ll miss you even more than I already do when I’m only two hours away.”

“After we eat… can we go back to sleep? For some reason, I think I kept waking up,” Sasuke said. Naruto and Sakura exchanged a look and both simultaneously decided not to mention it.

“We can do that,” Naruto agreed. Anything for Sasuke. He wanted Sasuke to be comfortable for as long as they were there; he also wanted Sasuke to keep asking them for help, because he  _ never  _ did. Even when he really, really needed it.

Sakura made them all biscuits, as well as fruit and yogurt, with some kind of nuts she’d found in the cabinets that Sasuke insisted were not peanuts. Naruto still picked them off of his because he was allergic. “I’m surprised that you care enough to do that,” Sakura remarked from the other side of the table.

“I don’t want to go into…” 

“Anaphylactic shock,” Sasuke supplied.

“Yeah,” Naruto nodded, “that.”

Sakura rolled her eyes and pointed at him with her fork. “It’s never stopped you before,” she pointed out, and he didn’t argue because she was right. Naruto was very flippant about the things that he was allergic to, because he’d never died before, he used to say, so what’s the problem. Of course, everyone around him would point out that the  _ problem  _ was that some of his allergies were actually life threatening, like bee stings and treenuts. And certain antibiotics. And a lot of other things.

When they finished eating, Sasuke insisted that he wash the dishes so that there was no trace of Naruto and Sakura having been in the house. “He’s going to complain,” Sasuke explained, “if it seems ‘dirty.’ “Oh,” he’d say, “you let people in here and they don’t even clean up after themselves.” He’s very annoying these days. And bossy.”

They had retired back to their nest on the floor when Naruto posed Sasuke a question. “You said that he’s bossy?”

Sasuke nodded. His eyes were closed. Sasuke took his glasses from his face and placed them on the shelf next to the TV so that he could properly sleep when the time came. “Yeah,” Sasuke yawned. “He just keeps telling me what to do. Like I’m not an adult, too. We’re two adult people. We have our own lives now. Of course, he’s probably just… stressed out. I am stressed out. But I’m not being  _ bossy _ .”

Naruto nodded along with what Sasuke said, though Sasuke couldn’t see him. He looked over Sasuke’s body at Sakura. Her face looked just like what his mind felt. “Did he  _ ask  _ if you wanted to go somewhere with him? Or he just said that you’re going?”

Sasuke scrunched his face up and turned on his side so that his back was to Sakura. “He said we’re leaving,” he mumbled. “He didn’t ask. He said he’s already got some basic plans in place.” Sasuke yawned again. “Can we talk about this later? No more talking. I’m sleepy.”

Naruto conceded and stopped his questions, but he was still thinking. It still didn’t all add up. There were so many pieces that didn’t fit together properly, and he felt that if Sasuke would only answer his questions, they’d get somewhere. They couldn’t help him if they didn’t know the whole situation. Naruto didn’t know when he’d have another opportunity to ask, but Sasuke was already asleep. Naruto wouldn’t risk Sasuke waking up and hearing him and Sakura talking about him, so he closed his tired eyes and allowed the sound of Sasuke’s breathing to lull him back to sleep for the moment.

Of course, it was Itachi that woke them up the second time. He burst into the door loudly, talking about how they definitely needed to fix that window. Dior jumped up from Sakura’s feet and ran to Itachi. The sound of her nails on the floor was what really forced Naruto away from the edge of sleep. He saw Itachi’s eyes on the three of them, and he realized how silly they must have looked, the way he and Sakura were holding onto Sasuke so tight. Naruto didn’t care, though, and he tried to close his eyes again, but Sasuke was attempting to wiggle free from their grip. He crawled across the floor to his glasses and put them on.

“You didn’t tell me you’d be having company, Sasuke,” Itachi said. He looked slightly disheveled himself, but Naruto knew it was only because he’d been sleeping at the hospital. 

Sasuke shrugged. Naruto rolled over to fit himself next to Sakura when Sasuke got up to help Itachi carry whatever it was that he had brought home. “I didn’t think I’d have to tell you. Since I live here.” Sasuke’s words were fading as he said them, because he and Itachi were going into the kitchen with the bags. Naruto could just barely hear it when Sasuke admitted that he simply didn’t want to be alone last night.

“It’s all so weird,” Sakura mumbled into Naruto’s chest. “He’s acting like Sasuke is  _ his _ .”

Naruto nodded. “We can talk about it later,” he said. He didn’t want Sasuke nor Itachi to think that they were talking about them, even if they were. It could wait. Naruto didn’t even try to hear what else Itachi and Sasuke were saying, because he was still much too tired to strain himself like that. He grumbled into Sakura’s hair with deep annoyance when the door to the kitchen was slid open loudly once again.

“I don’t see why  _ not _ ,” Sasuke was saying defiantly. Itachi seemed exasperated, and he’d only been in the house for ten minutes. Sasuke came to sit over Naruto and Sakura, as though to defend them from his brother. They were both still more than halfway asleep, but Naruto appreciated it all the same.

“Will their parents let them? And don’t you think  _ we  _ have things to do?” Itachi was put off by their nest, Naruto could tell by his face. He picked his way across the blankets carefully until he reached a chair to sit in. 

“Their parents will let them,” Sasuke said. He put a hand on Naruto and Sakura’s shoulders in turn. “Right guys? Your parents will let you stay another night?” They each nodded without opening their eyes. “See, there. So it will be fine.”

“But there are still things that must be taken care of,” Itachi pointed out, “that don’t involve them.” 

“I don’t care very much about that,” Sasuke said. “I mean. These are  _ your  _ plans to take me and Mom away from here, right? So… you do it.” Sakura snickered into Naruto’s shirt, and Naruto did nothing to suppress the small grin that came to his face. 

Itachi didn’t say anything in reply to this, but Naruto thought he must have gotten up and scooped up Dior, because the chair shifted, and she squeaked. “Fine,” he said eventually. “But only one more night. And tomorrow, you have to start packing. It would be even more helpful if they helped you today, but, um.” Naruto flicked his eyes open to see Itachi gesturing to the two of them still nearly asleep in a heap on the floor. “I don’t think that they’ll be of any real use.” Naruto’s eyebrows drew together as he closed his eyes again. He waited until he couldn’t hear Itachi’s feet on the stairs anymore before he sat up. He tried to bring Sakura up with him, but she refused to even open her eyes.

“Bossy is not the word for that,” Sakura said from her place on the floor, cutting the silence. 

“Hm?” Sasuke scooted closer until he was sitting directly next to Naruto. Naruto welcomed his proximity by allowing him to play with Naruto’s fingers in his lap. “What do you mean?” Sasuke asked of Sakura.

She sighed heavily and sat up. “You said before that he was being bossy. And then we asked if he’d asked if you wanted to go somewhere, or if he’d just told you that you’d be going. That isn’t bossing, Sasuke. That’s controlling.”

Sasuke scoffed. “No, it isn’t,” he said. “He’s got more money, he has a plan. He wouldn’t ever hurt me, not on purpose. If he thinks that taking me and Mom on a trip will be good, then it probably will be.” 

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, Sauce. I don’t know a lot, and I certainly have never had a brother, but I’ve watched a  _ lot  _ of TV movies. This is the set up for something bad, something awful. You’re not going to be happy with this when it’s all over.” Naruto didn’t appreciate nor understand Sasuke’s shift in attitude. Just a few hours ago, Sasuke had been lamenting the fact that he and Itachi were both adult people. And now, it didn’t matter?

Sasuke shrugged. “Life isn’t a TV movie, Naruto. Or else we wouldn’t have— never mind.” Sasuke shook his head, maybe he’d decided it was too much effort. He turned to Sakura. “What’s the first thing you wanted to do with us today?”

Sakura put a finger to her chin as she thought. “Well, I wanted to go shopping, and to the museum, and to Ino’s flower shop, and to your job. With the puppies. Because they’ll be in sweaters!” She added when she saw the look on Sasuke’s face. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes up to the ceiling for just a moment. “We can do all of that, right?” he asked Naruto, who nodded in agreement. 

“Of course we can do all of that,” he said. “It’s just that I’m going to go broke shopping with her.”

“You don’t have to buy me anything this time, idiot,” Sakura pointed out.

“What do you wanna go to the flower shop for?” Sasuke asked.

“For your Mom,” Sakura replied. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. “And… to say hi to Ino,” she huffed.

“I thought so.”

It took them nearly two hours to get ready, because Sasuke insisted that he wasn’t clean and that he needed to shower. Naruto was fine to wear his sleep clothes, since he would have dressed like this anyway, but Sakura made him take her back to her house to get clothes because she didn’t realize they’d be staying another night. In the time it took for Sakura to get clothes, do her hair, and tell her parents that she was staying over again, Sasuke still wasn’t ready. Itachi was in the living room when they returned, with Dior. He was sitting on their  _ thing  _ until he saw them watching him from the doorway. Then, he jumped up onto the couch and coughed a few times. Naruto and Sakura laughed behind their hands the entire way up the stairs to Sasuke’s room.

“Ok, wait, wait.” Sakura snorted as soon as she passed the threshold of Sasuke’s bedroom door. Sasuke looked up from his bed, where he was pulling his sweater over his head. He still wasn’t wearing any pants, but at least he had underwear. 

“You could knock,” Sasuke grumbled. He stood from his bed and went to dig around in his drawers for some sweatpants. “What’s so funny?”

“Itachi was on our thing,” Naruto laughed. “He was talking to your dog, like. Actually having a conversation with her.”

Sakura threw herself directly into the middle of Sasuke’s bed facedown as she laughed. She turned herself over, and her chest heaved a few times as she caught her breath. “Naruto?” she wheezed, sitting up on her elbows. 

“Yes, ma’am?” Naruto sat at the foot of Sasuke’s bed. He got hold of Sakura’s feet when she seemed to be rolling away from him, but he released her quickly when she was about to kick his face. 

“Is this where it happened?” Sakura asked. She yanked her ankles from Naruto’s fingers and held a foot in the air to threaten him. 

“Where what happened?”

“Where he saw you guys banging.” She laid her foot back down and wiggled her eyebrows.

“ _ Sakura _ ,” Sasuke whined from the other side of the room. 

“What?” Sakura craned her neck to face him. “You ask me about Ino all the time,” Sakura pointed out. She turned back to Naruto and raised an eyebrow. “So, right here?” 

“Nope.” Naruto sat up on his knees and shifted Sakura’s body to the left roughly, causing her to squeal. “Right there.” 

“It’s time to go!” Sasuke exclaimed, after he’d shoved himself into some pants that looked suspiciously like Naruto’s.

The first thing they did was go to the mall. Sakura wanted to get some new sweaters and winter clothes, but Sasuke seemed to mostly be picking out clothes for summer. “This is just when they’re cheaper,” he insisted. Naruto figured that Sasuke was right, but  _ so many  _ clothes didn’t really make any sense. They went to the food court and Sasuke got those strange blue milkshakes he liked so much. He let Naruto taste it. It was alright. They talked about how different life was, and how different it was going to become once they finished their undergraduate degrees.

“It’s surreal,” Sakura said. “We’re going to be like… professionals, maybe. Well. I won’t. After undergrad I’ll still have,” she counted on her fingers, “like, 8 more years to go. But you will, Naruto!” She squeezed his bicep and offered him a wide and supportive smile.

“I guess.” Naruto shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about what I’ll do after these next four years. I don’t even know if I’ll still like soccer.” He kept Sasuke’s vague visions of their future out of his own predictions. “Maybe I'll just be a geographer. Or a teacher.” Sakura snorted and said that she didn’t like the idea of Naruto as an instructor of  _ anything _ .

“I’ll be close enough,” Sasuke said. “I’ll have to take the  _ bar  _ exam. Just a test about law. I don’t know how much I’m really going to want to do that,” he complained. 

“But, think,” Sakura reminded him, “your Mom will be doing it, too! Right around the same time. You guys could go into practice together, if you pace it right.” That put a smile on Sasuke’s face. It also reminded him  about the flowers, he said out.

After completely cramming Naruto’s trunk and some of the backseat full of bags, they went to visit the flower shop. As soon as she got up to the counter, Sakura leaned against it with her chin in her hand, talking to Ino in a low voice, saying things that made her blush. This left Naruto and Sasuke to pick flowers out for Mikoto.

“What does she like?” Naruto asked for the fifth time. They had been around the entire store at least twice. Everything was seasonal, because Ino’s father grew most of the flowers himself with her help. The store itself was organized like a color wheel at its edges, and the neutral tones in the middle. It was a marvel, all of the different species that the Yamanakas could squeeze into this square building. And the  _ smell _ . Naruto hadn’t ever preferred the smell of flowers over anything, but maybe, he realized, it was because he’d never smelled real flowers before. As he stood next to Sasuke, Naruto’s fingers were on the leaves of some purple flowers that were reminding him of Hinata. He thought that maybe he should bring her some flowers some time, him and Sasuke. He knew that Sasuke would like to see Ash, but then he started thinking about the vision Mikoto had, and he decided not to mention it.

Sasuke shrugged with increasing annoyance. “Itachi is the one who usually gives her flowers,” Sasuke said. “I think they’re called… crocuses. Something like that. They’re most definitely purple.”

“Are they in season?” Naruto asked. 

“I thought they were,” Sasuke said. He scratched his head. “But I’ve looked at every one of these tags at least twice and I can’t find them. I don’t want to give her something she won’t like.” Sasuke’s voice was getting more and more distraught the longer he spoke. He held a tag between his fingers, read it, and huffed in frustration when it wasn’t what he wanted.

“It’s ok,” Naruto said. “She’s your Mom. I think she’s going to like anything you give her. But just in case, we can go ask Ino. Or see if her Dad is here, because I think she’s busy.” They both turned their heads to see Ino biting the long, blue acrylic nail of her index finger as she looked down at Sakura’s face. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “They’re so gross. Yeah, let's go find her Dad.” 

Inoichi told Sasuke and Naruto that crocuses only really grew when the winter was  _ ending _ . There were a lot of other beautiful winter flowers that were in season at this point in the winter. Sasuke conceded that as long as they were pretty and not foul-smelling, Mikoto would probably like them. 

Sakura came over to them when she saw that Ino’s father was around so she couldn’t flirt anymore. She was rifling through petals and leaves when she spoke up. “What about these? They’re pretty.” She was holding a tag that read  _ fairy primrose _ . There were some pink ones and some white ones, but Sasuke liked the light purple ones the best.

“How much?” Sasuke asked. He was digging around in his pants pocket for some money. Inoichi shook his head and handed the bouquet to Sasuke. It caught Sasuke off guard enough that he gasped when the thin paper surrounding the flowers crinkled against his chest. He looked up fast at Inoichi’s kind eyes.

“We know what’s going on with your Mother, Ino and I,” Inoichi said. “Have them, we have plenty at home. Tell your Mother that everyone in town is really praying for her, yeah? We want that menace off the streets as quickly as possible.” 

Sasuke opened and closed his mouth a few times, at a loss for words. “He says thank you,” Naruto said in Sasuke’s place. It probably wasn’t worth mentioning at that moment that the  _ menace  _ was Sasuke’s father. Naruto took the flowers from Sasuke’s shaking hands for safer keeping.

“Hey, Sauce,” Sakura said, “it’s time to go to the hospital.” Sasuke shook his head, coming back to reality.

“Thank you, Mr Yamanaka,” Sasuke said, appreciative. “I owe you guys.” 

Mikoto wasn’t expecting to see them. She sat up a little too fast in her bed, and then had to slouch back down with her fingertips pressed to her forehead. “My baby,” she said with a small smile. Her eyes were closed for a moment. Sasuke came closer to her and handed her the flowers he’d gotten.

“I didn’t know whether or not you’d like them. I wanted to give you the ones you really like, the ones that Itachi was growing for you every year,” Sasuke said. He laid the flowers over her lap. She picked them up with her right hand and inhaled the smell of them deeply. 

“They’re beautiful,” Mikoto said. This time her smile was a wide grin. Naruto felt the beam of it as he and Sakura drew closer to Mikoto’s side. The stitches looked a lot less pronounced today. Naruto thought that was a good thing. 

“Mom? What’s wrong with this one?” Sasuke asked, twining his fingers with Mikoto’s left hand.

“Oh, son, I… didn’t know how to tell you. This place,” Mikoto ran a delicate finger over her stitches, “was connected to some really important nerves. Right now, I can’t really move my fingers. I can just barely feel them.” Naruto and Sakura exchanged a look. She had drawn her lip between her teeth. 

“You… what?” Sasuke’s eyes grew wide behind his glasses. He looked from Mikoto’s face to her hand and back again. “So you can’t feel this?” He held their hands up in the air and shook them.

“A little, when you shake like that,” Mikoto said after a while. “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t really understand all of their doctor talk. And because I knew that you’d be upset.”

Sasuke turned his face away from everyone in the room. Naruto wished to reach out to him, but he didn’t. Now wasn’t the time. “He really wanted to hurt you, huh?” Sasuke said eventually. He looked at Mikoto again, and though his voice was even, his eyes were full of tears that threatened to fall.

“Sasuke,” Mikoto said, “you’ll make yourself sick. I’m alive, ok? I’m still here with you, and your brother. I’m going to finish school, after this… trip.” Naruto narrowed his eyes a little when Mikoto’s voice trailed off. There was something she knew that she wasn’t telling them. Did  _ everyone  _ know more about this than Naruto and Sakura? Even Naruto’s own parents had more information about it. He remembered them saying something about Sasuke going away for a long time, and how it wasn’t good for him to try to be around right now. Because it would hurt. But Naruto had never cared about that. It didn’t matter how much something hurt, if it meant he’d have Sasuke still. And anyway, Sasuke had put himself beyond  _ hurt _ for Naruto.

“I know, I know it’s all the same thing over and over, but I can’t help it. I’m worried about you, worried about us as a unit,” Sasuke said sadly. He closed his eyes and leaned down to lay his forehead against hers. “I wish that things weren’t ever so terrible. I wish that he wasn’t so terrible. I wish things weren’t just  _ happening _ to us. It’s too fast to recover from.”

Mikoto held Sasuke close with her right arm. Sakura took the opportunity to take the flowers and ask someone outside for a vase. She had done it to avoid the tension in the room, Naruto knew. He went to sit on Miktoto’s right side and watched as she held her son tight, as tightly as she could. 

“We just wanted to stop by and give you the flowers,” Sasuke said when Sakura came back. “They’re spending the nights with me, so I don’t have nightmares,” he explained. Mikoto gave Naruto and Sakura each a kiss on their hands. 

“You are too good for my son, the best friends I could have hoped for him to have,” she mumbled. Sakura shook her head. 

“We just want him to feel safe.”

They were all about to stand and turn to leave, when Mikoto made a sound to get their attention once more. “You talked to the police, right?” She was talking to Sasuke.

“Yes,” he nodded. He came back to her side, while Naruto and Sakura went to stand by the door. 

“Itachi told me that they’ll be here to talk to me sometime today,” Mikoto said. She seemed a little distraught as she said it. “But I don’t want you to worry about me, ok? I’ve talked to police before. It won’t be long, I’ll tell them everything they need to know. I’ll be home soon, probably tomorrow.”

“Really! Tomorrow? Oh, Mom, why didn’t you say so earlier?” Sasuke leaned down to kiss her forehead once. 

“Because I can see you’re having a  _ day  _ with your friends. You’ll have the rest of your life to worry about me. Worry about yourself today.” This was her way of dismissing them. She leaned over the edge of her bed and smelled the flowers again. Sasuke sighed when they left her.

The next place they went was to the museum. Naruto was excited to look at the maps again, as there had been some new installments to the exhibit. Sakura was interested mostly in the dinosaur bones, and Sasuke insisted that he was happy “as long as you guys are.” He trailed behind them as they inspected the really big creatures, all the way down to the smallest mammals. Sakura read every one of the informative plaques out loud, but Naruto enjoyed it well enough. Sakura made no attempt to even pretend to be interested in the old, crumbling maps, but there were newer ones that held details of  _ planets  _ from rovers and telescopes. It was a level of science that Naruto wasn’t really at, mentally, but he still enjoyed the topography of the red planet. It was very geographically pleasing, if he did say so himself. Sakura explained some parts of the maps to him that he didn’t understand. She said things about “polar ice caps,” and “possibility of water,” a few times. In the end, Naruto didn’t really get it, but he hummed and nodded to signal that he did. 

Sasuke eventually found something he liked. At first, Naruto and Sakura had panicked because Sasuke wasn’t in their line of sight, but they found him standing a little ways away in front of a nighttime landscape painting. “It reminds me of your backyard,” he said to Naruto wistfully. Naruto sighed lightly and smiled a small smile at the back of Sasuke’s head. 

Lastly, they headed out to the puppy shelter. This was to be Naruto’s favorite part of the entire day, because he hadn’t been in so long. He could see the multi-colored babies running around behind the fence before he’d even parked the car. “Lord,” Sakura mumbled up to the sky before she got out, “please don’t let me bring a dog with me today.”

The dogs were quite happy to see Sasuke. Naruto had allowed it to slip his mind that Sasuke had been spending hours here everyday for weeks. He knew the names of most of them, and even pointed out a few that were related to Dior. “They’re, like, her brothers’ kids,” Sasuke explained eloquently. Some of them had the white foot, and some of them were brown like her, but most of them looked nothing like her. 

Sakura, on the other hand, had never been here before, and it showed. She couldn’t stand in one place for too long without seeing a different dog that she liked more. She was particularly obsessed with the sweaters and shirts. “They fit their personalities,” Sakura said dreamily, even though she’d never met any of these dogs before. She was acting just the way Itachi had, and Sasuke before him. Naruto always felt a warmth when he brought someone here for the very first time and got to witness the overwhelming joy that came over them.

Sasuke invited Naruto to sit with him in the grass. “What are you thinking about?” Sasuke asked. He took his glasses off and laid out, closing his eyes against the sun. He was rather close to Naruto, because it was cold, he’d said. The big black dog that had once taken a shine to Naruto had been adopted, he must have been, because he didn’t come over to bother them like he usually would have. Naruto found that this hurt his heart a little more than he thought it would.

“Nothing,” Naruto lied. He didn’t want to burden Sasuke with any of his nonsense. It was just strange thoughts, and things Sasuke wouldn’t want to answer anyway. 

“Stop lying to me,” Sasuke huffed. “I can see the look on your face, you’ve had it all day.” Sasuke ran a hand up Naruto’s arm, causing Naruto to wince. He’d touched the scratch marks. “What’s this?” Sasuke opened his eyes and hiked Naruto’s sleeve up so that he could properly run his fingers over the marks with no regard for the way that Naruto grimaced and sucked in sharp breaths at the contact.

“Scratches,” Naruto said slowly. He pushed his sleeve back down and lied down next to Sasuke on his side, so that Sasuke couldn’t inspect his skin anymore. 

“Where did they come from?”

Naruto pursed his lips before he said a tentative, “… You?”

“I did that? Let me see them.” Sasuke shoved his glasses back onto his face and waited patiently for Naruto to show him his arm again. “Fuck, did we fight or something? I don’t remember doing this.”

Naruto shook his head. “You were asleep,” he said. “When you were in my room. You had a nightmare. I didn’t know what to do, so I was just kind of… standing over you, for a little bit. Watching. You grabbed me really tight, and then you started having an asthma attack, so. I had to get your inhaler. And then you woke up. Well, you know the rest.” Naruto waved a dismissive hand. “You were there.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together. “I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’re dealing with enough,” Naruto said, lifting one shoulder in a shrug.

Sasuke closed his eyes tight. “I do wish that people would stop saying that. It didn’t happen to me, it happened to  _ her. _ ”

“Alright, alright.” Naruto said. “I’m sorry.” There wasn’t enough time in the world to tell Sasuke that he had the right to be upset, and he didn’t have to be so stubborn and pretend all the time.

“That isn’t what you were thinking about, anyway. Tell me why you’ve been frowning all day,” Sasuke said, changing the subject easily. 

Naruto sighed deeply. He couldn’t tell Sasuke what he was  _ really  _ thinking. He didn’t want to dredge the argument back up again. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep it from Sasuke, it was just that he didn’t want to talk about it right now. Or ever, if Sasuke wasn’t going to answer his and Sakura’s questions without being defensive. “Uh, I was thinking about Hinata earlier,” Naruto said after a while of thinking about how to redirect. “Thinking about Ash and stuff. His first Christmas, all that. Thought I should get her some flowers, so we could see her.”

“Why didn’t you say so when we were at Ino’s?” Sasuke asked. He didn’t seem upset about it in the slightest. Naruto felt relief that they could talk about Hinata now and not have it automatically lead to an argument, just at the mention of her name. 

“Because it reminded me of your Mom,” Naruto admitted. He saw Sasuke’s eyebrows furrow. “Her vision. How you’re gonna have a kid, and I’m just, like. Not there. A nonfactor. It’s hard to wrap my mind around, that’s all.” Naruto didn’t feel bad to admit this, because it was  _ part  _ of the reason that he had been a little out of sorts. But it wasn’t even really half. Sasuke leaving was occupying an inordinate amount of space in Naruto’s mind.

Sasuke was silent for a long time. He turned his eyes to Sakura, who was sitting in the grass rather far away. She was holding two little white dogs to her face and kissing them each in turn. He looked to Naruto again, and his eyes were sad. Somehow, they had ended up nearly touching again. Naruto blamed the cold. “I don’t really know what’s gonna happen,” Sasuke said eventually. “I don’t know how it works, really. Itachi changed one of his visions, and Mom changed one of hers. I don’t know if I can change something I didn’t see. But I, this.” Sasuke hummed in an attempt to collect his thoughts once again. The long grass was stirring around them with the cold breezes of December. Even at this temperature, there were still wildflowers growing Naruto was shivering until he felt Sasuke’s hand touch his heart.

“I told you,” Sasuke said. “I don’t know if I had actually changed  _ mine  _ before, but I want to change it back.”

Just then, Sakura came thundering over to the two of them, causing them both to sit up fast with surprised looks on their faces. “Look at this one!” She held a little black dog of no real discernible breed out in front of her with both of her hands wrapped around its sides. It was wearing a green sweater. “Just wait until I show Ino. Is there a way I can, like… reserve a dog?” 

Sasuke reached out to scratch the dog behind its ears. It was very wiggly. “Not in the sense that you’re thinking. You can put your name on the list, and be the first one to come and get him when he’s available. But you can’t tell them not to let someone else adopt him. Isn’t really fair, ya know? What if his forever home isn’t with you?”

Sakura sighed. “Yes, I get it. I wanted to have him when me and Ino moved in together.” She leaned down to let the dog run free again. “Hopefully he’ll still be here when we’re all settled. It’s either that, or we have a baby,” Sakura joked. Naruto didn’t think it was very funny.

Sasuke rolled his eyes hard. “What is it with you and kids?”

The sun was nearly down when Sakura finally, with great reluctance, said that she was tired. “Not tired of the dogs,” she added quickly. “Just sleepy. I didn’t get to take a nap today.”

“You’re 18,” Naruto pointed out. “You shouldn’t need  _ naps _ .”

“Neh neh neh,” Sakura mocked. “My life is hard. Sometimes I need to sleep. To escape you lot.”

They stopped by the Akimichi bakery to get some pastries for Itachi, since he would be home that night. He missed them a lot when he wasn’t home, Sasuke explained, because no one else made cupcakes the way that Choji’s dad did. They also bought treats for Dior on the way. Sakura talked about that small black dog the entire way back to Sasuke’s house. This time, Itachi wasn’t on their thing. He was nowhere to be found, but Naruto had seen his car outside, so he knew Itachi was in the house somewhere. They decided that they were all much too tired to bring the bags inside, so they left them in Naruto’s trunk.

“Are we gonna sleep here again? Or… in a bed?” Sakura asked. Naruto stood at the foot of the stairs and shook the dog treats to see if Dior would come down to them. He turned his head when Sakura asked her question. 

Sasuke shrugged. “Do you want to sleep on a bed? It isn’t big enough for the three of us,” he said. He looked to Naruto for help. Naruto could only shrug, too.

“I don’t know, isn’t your Mom’s bed free?” Sakura suggested. “We can stay down here until it’s time to sleep. Then you can go in your room, and I’ll go in there. Your Mom’s.”

Sasuke shook his head. “You can sleep in my bed,” he said. “I want to sleep in her bed.” 

“Fine, yeah.”

Naruto gave up on trying to get the dog and came into the living room. “I think we’re going to have to wash these, then,” Naruto said, gesturing to the covers. Sasuke fell onto the heap of pillows.

“I don’t want to wash them, it’s going to take so long,” Sasuke complained. He sighed deeply. “I will do it, though. You are my guests. Or!” He exclaimed suddenly. “I’ll get my brother to do it.”

“Good,” Sakura yawned. “I really didn’t wanna have to do that.” Naruto watched as Sasuke ascended the stairs, and as soon as he was gone he grabbed Sakura by the arm. His sudden movements knocked the sleep from her limbs momentarily.

“We  _ have  _ to know where they’re going,” Naruto said in a harsh whisper. His eyes cut to the stairs, but Sasuke was already gone. 

Sakura rolled her eyes and yanked her arm from Naruto’s grip. “I want to know, too, but they won’t tell us. I know that Sasuke knows where they’re going. I didn’t wanna ask his Mom, I didn’t want to put her in that position,” Sakura said. “I knew she wouldn’t tell us, but she’d feel bad about it.” She sat down on the floor, waiting for Naruto to come sit with her. He put his feet to hers. She held his hands tight.

“Where could they be going on such short notice? I just don’t get it.” Naruto scratched his head before returning his hand to hers. “Itachi does research in, like… California, or something. Maybe they’re going there? It’s not so cold, I don’t think. I don’t know. I only went to DisneyLand.” He shrugged. 

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, yeah. That isn’t so far away, I guess. Comparatively.” Her hand lifted up Naruto’s and she swirled them in the air, like an arm exercise.

Naruto watched their hands in the air until Sakura said that. Then, he made a face in her direction. “Compared to  _ what _ ?”

“The rest of the world? I don’t know?” Sakura threw her hands in the air. “I mean, where else? Don’t know.” She shook her head. “I’m just… afraid.”

“Afraid? Why?” Naruto lifted his hands to meet Sakura’s to calm her down. 

She brought their hands back down again after taking a deep breath. Naruto could tell that she was about to cry, but he didn’t know why. Maybe she had figured it out.

Itachi came down the stairs then, grumbling under his breath. “My brother has asked me to wash… that,” he said, gesturing to the nest on the floor that Naruto and Sakura were sitting in the middle of. Naruto climbed up onto the couch and yanked Sakura with him, to let Itachi get to the covers and pillows. “He wants you up there,” Itachi added, when Naruto and Sakura’s feet were still on the nest. 

“Oh, right.” Sakura let Naruto go ahead of her. When she joined him and Sasuke in his room, she had Dior. “Do you think he’d let her sleep with me tonight, in here?” Sakura asked. 

“I’m not sure. He’s missed her, since he was away last night.” Sasuke had taken his sweater off and thrown it on a growing pile of clothes in the corner. Naruto noticed that there were bags and boxes around Sasuke’s closet and his drawers. Naruto felt confusion as he realized how much of Sasuke’s things had actually been packed up. It seemed a lot more than for just a few weeks. Had Itachi done all of this while they were gone? Naruto shook his head and pushed the thought from his mind fast.

“Are you going to sleep?” Naruto asked. Sakura had gone to Naruto’s car to get her new set of sleep clothes, leaving Naruto and Sasuke alone in the room. Sasuke climbed off of his bed and stood just a foot away from Naruto. Just out of the reach of his personal space. 

Sasuke shrugged. “I wanna wait until Sakura gets back.” He came just the slightest bit closer.

“Why?” Naruto saw that Sasuke was struggling to keep himself composed. He put a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder, but he winced away from it.

“Just. I have to tell you something.” 

Sasuke led Naruto into Mikoto’s room, where they waited for Sakura. When she came, she stood in the doorway awkwardly until Sasuke told her to come closer. “I have to tell you guys something. Before we go to sleep.”

“What is it, Sauce?” Sakura asked, concerned. Naruto saw that Sasuke’s face was growing more upset by the second. 

Sasuke had to take a few deep breaths to gather himself. Just as it had been in his room, Mikoto’s entire existence seemed to be packed into bags and boxes. Naruto got a prickling feeling on his arms as his hair stood up. 

“Take your time,” Naruto mumbled. Sasuke turned his face to the ceiling and wiped at his eyes under his glasses. 

“I hate lying to you guys,” Sasuke said shakily. He covered his face and sobbed. 

“What’s going on?” Sakura’s voice was frantic and confused. “Why are you crying? What happened?”

“S-so you know how Itachi said that we’re going on a tr-trip?” 

Naruto and Sakura both nodded. They each held one of Sasuke’s hands tight.

“It’s not really… a trip. Like, not a vacation or anything like that,” Sasuke said slowly. He couldn’t say more than a few words at a time. “I wanted you guys here last night because I didn’t feel safe, I really did. I love you guys, I don’t want to leave, but I thought that maybe if I had you with me last night and today, it wouldn’t be so _ bad  _ tomorrow.”

“What’s going on tomorrow?” Naruto asked.

“We’re leaving tomorrow, after my Mom talks to the police,” Sasuke said. “I talked to him before you guys came up here. He said we’ve waited long enough, it’s time now.” 

“And where are you going?” Sakura asked. She said it carefully, so that Sasuke knew that she wasn’t rushing him. 

“We’re going to California.” Sasuke took his hand from Sakura’s hand to chew his nails. 

Naruto didn’t think that Sakura was going to ask the question they both really wanted to know the answer to. He looked at her face, and she gave him a small nod. She couldn’t do it. 

“How long are you leaving for?” Naruto’s voice broke as he said the words. He didn’t want to hear the answer. Sakura shook her head and closed her eyes. She hung her head and sucked in a sharp breath as she waited for Sasuke to answer. 

“I… oh, fuck.” Sasuke’s voice held that quality that made Naruto think there was still a lump in his throat. He ran a hand over his face a few times before closing his eyes and whispering, “We’re not coming  _ back _ .” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is... angsty as the fucks i’m sorry

“For a year or something, right? A few months?” 

Naruto had never been so hopeless in his life. He had taken his hands from Sasuke’s and Sakura’s, and held the heels of his hands to his eyes. It was useless, really, but he didn’t want to cry. It was Sakura’s voice that broke over the words. 

And it was Sasuke, telling her no. “Not a few months, not a year.” Naruto could hear it in Sasuke’s voice, too, the  _ sound  _ of the feeling that they were all experiencing. The deepest pit of despair was not deep enough to house the emotion that was trickling slowly from the dam in Naruto’s heart.

“Never?” Sakura wailed. “Never, ever? No more Sasuke?” She seemed out of breath for a moment, until she held her hands to her thighs and gripped her pajama pants tight in her fists. She was counting to ten.

Naruto could barely breathe, himself. He supposed that he’d known all along, and that he just hadn’t wanted to face it. He didn’t want to allow himself to fathom it, that Sasuke wouldn’t come back. This was why. This was why Itachi had said they wouldn’t have to worry about school; they’d start school somewhere else. This was why Minato and Kushina had said that Naruto need not spend so much time with Sasuke before he left; it would only hurt more when he was gone. And this was why, earlier, Sakura had looked ready to cry; she had started to figure it out. All of the little things that had been pointing directly to this hadn’t gone over Naruto’s head. He’d  _ ignored  _ them. Because it was going to drive him crazy, to know that Sasuke would be— Naruto shook his head fast. The word wouldn’t cross his mind again.

Sasuke was breathing too hard. Naruto saw him scrambling in his pockets for his inhaler. “Why is he doing this?” Sakura asked. Naruto could barely look at her. She sounded shattered.

“He d-doesn’t want Dad t-to know where we are,” Sasuke stuttered. 

“But why so  _ far _ ? Forever? Forever is… forever. Too long.” Sakura shook her head and hugged herself. “What am I going to do? What am I going to do!” Over and over, until she seemed to be out of breath to speak. 

Naruto had never had any to begin with, and he didn’t have any now. He was just thinking. Thinking about what  _ he’d  _ do. It wasn’t the same for Sakura. Sasuke and Sakura were friends. Best friends, yes, but only friends. Naruto was going to die without Sasuke, it was simple. He could not exist without him. If Sasuke was taken out of the equation of Naruto’s life, it was irrational. It was _ undefined _ . There was nothing there. If Sasuke wasn’t going to be here, then this was not home. Naruto didn’t belong here, if there was no Sasuke to meet him.

“B-but. You can just m-move again? Out of town, a little farther a-away.” Sakura was stuttering too, now. Naruto thought he might choke on the lump in his throat. He would either scream, or remain silent. He didn’t have the energy to scream right now.

Sasuke shook his head. “I tried to tell him that. He said it wasn’t far enough. Dad would find out, come and find us again. Do something worse.”

Naruto knew that they were talking, but eventually he could not hear it. There was nothing going on in his mind at all, after it had been moving so fast. There was nothing else to think about except the boy sitting here in front of him, about to  _ leave  _ him forever. Forever.  _ Not coming back _ . Not coming back? Naruto felt faint. He couldn’t control himself as he fell back on the bed. Sakura gasped, and Sasuke’s hands reached uselessly out to catch Naruto. He didn’t fall on the floor, but he wished he had.

“Naruto, please.” 

Hearing Sasuke say his name made Naruto wince and close his eyes. Twisting the knife. He felt Sasuke’s hands on his chest, gripping his shirt, but he didn’t open his eyes. Could not, or else he would have probably exploded. The dam would have surely broken if he’d set his eyes upon Sasuke in that moment. He shook his head frantically, willing Sasuke to just be  _ quiet _ . There was nothing to say now, except that it was a sick joke and that he would see them tomorrow when he woke up.

It never came. There was a relative silence between them, though Naruto heard Sakura’s quiet sobs at his right as Sasuke continued gripping his shirt. Sasuke wanted his attention but didn’t have the words to beg for it. Naruto grit his teeth and opened his eyes. He didn’t want to be mad, and he wasn’t. Wasn’t mad at Sasuke. He was angry at Itachi, to begin with, but then he just sort of hated everything. The  _ universe _ was taking Sasuke away from him, not Fugaku, not Mikoto, not even Itachi. 

“Why.” Naruto struggled to overcome the urge to vomit as he spoke.

“Why?” Sasuke held Naruto’s shirt ever tighter. Naruto wanted to touch him, too, but there was no way. It would turn into something too deep for Naruto to be able to control.

“Why didn’t you  _ tell  _ us.” He was asking questions, but they were coming out as statements.

Sasuke released Naruto’s shirt. Naruto turned his eyes to Sakura while Sasuke hesitated, and he saw that she was looking at Sasuke, too. Expectant. Needing the same answer. But her eyes held a lot less blame than what Naruto felt on the inside.

“He told me not to?” For whatever reason, Sasuke didn’t seem so sure. 

Not good enough. “You don’t have to listen to everything he says,” Naruto pointed out. He struggled himself back to a sitting position. His hands were fists in his lap. “You knew, you knew this entire week—”

Sasuke shook his head again and cut Naruto off. “I didn’t know we’d leave tomorrow.”

Not good enough. “You knew you were  _ leaving _ . For good. You knew that. Doesn’t matter when,” he said. “You knew, and you didn’t tell us. You… even told us something else. Why didn’t we get to know sooner?”

“I didn’t want to text it,” Sasuke said. Naruto closed his eyes for a brief moment. None of it was good enough.

“We were here yesterday?”

Sasuke finally erupted. “I didn’t want it to hurt so bad! I thought that if I waited, we could just, ya know, be together! We could all be together and not be worried about it. It would have  _ ruined _ everything.” He’d raised his voice to the point that Naruto was sure Itachi might be able to hear them.

“Please, stop it,” Sakura pleaded. “Don’t fight, why would you fucking fight? How can you be mad at  _ him _ ? Look at him!” Sakura held her hands in Sasuke’s general direction. He was disheveled, having been running his hands through his hair and over his face until everything was a mess.

“I’m not mad,” Naruto said weakly. He was lying and Sakura could tell.

She ignored him and turned to Sasuke. “What time tomorrow are you leaving?” 

“At night,” Sasuke said. “I don’t know. We want to give Mom time to rest before we have to go. And we have to wash some stuff, the sheets and pillow cases.” Naruto turned his head to look at the boxes and bags around the floor. Everything she owned seemed to be packed away, and now Naruto knew that this was true. 

“What’s gonna happen with the house?” Naruto asked. “Isn’t this his house? Or partly?”

“Partly,” Sasuke said. “We’re gonna rent it to the people who lived here before.”

“Even with the broken window?”

“It’ll get fixed when we leave,” Sasuke said. A little too easily. 

“Do you know them?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Only Mom met them. She said there were three kids and a dad, but that’s all she told us.”

Sakura sounded like she had grit her teeth when she spoke. “So you’re just gonna leave, forever? And you didn’t get any kind of choice? Like, not a single say in any of it?”

Sasuke hesitated again. Naruto didn’t like it. He glanced at Sakura, but she was watching Sasuke intently. “… No,” Sasuke said eventually. Sakura finally met Naruto’s eyes, and they agreed without saying anything that Sasuke was lying to them.

Despite what Sakura had said, her face was beginning to get angry. “Is there anything else you want to tell us? Before we sleep, and then you leave forever?” She was standing, ready to leave. 

“I love you, Sakura,” Sasuke tried. She echoed his sentiment and then left him and Naruto there, alone.

Naruto had a hard time looking at Sasuke’s face when they were alone. He knew that it wasn’t Sasuke’s fault, it wasn’t his idea, and he, according to him, couldn’t have chosen anything else. He knew that. But now, he also knew that Sasuke had known the extent of the situation. He’d pretended not to know how long they’d be gone, and lied about it. “Fuck,” Naruto mumbled. It was too much to think about, but he couldn’t escape it.

“Are you mad at me?” Sasuke asked. He sounded on the verge of tears again. Naruto cast his eyes up at Sasuke’s face before returning his gaze to his lap.

“I don’t know,” Naruto admitted. “I haven’t figured it out yet.” He felt his breath catch when Sasuke suddenly came into his space. “It’s just,” Naruto looked up, “I don’t understand why you’d lie. We needed to know.”

Sasuke sighed deeply, and it shook. “I just didn’t want it to hurt so bad,” he said, just as he’d said earlier.

“It was going to hurt either way,” Naruto pointed out. “There was no way to make it not hurt. And it hurts worse now, because we have less than 24 hours to spend time with you. Before you’ll be gone, forever.”

Sasuke hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“I just don’t know if that’s… good enough.” Naruto couldn’t lie. He didn’t want to lie. Sasuke needed to know how badly this had hurt him. The worst part was probably that it felt like  _ this _ , and Naruto knew it still hadn’t hit him yet.

Naruto felt Sasuke’s hand on his face, and he turned to face him again. Even setting his eyes on Sasuke’s hurt. There were tears welling up in Naruto’s eyes and his mouth was trembling even before their eyes met. This was a pain Naruto had never felt before. He’d watched Sasuke almost  _ die _ a few times, right before his eyes, and this still hurt worse. 

“I love you, Naruto.” Soft, sweet. Sad.

“I know,” Naruto said.

“I didn’t want this, you have to know that,” Sasuke pleaded. “He just, he was so serious, and he said that if Dad would do this, what else would he try? We’re all afraid. He’s done so much to her in the past, we knew that we can’t put it past him to…” Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath and let it out in a groan.

“I don’t think you wanted it,” Naruto said. “I just don’t know why you lied. You said that, that you didn’t want it to hurt so bad, but you’re too smart to not know that’s not good enough. There’s something else, I know there is.”

Sasuke looked down for a moment, before he took his hand from Naruto’s face and got a hold of Naruto’s shoulder instead. Before Naruto could understand what was happening, Sasuke had slung himself onto Naruto’s lap, and their chests were touching. Naruto could feel Sasuke’s quaking breaths as he drew them in and let them out. When he looked at Sasuke’s face, Naruto saw something in his eyes that he’d seen too many times before. There was need, growing just as wide and dark as the anguish that Naruto was feeling. It was festering between them the longer they gazed at one another, so close that Naruto could see himself in Sasuke’s eyes. He wondered if Sasuke could see himself, too. He wondered if Sasuke liked what he saw.

“You— we can’t,” Naruto whispered. “Not now, never again.” Never was the same as forever, really. Time that wouldn’t end. Naruto still snaked his arms around Sasuke’s body so that he was pulled closer. 

“Never again?” Sasuke pressed his forehead to Naruto’s.

“No,” Naruto said. His voice was so weak. His resolve was cracking. Sasuke had always been able to sense weakness in him. He was an opportunist. He was going to take whatever he wanted and leave Naruto with nothing but the scraps of his heart, the broken parts that didn’t have a place. And Naruto would let him, every time. 

He wondered, as Sasuke pushed himself down against Naruto’s body at the same time that they found each other in a kiss, how it had gotten this way. It had been  _ him _ with the problems,  _ him _ with the things that needed to be repaired. Sasuke had always been the one who was hurt. Naruto wondered how Sasuke had become the one who was hurting.

“It’s not right,” Naruto muttered against Sasuke’s throat. Sasuke’s hands were desperate, pulling hard at his shirt and forcing it over Naruto’s head.

“Does it have to be?” Sasuke’s body was so hot. Naruto felt it every time their chests touched, every time Sasuke breathed a sigh into his mouth, every time Sasuke pushed his hips down to meet Naruto’s. 

“It’s  _ wrong _ ,” Naruto tried again. “Sakura is here, your  _ brother _ is here, this is your Mom’s bed, I—” Naruto’s sentence cut off in a gasp when Sasuke shoved his hands into Naruto’s pants.

“ _ You _ talk too much.”

There had never been feelings so intense, and that was saying something. Naruto had never needed anything so bad as the press of Sasuke’s body to his, the feel of Sasuke’s skin beneath his fingertips, the drag of Sasuke’s tongue past his teeth. He pushed Sasuke’s body down until he was flat on the mattress, and Naruto made himself forget that this was Mikoto’s bed. Sasuke bit his lip so that he wouldn’t alert someone, but it wasn’t working. He could not be quiet to save his life. The slightest of touches set him off. Naruto lifted off of Sasuke’s body and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. 

“What’s that?” 

“The bathroom?”

Naruto sat up all the way to give Sasuke space. “Show me.”

Sasuke made a face, but he still rolled over until he could slide off the bed and lead Naruto into the adjoining room. Naruto waited until Sasuke had closed the door behind them to press his body against it. Sasuke emitted a whine. 

“This your plan, then?” Sasuke ran his hands up and down Naruto’s chest. 

“This is  _ your  _ plan,” Naruto corrected him. “I just didn’t want anyone to hear you.” He slid his mouth against Sasuke’s throat and held his hips tight, even when he writhed. Sasuke’s hands were fumbling to untie Naruto’s sweatpants, just as Naruto’s fingers curled beneath the waistband of Sasuke’s shorts. He only let up when Sasuke pushed at his shoulder.

Naruto’s fingers were in Sasuke’s hair before his knees had hit the tiled floor. He stood with his back to the counter where the sink was, and his eyes were on Sasuke as he made a show of pulling Naruto’s pants down to his thighs. He thought that maybe now was as good a time as any to stop Sasuke, tell him that they shouldn’t, they couldn’t, they’d only regret it, but then he felt Sasuke’s hands on him, and it didn’t matter. This was Sasuke’s choice, now. Naruto was already well past the point of trying not to hurt. It was going to hurt, but Sasuke was so good. He wanted Naruto to know just how much he was going to miss him, how much he needed him in that moment. More than either of them had ever needed anything else. Naruto saw one of Sasuke’s hands was in his shorts, and it only intensified the feeling that Sasuke was trying so hard to give to him.

“C’mere,” Naruto ground out. He didn’t want it to end, but Sasuke had started this for a reason.  _ This _ was not the reason.

Sasuke wiped his mouth with the back of his hand when he stood. Naruto drew him in by the back of his neck and kissed him so hard that their teeth clacked together at first. Didn’t matter if it hurt. It was going to hurt. Sasuke’s hand was still touching himself, and Naruto replaced it with his own.

“Where?” Naruto’s voice was gruff. Sasuke’s chest was heaving when Naruto released him. Sasuke glanced around himself a few times before seeming to make a decision. He gestured for Naruto to move, and he resumed the place Naruto had been standing, but his back was to Naruto now. He braced himself against the counter. Naruto saw Sasuke watching him expectantly in the mirror.

Naruto knew that it would be over fast the moment he put his hands on Sasuke again. His skin was hot to the touch. Sasuke moved back against Naruto, willing him to do it without words. Naruto drew his lip between his teeth as he slid Sasuke’s shorts down slow, and his underwear slower. 

This was the point where, before, Naruto would ask if Sasuke was sure. He would ask him twice, three times if he really wanted to do this, no matter how many times they’d done it. No matter how much Sasuke was begging him up to that point, and no matter how badly he wanted to do it himself.

But he didn’t do that this time. There was no hesitation in Sasuke’s eyes, and none in the way that Sasuke pressed himself closer, until their hips touched. Sasuke was certain. 

Naruto reached around until he saw the tips of his fingers brushing the corner of Sasuke’s mouth. He watched Sasuke take them, sighing deep as he did. There was something otherworldly about watching himself holding Sasuke by his hip while he pressed the first finger in. Sasuke’s knuckles were white as they gripped the sides of the countertop. Naruto could see Sasuke’s face, and it wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen it before when they were doing this, but there was an indescribable feeling added to the mix of all of the ones that Naruto was already experiencing when he saw Sasuke’s eyes open and meet his.

Naruto shuddered when he felt the inside of Sasuke again, after so long. Intense wasn’t the word, there were no words. Sasuke was already out of breath when his back arched and he moved back against Naruto until their hips were flush one more. Naruto  _ watched _ Sasuke take it, watched the way his lips parted and his eyebrows drew together. 

They’d never done anything that meant nothing to Naruto. This was no different. Nothing had ever meant more to him in his life. He moved with the purpose of giving Sasuke something to remember him by, something to stave off the inevitable feeling of dread that kept creeping up. He was chasing something, every time he pushed against Sasuke’s spot, and every time he ran his hand from Sasuke’s shoulder back down to his hip. Naruto gave it to him hard because Sasuke liked it that way, and because it made him loud. Naruto needed to hear it. For once, maybe the very first time, he didn’t try to cover Sasuke’s mouth. He saw Sasuke watching him with low eyes, and it only spurred him on to go faster. It had never felt this good. Seeing Sasuke watch him was one thing, and it was good. Being able to watch Sasuke react to the things he did was even  _ better _ . 

A thought came to Naruto, that maybe he was taking too much. Maybe he was doing too much, needing too much of Sasuke. More than Sasuke could give. But then he caught sight of Sasuke, ever watching him. Sasuke moaned low how much he needed it, how badly he wanted to feel it, how much he  _ loved _ Naruto, and he was moving back to meet Naruto every time he pushed forward. He told Naruto  _ harder _ ,  _ faster _ , to pull his hair, to make it last. Naruto didn’t think he was taking too much after that.

Sasuke was near yelling by the time Naruto began to feel the heat starting to coil low in his belly, and his toes began to curl. Naruto had been so focused on the curves of Sasuke’s body and watching the place where their bodies met that he’d nearly forgotten about the mirror. When he met his own eyes in the glass, Naruto saw that there were tears streaking his own cheeks. Even when it felt so good, it still  _ hurt _ . 

Sasuke came first, and Naruto not too far behind him. He thought that Itachi and Sakura must have heard them by then, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. When they separated, Naruto ran his hand through his hair once. Sasuke stood up straight and shivered. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find the words. 

Naruto was numb on his way out of the bathroom. He heard Sasuke’s voice, but he didn’t know what was said. Not until he felt Sasuke’s hand on his wrist did he realize that he was halfway out the door. 

“Where’re you going?” Sasuke asked. His eyes were sad. Naruto was looking through Sasuke. He pulled himself free from Sasuke’s hold and shrugged. 

“I need to breathe.” 

Naruto didn’t remember that he didn’t have a shirt on until he opened the back door and felt the late December air hit his bare skin. He put his back to the cold glass of the door and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes again. The sweat on his forehead and his chest made the cold worse, and he started to feel something after being numb the entire way he’d wandered down the stairs. “Fuck, fuck,” he said under his breath. He had screwed up and he knew it.  _ It didn’t matter if it hurt _ ? What the fuck was wrong with him? He didn’t know what had come over him, and he didn’t have anything to point to. He’d never felt that way before. On fire with need, like he wouldn’t live if he didn’t feel Sasuke again, one last time. 

It was a mistake, Naruto had known that before it had started. It was just like he’d thought before. Sasuke would shatter him like a window, break him into his component parts, and choose the ones he liked the best. He’d been doing it for a year now, or maybe their whole lives. Only the parts of Naruto that Sasuke  _ enjoyed _ did Naruto get to display. His mistakes, Sasuke didn’t like. His honesty, Sasuke didn’t like. He didn’t know any part of Sasuke that  _ he  _ didn’t like. Naruto was in love with every fiber of Sasuke’s being. His emotional instability, his secretiveness, the way Sasuke still had walls up about some things. Naruto loved him. He loved Sasuke  _ because _ of it, not despite it. He loved Sasuke, even knowing that eventually, Sasuke might not love him back. He would have a  _ baby _ with someone, and he wouldn’t even want to speak about Naruto, someday. Them, this, their entire  _ thing _ , would be the past.

Naruto shook his head, over and over. He wanted to back up to Sasuke and hold him, the way he always did after they had sex, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t look at Sasuke again, after what he’d done. How would he know if it was the last time he’d see Sasuke again? No, Naruto thought. 

He knew only one thing. He could not stay here tonight. He couldn’t sleep next to Sasuke, and he couldn’t sleep away from Sasuke. So he wouldn’t sleep.

Naruto snuck back up the stairs to get his phone. He would just wear the shirt he’d worn the day before, or something. He had plenty of shirts in his car. Once he was out of the cold, he grew numb again. He didn’t want to wake Sakura up when he opened the door, but she was already sitting up when he entered Sasuke’s room to retrieve his phone. 

Sakura was whispering on the phone, probably to Ino. Naruto saw her jump when he opened the door. “Hold on,” Sakura said to the phone. “What’re you doing in here?” She addressed Naruto.

“I… my phone.” Naruto didn’t want to tell her that he was leaving. It was embarrassing enough, knowing that she’d probably heard them. But she deserved to know. “I have to go.”

“Go  _ where _ , Naruto?” Sakura laid her phone down next to her on Sasuke’s bed and fisted a hand in her hair.

“I don’t know,” Naruto said truthfully. “I just can’t stay. Can’t be here.”

Sakura ground out a sigh. She knew she couldn’t stop him. “Don’t die,” she said. “And try to get some sleep.” Naruto snorted at this on his way out the door.

The light was on underneath Mikoto’s door, and Sasuke must have known Naruto was up here. But he didn’t try to get Naruto to come back to him.

Naruto huffed out a sigh when he got into his car. He didn’t know where he was going, at first. He was just driving. His phone was nearly dead by now. The sky was as black as the hole forming in his heart. The farther he drove from Sasuke’s house, the bigger, deeper, and darker it got.

When he got into town, he started looking out the windows. The night was still young. Maybe he’d go out, do something to make himself  _ feel _ . He had his windows rolled all the way down, but at this point, the cold wasn’t doing anything to spark feeling in his nerves.

He passed by all the things he’d ever known. The stores, the restaurants, the parks. He passed by the high school, and he remembered things that he’d learned there. He passed the museum, and he thought about the day he’d spent with Sasuke and Sakura, and the time that he’d snuck out. He passed by city hall, and he thought about his mother. He passed by the police station, and he thought about Mikoto. She was going to be leaving soon. Her, and Itachi. 

And Sasuke.

Naruto suddenly knew where he wanted to go. He looked at the clock on his radio and saw that he’d been out here for an hour. It was just past 2 am when he turned around and began taking himself back out of town, but the opposite way from Sasuke’s house. He passed the hospital on his way across town. He grit his teeth and made himself not look. 

When Naruto got to the parking lot, he felt a strange sense of peace. He parked at the top of the hill, just like he had before, so long ago. The abandoned store was in his view when he turned his car off. He saw the carts, and he wondered what it had felt like. After all this time, he’d never asked. Naruto got out of his car after opening his trunk and sat in it. He still had Sakura’s blanket in here, and he wrapped it around his shoulders as he overlooked the hill. He saw the bottom of it, and when he squinted, he saw that the cart was still there, upside down and mangled. He remembered seeing Sasuke’s body at the bottom of the hill, bent in ways it wasn’t supposed to be. Damn it, Naruto cursed himself. Would there ever be a span of five seconds that he didn’t think about Sasuke?

He felt that he could sit out here all night. He didn’t feel the cold, even though he knew that it must have been starting to cut into him. Even with the blanket. When he pulled his phone out, it was on twelve percent. That was enough, he thought.

There was a baby crying in the background when Hinata picked up.

“Hello? Do you know what time it is?”

Naruto chuckled mirthlessly. “I do, a little. My phone is dying.” He hated to think that she was busy, with her son of all things, but there was no one else he could talk to.

“What is it?”

“Sasuke,” Naruto said. It felt like a brand on his tongue. His eyelids fluttered as he thought about what they’d just done.

“What about him? Is his Mom ok?” 

“Yes,” Naruto sighed. “She’s going to be home tomorrow. Think she’s lost a little feeling in her left hand, but she’s alive, she can speak.”

Hinata shushed her son and cursed when he whined again. “That’s nice,” she said absently. “Ash, please. It’s going to be alright, please don’t cry.” Hinata was begging, but Ash was a baby. He wasn’t listening. 

“Is he ok?” Naruto asked, concerned. Hearing Hinata’s baby cry was enough to bring some feeling back to his blood.

“No,” Hinata huffed. “Kiba was over here  _ hours _ ago, and Ash still isn’t over it.” 

Naruto suddenly felt selfish. He should be checking on Hinata more, instead of only calling her when  _ he _ had a problem. “What did he want? Do I have to kick his ass?”

Hinata laughed lightly. “No,” she said. “Well, maybe. He said he’s tired of learning about his kid on social media.”

“But he’s the one who isn’t making any effort to see his son,” Naruto pointed out. He chewed his thumbnail as Hinata negated this.   


“He’s tried before. Sometimes it’s me, but mostly it's Neji that tells him he needs to give up. It’s not like I really don’t want him around, for Ash’s sake.” Hinata made a noncommittal sound. “It gets hard, alone. Even with Hanabi, and Dad. Ash is a lot.”

“I can’t imagine.”

Hinata sighed again. “I would not change him for anything,” she said dreamily. “What’s wrong with Sasuke?” Her tone shifted quickly.

“He’s, um. He’s leaving tomorrow. Today.” Naruto grit his teeth as the despair rushed up again to the front of his mind.

“Where’s he going?”

“California, with his brother and his Mom.”

“Oh, that’s pretty sweet,” Hinata said. Naruto glanced up at the moon.

“It’s not sweet,” he said. “He’s leaving forever.”

“Oh, shit. Forever, like… never coming back?”

“Just like that.” 

After Naruto explained what had happened, a silence stretched between them, broken only by Ash’s whimpers and Hinata’s attempts to get him to go to sleep. Naruto zoned out, and his eyes watched the red lights of the cars on the highway as they left the city. How easy it must be, to just  _ go _ . It was all he’d ever wanted to do, before he’d actually left. Eventually, Hinata made a thoughtful sound that brought Naruto’s attention back to her.

“I don’t know what it feels like,” Hinata said first. “I watched you love him, up close and far away. I know that I’ve never felt anything like what I watched you feel. So strong, so deep. With everything you had. So I can’t say that I understand. But. Whatever happens between now and then, you’re going to see him again. I’ve been reading a lot lately, since I can’t go out very much anymore.”

Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed hard. “Reading what?”

“Oh, lots of stuff. And it always ends the same way. You guys are kind of… fucked. I say that in the nicest way possible.” Hinata paused. She seemed to be trying to think of the right words to say. “It always ends the same way, though. If you really,  _ really _ feel that way about him, and he feels that way about you, then you’ll see him again. You’ll end up in the place you need to be in.”

It hurt when Naruto spoke because of the lump in his throat. “Did you used to think that about us?”

“Maybe,” Hinata laughed. “Dunno. Things are different, now, a lot different between us. But things never changed between the two of you, even if it feels like it did. You’ve been going in circles for a long time. That’s what Sakura says, anyway.” Hinata’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I think hearing you talk made him calm. He’s asleep now.”

“That’s sweet,” Naruto mumbled. 

Hinata yawned on the other end. “Since he’s sleeping, I’m gonna go, too. I… wish I could have said some better stuff, really given you something to help you. But I’m glad you called. I think we should talk more.”

“I think so, too. I don’t wanna keep you up, since he’s finally down,” Naruto sighed. He blinked up at the sky again, and this time he saw the stars. “Thank you for listening.”

“Of course, silly,” Hinata said. “I’ll kiss him real big for you tomorrow,” she added, because she knew that Naruto was going to say it.

“Thank you.”

Naruto saw that now his phone was on two percent. It was getting close to a quarter to three. He thought that maybe he could sleep.

No one was waiting for him when he returned to the house. Everything was silent. Naruto felt the draft coming through the hole in the window, even though he’d dragged Sakura’s blanket into the house with him from his car so that he wouldn’t be so cold. Just as he’d been thinking that he could sleep, the feeling went away and he knew that he was going to be laying there in the dark for at least another hour. He just couldn’t make his mind calm down. Naruto thought about how Sasuke had been vowing to him, over the past few days, that he was going to change his destiny so that Naruto was still in it. How he was going to do whatever he could so that they’d be together. Had it been nothing, had it meant nothing, just words? What was the point of saying  _ that _ , when Sasuke could have been telling him the truth. And then, Naruto’s mind fell to when they’d asked if Sasuke had been given any choice. He had lied then, too. Naruto felt so foolish. He was a fool, a fool for Sasuke. Forever. 

He knew that if Sasuke apologized and promised that it would all be ok, he’d forgive him eventually. That was the problem. Naruto was incapable of not forgiving Sasuke, even for things that Sasuke wouldn’t ever let Naruto come back from.

But he didn’t know if he could forgive this. Naruto could admit, he had not been perfect across the span of their relationship. He’d fucked Hinata, he’d lied about talking to her again, he’d been beyond careless with Sasuke’s love and devotion to him. He had. And Sasuke had made him  _ pay _ for that. But he’d never been dishonest about something like this, not that he could remember. Maybe, he was forgetting something, but there wasn’t anything that he’d done to make Sasuke feel like  _ this _ . 

It wasn’t that Sasuke was leaving, because that hadn’t originally been his idea. Itachi was taking them away because they needed to be safe. But Naruto couldn’t get it out of his head that Sasuke had lied. It wasn’t even about the fact that Sasuke hadn’t told them until today, tonight. It was that when they’d asked, Sasuke had said he hadn’t had a choice. But that was a lie, clearly a lie. And that meant that Sasuke  _ had  _ had a choice in it. He’d made the choice to not fight Itachi about it. He wanted to leave. Naruto couldn’t fault Sasuke for wanting to go, to get away from the danger their father posed on himself and his family. He couldn’t blame him. He’d want to leave, too. It was just the  _ lying _ . Naruto didn’t understand why it had to be lied about.

After a restless night, Naruto snuck out of the house when the sun was starting to peek in through the windows. He heard someone moving around upstairs, and he didn’t want to be around when people started waking up. He didn’t want to have to explain himself.

When he got home, Naruto went straight to his room. There was nothing to say to anyone. He didn’t come out when Minato tried to get him to eat, and he didn’t come out when Kushina said that Itachi called the house.

**Sakura:** **_you’re not coming???_ **

**Naruto:** **_I don’t have anything to say._ **

**Sakura:** **_how about you love him? as a friend?? and that you’re going to miss him??? as someone who just fucked him and then left last night???? maybe?_ **

**Naruto:** **_What’s the point._ **

“The  _ point _ is that it shouldn’t end this way,” Sakura said as soon as Naruto picked up her call. “You should see him, and tell him that you love him. He was a wreck when he saw that you didn’t come back.”

Naruto decided not to mention that he had come back, he just hadn’t made his presence known. “I can’t, Sakura.”

“Don’t  _ tell _ me that you’re still mad at him? This wasn’t his choice.”

“But it  _ was _ ,” Naruto said. “He lied to you when he said that he didn’t have a say in it, you saw it, too.”

Sakura was silent for a moment. “Maybe he just didn’t want to disappoint us and tell us that he actually wanted to leave.”

“Sometimes things have to hurt, Sakura. He made me learn that the hard way.”

“You lied about stuff, too,” Sakura pointed out.

“Never something like this. It isn’t like me fucking Hinata, or going away to school. I paid for that, and I come back home. He said he isn’t coming back. It’s not the same,” Naruto said. 

Sakura sighed. “I know,” she admitted quietly. “I just don’t want to imagine that him not telling us is as selfish as it feels.”

Naruto watched his toads across the room. So peaceful and unknowing. “I don’t want to come back, either,” he said eventually. 

“What? What does that even mean?” Sakura sounded incredulous, but Naruto was serious. 

“If he’s not here, there’s no reason to come back. I have. Nothing.” The words were starting to feel heavy on his tongue.

“Naruto,” Sakura said, but then her voice trailed off. 

“What will I do without him? I’ve never… had to do this. It went from seeing him every day, to seeing him every few months, to never? I don’t know what I am without him. I am nothing. I have nothing. And I have no reason to come back here, if it isn’t coming back to him.” Naruto’s voice was at a pitch that he hadn’t ever expected to hear come from himself again.

“I don’t know, Naruto. I can’t even… think of it. We won’t be able to visit him, and he won’t be able to visit us. He’ll be gone. Really gone.” Sakura’s voice was shaking. 

“Don’t say it,” Naruto begged.

Sakura let out a wavering breath. “So you’re really not coming?” 

“No,” Naruto said.

“Alright. Do you want me to take a message?”

“Uh. Tell him that he can call me if he wants to talk about it.”

“Seriously?”

“There’s nothing else I can do. I  _ can’t _ watch him leave.”

***

This time, it was Sasuke that cried as Naruto told the story. They were off the plane and on the beach, sitting beneath an umbrella in chairs that Naruto had fought to shove into the sand. Sasuke was wearing a very large hat that he was using to hide his face from Naruto.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said sternly. He watched as Sasuke wiped at his eyes and shook his head. He was wearing contacts, because he didn’t like the threat of the sand scratching the lenses of his glasses. Naruto admired Sasuke’s face without glasses and remembered when they were so much younger, when Sasuke had only needed readers. He admired Sasuke even now that he was crying.

“I remember when you did that,” Sasuke said. His voice was shaky. “I never thought you wouldn’t come to see us leave.”

“I mean… I told you. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch you just go.” Naruto chewed his lip as Sasuke continued to sob. “Come here,” he said eventually. Sasuke didn’t really fit in Naruto’s chair with him, and there was a lot of sand on him, but it didn’t matter. He took Sasuke’s hat and put it on his own head, which made Sasuke smile despite himself.

“I never forgave myself for that,” Sasuke mumbled. He had pushed his face into Naruto’s neck, and Naruto could feel Sasuke’s wet eyelashes as he blinked. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Naruto said. He ran a hand over Sasuke’s arm slowly. “ I was selfish not to go, because _I_ couldn’t face you. And your brother  had to protect you guys. Your Dad was a maniac.”

“He was,” Sasuke sighed. He cast his eyes up to Naruto’s face. “Keep going. You went back to the house, right?”

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “For, like, a week. I knew you weren’t there, but I couldn’t stop checking on it.”

“I’m surprised,” Sasuke said.

“I was more surprised by who moved back in.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is violence and a little bit of blood mentioned :,(
> 
> hopefully you still enjoyed, and sorry it’s been so fricken long

This wasn’t how this night was supposed to be transpiring. Hinata had invited him to this Christmas/birthday party because she knew that he was sad, him and Sakura. Naruto did not like to admit that he was sad, though. It was more like his heart had been sliced with a jagged, rusty knife, and then each piece had been set on fire in a way that just when he thought it was over, some part of his mind would burst into flame and there was no way to put it out.

At the very least, Sakura had Ino to spend her time with, and she certainly did. It was hard for Ino to tell her father that she loved Sakura, because he had always gone on and on about grandchildren and continuing the business, especially after Ino’s mother had passed. But he loved her far too much, Sakura had said, to let anything like that be the reason why he didn’t love her anymore. Naruto tried to be happy for them, but _happy_ wasn’t in his rolodex anymore.

Hinata had Ash to worry about, too, but she still managed to worry about Naruto. She checked on him an almost ridiculous amount. Kushina had questioned whether they would get back together, but Naruto snorted and shook his head. There was no _love_ left in life if it wasn’t with him. Naruto hadn’t even been letting himself think the name, though somehow, when you’re trying not to think about something is when you’re thinking about it the most.

Hinata had insisted that Naruto and Sakura come to her apartment and celebrate the holidays, because what else were they going to do on Christmas Eve? “Sleep,” Sakura had replied. When they were off the phone, Sakura made a serious noise that caused Naruto to wince. 

“You should go,” she said first.

“I never said I wasn’t going to go,” Naruto said defensively. He had been planning on finding a way out of it later, so that it didn’t seem so obvious that he was just avoiding it.

Sakura huffed. “I know you,” she said, “and I know that you’re upset. Moping around in your house and driving past his again won’t make anything any better.”

Naruto made an indignant sound. “I do not drive past his house,” he lied. It was true. He drove past the house every day after 12pm. He just didn’t know how Sakura knew that. 

“Fine, right. Anyway,” Sakura said with annoyance, “you’re going to go, and dress nice, and talk to at least two people besides me. And Ino doesn’t count.”

“Fuck.”

***

To begin with, the night wasn’t so bad. Once he forgot himself and pretended like nothing bad was happening in his mind, it was fine. Sasuke had told him what this was called once. It started with a ‘D’, was all Naruto knew, and that it was a long word. Diss… something. Sasuke said he’d been using it to cope with what his Dad had been doing for years. Naruto bit his lip as he stood with his back to a wall. Now is not the time, he told himself, over and over. Now is not the time. Now is not the time. But there was never a time, could never be enough time, to remember Sasuke. Because it would hurt too bad. There was too much to remember, and then it always ended with Sasuke being gone. So Naruto didn’t allow himself to remember too hard. Only the stuff on the surface.

He wished that the drinks Hinata was serving had alcohol in them, but she was not a party girl anymore, she had reminded them all. Besides Sakura and Ino, Naruto was joined by Kiba, Shino, and Neji, and he had brought Tenten over. It was nice to see _her_ at least. She was sweet and her accent reminded Naruto of school. School. Naruto would have to leave again, and he still wasn’t so sure he wanted to come back. He hadn’t voiced this to anyone except Sakura, and for once, she hadn’t told Ino. “It’s not the kind of thing we talk about.” Naruto didn’t like to think Sakura was lying, but he didn’t think she was this time.

“Naruto? Are you feeling alright, there?” Tenten had snuck up on him, and Naruto gasped slightly when she spoke. He shifted a little so that he could look at her eyes. She was a little too close, and she was taller than him.

“I’m fine,” Naruto said, lifting his shoulder in a shrug. He took a sip of his warm drink to keep his mouth from quivering the way it did when he wanted to cry.

“You just look so… distraught. Really unhappy,” Tenten said. “And,” she added with a small chuckle, “you've been staring through me for at least ten minutes now.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Naruto said. He laughed without smiling. “I’m just thinking.”

“About Sas’ke?” Naruto hadn’t noticed the way that Tenten said Sasuke’s name before. It was almost funny. Would have been a lot more funny if he were there to hear it.

“… Yes,” Naruto said. He wondered how she would know about this. It would take too much time and effort to figure out where she was getting her information. He was tired, tired of explaining it. His mother and father had asked, and he’d only told them what he could bear to say. He’d told Hinata on his own will, but now she worried about him way too much. He’d had to explain it to his roommate, too, which was just stupid. Suigetsu never minded his own business, was the problem with him.

“Well, I can’t imagine,” Tenten said, “but at least you have school, right? Soccer and the like?”

“That’s true,” Naruto said. He huffed a sigh of relief when Hinata said that it was time to eat. She had Ash on her hip. He was so _big_ , that was all Naruto could think about as Neji set the table for everyone. Ash’s face grew to look more like Hinata’s every day, and Naruto felt glad for her. At least he didn’t look like Kiba. Hinata had been through enough already, it wouldn’t be fair if she had worked so hard for everything she had given to her son up to that point, only for the baby to look like Kiba and be a reminder that he wasn’t there.

Naruto only noticed when he was sat next to Hinata on her right side that Rock Lee wasn’t here. “Thank you all for coming,” Hinata began. Naruto closed his eyes as he listened. Everything was reminding him of Sasuke. Hinata was even saying words that Sasuke had said. 

“I’m glad that you guys can come together with Ash and I, even though I asked you all not to get me any presents.” She gave a stern eye to everyone around the table, and everyone laughed. Everyone except Naruto. Hinata continued after adjusting Ash’s little hat so that it wasn’t falling off of his head. He had a lot of hair, now. Ash was holding Hinata’s hair tight in one of his fists, and the other was shoved into his mouth. “This has been a very crazy year for me, but it’s about to come to an end, and I’m just… grateful, to have the things I have.” Hinata turned dreamy eyes to Ash, and he took his hand from her hair and laid it flat on her cheek. She beamed at him.

Naruto was likewise impressed with everything Hinata had been doing for herself. Her parents helped her pay for this apartment, but she lived alone, and she worked. Neji watched her son during the day, mostly, but she had found some kind professors that let her bring him with her to class as long as she promised that he wouldn’t be a distraction. She had been making music, too, whenever she could convince Neji to take Ash back to the house their fathers lived in, where they’d both grown up. Naruto was proud of her. She told him that Kiba had been coming over a lot more during this holiday break, and she had been trying to weather it, but it was growing difficult. Ash was beginning to recognize Kiba, and get excited when he came around. It would only be a matter of time, Hinata had cried, before he started _wanting_ Kiba around.

“Thank you for having us,” Shino said. He offered the slightest upward turn of the corner of his mouth in what Naruto assumed was supposed to be a smile. 

Kiba echoed Shino’s sentiment, and Naruto tried not to roll his eyes too hard. Kiba was lucky that Hinata was so kind. She didn’t have to let him over here, near her baby and her other friends. Her _real_ friends. She was always so tired, and he drained her to the point of complete exhaustion whenever he came around. Naruto stabbed his chicken extra hard as Kiba continued his obnoxious blathering about how _awesome_ things were at Wake Forest, and how he couldn’t wait to go back.

“Thinking of getting a place up there,” he was telling Ino. She was oblivious to the way that Naruto’s hands were shaking, but Sakura was not. She gave him a pointed look across the table, but Naruto pretended not to see it. 

His mood softened when Hinata leaned close to talk to him. “I’m glad you came,” she whispered. “It’s good to see you out of the house. And wearing pants. And with your hair combed—”

“Thank you for inviting me,” Naruto interrupted her. He didn’t need to be reminded of his constant wallowing, not here. He was two seconds from having a breakdown at any second as it was. He was just trying to last until he was gone from here, so that he could cry in his car before he went home. She was making it difficult to keep himself composed. 

Hinata’s hand reached for Naruto’s, and she laid her fingers over his. She didn’t say anything, and Naruto was grateful. He didn’t know how much more of her kind words that he could take. 

Kiba was still talking. Not one was really listening but Shino. “I mean, what’s here for me, anyway? Home is wherever I want it to be, now.”

“‘S that what you really think? That there’s nothing here for you?” Naruto shocked everyone when he spoke. Kiba’s eyebrows drew together. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kiba said shortly. 

“You are a _father_ , you asshole,” Naruto spit. Hinata mumbled his name in a pleading voice, and he apologized for his language near her son. 

Kiba glanced at Ash, his own _baby_ , and he shrugged. “I can visit. She never lets me over here, anyway. She doesn’t want him to know me.”

Naruto laughed, but there was nothing behind it. “That is rich,” he said. 

“Naruto, please,” Sakura said. Her voice was sharp but her eyes were hopeful. Begging. It didn’t matter. Heat was beginning to trickle from somewhere deep inside Naruto, and he was trying to ignore it, but Kiba’s idiotic voice kept stoking it higher until something inside of him was on fire. And not in a sad way. In a way that was bordering on dangerous.

“So, you’re some star athlete now? And you don’t have to come home to your son… why? Because you’re too important, playing mediocre baseball?” Naruto shook his head. “You’re a fool.”

“Well, I think that you’re a fucking idiot. So how’s that.”

“ _Kiba_ ,” Hinata’s voice was hopeless by that point. She held her son to her chest and tried to shield the ear that wasn’t pressed to her body.

Naruto grit his teeth. Even across the table, he thought that he might be able to throw this fork with enough precision to hit Kiba in the eye. Maybe both. He had good aim.

“I’m an idiot?”

“Yeah,” Kiba said. He shrugged. “You were so stupid. For _years._ ” 

Neji’s voice caused a jolt to go up Kiba’s spine. “Kiba,” he said carefully, “I would suggest that you keep your asinine comments about my cousin to a minimum. And stop cursing around Ash, all of you. He’s perceptive.”

Sakura stood up from the table and shook her head when Ino tried to get her to stay. Naruto didn’t watch Sakura leave. “I don’t think you really have a leg to stand on here, _pal_ ,” Naruto said. He saw Kiba’s eyes narrow, and something hot flared up in his veins. For so long, he’d been so numb. It had only been two weeks since Sasuke had left, but Naruto realized that when he was alone, he’d already been feeling nothing before that.

“Tell him to not have such a slick mouth,” Kiba said, but Hinata held her hand up before she stood. She gave Ash to Neji and put her hands on the table on either side of herself.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to watch my son begin to recognize you, after 6 months of being all alone? You’re his _father_ , and it’s a chore for you to come see him. Just so that he knows your face, even?” Hinata’s eyes were wide and her chest was heaving. Naruto felt like he shouldn’t be sitting here watching this, but there wasn’t any way to escape now. Somehow, Shino found the courage to excuse himself. 

“He’s seen everyone more than you, everyone. Even Sasuke had been over here more than you before he left,” Hinata said. Naruto closed his eyes briefly and let out a breath. “And you act like… like I just don’t want you here, like I would turn you away if you actually wanted to work it out, for him.” Hinata’s voice was soft now. Her baby was watching her with something close to fear in his eyes, even though Neji was trying to get his attention away from her.

Kiba was still so flippant. He just didn’t care. “I’d love to be over here,” he said nonchalantly, “but _he’s_ always here. You don’t even live here,” Kiba said, turning to Neji. “Hinata’s not your sister. She’s your _cousin_. That’s my son. You don’t always have to be here, watching her. Making sure no one’s touching her.”

“She would have no one else to watch him if not for me,” Neji said, his tone ever calm. Naruto scratched his chin and glanced at Hinata. She was on the verge of tears.

“My sister is your age, she can watch him sometimes,” Kiba pointed out.

“Neji,” Hinata mumbled, ignoring Kiba’s words, “take him to bed, please.”

Kiba stood when Neji took Ash away from the table. When Ash realized that he was being taken away from Hinata, he started whining. Ino and Tenten left while there was a lull in the conversation, so that there was only Kiba, Naruto, and Hinata left. Naruto was glaring at Kiba across the table, but Kiba’s eyes were on Hinata. 

“Don’t you miss it?” Kiba spoke suddenly, and with something insidious in his tone.

“Miss what, Kiba.” Her question came out as a statement. She shook her head. She was tired of him.

“Us, being together,” Kiba clarified. Naruto shifted his hands around in his lap and told himself not to get involved with their business. Any time was the time to leave from here, and yet, he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he left Hinata here to fend off Kiba’s lunacy by herself when she was already so tired and sad.

“We were never together,” Hinata pointed out. “We made a string of life-altering mistakes that I regret, but we were never together.” She crossed her arms over her big, purple ugly Christmas sweater.

“Don’t be like that just because he’s here.” Kiba tried to wrap an arm around Hinata’s shoulders, but she flinched away from him and brought herself closer to Naruto in the process. 

“I’m not being like anything,” Hinata said. “We weren’t together. We had a baby, we are parents. I am a parent, anyway.” She rolled her eyes as she said this. “That’s it. There is no _we,_ there is no _us_.”

Kiba kept coming, kept trying to put an arm around her. “You don’t have to pretend,” he said again.

“Leave her alone,” Naruto said from where he sat, despite himself. Kiba’s eyes turned to Naruto angrily and in a frenzy.

“ _You_ leave her alone! If it isn’t Neji, it’s you telling me I can’t be over here with my own son,” Kiba yelled. Hinata had given up on trying to make him be quiet.

“Because you’re bad for her,” Naruto said plainly. “You’re up to no good, like always.”

“No, no, no,” Kiba said, shaking his head frantically and pointing a finger at each of them in turn. “This is how it always starts! You get sick of me, sick of whatever, and you run back to him. You’re going to get back with him, yeah? Now that his little _boyfriend_ is gone?”

Naruto felt something red growing inside of him. The trickle had become a stream now, and it was like lava. Thick, red, hot. Molten. Corrosive. It was burning a hole in Naruto’s rationality. He gripped the edge of the table with both of his hands and watched as his knuckles got white. “Don’t.”

Kiba smirked. He seemed to notice that he’d found a sore spot, so he kept poking it. “Can’t be easy, being so _alone_. I have her, at least.” Kiba rounded the table and finally got a strong arm around Hinata’s shoulders. Her face was angry, but she didn’t struggle to get away.

Naruto thought his eyes might roll into the back of his head. There had been rage inside of him before, and he’d even felt it white. Never had he felt something so red. He thought that maybe he was imagining the taste of metal in his mouth, but it was his own blood from him biting the inside of his cheek. The stream was flowing fast, pooling into a reservoir of unbridled anger. There was no one who was allowed to talk about Sasuke to him, not even his parents, not even Sakura sometimes. Nauruto thought he might be able to flip this table, even with everything on it, and throw the chairs out of the window. He knew for sure that he was about to reach a tipping point. There was a voice in his head telling him that Kiba would _deserve_ it if Naruto threw something at him. He would _deserve_ it if somehow he fell down the stairs on his way out of here. He would _deserve_ it if Naruto punched him squarely between his eyes. He should just do it, he wouldn’t be wrong. Naruto stood and flexed his hands into fists a few times. There was a strength coursing through him that he’d never felt before. Was he high? Whatever this was, he was out of his mind. Something sinister was about to take him completely over. He was doing everything he could to struggle against it and not succumb, but Kiba would not stop talking.

“After everything you did, you still couldn’t make Sasuke stay with you, hm?”

“Kiba, leave it,” Hinata said in a low voice. Kiba grinned now, he _smiled_. Hinata wrenched herself free from him so that she could retreat to the doorway to watch both situations going on; the one in her dining room, and where Neji was holding Ash.

“Why leave it? He’s obsessive. He was obsessed with you, and then he was obsessed with Sasuke. That doesn’t work, _loser._ ” 

There was a series of crashes, the sound of a scream, and a baby crying. All of it happened outside of Naruto’s consciousness. He felt his fist connect with Kiba’s jaw just as something splintered into his leg, through his khakis. He’d broken one of the chairs because he’d moved so fast and without care for what was in his way. Naruto knew that _he_ was doing this, putting his fists to Kiba’s face, but it felt like it was coming from somewhere else. He heard Hinata crying, and he heard Ash screaming, but none of it registered as real. 

The only thing that was real was his fury, and the fact that Kiba had landed a hit on his eye. Strong arms held Naruto’s own behind his back, and it took two other people to drag him away from Kiba. By that point, Naruto wasn’t sure _what_ was happening. Naruto smelled the flowers on Sakura and Ino as they pulled him towards the front door. Hinata never stopped crying, and Ash never stopped wailing. Kiba was yelling, too, telling Sakura and Ino to let Naruto go, he could take him, it wasn’t fair. Naruto vaguely wondered why Kiba was yelling, and why there was blood coming from his nose, before he was being shoved down the stairs by Sakura and being held on his front end by Ino so that he didn’t fall.

Naruto didn’t realize that there was blood on his hands until he was outside under the street lights. Whose blood was this, anyway? Naruto held his hands close to his face. Where had it come from? What was even happening? Ino held Naruto by his shoulders until he was close enough to his car to lean against it, and then she held the flashlight of her phone up to Naruto’s face. He winced. His head was already beginning to hurt.

“What is _wrong_ with you?!” Sakura was hysterical. Her voice was ragged already. “It was supposed to be a nice night, we were going to eat and drink warm things and tell each other Merry Christmas and tell Hinata happy birthday.” Sakura drew in a long breath after she ran out from rambling so fast. “Her baby is in there, it’s his first Christmas! Kiba is Ash’s father, Naruto!”

“Hey,” Naruto said weakly, bringing his hand up to his face to shield from Ino’s phone. “I talked to two people, and that’s all you asked of me.” He decided to stop making jokes when he saw the look on Sakura’s face. “What… happened?”

Sakura’s eyes widened. “What _happened_? You’re going to tell me that you don’t remember what happened?” she asked, incredulous. 

Naruto shook his head. “I know that my knuckles are busted,” he said slowly, “and my face hurts. I thought we were eating dinner. Hinata was talking.”

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose and made a face like she wanted to scream. “You just punched Kiba directly in his face! You guys fought.”

Speechless.

“... Wh-what? I did what?”

“You _punched_ him in his _jaw_ , Naruto,” Ino said slowly, so that maybe Naruto would understand it this time. “You put your hands on him. I wouldn’t be surprised if Neji doesn’t call the police.”

Naruto looked down at his hands again. Blood, his blood maybe. Kiba’s blood, maybe. He’d punched the _blood_ out of Kiba’s nose. He raised his fingers to his face and felt underneath his eye. “Did he get me?”

“Yeah,” Sakura said. She didn’t seem able to say anything else.

“You really don’t remember doing that?” Ino asked. Her voice didn’t hold as much judgement as Sakura’s. 

Naruto shook his head. “I don’t. I dunno. Something really… I don’t know the word. Strong—”

“Visceral,” Ino supplied. Naruto paused to consider whether or not he knew that word. He decided he didn’t, but nodded anyway. 

“It just came over me. There was, like. A voice in my head, talking to me.”

“A voice in your head?” Ino sounded confused. “What’d it say?” Sakura said she was going to sit in her car because she couldn’t stand to look at Naruto anymore. Naruto thought it was probably also because she was cold. Ino came to stand closer to Naruto, but was careful to avoid his hands.

Naruto lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It kept saying… he deserves it. He would deserve it if something happened to him.” Naruto drew his lip between his teeth. “I’ve never had a thought like that before. I’ve never heard that voice before.”

Ino was silent as she thought. Eventually, she let out a small sigh. “I think you should go home, before any other trouble starts,” she said. “And I think you need to think about stuff. You’re still messed up about Sasuke… sorry.” Naruto had winced. “I just mean. I think Sakura had a point of trying to get you out of the house, but you’re not ready. And that’s ok, to not be ready. We’re here for you until school starts again. We’ll still be here, even during school. Ah,” Ino scratched the back of her neck, “I’ll be. Carrying on the family business and such. Call us, call her, call me.”

Ino offered him the smallest of smiles as she stood straight to leave him. “And wash your hands,” she added, and then she trudged across the grass to Sakura’s car. The cold wasn’t getting to Naruto, but he figured that it was time to go home. He didn’t want to touch his car with blood on his hands, but the only place to wipe them was on his torn khaki pants or his black shirt. Naruto grimaced as he closed his hand around the handle of his car door. He’d wash it when he got home.

Kushina was sitting in the dining room when Naruto came home. He tried to pass by her without saying anything, but she cleared her throat when she saw him. “Baby,” she said, “tell me about the party!” Her tone shifted when she saw Naruto’s face. “What happened to your face? And your hands! Come here.”

Naruto approached Kushina with his head down. She forced his chin up so that she could look more closely at his eye. “It’s going to be black,” she remarked. She took each of his hands and called Minato down before putting a light touch to a few of his knuckles. Naruto drew in sharp breaths, but he let her.

“Why are you yelling?” Minato rubbed at his eyes as he came down the stairs. He grumbled until Kushina forced Naruto to turn around and show his face to his father. 

“I am yelling because your son has a black eye.” 

Naruto couldn’t look his father in the eye. Minato shuffled closer and wrenched Naruto’s hands up to look at his hands. “Did you get in a fight, son?” Minato asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” Naruto said. There was no use in lying. Not if his eye was already getting darker.

“Tell us what happened. We won’t be mad,” Minato said.

Kushina cut her eyes to him. “I will _try_ not to be mad.”

Naruto tried to remember, but his mind was blank when he thought to before he was outside. “I remember Hinata was talking, thanking us for coming and being there with her and her son.” Minato nodded along. Kushina crossed her arms and tapped her foot. 

“Then, Kiba was talking. He just kept _talking_ , and he was bothering Hinata. She was way too nice to invite him, anyway.” Naruto shook his head. “Anyway, he just wouldn’t stop saying obnoxious things about Ash. And then he started talking about S…” Naruto pursed his lips. He wouldn’t say it. 

“Sasuke,” Minato said in a serious voice. Naruto pressed on.

“He said that after everything I did, I couldn’t make him stay with me. And then I opened my eyes, and Ino and Sakura were holding me back and shoving me out the door.” Naruto looked down to his pants leg. Minato followed his eyes and blew some air out of his nose.

“So you don’t remember anything? How your knuckles got busted, how your eye got bruised, how your pants got torn up?” Kushina asked suspiciously. Her eyes were narrowed, and her foot never stopped tapping.

“I don’t,” Naruto said.

“Young man, you don’t get to just _fight_ people and then tell me that you don’t know what happened. You can tell me. Even if it… doesn’t make sense.” Kushina said the last part more quietly. She watched Minato scoff and go into the kitchen to get Naruto some ice. She cast her eyes over Naruto’s entire body and shook her head. Naruto accepted the ice from his father and held it carefully to his face. If it doesn’t make sense? Naruto tried to wrap his head around what his mother had said, but there was too much going on, and there wasn’t enough blood going to his brain anymore.

“You’re going to see Mebuki next week,” Kushina said decisively.

“You’re not going to ask me if I think he should?” Minato asked indignantly. They mirrored one another with the way their arms were crossed. A silence passed between them, and they each glanced at Naruto in turn.

Kushina eventually turned on her heel. “I’m calling her tomorrow,” she said over her shoulder. Naruto watched her leave before he fell into a chair and huffed a heavy sigh. 

After more quiet in which Minato came to sit next to Naruto, he put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “I know that you’re hurting because Sasuke is gone.”

“Dad, please,” Naruto begged. Of all the things, this wasn’t the thing for him to be hearing.

“No, you listen to me,” Minato said sternly. “You can’t act out like this. You won’t talk to anyone, and we know you’re going over there multiple times a week.”

Naruto looked away. He didn’t have anything to say to that. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, there was nothing to say. Minato sensed that Naruto wasn’t going to speak, so he continued.

“I think you should go to see Mebuki, I agree with her,” Minato said. “She is so stubborn, I don’t want to admit it yet.” Minato sighed. “I think that if you have time, a clean space, and some sunlight, you’ll start to open up more. And that’s a start, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Naruto mumbled.

Minato released Naruto’s shoulder, and told him to leave his pants on top of the dryer so that they could be fixed up. Naruto took careful steps up the stairs. Four more steps, three more, two. He could do it, he could make it. He wouldn’t cry tonight.

Naruto washed his hands carefully and examined his eye closely. It would be terrible by tomorrow, and it wouldn’t go away for weeks. “Well,” Naruto said to himself, “this isn’t the first time I’ve been punched in the face.” He heard his parents arguing in their room just as he turned the water on for a shower. He didn’t _want_ to see Sakura’s mom. It wasn’t about therapy, it was about Sasuke. Everything in his life was about Sasuke, and Sasuke was gone now.

It was just like how he’d always feared. He had worked so hard to keep himself from needing Sasuke like this. Maybe he hadn’t done it the right ways. But he’d tried. He had never wanted to feel this, so hopelessly devoted to someone, to anyone. He ran a hand over his wet face. Naruto told himself to breathe, breathe. But his breaths came out more and more ragged, until eventually they began to come out as sobs. He couldn’t even cover his eyes because it hurt too bad. He deserved this. This was the hurt he’d been putting Sasuke through during their relationship, and before it. It was coming back to him now, and worse.

Crying in the shower. Pathetic. 

The only thing that made it better was the thought that he’d get to leave soon. He’d go back to school, and he wouldn’t be able to drive past Sasuke’s house every week. 

That reminded him that he’d have to go back tomorrow, just to be sure. Hopefully, it would be after his stupid appointment with Mrs. Haruno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might it be...karma? or
> 
> KURAMA


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of blood again
> 
> there had to be a double feature today bc it’s also the fourth raikage’s birthday :))
> 
> a little bit of angst to go with that drama in my other fic

Naruto didn’t like feeling this way.

He loved Kushina very much. She was his mother, and she had taught him half of everything he knew. She cared about him more than life itself, she had said once. He tried to listen to her when she spoke, and talk to her when he needed help. 

But right now, he really would rather be talking to anyone else. She was insisting that they talk about what happened on Christmas Eve, but Naruto was resisting.

“You can tell me, I promise. I won’t tell anyone, not even your father, if you don’t want me to.” Kushina’s hand was on Naruto’s as they sat in her office. Minato was in the kitchen on the other side of the house; Naruto could hear him banging pans and filling pots with water. Christmas had turned to the New Year, and it was just Naruto’s luck that _Dr. Haruno’s_ office was open again.

“I don’t even know what happened,” Naruto repeated. They had been talking in circles for at least five minutes now. Kushina just wanted to know what had happened the night of the fight. She kept asking Naruto to describe what he’d been feeling. Naruto didn’t know how many ways he could tell her that he didn’t _know._

“You don’t remember how it felt?” Kushina pressed. Her face was the picture of concern. Naruto worked hard not to roll his eyes too hard after he shook his head.

“I just remember being really angry, and…” He couldn’t possibly tell her about the voice in his head. The last thing he needed was anyone thinking that he was off the deep-end. 

(Though he felt he had. He was waking up with his heart already being squeezed of its life force. He dreamt of Sasuke, and when he opened his eyes he thought that maybe today he’d go see Sasuke, and why had it been so long since they’d seen each other. And then Naruto would sit up, feel the chill in the air from his ceiling fan and his open window, and he’d remember. He’d cast his eyes at the map Sasuke made him, and he’d remember. Naruto pressed the heels of his hands to only one of his eyes. The other one was black. He wondered what Sasuke would think about _that_.)

“And what?” Kushina leaned closer. Her eyes were prying Naruto open as though he was a fragile crate and she was a crowbar. Slowly, and then all at once so that whatever he had been trying to keep from her burst forth.

Naruto sighed. There was no use hiding it from her. She knew what she wanted to hear, somehow, before he’d even said it. “I heard something in my head.” He was fidgeting. “It was like… a voice. It just came over me. And it was telling me bad things.”

Kushina grimaced. “Things like he deserved it?”

Naruto’s lips parted in subtle shock. “How…?”

His mother made a sad sound as she took her hand from his and laid it on her lap. “You are my son,” she said quietly. “I had hoped you would look more like me, but your mannerisms are enough. I wanted you to be so much like me. But not like _this_.”

Naruto quirked an eyebrow. “Like what? You’ve heard a voice before, too?” She hadn’t told him to whisper, but he couldn’t make himself speak any louder now that her voice had been low. This was a secret they were keeping from Minato. Naruto wondered how many other secrets his mother was keeping.

Kushina’s face was anguished as she nodded. “It didn’t start for a long time,” she said. “I didn’t have too many enemies in life. But at work one day, before you were born and back when I was an intern, there was this… woman.” Kushina frowned at the thought. “She was set on making my life miserable. She was my superior, and she treated me like I was inadequate at everything I did. I worked too slow, I made too many errors, I wasn’t knowledgeable enough about the job.” Kushina waved a hand.

“What happened?” Naruto felt himself hating this woman.

“This had been going on for many months, maybe a year. I never complained, because it wasn’t ever my place. She was always, _always_ just one step above me, and I didn’t want anything like an HR scandal making me look bad in the office.” Kushina took a steadying breath. “There was a party between the newspaper and city hall, and it was outside. She spilled something on me _on purpose_ , and I just remember a vivid kind of anger.” Kushina flexed her hands a few times in her lap. “It was the most deep-set anger I’d ever felt. I started thinking, she’d deserve it if I spilled something on _her_. She’d deserve it if I threw something at her. She’d deserve it if I punched her.” Kushina let out a small breath. “I didn’t punch her,” she said eventually. “I was about to throw my drink on her, I think, and your Dad, such a cute journalist. He came to me. It’s how we met.”

“What?” Naruto felt that his whole life was a lie. “When you said you met at a party, I didn’t think it was like that.”

“We didn’t want you to think I was belligerent or something.” Kushina waved a hand. Naruto could have laughed at that, but he remained silent. “I heard the voice then, and I think about it sometimes. What was that? _Who_? It couldn’t have been me. I don’t… do things like that. I was lucky it didn’t end my career.” Kushina found it in herself to laugh a little at this.

“Now, please, don’t tell your Dad,” Kushina mumbled. Naruto nodded. “We can talk about it some more later, if you want.” She clapped her hands together. “ _You_ have to get ready for your appointment.”

“Ah, Mom,” Naruto groaned. Kushina shook her head and stood.

“We can’t be late. Mebuki knows her way around a brain, but she doesn’t like to be kept waiting. Hurry up, go comb your hair!” It was exhausting. Naruto didn’t want to leave the house unless it was to drive past Sasuke’s house and then sit outside of it for thirty minutes like he did every few days. The only solace in today was that he’d do that after he talked to Sakura’s mom. He also knew that whatever Kushina had been talking about, their conversation about the voice in his head wasn’t finished. The invitation to talk about it more was mandatory to accept. He didn’t really want to talk about that, either.

Mebuki’s office was very airy. The surfaces were white and the furnishings were blue. Naruto could not pretend that it wasn’t comforting, at least. Her desk was minimalistic as well as minimally cluttered. He knew that she saw nearly every person in town that went to therapy, and he figured that the two large filing cabinets behind her desk was where she housed all of those records. Sakura’s mom sat across from Naruto, who was situated on one of those big chaises. He didn’t think that they were real until he’d seen it when he walked in. He was patient while Mebuki scribbled some preliminary notes.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Naruto. Can I call you Naruto?” Her voice was light and gentle. This would only make it harder to continue to resist this.

Naruto nodded in her direction before turning his head back up to the ceiling. There was a chandelier hanging from it with blue glass. Naruto fixed his eyes on it so that he had something to focus on as he spoke.

“Now tell me, what brings you here today?”

“My Mom,” Naruto replied.

Mebuki chuckled. “You’re 19, yes?”

Naruto nodded again.

“Then I know that you consented to this visit. Your mother only suggested it, you didn’t have to come.”

Naruto wished already for this to be over. How did people make a living out of scouring people’s minds like this? “I did,” Naruto sighed. “I guess I’ve been… out of sorts. And I knew that I needed to talk about it, even if I didn’t want to.” He would tell her what he thought she wanted to hear. Never mind that it was the truth.

“What’s been having you ‘out of sorts’?”

Would he really tell this woman, someone who _knew_ Sasuke and probably already knew the situation from Sakura, what was wrong with him?

Yes. Kushina had made him pay for this visit, and he knew, despite himself, that he needed to stop bottling.

“Someone very important to me moved away,” Naruto began carefully. He watched the light change in the chandelier as he shifted.

“A friend, a family member, a significant other?”

“Um.” Naruto frowned. “A friend.” It was stupid. He felt this way, when Sasuke had been making it entirely clear since the summer that they couldn’t be together, wouldn’t be. And then he’d lied about everything. Naruto grit his teeth.

“How long have you known this person?”

Naruto wasn’t sure how she could do this. She knew exactly how long he’d known Sasuke, she had been there. She was a real professional. Naruto would never doubt her again. “I think it’s getting close to eleven years,” Naruto said. Sasuke was always way better at keeping count of things like that. He remembered the ‘I love yous’ and started to feel faint.

“What makes this so hard?” Mebuki was writing things as Naruto spoke.

“We were very close. Sometimes I forget that he’s gone. I wake up, and for a moment, I still think that I can see him if I want to,” Naruto said. Mebuki hummed.

“How close?”

God. “I love him,” Naruto finally said. “I didn’t know it until, like, a year ago— two years, almost, but. He loved me, too.”

Mebuki continued writing. “So, someone that you love has gone away. Is he far, can you visit?”

Naruto shook his head. “Not really. I can’t just go to California on a whim. It’d have to be really important. But it probably won’t ever come to that.”

“Are you still in contact?”

Naruto sighed. “No.” It was his own fault for not showing up at Sasuke’s house, or the airport, or _something_. He’d done nothing to make Sasuke know that he was still there for him. He’d only told Sakura to let Sasuke know that they could talk if he wanted to. And clearly, Sasuke did not.

“So, when did you find out he was leaving? Was it sudden?”

An understatement.

“He didn’t tell me until a few days before,” Naruto said. “But… I guess he didn’t know then. His brother took him away, and his Mom.” Naruto brought his arm up to cover his eyes. “But he knew where he was going, and he knew that he wanted to go. He lied about those things. I guess that’s another reason why it’s so hard. He didn’t have to lie. It would have hurt either way, but it just added insult to injury.” 

“Tell me about him,” Mebuki said suddenly. Naruto moved his arm and turned his head towards her to look at her with confusion.

“Tell you what?” 

“Anything that comes to mind.”

Too much all at once. Naruto didn’t know where to begin. “Um. He’s always been very important to me. We are best friends. Him, and me, and Sakura.” If she could suspend her disbelief, so could he. “It’s always been the three of us, through the years. He listens to me, he believes in me. He thinks that I can do anything I want to do, if I try hard enough. He makes me feel so safe, at ease.” Naruto closed his eyes tight and covered them again. There was Sasuke in his mind, urging him to keep going, that he had to tell it all or else this would have been for nothing. “I wasn’t always the greatest to him.” Naruto pressed on, even though his chest was beginning to hurt. And his face. His arm was laying heavy over his black eye. “When you love someone, there are things you just. You don’t do them. We did plenty of them plenty of times, to each other. It wasn’t just him and it wasn’t just me. It was all so new. Before him there had only been one girl, a _girl_. I was supposed to marry her.”

“What happened to her?” Mebuki’s voice caused Naruto to open his eyes again.

“We broke up. She broke up with me,” Naruto corrected himself. “She could tell that what I was feeling for… him, was a lot deeper than friends. She has a baby now.”

“Ah.”

“I just kept telling myself not to need him so much. It was so _easy_ , to slip into it. To let myself crave him enough to the point that I was going nuts if I tried to pull away. And he knew it, I think. We tried so many times. It never worked.” Naruto ran a hand over his face. “But you know when you have your person. You just know it. No matter what happens, it will fall into place.” He grimaced. “Or. That’s what I keep telling myself.”

Mebuki took some time to write and go over what she’d jotted down. Eventually, she hummed again and Naruto finally sat up and turned to face her. “I think that time will do the two of you some great good,” she said. “There’s a level of codependence that I see on occasion in young relationships.” Naruto bit his lip. He had never thought to use that word to describe their dynamic, but he shouldn’t have been asking _himself_ to begin with. He should have been asking someone with more worldly sense, like Sakura or Hinata. People who didn’t look at everything through a lens, like he did.

“If you believe that you will come back together, there must be some work done on both ends,” Mebuki said. “You can’t account for how he will turn out. All you can do is put the time into yourself, and hope that he felt the same way enough to work on himself, as well.”

“What do I need to do?” Naruto asked, hopeful.

“Reflect,” Mebuki said. Naruto’s shoulders sagged. He’d already been _doing_ that. He was really hoping there was some thing he could do, a few steps that he could take so that he would be over it, and Sasuke would come back to him. Or call, at least. _You can call, too_ , Naruto reminded himself. He shook his head to make his mind be quiet.

“It’s not going to be easy, or fast, or painless. It’s going to hurt, probably.” Mebuki clicked her tongue. “It’s important that you face that. When it hurts, don’t run away from that. You’re not going to ever truly be over it until you’ve gone _through_ it. Does that make sense?” 

Naruto nodded, hating how much sense it made.

Mebuki nodded, too, and turned a page on her notepad. “Now. Tell me about the eye of yours.”

“Oh, this?” Naruto shrugged. “I got into a fight,” he said.

“That’s not normal, unless you’re a professional fighter?”

Naruto averted his eyes. “Ah, no. I play soccer.” Mebuki moved her hands to encourage Naruto to explain. “I was at my ex-girlfriend’s house for Christmas and her birthday. She wanted me to get out of the house and stop wallowing. Her and Sakura. So I went, and I told myself to enjoy it. But I kept thinking about him. Sasuke.” Naruto realized that it was the first time during this session that he’d breathed Sasuke’s name. It felt like a knife traveling carefully through every major part of his body on its way from his soul up to his mouth. “So I just started to try not to feel anything. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, actually. Just. Feeling nothing, but on purpose. Because it’s easier that way, to just think about it happening to someone else.”

“If you’re watching it happen, it doesn’t hurt so bad, yes? It isn’t the same as it happening to you.”

Naruto nodded. “He said he used to do it, there was a name for it. D… di-something.”

“Dissociation is common in people who have gone through trauma,” Mebuki said, nodding solemnly. “But like I said, you have to face it. Dissociating only makes reality hurt that much more when you finally come back to yourself.” 

How could she _know_ this? Naruto’s eyebrows drew together, but he made himself go on. He hadn’t relived the night of the fight on his own time. Only with Kushina, and now with Dr. Haruno. “It was nice, small. She invited people over and she cooked dinner. It was her son’s first Christmas.” Naruto brought his thumb up his mouth to bite his nail. “Ash’s dad is a jerk,” he said. “He kept bothering her, trying to make her feel guilty for not wanting him to come over and stuff. And _then_ , he started making fun of me.”

“About what?” This was the first time Mebuki’s voice held real concern. Before, her tone had only been professional. 

“About Sasuke,” Naruto said through gritted teeth. He saw a red flash behind his eyes for a second before it went away. “He said… stupid stuff. And then something came over me. I just remember my knuckles busting, and. Blood in his nose, blood on my hands. My pants were torn up, don’t know how. He got me in my face,” Naruto said, pointing to his eye.

“Acting out,” Mebuki said decisively. It was an easy enough diagnosis. “I suggest that you keep away from triggers that might make you lose control of yourself again. Whether this be in violent ways, or ways that make you feel helpless.”

Naruto knew that one of those triggers was driving past Sasuke’s house. It only fueled the feelings he was plagued with when he woke up and had to realize all over again that there was no more Sasuke. But… he was still going to do it today. One last time.

“Is there anything else that you need to discuss today?”

Naruto thought about the voice in his head. He couldn’t tell her that; he wasn’t even sure what it was, himself. He shook his head and stood fast before she could suggest anything else. He thanked her so seeing him, to which she replied that she thanked _him_ , and then he left before it became a never ending cycle of expressing gratitude. Naruto jogged down the steps outside of the facility, holding his hands to his mouth to warm them. His eyebrows drew together when he caught sight of a police car. He saw one of the two stupid cops he had talked to before, the blonde one. When he caught sight of Naruto, he grinned wide. Naruto wanted to turn on his heel and go back inside, but the cop held out his hand. “Come down here, Uzumaki Naruto,” the man said slyly. Naruto rolled his eyes.

“Am I under arrest or something?” Naruto asked once he got down to the bottom of the stairs.

“Not if you come willingly.” The policeman gestured to the car. Naruto saw his partner smiling wide from the driver’s seat. “We have some questions for you about the night of December twenty fourth.”

Oh, shit.

It was a different room than before, but the same antics. This time, they couldn’t agree on how to start his line of questioning, so Naruto did it for them. “What about that night do you want to know?” He was already exasperated.

The red-haired man, whom Naruto now knew was called Sasori from their arguing, cut his eyes to Naruto. “We want to know what you were doing,” he said. He seemed to be deeply satisfied that they’d finally come up with a question to ask.

“I was at a party, on 42nd street,” Naruto said boredly. He scratched his temple. “A dinner party, or whatever.”

“We got a call about noise and disorderly conduct coming from that address,” Sasori said. Naruto wondered how these two had passed the test to become officers. He hadn’t even said an address. “Do you know what that might have been about?”

Naruto shrugged. “Yes,” he said. “There was a disagreement.”

Sasori looked to his partner. Naruto squinted at his tag and saw that it said ‘Deidara.’ The blonde man leaned close to Naruto’s face. “How did you get this black eye, hm?”

“I… was in the disagreement,” he said slowly. He tried not to sound too full of contempt, but it was hard.

“In what way?” Deidara asked. He was too close.

“It was a fight,” Naruto sighed out. “I guess it was a little loud.”

“Interesting. Since the other party has yet to come forward to press charges, we go along with our _next_ line of questioning.” Deidara backed away, allowing Sasori to take control once again. 

“Now, boy, why have you been driving past the scene of a crime?” 

Naruto frowned deeply. “Wha—?” _Sasuke’s house_. He couldn’t pretend not to know what they meant; someone had clearly seen him. “I… just to check on it.”

“Do you know the current residents? Do they know that you are spying on their home many times a week?” Sasori raised a questioning eyebrow. 

Naruto folded his hands in his lap. “I don’t know them,” he shook his head. “I haven’t seen them. I, uh. I make sure to go when I know they won’t see me.”

“What is it that you’re _checking_ on?”

Trying not to fidget, Naruto held his knees underneath the table. “Someone I used to know lived there,” he said. Sasori nodded along, though he seemed unimpressed.

“We are aware of this. Uchiha Sasuke? And Uchiha Mikoto, the victim of a violent crime? A crime that you witnessed nearly first hand?” 

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I didn’t,” he said. They weren’t going to gaslight him, not today. “I just want to make sure that everything is ok.” The more he had to explain himself, the more that he realized he couldn’t. It was just obsession, pure obsession. Naruto grit his teeth as Deidara came forward from the corner again.

“Since we do not have evidence of any illegal wrongdoing on your part, we cannot keep you here. However,” he jabbed a finger in Naruto’s direction, “just be aware that we have people watching. We are still on the lookout for Uchiha Fugaku, and anyone who knows about his whereabouts _will_ tell us.”

Naruto didn’t let his breath out until he was at his car (he would have been stupid to go in the cop car, when its heat didn’t work and he had his own). He felt in slight disbelief. They still hadn’t caught Fugaku? Where was he, then? By now he could have left town and started an entirely new life with whomever he’d left Sasuke’s mom for. Naruto felt sick. He would have to be sure to tell Sasuke— oh. No. Naruto slammed his hand on the steering wheel. It was his _fault_ that they weren’t talking. He could have, should have gone to that fucking airport. Naruto bit his lip hard. There was only one thing to do.

One last time. And then, he’d really be done.

Naruto drove slow this time. He knew where he was going, so he took his time. He passed by his own house, and Sakura’s. His visit with Sakura’s mom was being pushed to the back of his mind, for now. When he caught sight of Sasuke’s house, he looked over his shoulder a few times to make sure that no one was watching. Oh, he didn’t care. He had to do this. This was better than a lot of the other things he could decide to do.

It was the same as it was each time he came here, but different than when Sasuke had lived here. The window that was once attached to Sasuke’s room now had curtains covering its blinds. Naruto didn’t like it, the changes being made on the inside. The window in the front of the house had been replaced, and it didn’t match. Naruto rolled his eyes at it every time. He regarded the house as though he’d never seen it before.

Naruto jumped and gasped out loud when there was a knock on his window. He knew this person, he _knew_ that he did. His bright red hair was similar to Sasori’s, but Naruto liked this guy’s better. His big green eyes struck Naruto somewhere deep in his core. He was wearing a beige sweater, and his arms were crossed. 

“How many times are you going to come here? My sister thought that calling the police would deter you.” His voice was soft. Naruto enjoyed listening to it, even if the words being directed at him were annoyed.

“I, um. I just…” Naruto stammered. Time to deflect. “Don’t I know you?” he asked instead of answering.

“Countering my question with a question?” Those big green eyes rolled to the sky for a moment. “I seem to have a small memory of you. You are Uzumaki Naruto, yes?” Naruto nodded. The boy sighed and held out his hand.

“I am Gaara, we have met.”

“Gaara…? With Rock Lee! I remember now.” Naruto shook Gaara’s hand vigorously. 

Gaara seemed to be upset by something Naruto had said. “Are you guys… not together anymore?” Gaara simply shook his head before crossing his arms again. He let out a small breath and squeezed his eyes shut briefly.

“Sasuke used to live here,” Gaara stated. He did not ask.

“Yes,” Naruto said. He looked down at his gearshift. 

“And you miss him?”

“So much.” Naruto cast his eyes back up to Gaara’s. He seemed to be trying to appear understanding. He looked over his shoulder at the house before turning back to Naruto. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Naruto said. “We’re going through things, yeah? Your breakup, or whatever, and Sasuke leaving. So why don’t we… keep each other company? Since I’m always coming over here anyway.” Naruto tried to be light about it, but it wasn’t funny. Gaara was silent as he mulled it over.

“Fine, Uzumaki Naruto. We can ‘keep each other company.’” Gaara used air quotes to mock Naruto’s jaunty tone. “But I don’t want you coming over here anymore. You’re scaring my sister.”

 _Temari_ , Naruto thought grimly. Gaara was close to Sasuke in so many different ways. “Yeah, alright,” he said. “As long as she promises to tell the police I stopped coming.”

“I can do that,” Gaara said. Naruto saw that his cheeks were red. From the cold? Naruto wasn’t sure. Gaara blew an exasperated breath. “It is chilling out here, Naruto.” Naruto felt a strange tingle when Gaara said his name. It was… different. Naruto decided that he liked it. “Is there anything else that you wish to tell me?”

“Can I have your number?”

***

Sasuke grimaced up toward the sun. “I don’t like this part,” he whined. The arm Naruto had around him was getting tired, but Naruto endured all for Sasuke.

“Why?” Naruto couldn’t help but laugh at Sasuke’s tone.

“Because… you liked him. I hate it.”

“I loved him,” Naruto corrected him. Sasuke flashed angry eyes in Naruto’s direction.

“Well,” Sasuke said snootily, “you love me now.”

“I _belong_ to you. And you are still so jealous despite knowing this,” Naruto said thoughtfully. It made Sasuke’s face red.

“I’m not jealous,” Sasuke said defensively. A strong ocean wind blew his hair from his face, revealing the way his eyebrows were drawn together. “I just don’t like… hearing about that part of your life. Or the part where my Dad wasn’t in prison.”

Naruto cast his eyes up at Sasuke above him. “That was kinda scary,” he said, though it was based off of a vague and twenty year old memory. The feeling still remained, though slight.

“Some of the stuff you’re telling me should shock me, but. This is a crazy story. Crazy things have happened.” Sasuke reached for Naruto’s hand. “But, I am not jealous,” he said, as though this were the whole point.

“Uh huh,” Naruto said slowly, nodding. Sasuke didn't like his tone, but he instead urged Naruto to keep going.

“This is the part I was asking for,” Sasuke said with a sigh. “Tell me what happened without me.”

Naruto cleared his throat. “That day was just the beginning, you know. But… it was doomed. Because you live in my soul.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no violence, just a little drama >:)

Naruto had been so very wrong before. Gaara was nothing like Sasuke in the slightest.

“You sure do talk about that kid a lot.” Suigetsu had come to Naruto’s side of the room without Naruto’s permission, because he’d let his friend Juugo sit on his bed. Juugo was big and quiet; Suigetsu was the definition of obnoxious. Naruto didn’t understand how they clicked, but they’d been friends since freshman year had started. 

Naruto scoffed. “I don’t,” he said defensively, before groaning at his defeat. They were playing a game on Juugo’s Switch. He didn’t have much use for it himself because he preferred reading to video games, but it was a birthday present, so he kept it. Suigetsu, ever the opportunist, used the device like it was his.

“It’s always _Gaara_ this and _Gaara_ that. You talk about him more than you talked about that Sasuke guy,” Suigetsu said flippantly.

Naruto grit his teeth. “Don’t,” he said as a warning. Months hadn’t changed the pain Naruto was feeling, but it did lessen it. He didn’t wake up thinking that Sasuke was going to call him, or that he’d spent the night. He remembered that Sasuke was gone, doing whatever he was doing. They still weren’t talking. Sasuke wasn’t interested in him anymore.

Suigetsu held his hands up, still clutching a controller. “My bad, I forgot. Soulmates, right?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “I hate you sometimes.” He didn’t want to talk about Sasuke, not right now. He was getting enough of it in his biweekly phone calls with Dr. Haruno, and his nearly daily calls with Kushina. Everyone was still so worried about him, and he hated it. No, he knew that he could not handle his emotions on his own, but he didn’t feel like it was necessary to smother him this way. 

Juugo yawned across the room. “Don’t you have a meet tomorrow?” he asked Suigetsu, who shrugged.

“Yeah, so?”

“It’s getting close to 4am.” 

“It’s Friday. Live a little.”

Juugo closed his eyes in a sigh. “It’s Saturday, but alright.”

Naruto retired from the game after he lost the next round. Suigetsu begrudgingly turned the system off and gave Naruto a _look_. He knew what was coming and he wished to disappear. Suigetsu was about to ask him about his business.

“So, do you like Gaara?” Suigetsu laid out on the bed on his stomach with his chin in his hand. He gave Naruto a mocking look, and Naruto moved himself away so that his back was against a wall.

“We’re friends,” Naruto said simply. It was just a little more than that, but who really needed to know? He hummed quietly as he remembered the day before he’d left for school.

They had been seeing one another twice a week for the last three weeks left before classes started again. “For every time I would have driven past, I’m just gonna call you instead,” Naruto had said. Gaara didn’t much like talking on the phone. He had complained, but he slowly opened up. He liked to talk about his family more than himself, but Naruto still got some things out of him. He enjoyed tending to his very-far-from-home cacti in the room that had once been Itachi’s. It was fitting. (It hurt.) Gaara was interested in soccer, too, but only as a viewer. (Naruto thought this might have something, if not everything, to do with Rock Lee, but he never pressed it.)

They had decided to pretend the past… just hadn’t happened. Anything that had happened before whatever they were doing didn’t matter anymore. It was a lot easier said than done for Naruto. Gaara was better at keeping his breakup to himself, though sometimes he let things slip. Despite what they had said, Naruto still called Gaara to cry to him about Sasuke more times than he wanted to admit. Gaara always listened, though he never had anything to say. Naruto didn’t know whether he liked that or not. Either way, Gaara held Naruto’s shoulders, or sometimes his arm. Mostly, they only ever talked in Naruto’s car in that parking lot where Sasuke had… his accident. It probably wasn’t the best place, but it was quiet and no one bothered them. Gaara had tried to ask when Naruto had discovered this spot, and who’d told him, but Naruto wouldn’t say.

“Why don’t you call him?” Gaara had asked Naruto in the quietest of voices. They were hanging out of the trunk of Naruto’s car. They both had their eyes on what was directly in front of them, but Naruto still felt so _close_ to Gaara. The air had turned just slightly warmer in their time together, but that wasn’t the reason why Naruto’s face was hot.

Naruto raised his shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t think he’ll answer. And what would I say? _I love you_ , _I miss you_? He wouldn’t want to hear that.”

“How do you know?” Gaara asked. “Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.”

Naruto didn’t want to say that Sakura was telling him that Sasuke wasn’t asking about him anymore. He _knew_ that Sasuke wouldn’t want to hear anything he had to say, now. He’d missed his chance.

“Something tells me he’s lost interest.”

Gaara was silent then, pensive. Naruto’s radio was playing behind them, some love song that Naruto barely knew the words to. He’d just liked the name. The sun was painting the sky just as red as Gaara’s hair and the blood that was rushing to Naruto’s face. He felt Gaara’s gaze before he turned to meet it. Such complex emotion behind those green eyes. Naruto felt like he would be long gone before he ever figured out everything Gaara was feeling.

“Do you ever think that you didn’t love him? Just… in love with the idea?” Gaara ran a hand over his thigh as he spoke. He was nervous. Naruto’s eyebrows drew together.

“The idea? Idea of what?”

Gaara sighed and shook his head. “No, never mind,” he said. Naruto rolled his eyes to the stars, fighting desperately to find their way in the dark of the night, rather than the light of the sun.

“Tell me what you mean,” Naruto pressed. He moved closer without meaning to, really. He just wanted to lean a little closer, but it ended with their thighs touching. Gaara drew in a sharp breath at the contact. He shook his head again.

“I was just projecting, I guess,” Gaara said. Naruto frowned. He didn’t interrupt. “I immersed myself in everything that he was, because… I told myself that we were just meant to be. All of our differences didn’t matter, because we were meant to be. We had plans, huge plans. But you never really see that until you’re out of it, all of the things you overlooked because of an _idea_.”

Naruto turned his head away and looked down the hill. The cart was gone now. It was as though Sasuke had never been here. Naruto felt his eyes getting wet with hot tears. He looked up at the sky and willed them to go away. Go away. He was finished crying about someone who didn’t want to know what he was doing anymore. Someone who didn’t care. Too many things he’d overlooked because he felt that they were meant to be. Sasuke using him didn’t matter, and his inability to communicate the problem didn’t matter. He would have forgiven Sasuke for any of it, all of it. Now, he has no choice but to reflect and realize that while he felt that way about Sasuke, Sasuke wouldn’t have ever forgiven Naruto if the tables were turned. It hurt to think about it. Naruto hadn’t realized that he was crying until he felt Gaara’s hand on his back. When he turned to look again, Gaara was using his other hand to wipe his eyes.

“I just don’t know how much more I could have taken, anyway,” Gaara said. His voice sounded strained. “He said that we were too far away from one another, and I didn’t even have it in me to disagree, to tell him that it would work if we wanted it to. What you want isn’t what you need, sometimes.” Gaara blew a hard breath out of his nose. “I’m sorry, we said that didn’t happen, right?”

“We can’t pretend,” Naruto said eventually, after a long moment of quiet. He was trying not to choke on the lump in his throat. In their silence, Naruto heard that the song had changed behind them. He laughed a little to himself. 

“Is this really in your playlist?” Gaara was _smiling_. Naruto felt a little less despair in his heart when he saw the upward curve of Gaara’s mouth.

“Yes, thanks to Ino,” Naruto said. “I mean… you don’t listen to Ariana Grande?”

Gaara rolled his eyes lightly after he’d wiped them again. He shrugged. “Not this song. What’s she saying?”

Naruto climbed farther into the trunk to hear the radio better. “Something about dreams,” Naruto said over his shoulder. He fell gracelessly back in his spot next to Gaara, though much closer.

“You have no concept of personal space.” Gaara didn’t seem as bothered about this fact as his words might have led Naruto to believe. 

“This is my car,” Naruto pointed out. “This is all my _personal_ space,” he said. 

Gaara cut his eyes at Naruto and gave him an unimpressed look. “Of course.” He looked away then, down the hill and towards the city. Alive even on a night such as this. It was Saturday, Naruto reminded himself. He was caught off guard when Gaara spoke next to him. “A dream?” he mumbled. 

“A dream?” Naruto repeated, confused. 

“It’s such a coincidence,” Gaara said. He cast his eyes at Naruto and Naruto thought that it was pretty lucky that it was so dark out here now.

“How so?” Naruto raised an eyebrow. He was working so hard to keep his voice even.

“It feels like I’m finally awake.”

Naruto thought about it the whole night, and the whole way up to Chapel Hill the next day. He felt giddy. Had he ever felt like this before? He wasn’t sure. He was afraid to ask what Gaara had meant, but he still kept the words tucked closely to his heart. Just, far away from the place where Sasuke used to dwell.

“Earth to Naruto!” Suigetsu punched Naruto squarely in his shoulder, jolting him from his thoughts.

“What, what do you want?” Naruto huffed. He noticed that Juugo was gone now. How long had he just been sitting here, remembering? 

“Are you gonna come to my meet tomorrow?”

Naruto leaned over his bed to turn off the lights. Suigetsu’s phone lit up his face in the dark. “If you want me to,” Naruto said. “You usually don’t care. Why do you ask?”

“There’s this girl, I think she’s into me,” Suigetsu said in a very suave tone.

Naruto scoffed into the darkness. “I don’t think so,” he said. “But I’ll go. Hinata is visiting this weekend, I think it’ll be fun.”

Hinata had never been to a swim meet. Her son was growing closer to a year old every day, she said, and she was excited to show him all the things she’d never gotten to do because she was always working so hard on school. She was in North Carolina to see Kiba, because he _lived_ here now, and it was the only way he’d see Ash.

Naruto had picked her up from Wake Forest after she’d spent most of the day there with Kiba. “You know,” he said, “I mean this in the nicest way possible when I say that Ash is better off without that guy.” He made no pretenses about his disapproval of the situation as he spoke. There was still plenty of time before Suigetsu’s swim meet, so Naruto drove with no hurry.

Hinata flicked her eyes toward the rear view mirror to peek at her son, who she couldn’t really see because his carrier was facing the other way. “I know,” she said after a while. “I just hold onto hope. I want him to know what real love from a real family is like. I know you can’t force anyone to… commit to something like that, if they aren’t ready, but—”

Naruto cut her off. “He shouldn’t have done what he did, then.” He didn’t think he had to elaborate on what he meant.

“I did it, too. I mean, we did it together.” Hinata glanced at Naruto, he could see her looking out the corner of his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you how sorry I am about that,” she said.

Naruto shook his head. “It’s the past. I know that’s not who you are anymore. And it wasn’t all bad,” he said, though the words hurt. He looked at the rear view and caught sight of Ash’s fist high above his own head. “He is a treasure.”

“He is,” Hinata said. She closed her eyes, as though the image she had of Ash in her mind was more vivid than what she could see in the mirror. 

Naruto took her to his dorm, and he was surprised to see Suigetsu there. There was a girl, too, with deep red hair and glasses. Her appearance was reminiscent of Kushina. “Don’t you have practice?” Naruto asked. He held Ash’s and Hinata’s things while Hinata held her son on her hip.

“Am I intruding?” the girl asked. Her eyes trailed from Hinata and Ash to Naruto holding their stuff. “A _family_ , how precious!”

Naruto told Hinata it was alright to sit on his bed when she hesitated. She sat with her back to the wall and Ash in her criss-crossed legs. 

“So is this the girl?” Naruto asked slyly. Suigetsu glared over the girl’s shoulder. 

“Yes, this is _Karin_ ,” Suigetsu said sharply. “And to answer your question, practice already ended. I get an hour to myself before I have to go back.”

Karin sat awkwardly in the desk chair on Suigetsu’s side of the room. “How old is he?” She was enthralled by Ash.

“He will be one year old in June,” Hinata said proudly. She let Ash hold her hand with his the best he could.

“Naruto, why didn’t you tell me you had a kid?” Suigetsu peered at Ash with vague intrigue.

“Because I don’t,” Naruto said, sitting next to Hinata. “This is… Hinata.” He tried not to wince as he said it.

Suigetsu’s eyes grew wide and he raised his eyebrows high. “ _Hinata_? Like, the one who—”

“Yes, it’s her,” Naruto said quickly. Hinata cut her eyes at him. “We are friends and she is a mother. One of the strongest people I know.” This seemed to sate her. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to explain for his stupid friend later.

“He’s heavenly,” Karin cooed. She inched closer until she could lean forward over the bed to get a closer look at Ash. “He looks just like you,” she said. Hinata beamed. It made Naruto happy to see her so proud.

Suigetsu and Karin let Naruto and Hinata have the room, but not after Suigetsu shot a hard look at Naruto about coming to see him swim. “Be there or I’m moving out,” he’d said.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Naruto told Hinata it was ok to let Ash onto the other bed while she and Naruto sat on his, so that they could watch him without him being directly underneath them. He had pulled the covers up so that there was nothing for Ash to trip on as he moved around. “It’s nice in here,” Hinata remarked. “You guys have a lot of space.”

“I suppose,” Naruto said, “though he keeps filling it with his junk.” He let Hinata lay her head on his shoulder, and they both watched her son crawl around on Suigetsu’s hastily made bed. There was a silence then between them, and Naruto wished that she would speak. Because now, his mind was allowing him to dig deep into his own conflict. 

Naruto remembered what he’d said to Sakura months ago, in his backyard. There isn’t a world where he could be without Sasuke. Here was this world now, full of uncertainty and sorrow and ugliness. Naruto hated waking up to this, this universe in which Sasuke was out of his reach. He hadn’t seen any option for himself besides loving and being with Sasuke forever. There was no love if it was not with Sasuke, that’s what he’d been convinced of. No love, but… friendship? Naruto was in need of friends, he told himself. Gaara was a friend. A friend that made him blush, that made his heart feel _alive_ again after being dormant for weeks, that was slowly showing him that maybe life was worth living. A friend.

Hinata’s shoulders were shaking. Naruto turned his head toward her, and she quickly wiped at her face. “I’m ok,” she said preemptively. 

“You’re not.” Naruto could see in her eyes that whatever she was trying to hide was finally getting to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine.” Hinata ran her arm over both of her eyes at once.

“Hinata,” Naruto said sharply. She looked away, toward Ash. He was on his back with his feet high in the air and his fingers wrapped around his toes. 

“I was thinking about what you said earlier,” Hinata sighed. “About Kiba.” Naruto nodded, urging her to continue. “I know that he’s a lost cause, I know it. He doesn’t need any more chances from me, because he’s already messed up enough. It’s just hard. Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.” Hinata glanced at her son again briefly. “I think about him, growing up, and I don’t want him to resent me. I did everything I could, I _continue_ to do everything I can, to make Kiba want to be a part of his life. But he just doesn’t. And I don’t want Ash to blame me for it.”

“He won’t blame you,” Naruto said, as soon as Hinata had finished talking. “He’s _yours_ , he won’t. Because you’re not like that. You are already doing so good, the best you can possibly do. And he will see that, and he will appreciate it.”

Hinata smiled a small smile. She nodded and stood from the bed. After retrieving Ash she asked Naruto to check his watch. “We should go, right?”

“Yeah,” Naruto sighed. As he drove her to the parking garage, he briefly thought about what people would think. He would be walking in the building with her and her baby, carrying the baby’s things. But he was ok with it, with whatever people said, because it didn’t matter. He loved Hinata and he thought he might love Ash more, despite where he had inherited the other half of his genetics.

“Your eye looks better,” Hinata remarked as they walked. They were lucky this was swimming and not something huge like football, because they could expect a lot less people to show up. Less people meant less stress and stimuli for Ash in general, so he’d pay attention to the swimming. That’s what Hinata hoped, anyway.

“Thanks.” Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think I ever told you sorry for that,” he said. 

“I mean. I was afraid, we were all afraid. Never seen that side of you.” Hinata shook her head at the memory of it. “Dunno, we can talk about it later. Neji fixed the chair. And you got Kiba better than he got you,” she added with a small, mischievous smile. Naruto returned it, before holding the door open for her.

As suspected, there weren’t too many people in here, and Naruto appreciated it. He spotted Juugo’s shock of bright orange hair. Karin was sitting with him, and she waved Naruto and Hinata over.

Hinata whispered to Naruto for the first half of the meet, asking what every single thing meant. Naruto didn’t know, either, so eventually they just settled for looking up the rules on the internet. Juugo watched intently, though silently, and Karin seemed to be desperately trying to understand what she was watching. 

“So, Sakura tells me that you’ve been hanging out with Gaara,” Hinata said casually. Naruto whipped his head to face her. 

“Wait, seriously? She told me she wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Hinata laughed behind her hand. “Look at your face!” Naruto did not appreciate her laughter. “I think that’s cool, it’s sweet,” she said eventually, after she’d caught her breath. “Like, you guys are going through similar things. Do you talk about it?”

Naruto shrugged. “No… we kinda just pretend it didn’t happen.” Hinata pressed her lips together. Naruto scrambled to make that make sense. “Like, we’re friends because of the things we like about each other? Not what happened before. Or the fact that he lives in Sasuke’s old house and I was driving past it constantly.”

“Naruto,” Hinata sighed. She took her hand from Ash’s to place it on Naruto’s shoulder. “I understand that there’s… a void. A very large, deep, ugly hole that you want to fill. I know, trust me.” Naruto wished that they didn’t have to talk about this, and certainly not here. But, he’d rather talk to Hinata than Kushina or Mebuki about it. At the very least, she held a fresh perspective that he supposed he should try to appreciate. She only wanted to help him.

“Yes,” Naruto said, willing her to get to the point.

“But you have to wonder if it may be a little soon,” Hinata said. Naruto grumbled under his breath.

“Nothing is happening, we’re friends,” Naruto said, imploring her to believe him. If no one else believed him, how was he supposed to believe himself? Sakura had said the same thing, when he’d told her that they’d been hanging out.

“Don’t you think you need to let yourself rest before you invest in something again?” Sakura had asked. Naruto had been trying to find a new sound on his white noise machine. He had already seen Gaara that day, unbeknownst to her.

“I’m not investing in anything,” Naruto said nonchalantly. “Except for having a friend who knows what I’m going through.”

“But how do you know that he even knows? You guys don’t talk about it,” Sakura pointed out. Naruto told her that maybe she should try not being so insightful all the time, and that it didn’t matter if they didn’t talk about it. 

“We’re just talking and stuff. Hanging out,” Naruto said. 

“In your car, alone, with your stupid romance playlist on in the background while the sun goes down? Nice try, Naruto. Even you’re not that stupid.”

Naruto grimaced now as Hinata continued to lecture him. “I just think that you should worry about this, about school and soccer,” she said.

“I am only worried about school and soccer,” Naruto replied, but even as he said it, he thought about Gaara’s _eyes_ and the rare times he smiled. Special. It was fine, Naruto told himself. He could quit when he wanted to. Towards what seemed to be the end of the meet, he and Hinata were trying to figure out how exactly one was supposed to _win_ something like this, when his phone rang.

“I thought…” Hinata’s voice trailed off and she glanced from Naruto’s phone screen to his face. “I thought you guys weren’t talking?”

“We aren’t,” Naruto said. He held his buzzing phone tight in his hand.

“Well. Are you going to take it?” Hinata asked.

“Maybe if—” Yes, he called again.

What could Sasuke want from him right now, after all this time?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> naruto is a struggling boy :(

Here went nothing. 

Naruto leaned against the wall of the aquatic center and frowned at his phone. Sasuke was calling again, the third time now. He didn’t _want_ to talk to Sasuke, there was nothing to say. 

(And Sasuke didn’t want to talk to him either, from what Sakura had said.

He didn’t know why he kept asking, anyway. Every time he was met with the same thing: “He isn’t really talking about you anymore.” It had hurt so deeply, at first. Sasuke had only been away two weeks, two and a half, and he was already not asking anymore? Naruto would sniff hard and pretend that his throat didn’t ache, and he’d let Sakura change the subject to her and Ino’s plans to get an apartment.

Now, he began to see it Sasuke’s way. Though he didn’t like that Sasuke had made the decision for the both of them, he conceded that it was the right one. They didn’t need to talk, there was nothing to talk about. Spending the time it would take for Naruto to get over it was all that Naruto could worry about. He knew that it wasn’t healthy, anyway, the asking and the hoping and the wishing. Some days it hurt worse than others. Today it didn’t hurt too much, not before this. A feeling Naruto had thought was surely eradicated from him was creeping up his nerves.)

“Hello?” Naruto coughed into his hand. It was loud on Sasuke’s end of the phone.

“Can you hear me?” Sasuke sounded like he was yelling.

“Yeah,” Naruto sighed. “Where are you? It’s noisy.”

“There’s a highway outside my window,” Sasuke explained. Naruto nodded to himself and then stared ahead. This was Sasuke’s call, so he was going to let Sasuke get to the point. If there was one.

“Listen, I just need to talk to you about something,” Sasuke said. Naruto looked up at the sky.

“Yes?”

“Sakura told me that you got into a fight,” Sasuke said. He was quieter now. He must have closed his window, or something.

Naruto made a face at Sasuke’s words. He’d have to give Sakura a piece of his mind later. Why did Sasuke get to know things about him when he couldn’t know things about Sasuke? He _was_ asking. “Yes,” Naruto said flatly.

“You punched Kiba in the face? In Hinata’s apartment?” Sasuke sounded incredulous, but Naruto didn’t know why. He’d gotten into a fight before, right in front of Sasuke’s face (on the soccer field, but).

“Yes,” Naruto repeated himself. This was _already_ edging on none-of-Sasuke’s-business. It would only take one more question before Naruto felt the need to escape somehow. 

“Why?”

 _Damn you_ , Naruto thought. He huffed an angry thought under his breath. “Because he was saying things I didn’t like,” he said after a while of intense thought.

“What was he saying, Naruto?”

Naruto wished Sasuke wouldn’t say his name. Every time he’d ever heard his name pass Sasuke’s lips came rushing at him all at once, so hard that his knees almost buckled.

“Rude things, he’s an asshole.” It wouldn’t be so easy for Sasuke to pull it out of him, not this time.

Sasuke seemed put off that Naruto wouldn’t just answer his questions. “Um… Sakura told me that you said you didn’t remember doing it?” So he’d decided to shift the subject, but not change it.

“I— yeah. Never really felt like that before. Not even when Kankuro was tripping me and shit.” At the mention of Kankuro, Naruto’s mind drifted to Gaara. He hummed in contentment with the thought of Gaara’s face, and his hands on Naruto’s shoulders. His eyes. His voice. Naruto felt himself beginning to slip into something that was dangerous enough on its own. He couldn’t be forgetting who he was when he was talking to Sasuke.

“What’s this about, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. He tore his mind away from Gaara just long enough to remember that this was a very delicate situation, and something he didn’t want to deal with in the first place. There was no salvaging it, in his mind, they were really finished. Right now, it was too raw for Naruto to want to be friends. It’d only remind him of all the things that had happened, every time he heard Sasuke laugh or cry or make some _other_ sound, and then it’d be that excruciating pain again that left Naruto no choice but to purposely forget who he was.

“That, the fight.” 

“That was months ago.”

“I know. I just didn’t know how to approach you,” Sasuke said. He was picking his words carefully. And none of them were good enough.

“A text, maybe,” Naruto supplied. “What’s it matter to you, anyway? It—”

“It had everything to do with me, Naruto.”

Naruto scoffed. This wasn’t happening. “It wasn’t like that,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“You didn’t put your hands on him until he started talking about me,” Sasuke pointed out. Naruto wished Sakura would _ask_ him first before saying things. 

“Yeah, so? You… you weren’t there to defend yourself, and it was still fresh. It _hurt_ , Sasuke.” Naruto was positive that Sasuke knew exactly the feeling that was being described to him when he said, “You tore me in half. I was _lost_ , I didn’t know what I was doing, what I was going to do.”

Sasuke made a high sound that Naruto recognized as him trying not to sob. Rich, it was rich. Sasuke didn’t _get_ to cry. “But you. Fighting, Naruto. It’s not—”

“Not gonna bring you back, that’s what it’s not gonna do,” Naruto said fast, hot.

“I’m just trying to say that I don’t want you to do stupid things like that because I care about you,” Sasuke said. His voice was heavy, now, and it was just enough to finally break the glass that Naruto had been carefully encasing his heart beneath. So much for walls.

“If you cared, you would have called. Or texted, or something. I don’t… believe you,” Naruto breathed. It lifted something off of him when he said it.

Sasuke’s words were wet now with tears, Naruto could hear it. “How can you say that, you think that I don’t care about you? Naruto, I love you.” Naruto drew in a sharp breath, and he was about to interject again, but Sasuke wasn’t finished. “You broke my _heart_ when you didn’t show up. Itachi told me it was useless to call you, useless to tell you. But I just knew, I knew that you’d come. I hoped, I prayed that I’d see your face one last time. So that the last time I saw you wouldn’t have been when we…” Sasuke let his voice trail off then, and Naruto heard him cry harshly for a moment. “But you didn’t. You didn’t come to the house, and you didn’t come to the airport. You didn’t. You left me there, alone and _used_ , and what am I supposed to do? Just _call_? Just _text_?”

Naruto wished that Sasuke didn’t affect him like this, to this day. He wished that he could just ignore this, tell Sasuke that he was busy and that he didn’t need this right now or ever again. But he couldn’t, because that’s not who he was. Sasuke knew that.

“You want to talk about this right now?” Naruto cast his eyes towards a high window, where he could hear cheers filtering down from the people watching the meet. He stared ahead of himself again and winced when Sasuke sniffled.

“Is there some other time? Are you busy?”

So Sasuke was ready to talk, then. Naruto would keep this knowledge somewhere that he wouldn’t forget it. But now was not the time, and besides, he hadn’t wrapped his mind around hearing Sasuke’s voice again. And there was Gaara that he had to think about, Gaara that he _couldn’t_ stop thinking about. Not tonight, Naruto decided.

“Hinata is up here with Ash. We’re doing something,” Naruto said as plainly as possible.

“Oh,” Sasuke stammered. “I… ok.” He drew in a shaky breath. “Will you answer if I call?”

 _Oh, fuck me,_ Naruto thought. “Yes,” he said after a while. He knew himself too well. 

Hinata’s face was curious when Naruto returned to her. “What’d he want?” she asked. Naruto remembered the times Sasuke used to ask that about her. He didn’t know what his life was becoming. 

“He wants to… talk about it,” Naruto said. It felt strange to utter it. Talk about it. Talk about what? He’d been so adamant with himself that there was, in fact, nothing to discuss. But here he was, already anticipating the next time Sasuke’s name would be on the screen of his phone. 

“And you’re just gonna do it?” Hinata asked. Ash was asleep, now, leaning heavily against her chest with a loose hold on a handful of her hair. “You’re not going to, I don’t know, make him wait, or something? Ask why it’s always on his terms?”

Naruto shrugged. He didn’t want to have to explain himself, explain why he was letting Sasuke wiggle his way back in. “Could, I guess. Dunno if I will, it’s just… it’s so hard, Hinata.” 

“You don’t have to tell me.”

They walked hand-in-hand back to Naruto’s car. “So you’re staying with Kiba? When’s he coming to get you?”

Hinata checked her phone to see the time. “Um. He should be at your dorm now,” she said with uncertainty. 

“Hinata.”

“I _told_ him to be here by now,” Hinata admitted. “I knew it’d end around now, so I told him to come. And he hasn’t texted me. He hasn’t texted me to even ask about Ash, I’m—”

“Hey, it’s ok.” Naruto put a hand on the top of her head, the way he used to when she was beginning to get upset. What a lifetime ago. She lifted her head to look at him.

“I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want you to have to worry about me or Ash,” Hinata said. She shook her head, shifting Naruto’s hand where it lay. He replaced it on the steering wheel and sighed. 

“I can’t take you all the way over there,” Naruto said, “but I can put you up in a hotel, or something? Close by, there’s a lot.”

Hinata was tearful when she nodded. “Thank you. I left something important in your room, can we go back?”

Naruto nodded. He didn’t know why he did things for people sometimes, but then he looked at Hinata’s son in his rear view mirror, and he felt guilty for even having that thought. She apologized profusely for putting Naruto through this, but he just kept telling her to be quiet and not to mention it to anyone, Sakura in particular. “It’s the last thing I need right now, a lecture,” he said with annoyance. Sakura didn’t know that Sasuke had called, and for once, Naruto was trying to keep it that way. Naruto’s mind turning to Sasuke reminded him that Sasuke would call again. Naruto didn’t understand the feeling that clenched around his heart as that thought crossed his mind.

Hinata promised that this would never happen again before Naruto left her for the night. “He’s going to come get you tomorrow,” Naruto said. He didn’t ask. “If I have anything to do with it,” he added, when Hinata still looked unsure. 

“Naruto, please don’t do anything stupid,” Hinata begged. She sounded so like Sakura when she said those words. Sakura and his mom. He sighed.

“I won’t,” Naruto said. “I’m just going to tell him about himself. Politely.” Hinata didn’t look like she too much appreciated this plan, but she couldn’t argue with Naruto anymore about it because she had to give Ash a bath. 

On his way back to campus, Naruto allowed himself to think about Sasuke again. It had been so long since he’d heard Sasuke’s voice, or even let himself think about him for more than five minutes. Now, there was a _conversation_ to be had, and Naruto didn’t really want to. Hinata wasn’t wrong; why did everything have to be on Sasuke’s terms? When Sasuke was ready, when Sasuke called? Naruto knew that he _wasn’t_ ready. Everyone around him knew it, and for once he was aware of this, too. He didn’t need this right now, he didn’t think he’d ever need it. They were finished, he told himself, really done. It was either that, or he’d be waiting on Sasuke to come around for the rest of his life. And despite everything, all of the promises and the vows and the visions of the future, Naruto didn’t think he had the rest of his life to give to Sasuke anymore. He couldn’t lean into that any longer. It would drive him crazy, it would _kill_ him to wait for Sasuke. Months, years, decades? How much time would pass, how much of life would pass Naruto by before he decided to live for himself?

Naruto fell heavily onto his bed when he got back to the dorm. He was glad that Suigetsu wasn’t spending the night here, because the ocean sounds were the last thing he needed to hear tonight. He forced himself up and into the shower after a while of staring idly at the ceiling. He just wanted to be happy. He wanted things to be the way they were meant to be. He just kind of wished he knew how things were meant to be already. 

**_You do know_** , something in Naruto’s mind chimed in once he was out of the shower. He felt silly, talking to himself in his own head, but something about this voice wasn’t really… him. 

“That’s just what he said,” Naruto mumbled into the dark. “Am I supposed to wait for him forever?”

 **_No one ever said that_** , the voice said again. Naruto recognized it all at once as the same voice that had been telling him that Kiba would deserve it at Hinata’s party. 

“Who are you, anyway?” Naruto asked the silent room. 

**_Someone with your best interests at heart_** **.**

“That’s rich, considering you told me to punch Kiba in the face.”

 **_He deserved it_** **.** **_And you still did it, didn’t you?_ **

Naruto closed his eyes and shook his wet head. “No, this isn’t real. I’m exhausted.” Naruto stopped voicing his thoughts and instead squeezed his eyes shut tighter. Behind his eyelids he thought for a split second that there was an _image_ of some sort, but then his eyes flew open on instinct and it was gone. 

“I’m just stuck in my own head,” Naruto told himself. It was too late to call anyone, except Hinata, maybe. But that would be strange. Their relationship was improving every day, and Naruto was glad for that. He thought that since the time that they had been together, they had both grown into different people, and he didn’t still have those feelings for her that he had once had for all those years. But to call her so late at night and tell her that he was lonely… he felt that it would cross a line.

He couldn’t call Sakura, because he told the truth to her too willingly. He’d tell her Sasuke called and then she’d tell him that he was stupid (which he knew), say that he needed to think about this (which he knew), and then ask if he was even trying to get better (was he?). It was times like this that he wished he’d started journaling. 

“All right, fine,” Naruto whispered, sitting up. “My hair is wet, anyway, so I can’t sleep. You think I should talk to Sasuke?”

**_What’s the harm?_ **

“The _harm_?” Naruto’s eyebrows drew together. “The harm is that it takes zero seconds for me to slip back into him. Whatever he wants, I’m going to give it to him. As long as it means he might come back to me.”

**_Why do you fight it, when you know that you will end up with him?_ **

Naruto scratched his chin. He was sure that since this voice was in his head, it’d know exactly why Naruto was fighting this. “Because,” he said evenly, “it’s destroying the both of us. Maybe we will be together later. But right now, and I don’t know for how long, we need to be apart.”

**_Trying to keep yourself away from him is futile._ **

Naruto barely knew what that word meant, but he figured that it had something to do with the inevitable. “His visions aren’t the end-all be-all,” Naruto pointed out. “They’re subject to change. And he’s doing a pretty fine job of keeping himself away from me. Well. He was up until this point.” Naruto sat so that he could gaze out the window. The moon was so full and so low. Naruto thought that if he went outside, he could touch it.

 **_Emotionally,_ ** the voice corrected him. **_Distracting yourself with others will not work._ **

Distracting himself with others? “Hinata?” Naruto wished that he could _see_ who he was talking to. Then he might get a sense of whether or not they meant what they said.

 **_The one with the red hair._ ** Even Naruto’s inner thoughts were beginning to get exasperated with him.

“Gaara?” Naruto felt his face heating up then. Goodness, was he glad his roommate was gone and that he hadn’t told Hinata she could stay. “He… we’re friends.”

**_I am in your mind. You do not want to be his friend, and you know that._ **

Naruto shook his head. “I don’t know what you are,” he said, “but Gaara is my friend, and that’s all it’s going to be.” Even as he said the words, Naruto knew that he wished for them to not be true. When had he started to feel this way, this warm and all-encompassing happiness when he thought about Gaara? And had he ever felt this way before? He thought hard about Sasuke. He thought about Sasuke’s face, his eyes, his smile, his voice, his fingertips and his warmth. It wasn’t the same feeling. Naruto didn’t feel like he could compare them, they were so different. Sasuke was home. Sasuke was everything that he wanted and more, in the deepest parts of him. Gaara, on the other hand… in Naruto’s mind, he stood for adventure. For the unknown, the opposite of home in a good way. Things that he didn’t know yet, but was excited to learn. Maybe Sasuke was what Naruto wanted, and Gaara was what he needed. Or… or something like that? Now Naruto knew what Sakura meant when she said not to get invested. His mind was already so wrapped around Sasuke, and instead of unraveling from _that_ , he was beginning to find himself thinking about Gaara more and more. Too much.

**_Listen to you. Panicking won’t help you. You know what you want to do._ **

“I _want_ to be happy!” Naruto yelled. He sniffed hard and shook his head. “I want to be happy,” he repeated. It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair. Naruto closed his eyes tight. No image this time, just darkness. He was alone again, alone inside of his own mind. He knew what he wanted to do, yes, but he also knew that he shouldn’t do it. Sasuke was… he was everything. He was still everything, and Naruto couldn’t fight that. But that didn’t mean that Sasuke would be everything forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kurama is a bastard


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of hurt in here?? but i tried to add a little relief at the end bc i was hurting even me

Naruto made good on his promise to Hinata in the morning. He called Kiba and told him in a few words that he needed to either take better care of Hinata and their kid or just stop messing with them. Ash was a perfect being and an absolute good, and at the very least, _he_ didn’t deserve this. Kiba didn’t like what Naruto said, but he gave a begrudging thanks for helping Ash and Hinata. Hinata called him two hours later to say that Kiba had come to get them, and that she didn’t know what Naruto had said, but Kiba’s attitude was a lot different. Naruto just hoped it lasted. He was tired of seeing Hinata suffer at the hands of someone like Kiba, even given what had happened between the three of them.

After the first night, Sasuke didn’t call again for weeks. Naruto woke up anxious and went to sleep exhausted, waiting for Sasuke to get back to him. This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. He talked to Sakura and pointedly avoided all mentions of Sasuke unless absolutely necessary. He was shocked that she still didn’t know about their call, but he was glad. There were some things she didn’t need to know, and some lectures he didn’t want to hear. Especially not from someone who actually knew what had happened. Hinata had tried to help him feel better, but she didn’t really know. And Naruto was far too ashamed to tell her. She also wasn’t inclined to be on Sasuke’s side about, well, anything, and that was drama Naruto did not need.

Naruto talked to Gaara, too. Since he’d had that strange discussion with himself, he’d been more watchful of the way they interacted. Gaara was a guarded person, Naruto learned once he stood back from it and actually _looked._ He had secrets and things he didn’t want to mention, and that was ok. They were still getting to know each other, and they talked almost every night when Naruto was supposed to be asleep but was waiting for Sasuke. It was all sick, but it was a distraction, at least. Gaara didn’t ask about Sasuke, and Naruto stopped talking about him. All that Naruto wanted to do was to focus all of his energy, all of the giddiness, all of the intense warmth, into trying to be just friends. He was excited for the summer, at least, because they could continue their… friendship. Friends. No matter what the strange voice in Naruto’s mind said (because it knew all of his secrets, somehow, and it knew that deep down, if left to his own devices, Naruto would ruin this). And it wasn’t that he was trying to leave himself and his heart open for Sasuke (he told himself this and he was _sticking_ to it), it was that he needed this time. He was not over it, nowhere near. Waiting day in and day out for Sasuke to call him again wasn’t really helping, but. What can you do.

Naruto was in the library when Sasuke called again, taking notes from a presentation. It was a little late, close to midnight, and Naruto had been in here all day after his classes had ended. Already almost time for midterms again, and Naruto was not going to fuck up this time, or he’d never hear the end of it from Kushina and Minato. Suigetsu had come by with food and coffee with Juugo and Karin, and it was nice, but they’d all left hours ago to go to Karin’s room, so he was alone again. They had invited him, but Juugo had been telling Naruto recently that Karin and Suigetsu were getting into crazy stuff, and he didn’t really have time for that. Naruto shoved his things into his bag while he held his phone between his face and his shoulder. 

“Hello?”

It took Sasuke a while to say anything. So long that Naruto thought his call had been dropped, or that Sasuke had hung up. He slung his backpack over his shoulders and held his phone up. No, the call was still going. Fifteen seconds, sixteen. Naruto sighed as the doors of the library slid open. It was getting a lot hotter out, and Naruto welcomed it. After spring came summer, and Naruto could start thinking about what he’d do in that time. Before, he had said that there was no home if there was no Sasuke; that there was nothing to come home to. That was before he had started hanging out with Gaara, but he wasn’t sure if that was enough to change his mind about wanting to go back to Konoha. The thought did excite him, but that wasn’t his best judgement and he knew it. Naruto grumbled to himself about how back and forth he was being in his own mind. If he couldn’t keep things straight with himself, how was he supposed to do the right thing when it came to anyone else?

Twenty seconds, twenty one. “H-hey.” Sasuke’s voice was shaking. “You’re not b-busy?”

“No,” Naruto said. “I was studying, but I’ve been studying for six hours.”

“For what?”

“Midterm exams… don’t you have them soon, too?” Naruto had allowed himself to _forget_ where Sasuke was. 

“Already took ‘em,” Sasuke said. His voice was still quaking, and Naruto couldn’t discern why. He’d heard it sound like this before, in what felt like a distant memory. 

A silence stretched between them that Naruto eventually broke as he took the long way back to his room. “So, it’s, like. It’s sunny there, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Sunny and hot. I thought I’d have a tan by now, but it’s not working.” 

Naruto snorted at this. “You’re immune to the sun,” he remarked. He almost dropped his key card when Sasuke spoke again, because he sounded so anguished.

“Naruto,” Sasuke mumbled, he _whined_ , “why didn’t you come to the house?” Right into it, then.

Naruto threw his bag on the floor beside his bed before climbing onto it and putting his phone on speaker. “I couldn’t,” he said. “I couldn’t watch you walk away from me in any capacity.” He held his face in his hands.

“But I got to watch you walk away from me? And _leave_ me when I needed you? I had never needed you more in my entire life.” Sasuke was crying. Naruto could _feel_ it when Sasuke sobbed, he could feel it deep in his veins. Sasuke was trying to be quiet, though, and Naruto thought that only made the feeling worse. To have to listen to Sasuke choking on his own tears wasn’t how Naruto had hoped to spend this night. Morning. It was after twelve.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto tried weakly. Weak. Pitiful. Useless words. When had they ever done any good between the two of them?

“No, _no_ , sorry isn’t good enough,” Sasuke cried. “Do you know what it felt like? What it felt like to want you, and to know that you could just leave like that, not come back, knowing that we might never see each other again? We’ve done a lot of stuff to each other, Naruto, but I never thought that it’d get to that. To you. To you—” Sasuke’s voice broke and Naruto felt the lump in his throat swelling. He was quiet for a moment as he thought, and as he listened. He wondered if he’d ever felt what Sasuke was describing. He remembered the way it felt to watch Sasuke walk away from him and to know that in that moment, Sasuke was finished with him. Every _single_ time he got another chance he fucked it up. Any thought about anyone else was gone from him right now, and all he wanted was to be where Sasuke was, to show him how sorry he was. But sorry wasn’t good enough. Naruto should know.

“I didn’t want to do this,” Sasuke mumbled. Naruto thought he heard something like a box of crackers, small things in a container hitting against one another.

“Didn’t want to do what?”

Sasuke paused before saying, “To cry.”

Naruto didn’t have words for that. He hadn’t wanted to hear Sasuke cry, either. It just reminded him that for the last two years, he had been the only reason why Sasuke cried. Two years. Naruto closed his eyes against his own hot tears and willed them to go away. It wasn’t right for him to cry. Naruto realized, listening to Sasuke suffer like this, that his anger and feelings of betrayal towards Sasuke for lying about the circumstance of leaving was _nothing_ compared to how he must have made Sasuke feel when he didn’t come back. And there was no way now for him to fix it. It was too late. He wished to disappear, to just evaporate, but he was stuck sitting here on this bed, shaking and trying not to shout as the tears in his heart began to widen.

“What do you have to say? You can’t just not talk. We’re having a conversation.” 

What could he say? Nothing would really matter. He’d promised Sasuke too many times that he’d get it right, that he’d do the work, that he wouldn’t let shit get like this. This was his fault, and he knew that, and there was nothing that could be said about it except for that.

“I don’t…” Naruto pressed his lips together for a moment before he tried again. “I don’t know who I was, that I could do that. I never didn’t love you, do you know that? I never won’t. I always will and I—”

Maybe it was good that Naruto got cut off right then, because he didn’t know what he was going to say, anyway. He was just going to keep rambling until he’d said every word he could think of, and then he’d shrivel up and turn to dust. 

“And you what?” Sasuke asked, frenzied. “Do you ever mean the words you say? How many times do I have to hear that from you before you mean it? Will you _ever_?” Sasuke scoffed then and placed the container of small things somewhere next to him. “Dior, please, it’s ok. Don’t cry or he’ll come in.” Sasuke cleared his throat and started again. “You don’t know who you were? I don’t know if I’ve ever known who you are. I just _thought_. You are not the person that I have been following behind my entire life, you’re not. You can’t be. That boy would be a _man_ by now, and he would know better. You are… you’re… I don’t know you. I thought I knew everything about you, about us. But _everything_ was a dream, a wish. A vision. None of it was ever real to you, because you’re not real. You’ve never been and you’ve never felt anything real. You couldn’t have, or you’d have done me a whole lot better. Even as a friend.”

Naruto’s eyes were unblinking as they met Suigetsu’s that were heavily lidded. He’d heard that, he’d heard it all. Naruto watched it dawn on Suigetsu that Naruto was busy. Naruto didn’t know why he thought that would make his roommate any less insufferable. 

Suigetsu turned on the lights and pointed at Naruto’s phone that was still sitting in front of him. “Who’s that? They’re tearing you a new one.”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. He really needed to stop lying to people. He hadn’t told anyone about this call, no one but Hinata knew about it. Suigetsu fell heavily onto his own bed and then rolled over. By now, Sasuke was silent, and the only thing that Naruto could hear on the other end was his heavy breathing and Dior’s general dog sounds. 

“Is it Gaara? Did he say yes?” Suigetsu shouted, sitting up fast. Naruto hung his head as he heard Sasuke gasp.

“Gaara? Did he say _Gaara_?” Sasuke was whispering with strong emotion into the speaker. “Why would you be talking to Gaara?”

Naruto picked up his phone fast and threw his pillow at Suigetsu. “Not cool, man—” Suigetsu fell off of his bed with a thud just as Naruto was shutting the door to the bathroom. 

“Fuckin’…” Naruto muttered to himself. He prayed that Sasuke had not hung up as he laid his phone on the counter. “Sasuke? Are you still there?”

Sasuke made an annoyed sound. “Yes,” he said after a while. He sounded so serious, and a lot less sad than he’d been sounding before. Naruto slid his fingers beneath his eyes to examine the bags there. He hadn’t been sleeping very much because of the combination of non-stop studying and waiting for Sasuke to call. 

When Sasuke next spoke, Naruto winced at his tone. “I’m only gonna ask you one time,” Sasuke began. “You don’t have to tell me the truth; when have you ever done that, anyway? I just want to know something.” Sasuke was drawing it out on purpose, Naruto knew. Maybe it had to do with suspense, but Naruto thought that it was more likely that Sasuke was three seconds from losing his mind. Either way, Naruto really wished that he didn’t have to hear the next words that he knew were going to come from Sasuke’s mouth. 

“Why would he think that you’re talking to Gaara right now?”

Now. Now. Naruto knew that technically, this was not Sasuke’s business. He was right when he said that he didn’t have to tell him. First of all, Sasuke and Naruto were not together, had not been together for _months_ , and Naruto was well aware that they’d both been making their own decisions for a while now. He didn’t have to tell Sasuke anything, and especially not about Gaara. If Naruto knew anything about Sasuke, and he liked to think he did, he knew that this was one of those questions Sasuke asked because he already knew the answer. It was also one of those questions Sasuke asked even when he didn’t really _want_ to hear the answer from Naruto. Secondly, there was too much to explain, too many parts of it that Naruto didn’t really understand himself. Was it a rebound, or were they really just friends? (Ok, Naruto thought, you know the answer to _that_ one, but. There were other things he didn’t know, he was sure of it. Things like why he was the way he was, and why he couldn’t be alone, and why he was trying to move on so fast. He didn’t know those things.)

But who was Naruto, at this point, to lie? He didn’t have it in him, anymore. Especially not after hearing Sasuke say the words he’d just been saying and meaning them. Sasuke had done this before, though, torn Naruto to his barest parts with his words alone. He heard all of the words Sasuke had ever said to him, but only the ones that hurt stood out. There was no more fight in him.

“I’ve been, ya know. Hanging out with him?” Naruto wished at least that he could muster up a bit more confidence when he spoke to Sasuke. He wished his voice didn’t shake.

Sasuke did not waver anymore. Whatever had been making him so jittery was gone now, and replaced with what Naruto could only describe as pure rage. “Just friends, is that it?” Sasuke scoffed. “I thought that Sakura was _lying_. Is it really that easy for you? I guess I shouldn’t ask. You don’t know what’s going on in your own fucking mind half the time.” 

“It isn’t like that,” Naruto said, but he stopped himself from finishing. No point. Sasuke knew him better than he knew himself, and this was exactly why he could never get anything past him.

“Spare me that bullshit, Naruto,” Sasuke spit. Naruto closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his chest. He had sat on the floor with his back to the wall, and he laid his forehead over his knees. 

“Let me tell you something,” Sasuke said calmly, but Naruto could tell that Sasuke was gritting his teeth. “I want to make one thing abundantly clear.” Naruto leaned up to get his phone off the counter and balanced it on his knees. He waited with bated breath while Sasuke continued to take his time, his head leaning against the off-white wall. “I never wanted to believe it, when my brother would tell me that I was wasting my time with you. He has been telling me this for years, way longer than I ever understood. _Don’t get stuck behind him, Sasuke_ , he’d say, _he’ll only lead you astray._ I never wanted to believe that you weren’t worth it. _Worth_. I am worth more than this.” Naruto wished that Sasuke would get to the point and stop twisting the knife, but he was silent. Maybe he needed to hear this.

“He was right, like he always is. And I’ve said this before, so many fucking times, but I mean it this time. I can’t do this anymore, in any way. I tried it so many different ways. I tried to take you back, I tried to take it slow, I tried to just be friends. None of it was _good enough_ for you. I even tried to _use_ you like you _used_ me, and it didn’t work. You only ever want what I’m not giving. Even when I gave you everything, every single part of me. My mind, my body, my soul, all yours to keep. And yet, there was still always something missing for you. Well, now I know that something is missing for me, too. Something that can’t be taught or given. It has to be earned.”

“Respect?” Naruto attempted.

“Try again,” Sasuke sighed in exasperation.

“…Trust?”

“Good job, college boy,” Sasuke said snidely. A bizarre insult that made Naruto raise an eyebrow. Naruto could imagine the curl of Sasuke’s lip as he said. He still loved Sasuke even as the image came to his mind, even as he heard the words, “I don’t trust you,” come from Sasuke’s mouth. “I don’t trust you, and that isn’t something that can be remedied. I don’t know what I thought, that if I let you back in we could grow _together_. I am fucked up, Naruto, I know I am. I don’t ever claim to be perfect, and I know that most of the time, I act like the victim in this. It wouldn’t have ever started if you hadn’t tried to drown me—”

“Sasuke, come on. That was a fucking accident. Don’t do that.”

“I’m doing it!” Sasuke was yelling now. Naruto hated it. He hated all of this. He wished he’d gone with his friends when they left instead of waiting for Sasuke to call. Whatever ‘crazy stuff’ they were getting into was probably better than this. What did he expect, that they’d reconcile? Foolish, an idiot. Naruto felt something hot taking over him as Sasuke continued.

“I can’t trust you when we’re together, and I can’t trust you when we’re just friends. You are a liar, and you’ve never meant any of the words you said to me. You couldn’t have! I have lied, too, I know. Before you open your mouth to talk about _Shikamaru_ or me leaving, just consider this. Why did I lie about those things, hm? So that you weren’t hurt. You lied because you’re fucking selfish. You suck the life out of me, Naruto, and you’ve been doing it for years now. And I’ll always let you, so it has to be over. I can’t, I can’t. I really. I tried.” Sasuke was back to tears again. Naruto was slightly confused by it all, but there was still nothing he could say.

“Sasuke, why are you in here yelling? Who are you talking to?” _God, fuck,_ Naruto thought. Not this. Anything but this.

“Get out,” Sasuke screamed, causing Dior to bark. “I’m about to hang up, don’t worry about it.”

“Is it him? Didn’t I tell you not to talk to him anymore, that you’d regret it?” Itachi was furious, Naruto could tell. Something fell on the floor in a loud crash and Naruto heard Itachi’s voice getting closer.

“And what are you doing with these?” Itachi made a helpless sound as Sasuke began to sob again. Too much, Naruto thought. There was something heavy beginning to settle on his mind and in his heart, and it felt sort of familiar. Like that night in December, but this wasn’t red. It was just heavy.

“Naruto, don’t call this number again,” Itachi said harshly. “It’s for the best, for the best of all of us. Let it go, let him live, let him breathe. Find _yourself_. Stop worrying about him. Worry about whomever _Gaara_ is and leave my brother alone.”

Naruto’s phone clattered loud on the tile when Itachi hung up. He had been sure that he’d known what the world falling down on him felt like, but he’d been wrong. He heard Suigetsu banging on the door as he laid his head on the floor, but he also didn’t. He didn’t know what was real, anymore, if he was really here or not. 

“Are you ok in there? Naruto, open the door, fuck.” Suigetsu stopped his banging, but Naruto saw his shadow still underneath the door. 

“Go away,” Naruto mumbled. He would let Suigetsu figure out that the door wasn’t locked.

“Oh, shit.” Suigetsu’s face was screwed up until he laid his eyes on Naruto. Then, his eyes widened in slight panic. “Get up.” He tried to yank Naruto up by his arm, but he was too weak and he failed. 

“Leave me alone,” Naruto tried again. 

“Listen.” Suigetsu slid down the wall next to Naruto and put a hand on Naruto’s hanging head awkwardly. “I don’t really know what happened, but you’re crying, man. We can call that girl back over here, Hinata?”

Naruto wiped his face fast and rolled his eyes at the floor. “We are _not_ calling Hinata. Don’t worry about me.” Naruto looked up at Suigetsu’s face then. “Why are you even here? I thought you were spending the night with them.”

“I was. I don’t even really remember coming here…” Suigetsu cast his eyes around the bathroom before struggling to stand again. Naruto watched him, and he grimaced at the hand Suigetsu held out for him. Suigetsu’s eyes were still weird, but Naruto took his hand anyway.

“I’ll go with you. But I’m not going to do any acid,” he warned.

Suigetsu shrugged. “‘S your loss.”

***

“That… I forgot about that night.”

Sasuke was sitting next to Naruto on the bed of their hotel room. His eyes were cast down at his hands, though it wasn’t lost on Naruto that he was squinting. His eyesight was getting worse again. It was night time, but instead of just going to bed or doing something _fun_ (“You know that I know what you mean when you say that, right?” Sasuke had said breathily against Naruto’s throat), Sasuke wanted Naruto to keep telling the story.

“I wish that I could forget it,” Naruto replied, “but it’s stuck in my memory forever.”

“I was out of it again,” Sasuke admitted. He looked up to catch the surprise on Naruto’s face. “I never told you that?”

“Um, no,” Naruto said. He scratched his chin. “You were…?” Naruto didn’t have the words to say it. It hurt to imagine it, Sasuke destroying himself for any reason. It was excruciating to think that the reason was him. But it was ok, he reminded himself. Because Sasuke was here, with him and breathing, and they were together. That eased the pain in his heart, if only a little.

“Yeah, they were my Mom’s,” Sasuke nodded. He looked from Naruto’s face toward the large window, where the stars and the moon were shining through and illuminating their faces. “I suppose I wouldn’t have told you, anyway. It wasn’t ever your scene, that kind of thing. Did you do acid that night?” Sasuke was laughing when he asked it.

“My scene? What year is this?” Naruto scoffed. He reached for Sasuke’s hand just as Sasuke was reaching up to run a hand over his face. “I did not do acid that night. I did it the next week, after midterms. Couldn’t fuck up my GPA.”

Sasuke’s smile faded. He sighed. “I can’t believe I said that stuff to you. And you remember every word.”

“I told you,” Naruto said simply, “it’s stuck in my memory forever.”

“What’d you name the voice in your head?” Sasuke allowed Naruto to hold his hands then.

Naruto felt his face get hot. “What makes you think I named him?”

Sasuke made a face. “ _Him_? I know you, you’re a weirdo. What’s its name, come on.”

Sasuke finally laid down next to Naruto and took up most of his space, just like he always did. “I called him Kurama, that’s what my Mom called him.” Naruto ran a hand over Sasuke’s back and the other into his hair. “You’re getting a tan,” Naruto whispered against the top of Sasuke’s head. He felt Sasuke’s chuckle turn into a sigh again.

“I want to tell you something, before you finally get to… the wedding,” Sasuke said. He sounded unsure of himself. Now Naruto knew why he’d laid down; he was hiding his face again.

“What is it? Is it something I already know?” Naruto asked.

“No,” Sasuke snorted. “I wouldn’t have ever told you this before, my pride was much too big. Plus, I didn’t want you to know that I had ever relapsed.”

“Seems like something you should tell someone if you want them to marry you,” Naruto said. “For transparency’s sake.”

Sasuke sat up and glared at Naruto even through his squinting. “I’m telling you now. Tomorrow. So just let me sleep and then listen, old man,” Sasuke added the last part with a ‘hmph’ of satisfaction.

“We can do that,” Naruto said, “but after we call home. I wanna talk to my Mom.”

“And I want to know if Sakura’s been coming over like she said she would,” Sasuke added slowly. He was falling asleep.

“We don’t need any more help,” Naruto pointed out. “Mom and Dad and Mikoto are plenty to deal with Kenneth. And he’s growing up,” he added proudly. “He’s almost old enough to use the stove.”

“No he is _not_ ,” Sasuke said harshly. “I know we don’t need any more help. Sakura is not help. Sakura is his Mom. I just want to know if she can pull herself away from Ino for two seconds.”

“Oh, yeah.” Naruto shook his head. He often forgot. It was strange, so weird. Sasuke and Sakura’s _kid_ was calling him Dad sometimes (not as much as Naruto wished he would. He only said it on accident, mostly, but he said it a lot more than he did before. Naruto took whatever he could get when it came to Kenneth. He was every ounce the most stubborn parts of Sakura and Sasuke in the body of a ten year old child who had the backing of all of the adults in the house when he did something wrong). They were way too close of friends, even to this day. “I’m sure she is. Sakura is a perfectionist and would not like it if we or anyone else thought otherwise. To include her son.”

“We’ll see,” Sasuke mumbled sleepily. Naruto closed his eyes and listened to Sasuke’s breathing slow down as he fell asleep. He felt something heavy in his heart again, but this time he knew that it was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are too smart for me :) i hope it didn’t hurt too badly. next chapter starts a time skip from their freshman year to when naruto begins to play professionally, just so you know!!
> 
> next time won’t hurt so bad, i promise


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tagging ghostoflove, saniuzu and fairy_blooms in the june 2020 writing challenge bc they are sooo special and without them i wouldn’t have gotten to this place that i am today. thank you all!! you know how i feel about you :*

Naruto made it very hard to wake up. 

Or, really, he made it hard to get out of bed.

Sasuke felt heat all over his bare chest, and he knew that there was no way he’d be able to get up and take that shower like he’d wanted to. It was alright. Naruto’s face when he slept was enough consolation for being sweaty for an extra hour or so.

Leaning up, Sasuke slid his glasses over his face carefully and allowed himself to watch Naruto in his peace. It was easy to do this, to be quiet and admire every part of Naruto’s face, even after all of these years. There were lines there that hadn’t been forever. There were certain things Naruto said and did that he hadn’t done before, way before his career had put such a strain on his body and his mind. There was a little less hair on Naruto’s head now. But it was all the same. The same man, the same boy that Sasuke had laid out on the grass with on that October day twenty something years ago. The same boy that he’d been in love with for thirty something years. 

“Stop looking at me,” Naruto murmured, though his eyes were closed. His voice was muffled because of the digit pushed past his teeth.

Sasuke frowned. “How do you know I’m looking at you?”

“I can feel it.” Naruto opened his eyes and blinked a few times. The blue there was still so deep. Sasuke still felt struck by Naruto when they caught eyes. “See? You’re looking at me.”

“You only know that because you’re looking at me.”

“Oh, shut it.” Naruto yawned loud and wide. He sat up and left Sasuke to lay in the heat of where he’d been sleeping. Sasuke enjoyed this place; it smelled like Naruto here and he was blocking the sun. “You gonna call home soon?”

Sasuke echoed Naruto’s yawn. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “After I shower.” He was still sleepy, which he was not used to. These past few weeks of sleeping in with Naruto were beginning to affect the way Sasuke worked.

“Son.” Mikoto was awake, thankfully. Sasuke hated when he called and she was sleeping. Her voice was dreamy when she picked up.

“Hey, Ma. What’re you doing?” Sasuke had his phone on the counter while he brushed his teeth and put his contacts in.

“Trying to wake up your in-laws,” Mikoto grumbled. “It’s after noon and they’re still in the bed.”

“It’s useless,” Sasuke said. “They’ll be up when they’re ready.” He thought about Minato and Kushina and smiled a little. “Is Kenneth with you?”

“He’s getting ready to go see Sakura,” Mikoto said. “Do you want to talk to him?”

“Of course, yeah.”

Naruto came to sit with Sasuke when he migrated to the couch. He sighed when his knee made a sound as he sat. Kenny was very happy to hear from them. “When are you and Naruto coming back? It’s already been so long.” He had the camera on himself but he wasn’t looking at it, because he was buttoning his shirt. Kenneth was nine years old now, and it still sent Sasuke’s mind on a whirl that he could _do_ things on his own.

“It hasn’t been that long, bud,” Sasuke pointed out, but he still felt it, too. He didn’t like being away from one of the only things in his life that he’d done right. “We won’t be gone for too much longer.”

“Well, good, because I don’t like asking Nana to sign my permission slips.” Kenny rolled his eyes. “She waits until right before school starts and it’s stressful.” 

“And you just so happen to never be with Mom when it’s time to sign permission slips?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow. 

“Um… no?”

Sasuke knew that the only reason Kenneth put up with Mikoto was because Sakura actually read the things she was signing her permission for, but he let his son have this one. “You’re going to see Mom?”

“Yeah.” Kenny nodded and was relieved at the change of subject. “We’re gonna cook.”

Naruto made a sound at Sasuke’s left. “On the stove?” Sasuke shot Naruto a sharp glare, which was returned with a small grin.

“No, in the oven! Dad, you didn’t tell me Naruto was there, let me see.” Kenny was squinting in the direction of the camera and his face relaxed as he came closer and drew the phone up to his face.

Sasuke handed Naruto his phone and watched intently as Naruto greeted Kenneth. “Why isn’t she letting you cook on the stove?”

Kenny shrugged. “Mom says I’m not big enough,” he said. “I tried to tell her that I wouldn’t turn it up too high, like you said, but she just shook her head and made that _face._ ” They all knew the face Sakura made when she didn’t approve of something.

Naruto’s smile never left his face, though Sasuke was ready to slap him. “Stop telling him things like that! He’ll burn a house down,” Sasuke said angrily. Naruto held a hand up in defeat.

“It’s ok, Dad. Mom won’t let me, anyway. Mom, or Nana, or Mr Namikaze. It’s like I’m a kid or something.” Kenny sounded put off by this. Sasuke heard him traipsing down the stairs. 

“Kenneth, your mother is here,” Mikoto called from off screen.

Kenny put his face close to the camera again. “I miss you,” he said before kissing the screen. “My snake is shedding his skin, and you’re missing it! You better come back soon!” 

Sasuke felt his heart oozing out of his ears. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“And when we get back I can show you some more soccer tricks, yeah?” Naruto chimed in, which caused Kenny’s face to light up.

“Really, really? Please, Dad, let us do the soccer.” Kenny could see Sasuke’s face souring at the idea of it.

“Naruto broke his leg four different times playing soccer,” Sasuke said, like he always did whenever Kenneth got it into his head that he and Naruto would play some. “I don’t want you hurting yourself. Or learning bad habits from him.” At this, Sasuke cut his eyes to Naruto, who grinned sheepishly.

“No habits are worse than the ones he’s gonna learn from Ino,” Naruto said. Sasuke rolled his eyes hard but smiled again when he turned his face back to the camera. 

“Be good for Mom,” Sasuke said sternly. “Tell her to call me sometime, too.” He kisses at the screen just as Kenny had done before, and then let out a large sigh when the call ended. He leaned heavily against Naruto’s chest while Naruto’s arms came out to encircle his middle. “I miss him so much,” he mumbled with anguish. 

Naruto ran careful fingers into Sasuke’s wet hair. “I know. I miss him, too. And my Mom and your Mom and my Dad and Sakura and Ino. But there aren’t words to describe the way that I feel right now, being here with you. Just you, and the rest of the world doesn’t exist.” Naruto’s voice was tickling the back of Sasuke’s neck and he shivered.

“You’re a sappy old man,” Sasuke remarked, but neither of them commented on the way that Naruto wiped at the tears that were beginning to streak Sasuke’s face. It was everything he’d ever needed, everything he’d wanted when he was 8, when he was 17, when he was 22, when he was 25, when he was 30, and when he saw Naruto again a little over a year ago. Everything, everything. Naruto was everything. Naruto was the only constant in Sasuke’s life, no matter if they were together or apart. It was just a whole lot better when they were together. Sasuke knew that there was no one else, there was nothing else. He’d always known it, and it might have taken them far too long, but it didn’t matter now. The wrongs had been righted, and he was sitting in the place that he belonged for all of eternity. This place was shaped like Naruto. 

Naruto made a sound like he’d just remembered something. “Don’t you have a story to tell me?” His hand was in Sasuke’s hair again. “Something I’ve never heard before?”

“Oh, yes,” Sasuke said with a slight nod. “I never could have told you this before. You wouldn’t have taken me back.”

“Nonsense,” Naruto scoffed. “It was always you and no matter what I did in between, I kinda always knew it. There was nothing you could have done to keep me away from you. Except maybe, I don’t know. Kill someone. But you’ve never done that. Right?” Naruto sat up a little, jostling Sasuke where he was pressed to Naruto’s chest.

“No, you fool,” Sasuke said with annoyance. “Please do not interrupt me like you did last time.”

“We’ll see,” Naruto mumbled.

***

“Can you maybe turn that shit off?” Sasuke had to yell over the TV because the volume was over 50. He was standing in the doorway of the living room with his arms crossed, holding flashcards in his fists.

“No one said that you had to study here,” Shisui pointed out. “There’s a library, you know.”

“How about this?” Obito took the remote and turned the volume down three notches. “Is that low enough for you?” He snickered before turning back to the TV. 

When Itachi was away, Sasuke had to endure their abuses. All Obito and Shisui ever did was watch sports when they got the chance. And it wasn’t just the normal person sports, like football or baseball. Sasuke’s cousins watched anything on this godforsaken channel, whether it be _golf_ or _bowling_ or… 

“Wait, turn it up.” Sasuke came to stand behind the sofa and leaned forward between Obito and Shisui’s heads. Even if he hadn’t been wearing his glasses, he’d know the face anywhere. Sasuke snatched the remote when neither of them heeded him and turned the TV up. 

“… recruits, this is a very fine new class, wouldn’t you say?”

“Indeed I would. In the top five of new stars coming out of college is Naruto Uzumaki.”

“What do you need to hear this for?” Shisui asked, annoyed. He tried to reach for the remote but Sasuke slid away and found a chair to sit in, his flashcards forgotten. It couldn’t be. This wasn’t real. It wasn’t _really_ Naruto on the screen, his smile shining a light on the deep pit that had been forming in Sasuke’s heart for years now. The blue of his school jersey was nothing compared to the blue of his eyes, so deep. It couldn’t really be Naruto that they were discussing, like a celebrity, like a _star._ Sasuke chewed his lip as the pundits kept going on about Naruto’s stats.

“And we see that he’s a busy young guy,” one of them said. He was significantly younger looking than the other. “Where will he land? A lot of sources close to the kid say he’s thinking of staying in the South, but a few outliers say things like California. We’ll stay tuned for draft day to see where he ends up. Next up, we have—” Sasuke didn’t ever hear who they had next, because he turned the TV off.

“You’re such a twerp,” Obito grunted. Sasuke threw the remote on the coffee table and held his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. He had been doing so _well_. Focusing on the bar, going to school and all of that. And even though Itachi had found out what he was doing before and had promptly taken him out of school for a year, he was better off for it. No more pills, for real this time. He had thought he was done with visions, but Sasuke always went a little too hard when it came to self-destruction, especially when he felt that there was no point to anything. That was four years ago now, and he was completely and utterly ignoring the message of that last vision. After that phone call, Sasuke thought it would be best if he just never spoke to Naruto again. 

“Are you ok, do we need to call someone?” Shisui sat up straighter from where he’d been lounging into the sofa. “He’s almost here, do you wanna, like, eat something?” Maybe his concern was genuine, but Sasuke didn’t need it right now.

“Fuck off,” Sasuke mumbled. He stood fast and gathered his flashcards before retreating back into his room. So much for studying tonight. Sasuke laid on his bed with his arm over his eyes. This was the last thing he needed right now.

Sasuke was _ok._ He had been ok after a few months, something closer to a year. He had been taking the time, just thinking and focusing on other things. Things he liked about himself, and things he didn’t, so that he could fix them or at least try to. Now, four years later, he felt accomplished and without the need for anyone else. And of course he thought about that blonde idiot, that _loser_ , but it grew less and less painful the more that time passed (at first, this had to do with Mikoto’s medicine, even after Itachi had caught him that one night, but eventually it became a thought that came to him when he was in his right mind, too). He was better off without Naruto, he knew that. Whatever the problem was, Sasuke didn’t have the remedy. He couldn’t fathom there ever being a resolution, not the way that they’d been before. Things would have to change. But Sasuke was content to not even worry about that, and to only worry about himself.

Of course, it has been very hard at first. Even after he’d had his vision, and Itachi had caught him when he was on the phone with Naruto, Sasuke knew where Mikoto kept her pills. It wasn’t _good_ or anything, but it kept him awake when he needed to study and kept his mind off of the looming despair, if only for a few hours. Those hours were short, though, and then he’d be on the phone with Sakura, asking her about Naruto. She was reluctant to tell him anything, but he was persistent in his asking. She said that Naruto was asking about him, too, but she didn’t think it’d do him any good to know that Sasuke was moving on. He knew _now_ that she knew about Gaara, whatever that had been, and that hadn’t sat well with him. The hardest thing was not talking to Sakura, either. He didn’t know why, but after the first year she’d steadily been contacting him less. It had been hurtful, at first, but then Sasuke began to take it in stride. It only meant that he was supposed to put the past entirely behind him, no matter how badly he wanted to hear her voice sometimes. 

Sasuke had decided to reject his visions after his most recent one, brought on by the pills. He knew that there had been ones that had come true, but he was terrified of the others. He thought about Naruto asking him to marry him, and he would shake his head and grit his teeth. The vision he’d had before cutting Naruto off for good put the stake in the ground that he wasn’t going to live based off of those _musings_ anymore. It was too dangerous. He’d be miserable forever. 

Living with his brother, his mother and his cousins was the best thing that had happened to Sasuke’s mental state. They were all infuriating and grating on his nerves in their own ways, but at least they reminded him of where he’d come from. Obito and Shisui didn’t know very much of anything about what had happened in Konoha, and Sasuke welcomed that. They didn’t tread lightly around him because they just didn’t care. They were a lot closer to Itachi in age, and they did their own thing. They left Sasuke to his own devices, which now consisted solely of school and taking care of himself. The only one still treating him like a child was his brother, not even Mikoto. Itachi went to work in his labs for most of the day, so Sasuke didn’t have to deal with it for too long. He tried hard not to resent Itachi for it; he only wanted Sasuke to feel the best that he could feel. It just wasn’t what he wanted, though, and Sasuke made it clear that Itachi didn’t have to be so careful.

A knock on his door caused Sasuke to remember where he was. “Fuck off, I said,” he called out, not moving from his spot.

“Not a nice way of talking to your brother,” Itachi said on the other side of the door. Sasuke grimaced. He heard the door opening but he still didn’t look or move. 

“What do you want? Aren’t you tired? Don’t you have something green to look at?” Sasuke willed Itachi out of here with his harsh tone. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, he wanted to process what he’d just seen on the television. Naruto was, what, famous now? Sasuke rolled his eyes beneath his arm when Itachi sat on the edge of his bed. There was just no winning with such a caring older brother.

“I just want to make sure that you’re ok,” Itachi said. “Obito said you, um, threw a fit? And it happened after you saw something on the TV you didn’t like.”

Sasuke finally removed his arm from his eyes but otherwise stayed where he was. “Yeah, yes. I threw a fit. Yes.” He wished that his voice was stronger than it was now, but he blamed it on maluse because he had been studying alone in his room for hours and not the subject of their conversation.

“What was on the TV?” Itachi was being careful as he spoke, again. Sasuke wished sometimes not to be treated like a _baby._

“Who do you think?” Sasuke spit, but his voice and face softened instantly after that. “It was him,” was all he had to say. Itachi sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took his glasses off and rubbed his face for a moment before replacing them.

“Do you know how well you’ve been doing? How much better you’ve been since you stopped talking to him?”

“Yeah, Itachi, I know. It’s not like I’m just going to go out and find him, he’s still in North Carolina,” Sasuke said angrily. He sat up fast. “Do you think that I’m just going to go back to being the way I was before? That all of these years haven’t meant anything? I don’t even care,” Sasuke insisted. Itachi’s face was blank.

“Sasuke, please. Just, get some rest, ok, and don’t think about it too much.” Itachi stood and waded through the pillows on Sasuke’s floor. “And please, I am begging you right here. Your exam is in less than a week, and you need your sleep. Do not look him up.” Itachi looked Sasuke over one last time before turning and closing the door lightly, but not all the way (“Just in case a dog wants to come in, it’s cruel to shut them out,” he’d said).

“Don’t look him up, he says,” Sasuke grumbled angrily to himself. He turned on his side and looked at the moon out his window. “What does he know, anyway? I don’t care about Naruto. He’s a _soccer_ player. I don’t like soccer, I only went to the games for him,” Sasuke continued his mumbling rant. He knew it, he’d be better off not looking Naruto up and finding out if the internet had any sort of knowledge about his personal life. Sasuke didn’t need that, he really didn’t.

Of all the people, it was Mikoto who brought Naruto back up a few months later. She had called his name when she heard him come home, and when he came to her door she was typing on her computer slowly. She had regained some of the nerve activity in her left hand, but not all of it. The scar had healed now, and it was shiny on her already-pale skin whenever it showed, which was not often.

“Yes?” Sasuke stood in her doorway for a moment, waiting to be asked inside like he always did.

“Come in,” Mikoto said eventually, and she closed her computer. Sasuke didn’t like how serious her face and tone were. He especially didn’t like not having any idea as to why she would want to talk to him.

Mikoto had her glasses on, and she put them up onto her head, pushing back her bangs as she did. Whatever it was that she was trying to say, it seemed to be paining her. Mikoto heaved a deep sigh before she spoke again. “My dearest baby boy,” she began. Sasuke already hated this, but he still let her reach for his hand. “I don’t want you to think that I am angry about it… but I know that you were taking my pills all those years ago.”

Sasuke looked away from Mikoto’s intense gaze. Oh, this? Sasuke had been sure that she didn’t know, and that even when she asked Itachi, he’d kept it a secret. “I’m sorry,” Sasuke said automatically.

“It’s over now. Obviously, I wish you would have told someone, anyone how you were feeling. Someone that wasn’t Sakura,” Mikoto added. This caused Sasuke’s face to get hot. He didn’t interrupt. “I know that it was a lot of things, and I know that stuff was hard back then. We had just moved, and you were afraid for me and for our family, and you still had school to worry about, and…” Mikoto’s voice trailed off, and Sasuke shook his head fast, willing her not to say it. 

But she still did. “… and I know that you stopped talking to Naruto around that time.” 

“Yes,” Sasuke said steadily. “I did. What about it?” Sasuke did not need nor want an ill-timed lecture from Mikoto about love, not right now. He didn’t have the mental capacity for this. And that was sad, really. He was nearly five years removed from Naruto, and then he sees his face, hears mention of his name one time and his mind goes back into a spiral? It was stupid. Sasuke was better than this. He stopped his mouth from quivering and made himself remember who he was. He was his own person, he was _Sasuke_ before anything else. And Sasuke, at this point, was beyond that.

He just wished that Mikoto would leave him alone about it, because she was being the opposite of helpful. “I know you probably wouldn’t have wanted me to, but I heard from your cousins that he’s playing over here now,” Mikoto said. Sasuke took his hand from hers when she reached for her phone. No, no. There was no way. 

“Mom, if you’re about to —”

“I know that you’ve rejected your visions, Sasuke, but I haven’t rejected mine. I believe in them, I believe in _you,_ and I want mine to come true. I want you to be happy.” Mikoto was scrolling for something on her phone. Sasuke thought about making a hasty retreat to his room to study and to forget this, but then Mikoto was showing Sasuke her phone and it was _him,_ it was Naruto, and he was beaming and so happy and he was with people Sasuke had never seen before, but it didn’t matter because the location was down the street from here and Sasuke didn’t know what he was doing anymore.

“Mom, I don’t need this anymore,” Sasuke said. He stood from her bed, crossed his arms, and shook his head. “That’s. That’s finished, we’re finished. We’ve been finished for four years now, we’re not going to just _get back together_ because he’s close by again. It doesn’t work like that. It _won’t_ work like that, because I got sick. So sick of sitting and waiting for him to get his shit together, and it’s not even worth it. I am worth it, I am worth more than the way that he treated me. And I don’t care what I saw, I don’t care what you saw, I don’t care what Itachi saw. I don’t want that for myself.”

Mikoto quirked an eyebrow as Sasuke ranted, but she waited for him to finish. “Then I suppose it is no interest to you that he’s brought Hinata with him, and her son?” 

Sasuke frowned. “I don’t care about _Hinata,_ ” he scoffed. “I don’t care if he lives with her, I don’t care if he sleeps with her, has a kid with her. I don’t care if he marries her. He isn’t my business anymore. It’s not my job to be interested in what he’s doing.” Sasuke meant what he’d said, he didn’t care. Naruto was his own human, his own man, and certainly had the right to choose… her. He grimaced at the thought of Hinata worming her way back into Naruto’s vicinity, but it didn’t matter. If he didn’t see that for what it was, it was no skin off of Sasuke’s nose.

“Don’t you think it’s odd that he’d take up residence so close by?” Mikoto pressed. 

Sasuke shrugged. “Maybe. But he’s always been stupid and ostentatious. He wants someone to notice, sure. I don’t think that someone is me.”

Mikoto pinched the bridge of her nose. “Is that what you saw in your last vision? You without him?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes hard and balled his hands into fists. “I don’t care what I saw, I told you that.” He hated talking to her like this, with anger, but she was beginning to upset him. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not going to live my life based on things I see as my brain fades from life. I wish I’d never had the first one to begin with. Then none of that would have happened. I’m sure I couldn’t have stopped Dad, but at least I wouldn’t have been so shattered when we left. I thought I was leaving my destiny behind, but it’s in front of me.”

“It’s down the street,” Mikoto said as Sasuke left the room. What did she _want_ from him? She was supposed to be on his side. She wasn’t supposed to be rooting for him to get back into the most toxic mess he’d ever been a part of. Why would she push him to step back so far? He didn’t care, he told himself. He was busy being a successful human being.

It wasn’t until after a few more months that it happened. Sasuke was passing through a park on his way to a coffee shop, and he felt something in the air. There was a tension that he’d never felt before, and he didn’t know where it was coming from. Sasuke held his shoulder bag closer to his body as he glanced around himself. He didn’t recognize anyone here, even after all of these months living in the place he did, and he liked it that way. (Itachi had seen it fit to move them around a few times when they’d first gotten to California until he’d connected with Obito and Shisui.) Still, a strange twinge of anxiety was creeping up the back of Sasuke’s neck as he entered the shop.

Sasuke laid his bag on the table carefully after placing his order. He didn’t have any cases yet, but he was looking over some papers for Mikoto on one of hers. Her sort of defense was boring to him. He didn’t like reading sad stories about children needing to be taken from one parent and given to another because of negligence, or teenagers trying to emancipate themselves because of ignorance. He was much more interested in drama and scandal. He knew that when he was established, it wouldn’t be in this pediatric of a realm.

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Sasuke left his things to retrieve his drink before returning to his seat. He frowned deeply as he spotted what he thought was a familiar head of hair. _No,_ he told himself, _silly._ The conversation he’d had with Mikoto was in the back of his mind, but he ignored it and instead began pouring over the documents to see if he could offer her any help. She was so smart, so he wasn’t sure why she would be asking him for help, but he would do whatever she needed if it meant she would be successful. 

The coffee was hot. Sasuke let it cool a bit before he took another sip. He thought about years ago, sitting in front of Naruto in a coffee place in Konoha and bearing his soul to him. Only for it to be fucked, time and time again. He shook his head and blew into his cup before drinking some more. 

“Excuse me, sir,” a familiar voice said quietly, “but is this seat taken?” 

Sasuke looked up fast to see Hinata standing in front of him. He couldn’t stop the downward turn of the corners of his mouth as he looked her over a few times. She pushed some of her hair behind her ear as she waited anxiously for him to respond. _This is stupid,_ Sasuke said to himself. “I guess not,” he responded out loud, shifting his leather bag to the side.

Hinata struggled to sit. Sasuke pushed the table farther away from the wall so that she had more room. “It’s nice to see you,” she tried, but Sasuke wasn’t having it.

“What are you doing here? Why are you… talking to me?” Sasuke didn’t mean to be _rude,_ but there was only one common denominator between himself and Hinata, and he didn’t want to discuss that blond fool right now. Or ever again. 

Hinata’s face was a little red. “I saw you walking, and I couldn’t believe that it was really you, I don’t know. I thought that I’d seen you before, but you’re always moving so fast. And you’re taller now.” She shrugged. “I just thought it’d be nice to say hello, see if I was right. We live pretty close together, from what I can tell.” She laid a hand over her belly and Sasuke fought hard to keep his eyes on her face.

“Well. Um. What are you doing here?” Sasuke repeated, this time a little less gruff.

“Here with Kiba,” Hinata explained. Sasuke breathed a hard sigh of relief. So his mother had been wrong. Naruto did _not_ harbor Hinata here with him. “He’s starting his engineering job soon.”

“Engineering? Kiba?” Sasuke was a bit incredulous, but Hinata nodded. 

“We’re getting married,” Hinata said. It was then that Sasuke’s eyes caught the ring on her finger. He hummed in response.

It was inevitable that she’d bring him up, Sasuke knew. “Have you spoken to Naruto or Sakura? You know, he’s out here playing soccer.” 

“I know. And no, I haven’t spoken to them.” Sasuke thought of all the times that Hinata had been privy to the conversations he’d had with Naruto that were supposed to be private; all the times she’d been in the middle of them; all the times she’d purposely tried to ruin what they had going on. It was hard to sit in front of her, but it wasn’t hard for him to believe that she’d be advocating for Naruto to this day. He had accepted her apology before, but the years had made his mind turn over what she’d done so many times that he wasn’t so sure that he wanted to be cordial with her like this. And here she was, proving his point.

“I see. It ended kind of bad, yeah?” 

Sasuke shrugged. “Sure, you could say that. I’m sure you _know_ how it ended. He told you everything back then.”

Hinata looked away for a moment. When her eyes met Sasuke’s again, they were less shaky. “I don’t know everything that happened, I just know that he hasn’t ever been the same since then. And I told him, I told him not to…” Hinata shook her head and decided against finishing that thought. Instead, she stood carefully and offered Sasuke a small smile. 

“We’re in the neighborhood, if you ever want to drop by. And if you want, I’ll give you a heads up about whether or not he’s close by.” Hinata wrote down her address and phone number on a napkin and slid it across the table to Sasuke. “He told me that Sakura and Ino were thinking of moving out here, isn’t that nice?” She held her belly with both hands after adjusting her dress. “Yeah, just give me a call if you want.”

Sasuke watched with mild contempt as Hinata left. His eyebrows drew together when her back turned to him. “There’s no way Naruto didn’t put her up to that,” Sasuke mumbled to himself. Was he really that stupid?

***

“I didn’t put her up to that!” Naruto said indignantly. “I promise.” He held up a hand and put one of Sasuke’s on his heart.

“And she was talking about you getting engaged, right? When she told you _not_ to do something?” Sasuke asked. He retracted his hand from Naruto’s chest and ran it through his hair. He was getting a cramp from laying here on top of Naruto for so long, but at the same time, he didn’t care.

“Well, yeah, but. I was still a doofus. And we know how that went,” Naruto said with a shrug. 

Sasuke slapped his shoulder. “Don’t shrug, it was serious,” he said. “I was so glad it wasn't you that found me in that shop, let me tell you.”

Naruto frowned. “Wouldn’t have been happy to see me?” he asked in jest. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“You aren’t funny.”

“Kenneth thinks I’m funny.” 

Sasuke pinched Naruto’s ear and dodged out of the way of Naruto’s hands just in time. “I just wanted to tell you that,” he said, turning the conversation serious again. “I mean, I know that you know she talked to me, but. I don’t think I ever told you the part about seeing you on TV.”

“You told me something about watching me,” Naruto pointed out. Sasuke felt his face grow red with embarrassment at that particular memory.

“So are you ready to tell me your enchanting love story? I know you _dated_ him in college.” Sasuke tried hard not to say it too snidely. He didn’t like remembering that Naruto’s heart had been firmly in someone else’s grip, even for the short amount of time it had been in Gaara’s.

“Are you sure you want to know? You always get so snippy,” Naruto remarked. “Seems to be a spot of jealousy, I think.”

Sasuke made a face. “I’m not jealous, how many times do I have to say that to you? Look at where you are right now.” Sasuke sat up so that he was leaning back against Naruto’s bent legs. “There’s no reason to be jealous of him.”

Naruto drew in a sharp breath. “You have made your point,” he said. “Now you’d better get off me, or else make the fact that you’re so damn heavy worth my while.” 

Sasuke ran a hand into Naruto’s hair and pulled it lightly. “You have a bad attitude,” he said.

“Where’d I catch _that_ from, I wonder?”

Sasuke leaned down and gripped Naruto’s biceps tight. He dug his fingernails in for good measure. “Dunno,” he said, so close to Naruto’s ear that he felt his lips bumping the skin. “But I know that there are a lot better things for you to be doing with your mouth right now.” Sasuke felt Naruto shiver beneath his grip, just as Naruto’s arms came up to wrap tight around him. 

“Shh,” Naruto mumbled against Sasuke’s throat, “don’t start things you can’t finish.”

“I can finish you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it didn’t hurt too bad, it was meant to be partially funny. let me know what you thought, and what you think might happen :)) my fav obito makes his debut, i really love that boy


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> walking fine lines here... ik that this is an SNS fic and trust me, that is the goal! it will happen. i just feel that in order to capture naruto’s growth as a person, i would have to include some of the moments when he was away from sasuke, because they grew while they were apart. i tried very very hard to make it tasteful and not too much for someone who doesn’t want to see that, as well as including some sn on both sides. it won’t be long before the two idiots find themselves together again, though, trust me

“Um. Yeah. So, we got engaged before I started my first season.”

“Seriously?” Sasuke looked up with incredulity for a moment before going back to his work.

This was maybe the most rundown place Sasuke could have chosen to have this conversation, but Minato had told them that this was _it_ , they had to come here. It was quaint, and small was an understatement. Still, the nautical decor and the salt smell of the air did have its charms. It was enough that Naruto didn’t mind that it was taking so long for their drinks to come. Seeing Sasuke in this light, even with his face half covered by his laptop as he typed furiously, was plenty enough sustenance for Naruto’s mind. 

“Yeah. We did the five year engagement thing,” Naruto said with a slight nod. “There was just so much going on, but, like. I wanted him to know that I’d stay with him.”

Sasuke looked up again, this time a bit more pointedly. Naruto paused at the seriousness of Sasuke’s gaze, but then Sasuke waved a hand. “Continue.”

“From there, or?”

Sasuke shook his head. “It just reminds me of being fucked up,” he said. “I mean, you can tell me that part if you must.”

Naruto shrugged. “I did it in his house, it wasn’t that much. I can start later. Now… there are two weddings. You keep saying _the_ wedding.”

“My house. Tell me about the second one,” Sasuke said distractedly. He made an angry sound when Naruto reached across the table and closed his computer.

“Pay attention to me,” Naruto whined. 

“I paid you plenty of attention yesterday and before we left the room this morning,” Sasuke pointed out. Naruto did _not_ blush, and instead cast his eyes out one of the curtain-less windows.

“Different attention,” Naruto said steadily. “ _You’re_ the one asking for these stories. The least you could do is listen.” He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

“The least you could do is sit like an adult who’s had head injuries and not distract me with anxiety that you’re going to bust your head open from sitting like that,” Sasuke retorted. Still, he didn’t attempt to open his computer again. “So, my _love,_ do remind me of the time. I promise not to cry.”

“Save it,” Naruto snorted.

***

“Naruto, this came in the mail for you.”

Gaara always waited for Naruto at an angle that he could see him come inside. Maybe it was one of the chairs in the living room, maybe it was at the table, or sometimes he stood in the kitchen. But he always put himself in a place where the first thing he’d see when Naruto came in was Naruto’s face. Today, he was sitting in the living room, and the mail was on the coffee table in front of him. It was separated into three piles; for Gaara, for Naruto, and wrong address.

Naruto wiped at his forehead with the towel he’d had slung across his neck. “What is it?” He was sweating, and he knew how much Gaara didn’t like sweat.

“It looks like an invitation to a wedding,” Gaara said, holding the small card up for Naruto to take as he approached. Naruto stood as he read it (Gaara didn’t like Naruto to sweat on their furniture, either).

“Oh, yeah! It’s from Coach Guy. Wow.” Naruto ran his finger over the lines as he read. After almost five years together and a whole lot of time _wishing_ they were together before that, Guy and Kakashi were inviting Naruto to their wedding. _Because we never gave up on one another_ , Guy had written. Naruto felt something sharp in his chest, but he ignored it and instead offered a small smile to Gaara.

“This is nice,” Naruto said. “I’ll have to make sure I’m free for a few days, but it’s off-season, at least. I’ll get some days off of practice so we won’t have to rush. What do you think you’ll wear? It might be a little chilly.”

Gaara made a face. He shook his head and got up to begin tending to the plants that he had shoved onto every available window sill in the front of the house. “I’m not going,” he said simply.

“You’re not what?” Naruto followed Gaara to the dining room where he’d migrated. “What do you mean, you’re not going? We’re… together, and everyone knows that. It would be strange for me to go by myself.” 

Everyone knowing had not been Naruto’s choice. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it to be known that he was in love again… he just knew that it sounded like a bad joke. After the way things had ended with Sasuke, and all the pain that he’d been in, Naruto didn’t want there to be any sort of outside influences on this new relationship. It was new then. It’s been a while.

Gaara shrugged. “I don’t want to go,” he amended his statement. He turned to face Naruto. “You know how we moved here, and then all of a sudden you stopped going outside? Because you didn’t want to run the risk of seeing someone?”

Naruto chewed his thumbnail. “Yes,” he said after a while. The person’s name didn’t have to be spoken. Naruto could see his face when he closed his eyes, though vaguely. Sasuke probably didn’t look like this anymore, like the image in Naruto’s mind. He didn’t dwell on it, though.

“I don’t want to run the risk of seeing someone there,” Gaara explained. He turned one of the plants a few degrees and then made a triumphant sound. “I mean. You’ll be fine without me, right? You’re a grownup.”

“But I want you to come with me,” Naruto complained. He got into Gaara’s space despite still being sweaty. “I don’t like being away from you.” His voice was a little softer now.

Gaara cast his eyes up at Naruto’s gently and allowed himself to be embraced. “A few days, Naruto, just a few days. And then you’ll be back, and you’ll remember to take a shower before you come this close to me.” Though his words were harsh, Gaara was smiling. He returned Naruto’s embrace and laid his head against Naruto’s chest.

“Something tells me that you made this decision before I got here,” Naruto said into Gaara’s hair. He always smelled like the dirt that his plants lived in, but in a grounding way. Like outside on a pleasant day. 

“You leave me here with nothing to do but read your mail and talk to my plants,” Gaara pointed out. His voice was muffled because his face was pressed to Naruto’s shirt. “I thought, at first, that I’d be alright. But I know myself better than that.”

“One of those things is illegal,” Naruto said. “But if you really don’t want to go, you can stay here. Just know that I’m going to worry about you every second that I’m not looking at your face.”

“That’s a lot of seconds.” Gaara pushed at Naruto’s shoulder then. “Now get _off_ and take a shower,” he said, “before I start to smell like you.”

“Then you could join me.”

“In your dreams.”

In the shower was when Naruto allowed himself time to think about what his life was becoming. He was certain that for once, he had been taking steps down the right path. He didn’t know why the last time had finally knocked him into reality, but something had changed in him. Sasuke was really, really finished with them. So Naruto would be finished with them, too.

It should have been that easy. 

But Naruto had been a wreck. And for a long time. Not a few weeks, not a few months. Naruto was devastated for years. 

The first year, Naruto leaned on Sakura. Maybe a little too heavily, because she eventually grew tired of hearing him cry about the same things over and over. She was happy and accomplished, Naruto could see it, and he wasn’t surprised when she stopped answering his calls late at night. He _was_ a little surprised when she stopped answering altogether. Would it really just end, everything he’s ever known since he had known anything?

The second year, Gaara offered Naruto his shoulder. He was in a place where he could help, now, instead of commiserate. What had happened with Lee was really over, and Gaara was over it. They had talked and the closure had happened. He wanted Naruto to smile again, because he was so pretty when he smiled. He wanted Naruto to know that he _knew_ , and that he wasn’t going to have to get through it alone. So what, Sasuke wasn’t going to talk to him, and Sakura was ignoring him, too? _He_ was there. He’d be there when no one else was, he promised. Naruto wouldn’t ever have to worry about Gaara deciding that his problems were just too much, that he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Something was _special_ about Naruto, and Gaara wanted Naruto to see it. 

It was a little easier after that. They spent so much time together that when Naruto said that he wanted to make it real, Gaara had been confused. “It’s real,” he said. “It’s been real this whole time.” It got to the point that Naruto couldn’t deny it anymore. There was something palpable between them whenever they were around each other. It was huge and heavy and Naruto felt it in every cubic inch of his body. He was consumed in Gaara, but in a good way. It wasn’t all-encompassing in the way that he was drowning; it was peaceful. There was so much to learn. He was a breath of fresh air after Naruto had been sure he’d never breathe again.

He asked Gaara to marry him a week before he was meant to leave for his very first season. It was getting warmer out, though not by much. January had stretched into February and the days were suddenly going by so fast. Naruto knew that he wanted to do it, he knew that he was going to do it. It was the promise that he’d been wanting to make to Gaara for years now. He _needed_ Gaara to know that even if he was going to be far away, it wouldn’t be different. He’d feel the same way, whether they were miles apart or in the same room. Now, he was just looking for a sign. 

Naruto had asked his mother to help him pick out the ring. She had cried the entire time. “It’s just. You’re getting so big. Married, married? Too fast.” Naruto had heard her on the phone with Minato later, mumbling about how she had always thought it would be someone else, but he pretended not to have heard. 

Naruto hid the ring in his sock drawer. He woke up every day, glanced at the map above his bed, and then he would rummage in his drawer next to him until he found it. The box was so small that it was constantly getting stuck inside of his socks whenever Minato came to do his laundry (and he had asked his father to stop, but Minato only said that as long as Naruto was laying his head on those pillows, he was going to wash the cases). It was red and velvet, and it fit in the palm of Naruto’s hand, or his fist if he held it like that. He would open the box carefully, with great concentration, and look at the band sitting in its satin. It wasn’t _plain_ , but Naruto still hadn’t gotten his first check yet, so it wasn’t too extraordinary. He wasn’t even sure if it would fit, because who knows what _ring_ size they wear? It didn’t fit his hand, but he thought it might fit Gaara’s.

Then his mind was on Gaara, and he would fall back onto the bed in a heap with a wide smile on his face. Gaara, so special. He knew all the words to say to make Naruto remember that he wasn’t so bad, he’d just been young, and stupid. Very, very stupid. Sasuke hadn’t deserved it from him. Maybe one day they’d talk it out, but now, all that Naruto could do was work on himself. Gaara listened to him and remembered things he said. And there was never, not for one moment, any reason for Naruto not to trust him. It was refreshing to not have to worry about it, about Gaara not being who he said he was. He’d only ever been this person, and though Naruto had admittedly been different before, Gaara loved him because he was strong. Because he’d changed for the better.

“Love,” Naruto mumbled, holding the box close to his heart. It was a word that, before, he had been using much too lightly. He had “loved” Hinata without knowing very much about her, and he had “loved” Sasuke without really knowing him, either. They were different, of course. Hinata was soft and needed him and she had turned sour when she realized that he didn’t love her anymore. Sasuke… lit Naruto’s fuse in the worst way. It was a live grenade. So volatile. Naruto hoped that by now, Sasuke had found someone, too. It had never been about anything except wanting Sasuke to be happy, and he still wanted that. Because he was happy now. 

Naruto knew that in one week from today, he would be on a plane that was taking him across the country. He would be based in California (just his fucking luck), and he was going to be alone. His parents weren’t just going to uproot because Naruto wanted to kick balls around, though Minato had done a _lot_ to try to convince Kushina that it would be worth it. But he would be back, Kushina pointed out, and when he was, they’d all be better off for it. 

But a sign. Was it really the time? Was he really ready to… do this? Commit his life to someone, promise them that he’d love them forever? Was he ready to start his life over with someone in a completely new place, so far away from everything he’d ever known?

Naruto was about to put the box back in his drawer when Kushina came to his door. “What’re you doing with that?”

Naruto sat up from where he had been leaning across his bed. “I just… look at it sometimes,” he said with a shrug. “So small but. It’s going to change my life forever.”

“Not if you leave it in there to get tarnished,” Kushina replied. “You’ve had it for months, tell me why you haven’t asked him?”

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “What if he says no? What if it’s too much, that I won’t be here? He’ll have to wait for me, and we’ll be in an entirely new place, and we won’t know anyone, and—”

Kushina laid her fingers over Naruto’s mouth to stop him from rambling any further. “You are being troublesome,” she said. “Inherited this from Minato.” She shook her head. “It’s scary, I know it is. But I don’t think he’s going to say no, that is for certain.”

“How do you know?”

Kushina shrugged. “You’ve been wrong about a lotta things in your life, we all have. But I’m just glad that you came in out of the rain when you’re this young, instead of being my age, or something.”

“You’re not old,” Naruto argued. 

“I have a 24 year old son,” Kushina said, putting her hands on her hips. “I am not a spring chicken.”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

Naruto held the small box up close to his face again. “How do you know that you love someone the right way?”

Kushina crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. Her expression was endeared. “I always knew you’d ask me and not him! He owes me.” Naruto’s eyebrows drew together and Kushina seemed to realize that he was serious.

“I knew that Minato was it when he changed my mind,” Kushina said. Her eyes were on Naruto’s face, but she was somewhere else. “I told him I didn’t want to be married, I had never given any thought to it. I had a career and I didn’t want to have to put anything about my life on hold. And I love him, I’d say, but it wasn’t in our cards. He told me it was fine. As long as I didn’t ever get sick of him, he would stand beside me however I wanted him to.” Kushina sighed shakily. She blinked once, and the life came back to her eyes. “What’s the difference in not being married if you want to share your life with someone for the rest of yours? So I asked him, and he said yes. Your father cries a lot.” Naruto thought it was suspicious that Kushina would say that with tears in her eyes, but he didn’t mention it. Instead, he stood and crossed the room so that he could hug her to his chest.

“Thank you,” Naruto murmured. 

Kushina sniffed hard against Naruto’s temple. “For what?”

“For the sign.”

Behind him, he heard rain hitting his windowpane.

Naruto’s skin was wrinkled by the time he got out of the shower. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been beneath the water until he heard Gaara knocking hard on the door. “Did you fall, is it your knee?”

Naruto stood carefully on the bathmat so he didn’t slip as he ran a towel over his face. “No, I’m ok,” he called to the door. He had to make sure his feet were dry before he approached the door, because his knee was feeling wobbly but he wasn’t going to mention that. “Just please tell me that you didn’t wait for me outside of the door.”

Gaara snorted. “I would never. I was looking for plants online, but I heard something, and you were taking too long. Thought you might need help.”

“I dropped a bottle,” Naruto said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder. 

“You were _thinking_!” Gaara said loudly as he realized it. Naruto rolled his eyes as Gaara took the towel from over his shoulders and put it on his head. “What were you thinking about?”

“You.” Naruto took the towel and held it to his head so that his hair would stop dripping water down his neck. 

“Stop it,” Gaara said. His face was so pink. Naruto took the opportunity to put his hand on Gaara’s face.

“When I get back, we’re gonna go see someone, yeah?” Naruto knew that he didn’t have to elaborate on who they’d see.

Gaara’s eyes lit up like stars on a black night. “Really? You won’t be too busy? I mean, I know you’ve got your stuff and—”

It was always a marvel that Naruto had to lean _down_ to kiss Gaara. “Shh,” he said quietly. “I’m always busy, it isn’t fair. You deserve more of me.”

“I like what I have got,” Gaara said, to assure Naruto, but Naruto shook his head. 

“Not enough.” Naruto felt bad every time he came home and Gaara was waiting for him. He said that he didn’t want to try to put down roots when Naruto might get dealt to another team somewhere else. Besides, he’d say, this weather was perfect for succulents, and those were Gaara’s favorite thing to grow, so he wasn’t missing too much. But Naruto wanted more for him, more for _them_ , no matter how ‘fine’ with it Gaara maintained that he was. 

“Any more of you and I’m going to have to start sleeping in another room.” By now, Gaara’s face was hot against Naruto’s fingertips. His cheeks were edging on red.

“Well, I wouldn’t do that to you,” Naruto reminded. Gaara took a step back, anyway, and nodded mostly to himself.

“I know you wouldn’t. I don’t know if _I_ wouldn’t do it to _you_.”

Naruto shook his head again. “You’ve gone this long.”

Gaara twisted his engagement ring around on his finger for a moment before his eyes came back up to Naruto’s. “Do you ever…” Gaara’s voice trailed off. His eyes were sad when they met Naruto’s.

“Gaara,” Naruto said, exasperated, “you worry far too much. I love you, I love you. You’re not going to have to change the way that you think for me. I don’t care if we never do it.” _Never_ was a very long time, but Naruto meant what he said. Never mind the fact that his bottom half was naked right now and he wished desperately to end this conversation.

Gaara flashed a smile at Naruto before he leaned up to kiss his face. He turned on his heel and called, “My show is about to start,” over his shoulder as a way of warning Naruto not to bother him for the next sixty minutes. It was alright, though, because Naruto had some calls to make. He first called Guy and thanked him for the invite. He would definitely be there, and he couldn’t wait to see everyone again after so long. It spiraled into a conversation about Naruto’s career and the two ACL injuries he’d already sustained. Tearing it once a year wasn’t good, Guy said, and Naruto stopped listening after that. He’d heard it from everyone; the physical trainer, his coach, his teammates, the pundits on the sports channel. He _knew_ that, it was his knee. Did they think it didn’t fucking hurt? He’d been prescribed things for the pain, but he never took any of them. Gaara wouldn’t let him for a few reasons. 

(One of them was that he knew what had happened with Sasuke and pills, as well as the fact that Naruto used to do acid. Another reason was that since Gaara grew so many medicinal plants, there was no reason to mess around with things like that. Naruto didn’t know how to tell Gaara that it only took the pain from a 10 to a 9.7, because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings when he was so proud of the things he’d set in front of Naruto to consume. None of them tasted pleasant.)

The next call Naruto made was to his coach, to let him know that he’d be leaving some time soon in the summer. Of course, he got the usual speech about making sure to eat right and drink water and stay in the sun for a certain amount of hours, the same things he always heard when he asked for time off. 

After his calls were made, Naruto laid out on his side of the bed. While he waited for Gaara to come back to him, Naruto’s mind drifted to their conversation before his shower. He had probably been thinking for hours about whether or not he wanted to accompany Naruto back to Konoha for the wedding. Naruto knew who Gaara was avoiding, and he didn’t have it in him to say that it was irrational. He had avoided Sasuke to the point of not going outside unless he needed to go to practice last year. Now that they’d moved farther away (though not so far that Naruto still didn’t run the risk), he felt ok enough to do his runs around the block and not worry that he’d have to have a conversation he wasn’t ready for. He couldn’t blame Gaara for not wanting to talk to Lee; when they’d talked it out, Gaara had said they’d come to the decision that being friends wasn’t an option. It all sounded so _healthy_. Naruto was extremely jealous of Gaara’s ability to communicate. 

Anyway. Naruto was certain that Lee would be there, there was a familial connection there. He didn’t want to have to have _that_ conversation, either, but when weighing the two, it was obvious which one he would prefer. He didn’t have to tell Lee anything, anyway. They were engaged, it was in the news. Anything Lee needed to know would be on the internet. And the things that weren’t on the internet… Lee didn’t need to know them. No one did.

Naruto rolled over just as his mind turned to something else. _Running the risk._ It wasn’t possible, it wouldn’t be. Naruto wouldn’t let the thought cross his mind again. He thought instead about moving forward with wedding plans, knowing good and fucking well that he had no clue where to start. Oh, this was the sort of thing he’d ask Sakura for help with, but he hadn’t talked to her in years. He’d just have to rely on himself, and his fiancé, and whoever would help them plan their wedding. He owed it to Gaara to be present and try to learn, rather than let him make every decision, no matter how easy that would be.

Gaara turned off the light when he came into the room. “We’re going to go broke if you don’t stop doing that.” 

Naruto cracked an eye open and moved a little away from the middle of the bed. “I didn’t think I’d fall asleep,” he said after he’d taken his thumb from his mouth. Some things never change.

Gaara sighed as he pulled the covers over himself, stealing much of them from Naruto in the process. He smelled like a shower, but still like plants. “You never think you’ll fall asleep until you wake up and the light’s still on.” 

“Alright, alright,” Naruto said. He pulled the covers back over to his side, drawing Gaara closer to him as well. “I know that you’ll turn them off.” So close, so close. Naruto felt something strong moving around in the pit of his stomach, but his resolve was stronger. Gaara was special, so _important_ , and so were the things that he stood for. He wanted to wait and they would wait. Surely, Naruto wasn’t used to this, years of the lightest of touches over his clothes, but. He was serious about wanting Gaara to trust him with everything. And trust was not something that was given. It was earned.

Naruto had learned that the hard way.

***

“That isn’t very nice.” Naruto could not hide his annoyance at the way that Sasuke was laughing. “It’s not funny, what are you laughing at?” Naruto had expected Sasuke to be upset to hear about any aspect of his and Gaara’s home life.

Sasuke was wheezing, though, and Naruto didn’t know why. “ _Because,_ ” Sasuke breathed uneasily, “you’re really telling me that you were standing there with your dick out and he went to watch a _show_?”

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “I told you he was a virgin,” he said.

“I didn’t— wow. The power of conviction,” Sasuke snorted. He took a long draw from his very dark coffee. “It couldn’t have been me.”

“I know,” Naruto retorted quickly.

Sasuke ignored Naruto’s tone. “So you really waited six years to get laid?”

“That’s what happened.”

“And you didn’t do anything else with anyone else?”

“I don’t _do_ that, Sasuke,” Naruto said.

Sasuke sat back with a thoughtful expression. “Keep going, then. So you were _alone_ in Konoha, I do seem to remember.”

“Alone isn’t the right word.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> healthy. healthier.  
> healthiest?  
> no


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it really takes nothing. pathetic

Naruto was sweating. It was hot in California, but he’d allowed himself to forget how _oppressive_ it could get in Georgia. Oh, and they had only just started saying their vows. 

He was well aware of the person sitting opposite him, on the other side of the aisle and two seats down. He was sure that he was aware of Naruto, too, unless there was just some sort of beam shooting him in the side of his head that had nothing to do with Sasuke’s eyes. 

At the thought of his name, Naruto closed his own. _Sasuke_. He fisted the fabric of his suit pants, these expensive things he’d only wear today. He was famous now, and Sakura had always warned him not to rewear things. It would bring down the stock of his celebrity. Being a celebrity wasn’t something Naruto was too terribly interested in, but he supposed his image did matter. 

Naruto chanced a glance in Sasuke’s direction just as Kakashi was prompted to say his words. Sasuke’s eyes were trained on Kakashi and Guy. He looked _expensive_. Naruto supposed it meant that Sasuke was successful. He shouldn’t have cared. Naruto forced his eyes back to the front of him and thought about Gaara. Only Gaara. 

The wedding was a lot more serious than Naruto had imagined. It was the first one he’d ever been to, in all his years, so he hadn’t really known what to expect. He supposed that the movies didn’t really do all of the sitting around justice. He sure hoped that his own wedding wasn’t a fraction as boring. It was lovely, really, to see one of his favorite people completing himself. But it was taking so long.

Until all of a sudden, it wasn’t. Everyone was clapping and Naruto realized that he had zoned out for the end of the ceremony. He stood, too, like all the people around him, though he felt it in his knee. Kakashi and Guy were _kissing_ and Naruto felt a lot younger than he was as he watched them. That was a legally-binding kiss. 

Besides Sasuke, the only person Naruto knew in attendance was Lee. It was going to be a long day, he figured, but at least he could look forward to one thing. His father had made it imperative that he visit while he was in town. He had missed his parents so much. Of course, they would want to know when _he_ was getting married, but he’d gotten good at dodging that question. Besides. Now he could tell them a timeframe, when before it had always just been “later.”

Naruto was standing by himself at the refreshments table when his phone buzzed. It was Gaara, asking him if it was over yet. _I don’t really know_ , Naruto sent. When he put his phone back in his pocket he felt the small bits of paper against his finger tips. No one could see them, but it still made him jittery. He turned his attention to the dance floor, where Kakashi and Guy were still the only ones dancing. Something with claws gripped at Naruto’s heart as he watched them. They were wrapped in one another, and the rest of the world certainly didn’t exist. Naruto felt it in his soul, the look that they were giving to each other. He thought back years and years ago, about Sasuke telling him that he was going to propose. How different things were now. It would be Gaara that Naruto danced with like that, sooner rather than later. And that’s the way it was meant to be, a _vision_ be damned.

Someone next to him cleared their throat, drawing him out of his own mind. “Naruto?”

Naruto turned toward the voice and closed his eyes for a moment. “Rock Lee,” he sighed.

“It has been a while, Naruto.” Lee was the same. Naruto remembered a lifetime ago, standing with Sasuke under his arm while Lee stood with Gaara under his. He still talked so properly, too.

“It has,” Naruto echoed. He didn’t know what they really had to talk about. Everyone knew that he was engaged to Gaara; there wasn’t a question about it. He didn’t know what sort of questions Lee would want to ask. What kind of questions Lee would have that didn’t have answers already on the internet. And now of all the times. 

“Is your knee ok?” 

Naruto glanced down at himself. “Yeah,” he said with a light shrug, though it was only halfway true. Since he’d been standing, the low throb had turned into a dull ache that was sort of like a pulse. He needed to get this looked at again. “It could be better,” he said after another moment. “Suppose it’s what I signed up for.”

“Going professional is not for the faint of heart. I thought that I was cut out for it, but I learned quickly that life moves a lot faster than I was ready for it to go.” Lee didn’t drink, apparently. He stood with empty hands that were shoved into his pockets. Naruto took another sip of his champagne and nodded.

“It’s been a whirl,” Naruto agreed, “and I’ve only been playing for two years now.” This was all so grown up and cordial. Naruto wasn’t used to this, having to be so civil. There was _nothing_ to talk about except the person tying them together, but Lee was finding a way to make conversation about Naruto’s chronic injuries. 

“Do you like it out there, in California?” Lee asked. His voice held genuine intrigue.

“I do, yeah. It’s sunny like home. The heat isn’t so heavy as this,” Naruto said. “Makes for nice sights, when we have the time.” Oh, fuck. _We_. Naruto thought maybe if he jumped from the slight incline they were on, he might at least pass out for a few hours.

“Yourself and Gaara.” 

“Yeah.” Naruto wished now more than ever that Gaara was here with him. Or, better yet, that _he_ was there with Gaara, and not having to deal with this. The things he did for love.

“I heard the news. Congratulations. Is it soon?” 

“Soon enough,” Naruto replied.

“Is he… ok? I should have expected he wouldn’t be here.” Lee was fretful. Naruto wanted to roll his eyes.

“He’s better than ok,” Naruto said evenly. “He told me that you two talked it out and stuff. I was glad to hear it.” Naruto gestured toward Lee with his nearly empty cup. “He told me to tell you that he hopes you’re well.”

The look on Lee’s face confirmed all of Naruto’s low-thrumming suspicion. It was strange to talk to someone that was so clearly _not_ over a situation that was over. Naruto knew that this must be what he had looked like for years, whenever Suigetsu or Karin would remind him that it was _done_ and that he needed to put active effort into trying to become his own person, not one half of Sasuke. It was in the slight widening of Lee’s eyes, the way his hands were now twisting together in front of him, the tone of his voice as he said, “Will you tell him I hope the same?”

“I can tell you he’s well right now,” Naruto said. He didn’t mean to be so rough. He knew that he was being harsh as he spoke, but they were talking about his fiancé. Naruto didn’t think he needed to deliver any messages.

Lee seemed to take the hint. He nodded once, and then his characteristic optimism came back to his expression. He offered a wavering smile. “It is nice to see you in person, rather than on the television.”

“Oh, yeah.” Naruto scratched the back of his neck with the hand that had been in his pocket, fingering the little squares of paper around his phone. “I forgot that I am on TV sometimes.”

“You’re incredible!” Lee exclaimed. His enthusiasm was real. Naruto felt his face getting hot. 

“I’m not that—”

“Do not even say it! Even with your injuries, your stats are phenomenal.” Lee’s smile wasn’t so tremulous anymore. Naruto was relieved to see that his mind had shifted from Gaara and that they had a different common interest. “Imagine how devastating you would be if you hadn’t broken your knee twice?”

“I just like to imagine not knowing when it’s going to rain,” Naruto said.

“You are still a star.” 

Naruto glanced around himself, hoping for any sort of escape. The first dance was over now, so he couldn’t use that. There was _no one_ else here but Sasuke, and Naruto didn’t think it would be too smart to seek Sasuke out. He just couldn’t keep standing here, talking to Lee. He couldn’t keep standing here at all, because he felt like his leg was going to fall off at the knee. 

“I’m just going to… yeah.” Naruto threw his thumb behind him. He made sure to take his drink and a chair with him as he made his way to the facilities. His original intent for coming here was to call Gaara, but when he pulled his phone out of his pocket, some of his tabs fell out and he cursed. Would it hurt to do one, just one? Maybe. Naruto held one close to his face. They were patterned with smiley faces. He _did_ want to feel good. But, no. He would call Gaara instead. 

“Hello?”

The noises in the background paused. “Hello there, handsome.” Gaara was smiling, Naruto could hear it.

Naruto felt an ease washing over him as he sat his chair against the wall of the building. He had decided that he needed the fresh air more than the air conditioning. “Are you watching _Too Cute_? I heard the guy’s voice.”

“Yes,” Gaara said. “Are you ok? You sound, like. Out of breath.”

“It’s fucking hot, dude,” Naruto said. He hadn’t realized that he was breathing heavily until Gaara said something. He wished that the buzz he’d had from his drink had lasted longer. “I’m ok, though. Just wanted to hear your voice.”

Gaara gave an endeared sigh. “Didn’t think you’d miss me this much so soon.”

“I see you every day,” Naruto pointed out in defense of himself. “And I love you,” he added, to strengthen his point. “It’s not fun to be away from you. I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I just told you, I’m watching _Too Cute_.” 

“You don’t watch _Too Cute_ all day, though. Sometimes they put on the treehouse show, or the cat whisperer guy. And what do you do, then?” Naruto sighed in frustration. “I can’t stand this.”

“You’re going to come back, and this time we know exactly when. It isn’t like before.” Gaara turned the volume back on, but made sure that it was low. “I called the lady, she said that she can see us as soon as you get back.”

“Oh, goodness.” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out a hard breath. The stress that hearing Gaara’s voice had released before started to come back to him.

“What, what’s that about? You said we could see someone.” Gaara sounded worried. “Have you changed your mind, do you not want to see her anymore?”

“No, no,” Naruto said quickly, shaking his head. “I have not changed my mind. I’m just… wedding-ed out right now. It’ll go away. I haven’t changed my mind. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Naruto knew that whenever he spoke like this, Gaara’s fingers would be on his ring. He missed him so much, seeing the little things he would do.

Gaara was silent for a moment. “You know that you can talk to me, right? About anything? Even if… even if it’s going to hurt.”

“I know that, yes. I promise that I haven’t changed my mind.”

Gaara sighed. “Ok,” he said, though he sounded less than convinced. “I miss you. What time is it there?”

“It’s, like, seven. But it’s summer time. You know that the days last forever over here.” 

“Yes,” Gaara laughed. “I don’t want you to stay up too late, though. I know you said you were going to visit your parents. They don’t want tired Naruto.”

“They want any Naruto that shows up on the doorstep,” Naruto amended. “But I won’t. The only things to do are talk to you or sleep.” Naruto certainly did not put a hand back into his pocket as he spoke. He was down to only two tabs now that he’d dropped some. He grimaced into the still air. 

“You should rest your knee tomorrow, if you can,” Gaara suggested. 

“I would like to. I think it’s going to rain soon,” Naruto said, shifting his weight on his legs. “I’m feelin’ it.”

Gaara clicked his tongue. “Yes, you need to rest it,” he said matter-of-factly. “Don’t drink too much, ok? My sister is calling.”

 _Temari_. Naruto didn’t want to think about his future in-laws, not tonight. “Tell her I said hello,” Naruto recited, the same way he always did whenever she was mentioned. He didn’t even bother to say it about Kankuro. For everyone’s sake, they had decided to just speak to one another when they were forced to.

“I might. She’s been upset lately and I don’t want her to get any worse,” Gaara said. “I love you, I gotta go.”

“I love you,” Naruto said hastily, just before the call ended. He huffed a deeply dissatisfied breath. He wanted Gaara near him. He always helped him make the better choice, no matter what it was. It was with this in mind that Naruto crumpled up the two little squares in his pocket and told himself that for Gaara, he would stay off acid on this trip. It would be fine, he told himself as he threw them onto the grass in front of him. It wasn’t like there was any risk of seeing Sasuke after today. And, it didn’t matter if he did, because he was over it. They were finished and done, and Naruto felt that after years, his mind was in a place that was a lot healthier than the last time he’d been here in Konoha.

Naruto leaned back in his chair while he texted his mother and father. It would be over, soon, and they’d want him home as soon as he was able to be. Naruto snorted at a message that Minato sent about how clean his sheets were. He looked regretfully into his empty cup and sighed at it. Perhaps he could convince Kushina to get something for them for when Minato was asleep. Naruto turned his head to watch the sun as it set below the horizon, but his eyes were instead met by someone standing rather close to him.

“Fuck,” Naruto breathed, putting a hand to his heart.

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” 

Naruto didn’t have to look up at their face to know who was addressing him, but he still did. He blinked once, twice, and then took a sip of the dregs of his champagne so that he didn’t have to reply right away. 

Sasuke was the same, too. He was a bit taller, maybe, and he gave off the slightest bit of _snoot_ now that he was older and more accomplished, but Naruto still felt the same energy emanating from Sasuke as they were positioned a few feet apart. He wasn’t wearing his glasses. Naruto wondered if Sasuke ever wore his glasses anymore, or when Sasuke had started wearing contacts exclusively.

“Sorry, I was just. Thinking.” Naruto smacked his lips against the last of his drink. “You look well.” What was he supposed to say? There were so many things he’d wanted to tell Sasuke, years and years ago, but it was too late. It had been 6 years now, and Naruto knew that the time had long passed for him to lament how sorry he was and how he promised to change. It didn’t matter. Sasuke was an acquaintance now, if anything. Naruto didn’t owe him anything.

Sasuke looked down at himself and shrugged. “Thank you,” he said, his voice ever polite. “But who were you talking to?”

Naruto cast his eyes around before letting them meet Sasuke’s again. “Gaara,” he said eventually.

“Oh. Yeah.” Sasuke nodded curtly. “I saw. Um. Heard. That’s nice.” Naruto wished more than anything that they didn’t have to have this conversation. Sasuke cleared his throat, and something defiant settled behind his eyes. “Where’s he?”

“Home,” Naruto said. “He didn’t wanna come.” He didn’t know why he was _vomiting_ the truth like this. He had just reasoned with himself that he didn’t owe Sasuke anything. Yet, here he sat, answering all of Sasuke’s questions without hesitation.

“Why? It’s nice, weddings are beautiful. I woulda thought he’d want to come. For… practice, or something.” Sasuke looked at his fingernails while he waited for Naruto to respond. Maybe it was to seem bored, but Naruto knew Sasuke better than that. If he kept looking at Naruto’s face, something stupid would come out of his mouth. 

“Didn’t want to,” Naruto said simply. He was _not_ going to get into the complicated dynamics of himself and Gaara right now. Or ever, with Sasuke. It wasn’t something they needed to discuss. 

Sasuke sensed Naruto’s shift in attitude and he didn’t seem to like it. “I see.” Sasuke crossed his arms. “He was ok with you coming out here by yourself, knowing you’d probably run into Lee?”

“He’s over that, Sasuke,” Naruto said, exasperated. “Unlike some people, they _talked_ about what went wrong.”

Sasuke snorted. “Oh, don’t you fucking do that.” He shook his head fast and his eyes grew hard. “I tried to give you the chance to say something, anything. Explain yourself. And all you did was talk to Hinata and Gaara and everyone but me. So _don’t_.”

Naruto wished he could have stood at that moment, but the rain was more imminent than ever, and his knee was throbbing. So he pointed an angry finger in Sasuke’s direction, hoping it conveyed all of his emotions. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Sasuke, it’s over. It ended, it’s been over five years since it ended. Everyone’s doing something else now. I’m _sorry_ and I told you that then. I don’t know what the fuck else you want from me, at this point.”

“Maybe for you to mean it,” Sasuke said with a light shrug. “Your old man knees getting to you? Or is it the drink?”

Naruto made a face of hopeless confusion. “Sasuke, why are you doing this? Like, it doesn’t have to be like this.”

“Like what?” 

“You’re so hostile.”

“Because you _still_ think that piss-poor apologies for all the things you put me through are good enough. Now that you’re with someone else, it just doesn’t matter anymore?” Sasuke rolled his eyes hard. “Just like you to say some stupid shit like that and mean it.”

“Sasuke—”

Sasuke was laughing now, but there was nothing behind it. “I don’t know what I thought.”

“I don’t know what you thought, either! That I’d see you here and after fifteen minutes we’d just forget about what happened? That isn’t how it works.” Naruto stood, finally, even though it hurt. He gathered up the chair he’d been sitting in and held it at his side. He wished now that he hadn’t thrown the last of his acid on the ground, but he supposed it was for the better. He needed a level head to deal with this version of Sasuke. He could see it, the same look on Sasuke’s face that had been on Lee’s. Where it had been strange before, Naruto realized that he’d seen this look before and for years. When Naruto spoke about Hinata, there it had been. When they were taking time and space and their eyes would catch in the hallway, there it had been. And, standing here now, Naruto saw it again. He realized that he’d been wrong before, it wasn’t about a situation. It was about a person. It was _longing_. Even through Sasuke’s venomous words, there was still longing in his expression as he watched Naruto getting ready to leave. 

“I hope your family is well, I hope your Mom is ok and that Itachi isn’t breathing down your neck like he was before.” Naruto adjusted his hold on the chair. “I have to go now.” 

Sasuke’s sharpness from before had faded, but only slightly. So he was a _little_ different, then. The old Sasuke would have taken longer to get to this point. “So you’re just. You never want to talk about it? Ever again? It’ll just be an open wound forever?”

Naruto sighed deeply, turning to face Sasuke where he had already walked past him. “We can talk about it later, if you’re dying to. Now isn’t the time.”

“Never the time,” Sasuke said under his breath. He took long strides so that he could catch up with Naruto, and he put a hand to Naruto’s chest to stop him from going any farther. “I, um. I have the same number.”

“Yeah,” Naruto said, shouldering past Sasuke and back toward the rest of the people. He didn’t have _time_ for this. He unfolded the chair back into the place it had been before. His mind was completely muddled by the time he found Kakashi and Guy to wish them well and thank them for inviting him. How was it possible? How was it possible that Sasuke could say so little words to him after so many years, and in the span of fifteen minutes Naruto would be feeling like this? Naruto drank three more glasses of champagne before he called a taxi to take him to his parent’s house.

“Naruto? You look exhausted.” Kushina wouldn’t let him past her into the house. He wondered when she had gotten so short. Naruto put a hand on her head. 

“I’m fine,” Naruto said slowly. “Just hot. It’s gonna rain soon, let me sit.”

Kushina let Naruto in the house, but she found Minato and made him watch their son while she got something from inside the medicine cabinet. “You don’t ever get this red,” Kushina said. “Are you sure you’re alright? You didn’t have anything?” She put a hand to his forehead, but he swatted her away. 

“I didn’t have anything that you’re thinkin’,” Naruto said. Minato frowned deeply at Naruto’s temperament. 

“You need to go to bed, Naruto,” Minato said sternly, in that dad voice that Naruto hadn’t heard for years now. “I’ll make you something you like, a cake or something. But you need to get in your bed, right now.”

Naruto shrugged and turned over where he had laid himself flat on the couch. “I’m ok, honest,” he slurred.

“Minato, your son is drunk,” Kushina huffed. She forced Naruto to stand and helped him up the stairs until he could use the wall to get into his room. Naruto wasn’t going to take off his fancy clothes until Kushina made him. He complained about his knee the entire time until his head hit the pillow. As soon as he was in bed, he wasn’t so tired anymore. He thought back to earlier, when he’d laid his eyes on Sasuke after so long. The feeling was different, and Naruto was glad to be able to say that. But was different better? And why did he _care_? Why was there something in him wanting to know what Sasuke was doing right now, what he’d been doing for all of these years?

One thing was for certain. Naruto wasn’t going to fall into Sasuke’s trap again, not this time. There was no in between with them. It was either all or nothing, and Naruto didn’t have _all_ to give to Sasuke anymore. It started to rain just as Naruto let his exhaustion take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for me this one felt a little weird, but i had to shift it somehow and this is the best way that i could come up with. pls, as always, let me know what you thought/think will happen. i am also open to criticism, ya know, just don’t make me cry cuz i am baby.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s getting hard even for me to keep up with naruto... sir get it together. seriously wtf

The same number.

Naruto scrolled through his contacts after taking a sip of the hot tea Minato had made for him after he’d woken up in the middle of the night to throw up. 

The same number. 

He wondered whether or not Sasuke was awake right now. He didn’t know where Sasuke was, if he’d already gone back to California. Where would he stay, if he hadn’t? He wouldn’t be in the old house, because Kankuro and Temari still lived there. Naruto grimaced at the thought of Gaara’s siblings, but his heart was eased when his mind turned to his fiancé. 

His fiancé, waiting for him to return. His fiancé, who had spoken to a wedding planner. His fiancé, who trusted him. His fiancé, who would not be pleased to know that Naruto was contemplating sending Sasuke a text right now. 

Really, though, he wasn’t. He knew better, had grown up from that. If this was high school, or the first few years of college, Naruto would have found himself in a pathetic position by now. There was no reason, now. He knew that it would be _functional_ of them to speak about what had happened, but it was old. It was old and Naruto was completely over it. He locked his phone with the side button and shoved it underneath his pillow. Now was not the time. He didn’t know when the time would be, but it wasn’t now.

And it wasn’t the next day, when Minato called him down early to give him a lecture. 

“Son,” Minato began while he set breakfast in front of Naruto. His actions didn’t match the harshness of his tone.

“Father,” Naruto replied. He was forced to sit with his left leg completely straight under the table because it was still throbbing.

Minato narrowed his eyes at Naruto’s insolence. “Tell me what happened yesterday to have you coming home like that.”

Naruto rolled his eyes at his plate. Why did it matter? He was 25 and Minato didn’t need to worry about him so much. He was fine, completely fine.

“I drank some,” Naruto said. It was true, at least. “It was a celebration, you know, a party. You drink at parties.”

“Naruto,” Minato said sternly, “you were _drunk._ I do understand the merits of a party, but you know better. Well, I thought you did.” Minato finished setting Naruto’s place by putting a glass of water in front of him. Then, he stood back and spoke with his hands on his hips, where his apron tied together on each side. “Tell me what happened.”

Naruto grit his teeth before taking a few bites of the waffles Minato had put in front of him. “Nothing happened.” He would maintain it as long as possible, because it was true. All they’d done was talked gruffly to one another. It didn’t matter and it meant nothing.

“Was it Gaara, did you fight? Where is he, anyway? I thought you’d be trying to find a way to keep him in here with you today.” Minato raised an eyebrow. 

“He’s at home,” Naruto said. “In California.” He had to amend his statement because Minato didn’t like Naruto calling any place except Konoha _home._

“He didn’t come with you?”

Naruto shook his head.

“Why not?”

“He didn’t want to.” This was exhausting. How many people were going to ask him the same question? No one would be satisfied with the answer, but it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Gaara didn’t want to come, and that was that. Naruto probably wouldn’t have wanted to come, either, if he had known.

“You two are grown adults in a long term relationship. Are you telling me that you don’t know why he didn’t want to come?”

“Of course I know why,” Naruto shot back. “He made an informed decision not to put himself in the line of someone he didn’t want to speak to.”

Minato raised both of his eyebrows now.

“That… makes sense to you?” 

“Does it _not_ make sense to you, Father?”

Minato crossed his arms over his apron. “Do not take that tone with me. Just because you’ve gone out and left home doesn’t mean that you can talk to me like that when you come back here.” 

“It’s sure great that I’ll be gone by tomorrow, then,” Naruto said spitefully. He couldn’t help himself. “And, yes, it makes sense. I wouldn’t want him to have to be around someone or a situation that he isn’t comfortable with.” He said this despite the fact that he knew it made no sense.

Minato sat in front of Naruto at the table so that they were sitting opposite one another. Closer up, Naruto could see real anger behind Minato’s eyes. Anger, and disappointment. “So it’s alright with you that he can’t stand to see this person _so much_ that he didn’t come? Adults have to see people they don’t want to see, sometimes. Who is this that made your fiancé send you here alone?”

Naruto grimaced. He ate some so that he didn’t have to reply right away. “His ex,” Naruto said eventually, before taking a long sip of water.

Minato crossed his arms again. “He couldn’t stand to sit silently for a few hours in the same vicinity of this person, and then stand next to you for another hour or so? He didn’t have to _speak_ to them, not one word.” Minato pinched the bridge of his nose. “You need to think about that. You’re not in high school, anymore.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Naruto said with annoyance. “I didn’t like it either, but I would do the same thing.”

“And that’s a _problem_ , Naruto,” Minato said. He was beginning to sound helpless. “You don’t see how that’s a problem? How you two both can’t stand to see the sight of your exes, when you’re _engaged_ to each other? That part of your life is over, for both of you. You shouldn’t be pretending people don’t exist, if you’re over what happened. You’re supposed to be focusing on the life you want to build with each other. Not being able to see this person or Sasuke isn’t the mark of being focused. Your mind is somewhere else if you can’t look at Sasuke’s face and not care.”

“Why is it about Sasuke, now? I saw Sasuke, I talked to him. It was fine and it didn’t matter.” Maybe repeating his mantra out loud would make it really, really true. What was that thing Sasuke always used to say? “It wasn’t serious.”

Minato rolled his eyes to the ceiling for a moment before he leaned forward. He put his elbows on the table and pointed in Naruto’s direction. “So you lied,” he said. “I should have known that it was that. You and that boy.” Minato leaned back and shook his head. “What did you talk about, hm? Does he know that you’re engaged?”

“It’s on the internet, I’m sure someone told him. He said he knows,” Naruto shrugged. “We didn’t talk about that.” _Because I wouldn’t let him ask._ “That isn’t something I thought I needed to discuss with him.”

“So what did you discuss?” Minato scratched his chin while he waited for Naruto to reply.

Naruto shrugged again. “I told him I hoped his family was well… he asked about my knee. Um. And that was it.” Naruto grit his teeth. He didn’t like lying to his father, and he didn’t know why he bothered, because Minato was the same as him. They had all the same tells, and right now Naruto was scratching his ear the way he always did.

“That was it? You didn’t talk one time about the past, about all of the time that you’ve been apart?”

Naruto huffed. “He wanted to, but I said that it wasn’t the time. I don’t know why we need to talk about it, it’s over and done with. We are different people. I’ve moved on and I really hope that he has, too. Being stuck in that was miserable. I loved him but it wasn’t working. It’s that simple.”

Minato clicked his tongue. “Nothing is ever that simple, Naruto. Especially not with the amount of times that boy ended up in the hospital, or the way you acted for years after he went away. You never talked about it, and now you’re pretending that he doesn’t exist, but you’re expecting yourself to be over it?”

“I _am_ over it. And I am also over this.” Naruto finished the food Minato had made and stood to take his plate to the kitchen. “Thank you for this,” he said as he put the plate in the sink with a loud clink. “I’m going to the gym.”

“Oh, yes,” Minato said, the anger mounting in his voice as he stood to go wash the dish Naruto had just put in the sink. “Leave and don’t face it. Work out, drink some, do your acid, but never look at yourself.”

Naruto stopped in the doorway of the dining room and turned on his heel to face Minato again. “What the fuck, Dad? I was out of it, I know that it could have been better a few years ago, but why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I am happy for you, son,” Minato said snidely. “I’m happiest for you when you tell yourself the truth.” He left Naruto in the dining room then to go and clean the kitchen. 

Naruto was still frowning when he got into his old white Tahoe after he’d changed his clothes. It still drove, but he noticed that the radio had stopped working over the years. He only ever used it when he was here, so he hadn’t ever replaced it. Being in here always made him feel weird, especially now that he was essentially forced to listen to silence. It forced his mind to be loud. He looked at the backseat in his rearview, where he’d looked up at Sasuke countless times before. Hot breaths and sweaty skin were what he remembered as he turned his head to see the upholstery better. But he also remembered whispering to Sasuke how much he loved him, and how hearing it back had made him feel complete. Naruto pressed his lips together and shook his head. Now was not the time, even if Sasuke had the same number. 

He was glad that no one recognized him in the gym, at first. It was quiet in here, a lot quieter than professional practice was. There was no one yelling at him to go faster, keep up. There was no one timing him and telling him to shave a few seconds off of his drills. Instead, there was a quaintness about this tiny square building that Naruto reveled in. No one knew who he was, and no one was asking him any questions that he didn’t want to answer. He could do his curls and his lunges without someone taking any pictures and commenting on his knee _again_. Maybe the best part was that Naruto could think without being bombarded by stupid people asking him questions for money and taking photos of him without his permission.

It was so _old_ , an ancient train of thought when his mind drifted to Sasuke. It was stupid. Naruto grimaced as he bent down to touch his toes. Sasuke was nobody to him now, no one except someone that he used to know. Six years was a long time for someone their age. Naruto was positive that by now, Sasuke was a different person. And that was good, that was good for him. Naruto could admit to himself that he was glad for Sasuke, as someone who used to be his friend, that he’d moved onto better things in his life. From the looks of him, he seemed to have become a mildly successful lawyer. He had a confidence in his actions that he hadn’t had before. Naruto was glad for him, he was. It was normal to be glad for him.

Except. If Sasuke had moved on to better things, why would he even want to talk to Naruto? They were each other’s past. Every time they had tried, it hadn’t worked, so Naruto was sure that someone so philosophical and intelligent as Sasuke should know that there wasn’t any point in even trying to be friends. It wasn’t possible for them to be friends, they loved each other too much. Had loved each other. In the past. 

Naruto was running around the track outside the building when he allowed his mind to shift to his father. He knew deep down that Minato had reason to be angry and incredulous with him. Of _course_ it didn’t make any sense that Gaara was so averse to saying a few words to Lee, he’d stay home over it. Of _course_ it didn’t make sense that Naruto hadn’t raised more of a fuss about it. Why did it matter so much? Seeing someone after something was officially over and done shouldn’t have been so bad. Naruto had done it, and he hadn’t even known Sasuke would be there. He just thought that with the time to wrap his mind around it, never mind all of the time that the relationship had been over, that Gaara would be able to just stand next to him, at least. He would have to apologize to Minato when he went home. Naruto sighed at that thought. There were just so many conversations he didn’t want to have right now. These few days back here were supposed to be an escape from his life, and yet Naruto was still being chased by ghosts of decisions he’d made six years ago.

It was just his luck that he saw Lee coming after it was too late to pretend he hadn’t. “Fuck me,” Naruto mumbled to himself. He stopped running and sat on some concrete stairs that led up to the street while he waited for Lee to approach him. He was wearing an all-green tracksuit, something from a million years ago. Naruto could almost laugh, if he hadn’t wanted to die so much instead.

“Salutations, Naruto!” Lee waved a hand as he came closer. Naruto closed his eyes to roll them before he lifted his hand, too.

“Hello,” he called. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I come here often! This is my home,” Lee said. Naruto glanced at the building for a moment before gauging that for once, Lee was using a figure of speech rather than speaking literally.

“I see,” Naruto said. He wished to go back inside, or _home_ now. The sun was beating down on him in that oppressive way that made him feel crushed. He wanted Lee to get to the point or keep it short.

“I know that I asked about Gaara yesterday, and I would just like to apologize for that.” Lee’s eyes cast down toward the dirt of the track. “It is out of line to ask about someone who is going to be married soon, given our past.”

Naruto chewed his thumbnail as he debated how to respond. Yes, it was, he could say. It would bring him no satisfaction to hurt Lee’s feelings. He had to acknowledge it, though, that Lee’s apology was in the right place. The line of questioning hadn’t been right.

“I can’t say it’s ok, but I’m not mad,” Naruto said decisively. It was the best he could do. “I wouldn’t want you to think that I have any kind of animosity.”

Lee looked up again, and though he smiled, Naruto could see that it was tremulous. _He is in love with my fiancé_ , Naruto thought wildly. He was sitting in front of someone who was actively in love with Gaara. If he and Gaara broke up today, Lee would want to be with him. Naruto blew out a heavy breath before standing. His knee felt better now that he’d exercised it, so he could actually escape today.

“I’m glad that I saw you before you went back to California,” Lee said hastily, sensing that Naruto was about to try to make his leave.

“Oh, yeah. Woulda been awkward over text or something,” Naruto said with a nod. 

“I…” Lee’s face was conflicted. Naruto tried to be patient and let him finish his thought. “Will you please tell him? That I hope he’s well? And that I am happy for you two, I am.”

Naruto pursed his lips. “I… maybe. I might. I hope that you’re well, too,” he said. Why should he tell Gaara about Lee’s lamentations? It wasn’t commonplace friendship behind the words Lee wanted Naruto to say. Rock Lee was in love with Gaara to this day, and Naruto was not about to facilitate that coming back together in any way. 

Naruto wondered why he felt guilty as he left Lee standing there. It wasn’t his fault that Gaara had moved on with him; it had just happened. He didn’t like this heaviness that was settling on his mind. Checking his phone to make sure it wasn’t Sunday, Naruto decided to go to the store. He could face himself later. He wanted to drink with his Mom when she came home. 

Luckily, Naruto had stashed a small _clean_ towel in here among all of the random bits of clothes and things that he needed to take into the house. He laid the towel over his shoulders after he’d exited his car at the store. He’d forgotten how _small_ things were here. No way could this store handle the patronage its counterpart got in California. He welcomed the _whoosh_ of air conditioning that hit him as he took his first steps inside.

Naruto decided not to get a cart. He knew exactly what he was in here for. He supposed that maybe it would have done him well to watch where he was fucking going, but Gaara was texting him and his eyes were on his phone.

“Get off, sweaty.”

It was Sasuke. Naruto had bumped into him and hadn’t even noticed. He supposed his body was a bit desensitized to normal brushes. “Sorry,” Naruto said shortly. Not this, not this, anything but this. 

Sasuke looked Naruto up and down one time. Naruto leaned his weight on his good knee while he waited for Sasuke to say something. _He has three seconds,_ Naruto told himself.

Three seconds. Naruto glanced away from Sasuke to the aisle he’d been making his way toward. He knew exactly the kind of wine he wanted to get for himself and Kushina, but here was Sasuke distracting him.

Two more seconds. Sasuke was fretting over something on the collar of his fancy shirt. He was _nervous._ Naruto blinked hard a few times.

One more second, and they started talking at the same time.

“You go first,” Naruto said on instinct, gesturing in Sasuke’s direction with the hand that held his phone. His message to Gaara was left unfinished.

“I was just going to ask what you’re doing in here,” Sasuke said, in a vain attempt to sound conversational.

“Buying alcohol,” Naruto replied. 

“For a party, or something?” Sasuke asked.

“For me and my Mom,” Naruto corrected.

“Does old man Namikaze still not drink after what happened at Sakura’s house?”

God, why did Sasuke remember that? “Yeah, no. He is done with that.” Naruto remembered the conversation he’d had with Minato that morning, the _argument_. It was annoying. People always telling him for years that he wasn’t over it after he’d worked so hard to be over it. He was over it, and he didn’t need to think about the fact that his heart was being stupid right now.

Sasuke hummed before his face shifted. “Do you still talk to Sakura?” There was only curiosity in his voice this time. 

Naruto shook his head. “No. Do you?”

Sasuke mimicked Naruto’s earlier action. “I guess she got tired of us,” he said. “Being so fucked.”

“Hinata said we were fucked, too, once. A million years ago.” Naruto wished suddenly that he hadn’t mentioned that, because it was the night that he’d left Sasuke in the house alone. The very last night he’d seen Sasuke before yesterday. But maybe Sasuke wouldn’t know that.

“Of course she did,” Sasuke scoffed. “She had another baby, did you hear?”

“Yeah. I met that kid,” Naruto said. He didn’t like Sasuke’s tone towards Hinata, but that was not a hill that he was not willing to die on. Anyway, Kiba hadn’t been too pleased to see him, but he was there on _Hinata’s_ whim. Their kids were cute. He hadn’t gone to their wedding, though, because he’d been out. It was during the season, and as Naruto recalled, he’d been in Europe.

“Oh, shit. I forgot that you used to live down the street.” Sasuke leaned forward to examine a jar of something red. Naruto wished he hadn’t held his breath as Sasuke’s body had approached his. While Sasuke was distracted, Naruto finished his message to Gaara. It had been _I love you._ Naruto hated himself more than ever in this moment. He needed these drinks.

“I gotta go,” Naruto said absently. Sasuke’s face was blank when Naruto looked up.

“Of course. Tell your parents I said hello,” Sasuke said robotically, still intently reading the nutrition facts on the jar of what Naruto had discerned to be jam. 

It could have been easy, it would have made perfect sense for Naruto walk away right then. But he was stupid, he was a fucking fool. “Where’re you staying? I didn’t think you’d still be here. Since you’re a fancy lawyer now, thought you’d be busy and need to leave.”

“Just a room,” Sasuke said, finally looking up from the jar. “Close to the city. It’s small but it’s only me till tomorrow.”

Naruto nodded, mostly to himself. “I… will tell my parents that you said hello,” he said awkwardly. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but he nodded all the same.

“You do that. Don’t drink too much, you throw up,” Sasuke said over his shoulder as he began to make his leave. Naruto watched him as he went into another aisle. He pressed his lips together so that he didn’t scream as he turned away from the spot Sasuke had just been standing in.

Naruto needed to lie down. Or to pass out. He chose the latter. 

Kushina was home from work when Naruto returned. She was happy to see him, and she greeted him with a kiss to his cheek. She couldn’t reach his forehead anymore without standing on her toes. 

“D’you have a good day at work?” Naruto asked. He wanted the attention off of him for as long as possible. He _knew_ that Minato would have told Kushina what happened, because they were expert communicators and even better at discipline. Minato would feel bad about what had happened until Kushina made them talk and apologize.

“It was a long day,” Kushina said with a sigh. She noticed the bags Naruto was holding and raised an eyebrow. “What’s this for?”

“For us.” Naruto took the bags into the dining room and put them carefully on the table so that the bottles were standing up. “I got this red stuff I know you like. I just figured, um. We could relax.”

“Oh, I see!” Kushina clapped her hands together. “I like that. Just let me take a shower, I’ll be down.” Kushina put a hand on the rail of the stairs after taking the first step. She gestured to the living room. “He has something to say to you,” she said, and then she was gone. 

“Ugh,” Naruto grunted. Usually, he could wait for a few days before Minato came to his door and asked if they could talk. Since Naruto would be gone by this time tomorrow, the whole process was being expedited. 

Minato was intently watching _Jeopardy_ when Naruto came into the living room. “Apple watch!” Minato yelled, and then he grumbled when the answer was actually iPhone 5. He looked up when he heard the floorboard creak. “Oh, Naruto,” he breathed. “I didn’t hear you.” That wasn’t true, they hadn’t been more than a yard apart, but Naruto nodded anyway. 

“Just got back,” Naruto said. He came to sit next to Minato on the couch, though he was careful not to lean too much on the cushions. Gaara’s voice telling him to stop sweating on the furniture was in his head. 

“I think your mother probably told you,” Minato said eventually, after the silence had stretched and the only thing that could be heard was Alex Trebek on the TV. “I want you to know that I’m sorry for what I said earlier, bringing up your bad habits from the past.”

 _The past indeed._ “It’s ok,” Naruto said automatically. “I mean,” he corrected himself, “it hurt my feelings but I know why you said it. And I’m sorry for being disrespectful.” Maybe Naruto knew why Minato would say what he’d said, but he wasn’t ready to face it yet. He didn’t want to face it, it wasn’t there. There was nothing between himself and Sasuke now. It was only Naruto and Gaara. And they were in love, and they were going to get married and stay together forever. With no one else in between them. Yes.

“I just don’t like to see you do those things, son,” Minato said sadly. “I want you to be happy, and if you aren’t, then to find a better way to help yourself. Or, get help somewhere else. I don’t want you to resort to things like that to fix what’s happening in the moment.”

“I don’t do acid anymore,” Naruto said cleanly. It felt so easy to say. “I drink, um, what do they call it? Socially. At events. No drinks at home. Gaara doesn’t like what it does to me, either.”

Minato nodded. “I see. He takes care of you, doesn’t he?”

“Yes,” Naruto said. He closed his eyes and thought about how many things Gaara had tried to concoct for him so that his pain would go away, or his headache, or his sadness. He thought about the times Gaara had made him call out of practice to stay home because he was “getting sick,” or “looked pale.” He thought about all the times that Gaara had surprised him when he came home with food that he knew Naruto liked. Naruto sighed and opened his eyes. “He takes the greatest care of me.”

Minato’s smile was wistful. “I am glad to hear it. You love him, Naruto?”

“I love him,” Naruto repeated. He meant it.

Kushina came down the stairs then, and Minato went back to watching his _Jeopardy_. “Do you still want to relax, Naruto?” Kushina asked hopefully.

Naruto looked behind himself over his shoulder. “I… think I’m just gonna go to bed,” Naruto said eventually. “You can keep it,” he laughed dryly. He stood and rounded the sofa to stand next to Kushina. “Will you wake me up when you get up?”

Kushina frowned, but she nodded. “Yes, of course. I love you, baby boy,” she said, her voice a bit sad. She knew he’d be gone soon, back to his own life. Naruto could see in her face that she needed a hug. 

“I won’t be gone forever, Mom,” Naruto told her temple as he embraced her.

“I know,” Kusina mumbled into his chest. “It just always feels so long, and you barely visit. I wish you’d come home more.”

Naruto wished Kushina wouldn’t cry. He wiped beneath her eyes and willed her to stop. She just closed her eyes and cried more. “Mom,” Naruto pleaded, “I love you. Please don’t cry.”

“You’re my only son, and you’re so far away!” Kushina cried. “North Carolina was one thing, I can’t _drive_ to California for the weekend. I could, but it would be exhausting. I _miss_ you,” Kushina whined. She wrapped her arms around Naruto’s neck as though she could keep him there by holding him. 

“I will try to visit more,” Naruto promised. 

Kushina sighed after sniffing hard. “You’d better. It gets really lonely in here.”

“She only has me to bother,” Minato added, and Kushina shot him a sharp look. 

“As if you do not bother me,” Kushina said with annoyance. Naruto shook his head.

“No, no, no,” he said, “we’re not gonna do this. You, go back to answering the TV incorrectly.” Naruto pointed to Minato and gestured for him to turn around. “And you,” Naruto turned to Kushina once more, “should not be trying to get on his nerves.”

“Oh, but it’s so fun,” Kushina pouted. “Danna, please drink with me,” she asked politely, coming to sit on the couch next to Minato. 

“You know that I do not trust myself and the alcohol,” Minato said absently. He was tallying how many points he’d have on the calculator on his phone. _Wow_ , Naruto thought, _this is what is in store for me._ His parents were old and had simple interests. He wondered what changed people so that they became like this. Was it only age?

“No one else can see you, no one but me! Naruto is going to bed.” Kushina spoke about Naruto as though he wasn’t there. He frowned and put a hand on his hip. 

“He will still be around. And I don’t know why you want me to drink, anyway. Only one thing comes of it,” Minato remarked. 

“I know,” Kushina said slowly. Naruto watched her fingers walk up Minato’s arm. 

“You guys are disgusting,” Naruto muttered before he escaped up the stairs to his room. No longer was he going to be standing there and watching his parents proposition each other.

Naruto hated the fact that his mind drifted to the grocery store as he stepped into the shower. There Sasuke had been standing, tall and official. He wore expensive clothes and his hair was parted differently. His skin was still so pale to have been living in California for six years. He had smelled rich. Naruto tried hard to push his thoughts away from the way Sasuke had looked when he’d leaned forward to pick up the jar, but it was impossible. It would have been nothing, _nothing_ to draw Sasuke closer to him. And he was positive that Sasuke would have let him.

“No,” Naruto groaned to himself. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t. He hadn’t thought about Sasuke in this capacity for years, not since he’d been with Gaara. Of course, today, after all of this time, would be the day he found his body heating up at the thought of Sasuke and what he must have looked like beneath that expensive shirt. 

Sasuke was alone right now, Naruto thought. He thought about what Sasuke might say if he called, asked to come and catch up a little. As friends. Naruto closed his eyes and ran panicked fingers into his hair. This wasn’t happening. His mind was _not_ on Sasuke taking his clothes off, slow and with purpose. His thoughts were _not_ on Sasuke’s mouth on his, or his tongue pressed past Sasuke’s teeth. Certainly, he was _not_ thinking about the way Sasuke would look down at him from his lap in the moment that he put it in. No, not for one second. 

Naruto gasped quietly and hoped that the sound of the water would mask him as he wrapped a tentative hand around himself. He hadn’t had anything in months. Gaara was so _chaste_ , they barely kissed before Gaara was protesting that they would go too far. The farthest they’d ever gone was the faintest trace of third base, but it did nothing to scratch Naruto’s itch. He spent long nights in the shower, hoping that Gaara couldn’t hear him. He always told Gaara that he was thinking.

But Sasuke. Naruto hummed low in his throat at the memory of Sasuke, Sasuke’s body, Sasuke’s mouth. So perfect, so willing. He did what he liked, but Naruto liked it, too. Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his grip as he thought back to the way it felt to have Sasuke’s tongue on him, so hot and so wet. He took his time to make things perfect, he always did. Naruto shivered as he ran his thumb across the slit, just like Sasuke used to do. He bit down on his bottom lip hard as his mind shifted to the sensation of pushing inside, feeling it all so slick and warm and _his,_ only his. Naruto remembered hearing Sasuke breathing heavily in his ear, against his mouth, on his neck. He remembered Sasuke’s voice whispering that he loved him, all broken and weak. He remembered looking into Sasuke’s eyes when he came, the way that Sasuke’s face would contort with the indescribable pleasure of being joined to Naruto in the most permanent way. 

He could go over tonight. He could feel it tonight, feel Sasuke again the way he needed it so badly. Make Sasuke remember what it was like, how good it could be. Naruto moved his hips against his hand when his mind went to that place. Who would know? Who would know if he went over, just for a little while? No one. No one but Sasuke. Perfect Sasuke, amazing Sasuke. Naruto bit his knuckle and his whole body shook as he came. He was out of breath even when he stepped out of the shower. The hot shame took no time to start curling around in his veins. By the time he fell onto his bed, he wasn’t even upset. Just tired. Tired of his mind doing these things when all he wanted was to be _over it._

Gaara decided that it would be a splendid time to call at that very moment. 

“You should be asleep right now.”

“He says, as he is the one who called me.” Naruto laid his wet head in his pillow. He knew that Gaara would scold him for that, but he wasn’t here right now.

“I wanted to make sure you were sleeping,” Gaara said. “You weren’t supposed to answer.”

“I always answer your calls, dearest,” Naruto replied. 

“A fatal flaw of yours.”

Naruto snorted. “Are you ok? And are the plants ok?”

“The plants are fine, I am fine.” Naruto couldn’t hear any TV on in the background, so he figured that Gaara was out. It was the afternoon where he was, and Gaara didn’t take naps (which Naruto could not fathom). “I am supposed to be checking on you. What did you do today?”

Naruto chewed his lip for a moment. “I went to the gym,” he said decisively. It was the only part of today that had nothing to do with _Sasuke._

“Is your—”

“It’s fine,” Naruto said.

“Alright, alright, I’m just making sure.” Gaara didn’t seem to notice the edge in Naruto’s voice. “I talked to her again today,” he said. His tone was a lot more gentle than it had been before.

“Are you setting stuff up without me?” Naruto asked sarcastically. He _hoped_ that Gaara would do most of the planning, though he was promising himself that he’d help a little bit. As much as he could. With the colors, stuff like that.

“No,” Gaara said. “I want to make sure that you can come.”

“If you schedule it after my birthday, I can come,” Naruto pointed out. “Season is over by then.”

“Yes, I know. I just want to do it with you,” Gaara admitted. 

“Ah, there it is,” Naruto teased. “What was that you said yesterday, about missing you so much so soon?”

“Hush,” Gaara said defensively. “It’s hard to be here without you. You’re already gone so long in the day, and right now there’s no one else here.”

“Right now?” Naruto raised an eyebrow at his ceiling. 

“Shit. I…” Gaara sighed. “Temari said she wants to come out here, to be closer to us. She can’t stand Kankuro and Dad anymore.”

“When did she say this?” Naruto sat up.

“Dunno, weeks ago.”

“And you’re only now telling me?” It wasn’t that Naruto didn’t like Temari (he didn’t _prefer_ her), it was just the fact that that was important. Temari was only trying to come closer so that she could be in their business, and Gaara knew that. 

“I knew that you’d hate it,” Gaara tried, but Naruto didn’t like that answer.

“So, you should still tell me.”

“I’m telling you now.”

Naruto sighed angrily. “Yes, thanks. Your hellish sister trying to be our neighbor is something that can wait, surely. All she wants to do is tell _you_ what to do.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Gaara quipped. He was beginning to sound annoyed. “I don’t know why you think that. She knows that I can think for myself.”

“Ok,” Naruto said. “I do my best to be cordial with her, and it’s hard enough when she’s here and we’re there. If she’s so close, I’m positive you know that something bad will happen.”

“Not if you act like an adult.”

“What about _her_? All the things she’s said about me, about us? You’re ok with her knowing everything like she used to and inserting her opinion into our shit?”

“She’s not going to know everything,” Gaara argued. “There are things that aren’t her business.”

“Now you tell me,” Naruto scoffed. “When is she coming.”

“Soon?”

“How soon.”

“Like… in time for the season to be over.”

“Gah, fuck. Thank you for this. I will talk to you tomorrow, I will see you tomorrow.”

“Naruto, what is your problem? Are you sure that you’re ok?”

“I’m _fine,_ ” Naruto insisted, but he was lying. He’d brought acid with him on this trip, and he’d just jerked off in the shower to the thought of Sasuke. Naruto fluttered his eyes shut. “I’m fine,” he repeated, softer now. 

Gaara was silent for a moment. Naruto could feel it, the tension, even though they were thousands of miles apart. Eventually, Gaara sighed in what sounded like defeat. “Ok,” he said. “Come home safe. We can talk about it later. I love you.”

“I love you,” Naruto repeated. He grit his teeth after he said it. He was so _fucked._


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grownups but not really
> 
> sorry i took so long! i kept hating this and not wanting to look at it. they are not working as hard as they should be... 
> 
> they need counseling! but will they go? haha

The flight home was long, but at least it was private. Naruto could lean his seat all the way back and watch TV on the ceiling if he wanted to. He didn’t, though. His mind was on what he would be coming home to. 

It surprised even Naruto that Temari was his least favorite of Gaara’s siblings, given the history he had with Kankuro. 

(They had talked, that was the difference.

“Look, _guy_.” Kankuro’s tone was not worthy of a response, so Naruto continued to be silent as they sat in the living room of Gaara’s house.

“Kankuro, please,” Gaara had said tiredly. 

Kankuro shook his head and waved his beer bottle around. “No, no fighting,” he said to his brother before he turned to Naruto. Naruto sighed in annoyance and gave the remote to Gaara.

“I don’t really know you, even after all this time,” Kankuro said gruffly. Naruto held his chin in his hand as he listened. He tried very hard not to roll his eyes. “All I know is my brother loves you, for _whatever_ reason, and so I’m hopin’ that we can try to move past the whole punch-in-the-face deal. Yeah?”

Naruto lifted his head. “Yeah,” he said with a shrug.

That was the beginning of what Gaara had called some of the most effective communication in Naruto’s life. Kankuro wasn’t so bad when he wasn’t trying to win something, and Naruto supposed that his art stuff was pretty cool. They didn’t have much in common, from what they could tell, and had mostly decided to just be cordial, because it wasn’t worth forcing. Gaara had wished that they would try to be friends, be like _brothers_ , but… they really didn’t want to do that.)

Temari, on the other hand, was making it her sole mission in life to know every aspect of Gaara’s business, to include everything to do with Naruto. 

Infuriating wasn’t the word. So many times before Naruto had finally proposed, Gaara had told him that Temari thought they should take some time, or slow down, or something else. Anything to keep them from moving forward with their relationship. And then, when Naruto would ask her about it, she would either deny it or twist it. It was either, “I didn’t say that,” or “Don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast?” and Naruto felt like he was going crazy by the end of it, because she didn’t really care if they were moving too fast. She just wanted to control Gaara and keep him from being with someone she deemed ‘not worthy.’ He had thought that asking Gaara to marry him would make Temari see that he was serious, and she had admittedly backed off for a few weeks. But now that Naruto was spending months at a time away from Gaara, she had _new_ comments to make. “He’s always gone,” she’d say, “how can you be sure of what he’s doing?”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to deal with her. It had been one thing when she was in Georgia and they were in California. Her reach didn’t quite extend thousands of miles. She must have been able to feel that, to sense that she was losing hold of her brother. Her attempting to move across the country was so _sudden,_ and it was very suspicious. The only thing Naruto could chalk it up to was that Gaara must have told Temari that they were beginning to move forward with making concrete wedding plans, and she didn’t like it. Whatever the reason, Naruto knew one thing. There would have to be rules, this time. They weren’t in college anymore, and he was not going to deal with Temari planting seeds in Gaara’s head.

That wasn’t even the worst part, not really. Naruto grumbled to himself as he thought about Sasuke and Rock Lee. Sasuke, stupid Sasuke, standing in front of him and trying to question him. Stupid Sasuke, giving up the next day and trying to be _nice,_ and still making Naruto feel weak. He hadn’t felt that way in years. That was the effect Sasuke had on him after two days. He shuddered to think what would happen if Sasuke moved closer, if he was forced to see him every day.

And Lee, being so obviously still emotionally attached to Gaara that Naruto almost felt _bad_ for being with him, for keeping him away from someone who clearly was devoted to their last breath. But, Naruto thought with a sharp breath, he loved Gaara, too. In a different way. He sighed angrily. So many things to discuss, and Gaara would want to discuss none of them. Naruto was sure that the first few days home would not be fun.

At the very least, Gaara was excited to see him when he landed. He was waiting for Naruto in the car that was meant to transport him from the airport to his home securely, and as soon as he saw Naruto through the window, he was beaming. Naruto hadn’t realized how much he’d missed looking at Gaara’s bright green eyes until he was doing it again. They’d only been apart for three days, but Naruto’s heart was making him feel like he hadn’t seen this man in months.

Gaara unbuckled his seatbelt when Naruto got in the car and wrapped around him within seconds. He kept saying _I missed you_ over and over, and he ran his hand into Naruto’s hair and touched his face gently as though he weren’t real. “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack if you don’t calm down,” Naruto said in a breathless laugh.

“I am not,” Gaara argued, but he still moved away from Naruto to give him the slightest of space. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Naruto. “I just… it feels just like when you come back from your season. Like, I know you’re coming, but it still feels so new. So special.” Gaara’s cheeks were the slightest pink when Naruto twined their fingers. “And you’re always coming back to _me._ ”

“Yes,” Naruto said, before he could allow his mind to hesitate. He brought Gaara’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Always you. And the plants,” he said, his lips brushing Gaara’s skin.

Gaara moved closer again. He was still looking, just _gazing_ , and Naruto felt like Gaara was looking at his soul. So deep that he might see something that Naruto wasn’t ready to face. Naruto shifted away a little but let their hands remain together. “You should, um. Put on your seatbelt.”

Gaara looked to his side and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s a short drive,” he said. It was unusual. He hadn’t expected there to be anything negative between them; they just needed to talk. But he _surely_ hadn’t expected Gaara to want to sit so close to him, touch his face so much, look in his eyes so deep. Naruto blinked hard a few times and wondered what was going on. Was he high? No, no, all of his acid had gotten thrown on the ground at the wedding. This was real and it was weird.

“Are you sure?” Naruto asked shakily. “It’s just that you don’t usually like riding in the car with your seatbelt off.” Even when Naruto had been gone for months, Gaara didn’t act like this. He wanted some semblance of normalcy, at least for a few hours. His mind was congested and he was tired from flying across the country so long, and he was too confused to even begin to attempt to piece together what Gaara was trying to do.

“I’m sure,” Gaara said slowly. Naruto watched Gaara’s hand come up to run into his hair again. Maybe that’s why he missed Gaara leaning forward to kiss him. By instinct, he wrapped his arm around Gaara’s waist, and Gaara didn’t do the thing he always did where he shoved Naruto’s hands off. Instead, Gaara came closer, and Naruto gave a surprised huff against Gaara’s face. It was when Naruto felt Gaara’s grip turning to a fist in his hair that he pulled away. 

“What’s… this about?” Naruto didn’t want to _complain_ , surely. He tried to speak his words carefully so that Gaara knew he didn’t have a problem with this, it was just a bit unexpected.

“I missed you, do I have to explain myself?” Gaara frowned.

Naruto shook his head fast. “No, just. I was gone for three days? I’ve been gone for longer and you still sometimes sleep in the other room after the season.” It wasn’t lost on Naruto the way that Gaara’s eyes got all dark. 

“Do I have to explain myself or not?” Gaara repeated, this time with an edge that Naruto didn’t recognize. He cast his eyes to the side for a moment before shaking his head again eventually. 

“No,” Naruto said. “I missed you too.” Even as Gaara leaned closer again to close the gap between them, Naruto was confused in the back of his mind. But all thoughts were effectively pushed from his brain when Gaara started to slide his hand up Naruto’s shirt.

Their faces were red and they were breathless by the time the car stopped at the bottom of their street. Naruto squinted out the tinted window once Gaara had gotten off of his lap. “Is there another car up there?” he asked, turning his head to look at Gaara over his shoulder.

Instead of answering, Gaara climbed out of the car on the other side, leaving Naruto to watch as he rounded the back and stood at his door. Naruto closed his eyes to roll them. He recognized that car. “Why didn’t you tell me she’d be here?”

“I didn’t know she’d come. I told her I was out,” Gaara said. He reached his hand out for Naruto to take, and Naruto did so begrudgingly. So good, amazing. He would have not even one night with Gaara to himself before Temari started on her mission to tear them apart.

“Little brother, you took so long,” Temari said as a greeting. She was sharp in every way, and the opposite of warm and sisterly. Her eyes were on the way Naruto and Gaara were holding hands as they approached, and she had a hand on her hip as she tapped her foot.

“I was excited, I guess.” Gaara shrugged. Naruto released Gaara’s hand to open his arm for Temari. She allowed him to hug her for less than one entire second before she was pulling away and turning towards their house. 

“So this is the place, then?” Temari asked without turning around to face them. Naruto rolled his eyes hard and Gaara pinched him for it.

“This is the place,” Gaara echoed. “Do you like it?” Naruto watched with wary eyes as Temari surveyed the outside of their home. Was she really going to be so critical already? Damn it, Naruto thought. One night, he couldn’t ask for one night in his own house.

Temari hummed thoughtfully. “It’s very sleek. Is there carpet?” She turned finally.

“There are rugs,” Naruto supplied. “Carpets are hard to clean.”

Temari nodded wordlessly but Naruto didn’t miss the way she rolled her eyes as she regarded the house again. “It’s alright, I suppose.” The judgement in her tone was enough to make Naruto almost tell her that if it wasn’t good enough, she didn’t have to come in. But he didn’t want to hear what a Gaara might have to say about that, so he was quiet.

Gaara, desperate to quell the tension, clapped his hands together and put one each on Naruto and Temari’s shoulders. “It’s a bit hot out here to just be standing,” he said. “I have some new plants I want to introduce you to, and um. There’s juice in there.”

“Do you have wine?” Temari inquired.

“We don’t drink,” Gaara huffed hopelessly. Naruto trailed behind them and sighed. This would be a long night before Temari left and they had some peace and quiet.

When they got in the house, Naruto’s only objective was to sleep. He had been away from his own bed for days, he’d been on a plane for hours, and he’d gone through at least two different time zones. He felt weird and he wanted to sleep. Initially, Temari had other plans, but Gaara insisted that she leave Naruto alone and do her questioning later. “Questioning?” Naruto mumbled to himself. Gaara followed him up the stairs and as soon as he was sure that she couldn’t hear, he started apologizing.

“I didn’t know she would come _today_ ,” Gaara said in a low whisper. He had followed Naruto into their room and was sitting on the bed while he watched Naruto get undressed. “I told her you were coming today, why would she come today?” Gaara fretted to himself.

“To make me miserable,” Naruto supplied. “It’s simple. She’s starting her reign of terror a day early.” Naruto pulled his shirt over his head and went to drop it on the floor before he thought of it and kept it in his hand. 

“Please don’t have that attitude about it,” Gaara pleaded. “I just want everyone to get along.”

“Then tell her to leave and come back next week at the earliest,” Naruto said simply. “I’ll be ready to be scrutinized then.”

“What a word from you,” Gaara teased. Naruto gave him a sharp look, and Gaara’s small grin faltered. He stood and came closer just as Naruto was stepping out of his pants. “Will you try, for me? A few hours, like two, and I’ll find some excuse to make her leave.” Gaara walked his fingers over Naruto’s bare arm, causing Naruto’s skin to heat up.

“Are you trying to manipulate me?” Naruto asked. He was only halfway joking. Surely this was just some ploy, Gaara’s sudden fixation with Naruto’s skin and his body. And it might have worked, if he’d been gone for months. But he’d only been gone for three days, he kept reminding himself. Something was off, but now was not the time to ask. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Gaara said. He stepped just slightly out of Naruto’s space and took his discarded clothes from him. “My favorite thing, your laundry.”

Naruto waited until the shower water was steaming before he stepped in. He wished that he could think clearly outside of the shower, but there was something about the steady sound and the spray of hot water on his skin that made his mind work a lot better. The thing he could think about right now was how strange Gaara was acting. The last night they’d been together, Gaara had been the same as he’d always been. Rare touches, rare kissing past a few minutes before it got too intense. Naruto didn’t _like_ it, but he was used to it. He was sure that Gaara wouldn’t change his mind, and he was fine with that. So this sudden change in behavior, however subtle, was throwing Naruto off. He didn’t want to think that Gaara was doing it for that purpose; he wanted Gaara to want him for the right reasons. But he couldn’t be sure, and he didn’t want to do something if only to make Gaara feel like he’d listen after. Before anything, they needed to _talk_ about things, and no amount of gentle touches and making out was going to take Naruto’s mind off of the things they needed to discuss. 

Well. He would try really hard not to let it.

Gaara and Temari were downstairs when Naruto got out of the shower. _Good_ , he thought, _let him tire her out_. Then maybe she’d leave without asking about something that wasn’t her business, like why he wasn’t going to join them tonight. He dressed in a loose fitting tank top and underwear to sleep in. He could still hear the TV downstairs when he closed his eyes.

Naruto wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when he woke up. The sun was down, so that told him it had been a while. He took his thumb out of his mouth as he sat up groggily to gauge his surroundings. Something had woken him up.

“Don’t,” he heard next to him, and he realized that Gaara getting into bed must have been what roused him.

“Where’s your sister?” Naruto asked. He humored Gaara and got back underneath the covers without protest. He was surprised that Gaara hadn’t wanted to sleep in the other room, but today had been so weird that he supposed he shouldn’t have been.

Gaara shook his head and reached out blindly for Naruto. Naruto shifted closer. He raised a slight eyebrow at the harshness of the way that Gaara gripped his shoulder. “She’s gone, you slept too long,” Gaara said. He finally opened his eyes and even in the dark, Naruto could see something bright behind them.

“Are you ok?” Naruto put a hand on Gaara’s forehead. “Do you think you need something, like some medicine?”

Gaara rolled his eyes and took Naruto’s hand from his face. “I’m fine, yes,” he said. “I just want to be close to you.”

“This close?” Naruto didn’t mean for it to sound the way that it did. But, Gaara couldn’t act like it wasn’t him that had put the chastity distance between them in the first place. Naruto never wanted to step a toe out of line. “You were acting weird earlier, like. Not yourself. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I am _fine_ , Naruto,” Gaara ground out. He looked away for a moment before rolling over to turn on a lamp. “I just want you to know that I love you, I don’t want you to forget it.”

“I’ll never forget it,” Naruto said. “You tell me everyday with the things you do. You take care of me, you wait for me to come back when I’m gone. You stay with me, you make me eat when I should and you ask me how my day was and you tell me to wear my seatbelt. I’ll never forget it.” He saw Gaara’s eyes soften slightly, before they went back to the way they’d been before. Bright and hot. 

“I don’t mean like that.” Gaara’s gaze trailed from where Naruto’s chest and collarbones were showing up to his eyes. Naruto could see, this close, that Gaara’s face was getting red. He thought he might be able to feel it too, the heat. His heart was beating so fast, he was certain Gaara could hear it.

“Then… how?” Naruto asked eloquently. He sucked in a sharp breath when Gaara moved closer, so that their chests were touching. “We don’t have to,” Naruto said hastily.

“I know,” Gaara said, his face inches away from Naruto’s. “But don’t you want to?”

“Yes,” Naruto said with no hesitation. “But I don’t want you to feel like… you must. You don’t have to change your mind and how you’ve felt for years for, um.” Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “Why’s this? Is it really because I was gone for three days?”

Gaara was biting his lip when he rolled away to face the ceiling. “Yes,” he said eventually, after so long that Naruto thought he might not have heard the question. “I love you,” he said to the ceiling, before turning to face Naruto again.

Naruto had thought about it so many times, what he’d do the _first_ time. His mind was blank now as Gaara came close again and slotted their lips together. There was effort, something being exerted as Gaara moved so that he was almost on top of Naruto but not quite. Naruto put his hands on Gaara’s shoulders but not in a grip; just to steady him. He could feel the uncertainty in everything Gaara did, from the way that his hands came up to cup Naruto’s face to the shaking of his legs as he sat up slightly to straddle Naruto. 

“Hey,” Naruto said softly, reaching up to touch Gaara’s face gently. Gaara looked away and wouldn’t catch Naruto’s eyes even as he started shifting over Naruto’s lap. Naruto felt something in him attempting to come to life, but he pressed it down deep and made himself think logically.

“We need to talk,” Naruto heard himself say. It was never him and always Gaara who said those words, but there was a first time for everything. The irony of that thought only hit Naruto when he saw Gaara’s eyes finally catch his, sharp but still hesitant. 

“About what?” Gaara’s tone was a little scared. Naruto ran his fingers over Gaara’s hip to try to soothe him.

“About… this, and about my trip, and about your sister. You can pick what we talk about first.” Naruto made sure that his voice was strong and final, despite how unsure he felt on the inside. He shouldn’t have, though, because Gaara always promised to be open to talking. So now should not have been any different. 

“What is there to talk about with your trip?” Gaara frowned. He adjusted himself over Naruto and apologized lightly when Naruto made a sharp sound. “Sorry, sorry.”

Naruto took his hands from Gaara’s hips and clasped them together over his chest. “I want to know why you didn’t want to come,” Naruto said. “The real reason,” he added before Gaara could say anything.

“Because I didn’t want to see him, I told you,” Gaara said. He was looking away again.

“But why? Like, why did it matter so much? You didn’t even have to talk to him.” Naruto raised a finger to emphasize his point.

“Would you have gone if you knew that you’d have to talk to Sasuke?” Gaara crossed his arms as his eyes returned to Naruto’s defiantly.

“I did talk to Sasuke,” Naruto admitted. Gaara’s eyes got wide and he leapt up from the bed. Naruto coughed and made a sound like the wind had been knocked out of him.

“You talked to Sasuke?” Gaara was incredulous. He did not seem to notice that his knee had jabbed Naruto’s lungs on his way off the bed.

Naruto struggled to sit up. “Yeah,” he said after a moment of coughing. He took a few deep breaths and didn’t allow his mind to dwell on the thoughts he’d had the second night, because it didn’t matter. He didn’t allow his mind to dwell on the argument he’d had with Minato, because it didn’t matter. “What’s the problem? We talked like adults.” They had not. “Nothing happened.” At least this was true.

“Alright, so you talked and nothing happened.” It almost sounded like Gaara didn’t believe him. “But why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I mean…” Naruto shrugged. “It wasn’t important and nothing came of it.” He couldn’t believe himself, either, that he was saying the same words to Gaara that he’d said to Minato when he knew he’d been being disingenuous then. He was just flatly lying now, because even if they hadn’t done anything, Naruto’s mind had done something. “The point is, he wouldn’t have stopped me from going, because I care about Coach Guy. You care about me, it’s the same thing.”

“It isn’t,” Gaara said quickly.

“Why’s it different? Are you over it?” Naruto hated the way that his voice sounded when he spoke. So shaky. He was supposed to be sure of himself. He made no mention of the fact that Lee was certainly not over it. He sat on the edge of the bed when Gaara moved farther away.

“Of course I am,” Gaara said, just as hastily as before. He was anticipating Naruto’s questions. “I am over it and I love you.” Gaara came closer then and wiped the tears from Naruto’s face that had come to his eyes when he was struggling to breath earlier. His other hand ran into Naruto’s hair with little force. “I want to be with you, you have to know that.”

Naruto grimaced and didn’t catch Gaara’s eyes, despite Gaara’s soft touches. “It’s hard to know it when you make such a big deal of a few hours, and you didn’t have to talk to him. You left no room for discussion about it.” Naruto looked up finally, shifting Gaara’s hand on his face and in his hair. “It just seems like you still care a lot. You cared more about not seeing him than being with me.”

Gaara was silent for a moment, though his hands never stopped their slow movements. “There’re a lot of things I could bring up right now, about before we moved here, but I won’t. It’s useless to say them.” Naruto knew the things Gaara could say. All of them had to do with Sasuke and how pointedly Naruto had avoided him when they were closer neighbors. That was different, he wanted to say. They had torn each other apart and made no moves to ever put each other back together again. Lee and Gaara had broken up because of distance and differing visions of the future. It wasn’t the _same_. But Gaara was right. It was useless to say some things.

“I should have gone with you,” Gaara said eventually. “It wasn’t so serious that I couldn’t have been there, I understand.” Naruto nodded and closed his eyes. He was already sick of talking, and they still had other things to discuss. As much as he would have liked to have gone to sleep and forgotten about everything, he knew that that wasn’t what they _did_ and he was too old to do things like that, anyway. 

“So why didn’t you want to come?” Naruto asked, and he felt the tension return just that fast. He had to ask, though, because Gaara had only answered his question with a question. That didn’t satisfy Naruto’s need to know.

“Temari,” Gaara sighed. Naruto opened his eyes and looked up fast. Gaara sensed the change in attitude and took his hands from Naruto’s face. He answered Naruto’s question before he could ask it. “She said that she thought it’d be better for my mental health to stay here. It would keep me safe from any kind of negative feelings.”

“And you just…” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed angrily. “Ok. We had to talk about her anyway. Why do you listen to everything she says? Sometimes she’s _wrong_. And she doesn’t like me, she doesn’t like us together.”

“She doesn’t not like you,” Gaara said, as if that was the point. Naruto shook his head and rolled his eyes before he laid down and kept his eyes on the ceiling even when Gaara sat next to him. 

“What would you call it, then?”

“Tough love?” Gaara didn’t really sound so sure.

“There is no love,” Naruto corrected. “It would bring her nothing but joy to see you decide that you’ve come to your senses and leave me. Before we get married, preferably. Then it’s less messy.”

“How do you even know something like that? And how can you say that? You’re just talking.” Gaara shook his head in exasperation. “ _You_ don’t like her and you’re manifesting it really obnoxiously right now.”

Naruto turned his head in Gaara’s direction. “Just talking? She has told me blatantly that she does not prefer me, in much less polite words.” That wasn’t a revelation, it was a reminder. Gaara had been there that night. “She thinks that she knows everything and that people who don’t bow to her unending wisdom are stupid and not deserving of her respect.”

“Naruto,” Gaara said in a warning, “don’t talk about my sister like that.”

“I’m sorry, I just. Can’t stand it.” Naruto’s voice was edging on hopeless. It was all wrecked now that Temari had moved already. And that reminded Naruto of something. “And why is she already here?”

“What do you mean, already?”

“When we talked yesterday, you said that she’d be here in time for the season to be over,” Naruto explained. “She’s already here. You made it sound like I had time to… wrap my mind around it.” 

“I thought I’d be able to have at least a day to ease you into it, but she insisted,” Gaara said.

“And you just never tell her no,” Naruto said under his breath. He climbed up onto the bed and resumed his spot. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he was tired of it and this conversation about Temari was going nowhere. It was meant to go nowhere forever, until Gaara finally opened his eyes and saw that Temari did not want to help. She wanted to control.

“I’m going to the other room,” Gaara said. He dug around in the side table for his book, and when he stood straight again Naruto was looking at him. “Do you want me to stay?”

Naruto thought about the way that Gaara had been acting earlier, trying so very hard to get in his pants. It was strange, and they needed to talk about it, but Naruto was exhausted from lying by omission and knowing that Gaara wasn’t telling the full truth, either. He thought about Sasuke again, in that coffee shop, and how he’d decided that they were both just liars. It wouldn’t be that way this time, they’d get to the bottom of it. But tomorrow. 

“Stay,” Naruto said, opening the covers as an invitation. “Please.”

Gaara looked from his book to the bed to the door and back to Naruto before he huffed a breath. “Only because you asked so nicely,” he said quietly. Naruto hummed in deep satisfaction at the feeling of Gaara’s face on his chest. The way it was supposed to be, without the extra stuff. They weren’t ready for that. Naruto wasn’t sure that Gaara was being as open as he always lamented that he was, but it was the first day they’d talked about it. Surely he’d say what he really meant if they worked on it. But working on it was the hard part. Naruto almost wished for another time, when they could just get by without having to have the hard conversations. They wouldn’t have made it this far if they hadn’t, though, and Naruto knew it. His thumb traced circles over Gaara’s shoulder as he thought.

They would be fine. Naruto would make sure of it. No interfering sisters or far away ex-boyfriends were going to get in the way. Naruto sated himself with the knowledge that what they had was special and _real_. He was going to make sure that everyone knew that it was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really need to be better about answering my comments, and i will do better! i promise. 
> 
> parallels, parallels


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to do it to em, y’all knew this was coming!!

“Happy birthday to Sas’ke… happy birthday to you!” 

Sasuke held his head in his hand as everyone around him screamed. The string for the party hat on his head was scratching his throat obscenely, but Itachi had insisted. Sasuke had tried to remind his brother that he was turning 25, not 10. It hadn’t worked.

Obito and Shisui were still singing when Mikoto cut Sasuke’s birthday cake. “Oh, cheer up, son! It’s your birthday, your special day.” Mikoto laid a hand over Sasuke’s shoulder and kissed his temple as she sat his cake in front of him.

“Is it so special?” Sasuke eyed the large piece of cake Mikoto had cut for him. It had ‘25’ on it in purple icing and she’d laid the candles on the plate next to it. Itachi was carefully setting up his camera so that they could take a picture. Sasuke only smiled because it was funny to watch his brother run around the kitchen table and shove himself next to Shisui so that he didn’t miss the picture. 

Sasuke supposed that he shouldn’t be so upset. This was the family he had, and they wanted him to be happy on this, his most special day. But he didn’t feel very special, even as Obito blew the stupid noisemaker in his face. He didn’t feel special, even as his eyes caught sight of the banner that said ‘Happy birthday, Sasuke!’ that they had all spent a few days working on. He didn’t feel special, even as Mikoto and Itachi implored him to. He loved them, and it wasn’t them. It was him.

He was weak.

It had been a week, and he had resigned himself to the fact that he missed Naruto. Still. Now. Tomorrow, yesterday.

He had really expected Naruto to call that night. He was _counting_ on it. 

Before that point, Sasuke had been sure of a few things. He was a lawyer; he was his mother’s favorite; and he was capable of convincing Naruto to talk to him when he was ready. It had always happened before, albeit with varying results, but Sasuke had been sure that when he wanted to broach a subject, Naruto would eventually be willing to speak to him. He hadn’t expected to see Naruto at the wedding, really, but it made sense. He wished that Kakashi had warned him. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise. Besides, he was over it. He thought that maybe they could even try to be friends. 

Naruto was bigger than he’d been before. More muscular, Sasuke could see even through the fancy clothes. Naruto’s shoulders were broad and his hair was shorter. Sasuke noticed the way that Naruto had to sit with his knee straight out, and he remembered reading that Naruto had gone in for surgery again a few months ago. He tried really hard to pay attention to the ceremony, and it _was_ actually beautiful. Kakashi and Guy said beautiful words to each other. The scenery was nice, and even though it was hot, Sasuke enjoyed being outside. It was a change of pace from the shape his life had recently taken, where he sat in his office or in court rooms for hours on end, only to fall straight into his bed when he got back to the house. He was happy to be here, and he was working so hard to keep focused on what was happening in front of him. But every few minutes, when the officiant would flip through their book or there was a lull in the proceedings, Sasuke would find his eyes on Naruto’s profile. His heart was telling him what his mind was trying to silence. 

Itachi had begged Sasuke to give it up. He was annoyed that Sasuke had even texted him to tell him that Naruto was there, because it wasn’t relevant.

 **Itachi:** **_But it’s not really that important._ **

**Sasuke:** **_it matters a lot, actually? i haven’t seen him in six years_ **

**Itachi:** **_What’s the point? It’s over, Sasuke, it’s been over. He’s getting married soon._ **

**Sasuke:** **_i know and i don’t want you to mention that again_ **

**Itachi:** **_I just thought maybe it would help you to take your head out of his ass._ **

**Sasuke:** **_i’m telling mom you cursed at me_ **

During the reception, Sasuke saw his only chance. He saw Naruto, suffering at the hands of Rock Lee, and it only served to remind him of the fact that what Itachi said was true. Naruto was engaged to be wed, to _Gaara_. He had not cried, though, and instead sulked around the house for weeks until Mikoto took him shopping for suits and office supplies. He counted the fact that he did not cry as a huge victory in his own book. He never would have guessed that it would have lasted this long between them. Sasuke had been wondering for months now, since he’d read the news, what it could be that Naruto liked so much about the quiet boy that he’d want to spend the rest of his life with _him_. (But he was _not_ jealous.) His mind would turn to the last vision he’d had, but he would push that thought out of his mind just as fast as it appeared. The visions didn’t matter. It wasn’t important and he couldn’t stake his life on it.

Sasuke watched with careful eyes as Naruto stole a chair and disappeared in the direction of the bathrooms. He had his hand in his pocket as he wrestled with his own mind. Should he go, say hello? It could be simple, just a _hi_ and then nothing else. Well, no, Naruto would start some small talk, if he was the same person he’d been before. He could just go over, say hi, ask about Minato and Kushina. How is his career, how’s the knee? It wouldn’t be so bad, it wouldn’t be serious. But… then what? How would he tell Naruto that he thought they should talk without coming off so desperate? He _wasn’t_ desperate. He just thought it would be nice if they could find a way to be friends, after everything. It was a healthy idea, he convinced himself.

Sasuke knew the words he’d say as he approached the place that he saw Naruto disappear. He tried not to be too loud as he stepped lightly over the grass, and that’s probably why he could hear every word Naruto was saying as he came closer. He heard Naruto complaining about his knee and telling someone he loved them an inordinate amount of times for a few seconds to have passed. Sasuke stopped short for a moment and closed his eyes as he took a steadying breath. He never thought he’d hear Naruto say those words again to anyone else. His mind was blank of whatever he’d wanted to say.

Naruto didn’t notice him. It was a little funny to see Naruto startle and put a hand over his chest. Sasuke kept a straight face though, and remained as serious as he could for as long as he could. Naruto just made it so difficult. He was _rude_ and Sasuke knew that he couldn’t expect Naruto to just fall at his feet, but this wasn’t what he’d come over here for. He didn’t like it that Naruto suddenly stopped answering his questions, and it only made him more annoyed that within minutes Naruto was trying to talk about their shitty past with no remorse about the parts of it where he had been wrong.

But _no_. Naruto wasn’t _allowed_ to just say it all so flippantly, and with such an accusatory tone. Sasuke wasn’t going to let it be forgotten that it wasn’t his fault, and he wasn’t going to let it slide that Naruto thought it fine to simply say the word _sorry_ without any feeling behind it. He wished that he could have found better words to try to convince Naruto to talk to him, but all that he could say was that he had the same number. So much for knowing the words he’d say. Naruto probably didn’t really want to hear it, anyway.

It was stupid of Sasuke to think about Naruto the whole night. Just because he had the same number didn’t mean that Naruto remembered it, had it saved, or cared. Just because he’d left the door open didn’t mean that Naruto would come through it. He shouldn’t have expected it or needed it so badly. Naruto was different now. Sasuke had been under the impression that he was different, too. So he really didn’t like the fact that he felt so the same. Was that really all it took, twenty minutes? Twenty minutes, some shitty conversation, and Sasuke could feel his carefully built up persona being dragged through a grater.

Sasuke wished that he had a different vice as he breathed in the smoke of someone else’s. Even though he had discovered pills, his original iniquity was always sex. And it helped that Shikamaru answered without asking any questions. For one night, he would matter to someone besides his family, and in the way he desired. The way he deserved. Shikamaru knew him well enough, knew the things that he liked and the things that he had too much pride to ask for. Sasuke knew the faces, the sounds to make so that Shikamaru would give him what he wanted. He was not Naruto, but Sasuke could close his eyes and pretend.

But it still didn’t help, and Sasuke was aware that it wouldn’t. He hadn’t even had to suspend his disbelief about it; he knew that when he woke up, he’d still be wishing for him, for Naruto. He would think about Naruto and wish that it was his breath shifting his hair every few seconds, not someone else’s. He was so used to the feeling trying to push its way forward that it took awhile for him to recognize it. Sasuke rolled his eyes at himself in the mirror of the hotel bathroom before he went to the store. There were things in this tiny store that Itachi could never find at the bigger one back home. _Home_. When had home become so close, and yet so far away?

Sasuke was thinking about him even before he bumped into him. Naruto was _heavy_ , and sweaty. Sasuke put a hand out to try to push Naruto away before they collided, but it didn’t work. 

“Get off, sweaty.” Not too harsh. _Just be cool, stupid,_ Sasuke thought to himself. He couldn’t help the way his eyes dragged over Naruto’s exposed frame. Just as soon as he looked at Naruto’s eyes again, he forgot what eloquent greeting he had planned to say if he saw Naruto today. He saw the way Naruto’s eyes lifted from his to behind his head, and he knew that Naruto saw the way he messed with his collar. His hands were sweaty when they spoke in tandem. 

“You go first,” Naruto said, and Sasuke let out a silent breath. 

“I was just going to ask what you’re doing in here,” Sasuke said. He hated himself for the way his voice sounded as he said it. If Naruto noticed it, he didn’t say anything. Instead, Naruto told Sasuke that he was trying to buy alcohol, and Sasuke didn’t know why he was so put off by it. They were old enough to drink now, and they’d been drinking since before then. Naruto hadn’t liked it as much as Sakura, though. Sakura.

Naruto seemed to be thinking about something when Sasuke mentioned the Christmas party at Sakura’s house all those years ago. His eyebrows drew together and he frowned to himself, but Sasuke decided to pretend he didn’t see it instead shifted the subject.

“Do you still talk to Sakura?” 

“No. Do you?” When Naruto shook his head, Sasuke was a little surprised. He took no solace in the fact that Sakura had decided to stop talking to both of them, but he supposed that it was the best for her mind. 

“I guess she got tired of us being so fucked,” Sasuke said in an attempt to be, what, _light_? And Naruto decided then to mention Hinata, who was still around and still attempting to get Sasuke to come over and talk to her. She was more persistent than ever now that Naruto had moved farther away. There was no risk of running into him, now, because he didn’t have time to visit anymore. 

Sasuke was lying when he said that he forgot Naruto used to live down the street. Despite himself, he was getting desperate. He wanted to talk about something _meaningful_ , not Hinata and her relatively new spawn. He didn’t even read the label of the jar he picked up, he just had to get closer. He could feel the tension mounting in Naruto’s body as he leaned forward, and it brought him enough satisfaction that he felt his _need_ subsiding just slightly. This was what he was used to. For the five seconds that he was in control of the situation, Sasuke _knew_ it and he was glad about it. He could think about how sick that was later, when he was alone. Or when he called Shikamaru again. 

“Where’re you staying? I didn’t think you’d still be here. Since you’re a fancy lawyer now, thought you’d be busy and need to leave.”

How interesting. Sasuke kept his eyes trained on the long chemical formulas of whatever was in this jam while he answered Naruto’s question. 

“Just a room,” he said easily. “Close to the city. It’s small but it’s only me ‘till tomorrow.” That would only really be true depending on how Naruto answered or if he called later, but for now, he didn’t need to know that. Sasuke could feel it again, the awkwardness coming off of Naruto in waves. Now was the time, while he was ahead. His few years in the courtroom had taught him that sometimes the gamble pulled off, but most times it didn’t. 

Sasuke felt a strange sort of adrenaline in him as he walked down the aisle that had the special stupid cake stuff that Itachi wanted. He was sure that Naruto would call, at _least._ And he waited, waited, waited. 

But Naruto never made the call, so Sasuke made a call of his own. It was meaningless, the way it had always been, and Sasuke thought about Naruto, the way he always had. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have Shikamaru in his times of weakness like this. There weren’t any pills around and Sasuke didn’t want to think about what lengths he’d go to in order to clear his mind of the fact that Naruto was going home to Gaara soon. Shikamaru did all the right things to make Sasuke’s mind full of nothing. Nothing but Naruto.

And now, a week later, Sasuke was not thinking about Shikamaru. He was thinking about Naruto, and how he was sure of one less thing now than he’d been before going back to Georgia.

Opening presents made Sasuke remember the past. He remembered how Minato and Kushina would throw him parties. It would usually only ever be himself, Sakura, and Naruto, but they were some of the best memories of his life. Being away from Fugaku in those moments had a lot to do with it.

They had gotten him clothes, mostly, but Mikoto had also gifted him a paperweight that he kept mentioning offhandedly to her. It was a ceramic snake and it reminded Sasuke of Manda. Shisui and Obito had each gotten Sasuke a briefcase and an anthology book of really old stories that they couldn’t really even describe. “Because you’re a nerd,” Obito said, grasping Sasuke roughly by the shoulders in an embrace, “but you’re our nerd.”

“Sasuke, we all pitched in to get you this, please open it.” Itachi pushed a box in Sasuke’s direction across the table, causing Sasuke’s mind to come back to the present. He shook the box close to his ear. Mikoto was watching Sasuke intently as he picked at the tape. He was sure that Obito had wrapped this, it was so crude. Sasuke was careful as he tore the paper off. 

“Wait, show him this first.” Shisui reached under the table and put down a big empty glass cage.

“Oh, guys,” Sasuke mumbled as he turned the terrarium around. It was empty, and it was a lot bigger than the one he’d had before. Sasuke smiled a small smile at the empty glass. He hadn’t had a snake in a very long time.

“There’s the other stuff, sand and little pieces of wood and the like,” Mikoto said, gesturing to the box Sasuke had left to investigate the terrarium. “We didn’t get too much because we know that you like to make it personal.”

“Will you catch a snake to put in there?” Obito asked with his mouth full of cake.

“I’m going to purchase a snake,” Sasuke said with annoyance. He couldn’t believe he was related to the two of them, Obito and Shisui, even if it was from his father’s side. They were _weird_ but he still felt his heart beating for them when Shisui proclaimed that he had picked up some of the branches himself, and that if Sasuke ever did want to catch a snake he knew where to take him.

It was hours later when Obito and Shisui came into Sasuke’s room. He was fiddling with the lighting in the terrarium and making sure that when he got a snake it wouldn’t just have one layer of sand to slide around on. Sasuke looked up from the cage and quirked his eyebrows at his cousins. 

“What are you two weirdos doing in here? I requested alone time,” Sasuke said. He turned to fully face them and crossed his arms. He had wanted to be in here, alone, and read the book they’d gotten him. It had _Frankenstein_ in it and Sasuke hadn’t read it when he was supposed to in high school. He didn’t know what they were doing, barging into his room and calling his name like this, but he didn’t like it. 

“That was before noon, it’s, like, 8 now,” Shisui pointed out. 

“We wanna take you out,” Obito said. “It’s not every day you turn 25.”

“It’s only today,” Sasuke agreed, “but I don’t wanna go out. I don’t think Itachi would let me, either.”

Shisui scoffed. “Itachi isn’t Fugaku, he’s your brother, and you’re 25. Don’t you wanna stop moping around the house for one night?”

“I have _not_ been—”

Obito put a hand up to cut Sasuke off. “Save it, dude. Ever since you got back from Georgia, you’ve been acting like someone died. Don’t deny it. Itachi told us not to ask, but you’ve been really cramping our game days. We want you to get outta this haze. You’re not half bad to be around when you’re actually being yourself.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “You guys are paying,” he said begrudgingly. Obito and Shisui high-fived before leaving the room. Shisui said over his shoulder that Sasuke had thirty minutes to be ready or else they’d leave him. “Is that a threat or a promise?” Sasuke replied.

It would be good, Sasuke reasoned with himself. He needed this, an escape from the thoughts of blonde hair and strong arms plaguing him. He needed to start fresh, do something new and not worry about old things. He had been positive before that he was over the old stuff. But there was no way. Not with the way that his heart felt when he looked at Naruto, when he got close, when he talked to him. Maybe one night wouldn’t be enough, but it would be a start.

Sasuke looked at his closet in despair. All he had hanging in here were suits and shirts to go with the suits. He didn’t go out, he’d never been out. Eventually, he decided instead to just wear his least fancy shirt and pants without the jacket that matched. He fixed his hair idly in the mirror with one hand while he opened his phone with his other. He had all sorts of messages wishing him happy birthday from people he remembered and some that he didn’t. But there was nothing from Naruto. Sasuke shoved his phone in his pocket angrily and left his room. Yes, he needed this. And he _needed_ to stop worrying about stupid Naruto, because stupid Naruto really wasn’t worried about him. 

It was very loud in the club that Obito and Shisui took him to. The entrance was hazy, but they had somehow paid for a place up high, so Sasuke couldn’t complain too much. “You don’t really have to pay,” Sasuke said quickly after Shisui came back from the bar. 

“We are paying,” Obito shushed him. He was watching girls below him dancing with general intrigue. Sasuke didn’t think he’d ever heard of Obito even saying hello to a girl before.

“Where do you guys get the money for this stuff? You don’t work.”

Shisui cast his eyes about for a few moments before shrugging. “You don’t know everything,” he said eventually. “And you need to drink that. I watched them make it, nothing funny.”

Sasuke swirled his cup around to hear the ice tinkling against the glass. Its contents were dark brown, and Sasuke preferred vodka, but Shisui had already paid for this. There were molasses notes to this drink that Sasuke didn’t hate too much. It wouldn’t get him drunk as fast as he’d like, though. “This is an old man drink,” Sasuke decided after he finished it.

“You’re almost 30,” Obito said. _His_ drink was white and Sasuke rolled his eyes. 

“No, _you’re_ almost 30.” Sasuke checked his phone to see that Mikoto had wished him safety. He thanked her and put his phone down just in time to see Shisui coming back with more drinks, this time in an assortment of bright colors. 

“They’re fruity,” Shisui said in response to Sasuke’s expression. “Since this was for _old_ people. I like it.” Sasuke liked the watermelon flavored thing a little better. 

Obito turned his attention away from the dance floor and to Sasuke. “So, birthday boy,” he began, “why have you been so bent out of shape? It’s been, like, a week.”

Sasuke played with his straw as he thought about Obito’s question and how to answer it. He hadn’t had very many emotionally stimulating talks with either of them, so he wasn’t sure if they’d take him seriously. Plus, he didn’t want to admit out loud that it was the same thing it had always been, for years. But the first step to solving a problem is admitting that it exists. 

“I saw my ex there and I… wasn’t expecting to,” Sasuke said, and then he took a long sip of the drink. It went straight to the place between his eyes and he rubbed at his forehead while Obito nodded.

“The blonde kid? The soccer guy?” 

Sasuke nodded wordlessly, closing his eyes tight.

“He’s pretty good,” Obito said. Sasuke’s eyes flew open and Obito held a hand up. “At soccer, I mean. And isn’t he, like, married?”

Sasuke shrugged. “He is engaged,” he said. Poison on his tongue to speak the words. “I don’t know when they’ll actually get married. We didn’t really talk that much.”

Obito pursed his lips for a moment. “Itachi told us that you used to do… crazy shit about that guy.” 

“He told you that?” Sasuke chuckled mirthlessly. “I’m going to punch his face.” He sighed then, shifting his tone to serious. “Crazy is a nice way to say it. I just. I really liked him.” Sasuke tried to shrug about it, but it wasn’t really something to shrug about. 

“He wouldn’t tell us what, but he said that you really needed time away from him.” Obito finished his drink and set the empty glass down on the table in front of them.

“Yes, I did,” Sasuke said. “I do. Time to worry about myself. And I’m fine now, I’m really ok.”

Shisui interjected and shook his head. “You’re not, bro. You aren’t usually a ray of sunshine, but you’ve been especially bad tempered ever since you got back.” 

“Well, that’s why we’re here, right? Not to talk about Naruto.” Sasuke stood and went over to the rail separating them from the first floor, where people were dancing and oblivious to whatever problems might be going on up here.

“Not Sasuke _dancing_ ,” Shisui yelled. Sasuke turned to face them again and willed his face to not be so red.

“I suppose it is time to get out of this haze,” Sasuke said, echoing the words they’d said to him before they came. 

Except that Sasuke didn’t really know how to dance. He liked this song, but he didn’t really know what to do with himself. He took every drink that Shisui bought for him, and that was his first mistake. _No_ , he thought, _my first mistake was agreeing to this_. He knew himself, he knew that he had an addictive personality and that he didn’t know how to say no to things he liked, even if he knew he shouldn’t say yes. But Shisui kept coming, and Sasuke kept throwing back whatever was given to him.

“Shisui, you can’t just mix like that, what the fuck.” Obito snatched the fifth drink Shisui had brought away from Sasuke and held it close to his chest.

“He’s ok,” Shisui said, holding Sasuke by his shoulders, “right Sauce?”

Sasuke nodded only because his name was spoken. Eventually, he didn’t really know what was happening except that he liked these songs and his cousins were terrible dancers. He thought vaguely that he couldn’t have ever had a night like this in Konoha; if it wasn’t Fugaku, it was Itachi telling him what to do all the time. Not the same, but. Sasuke was tired of people telling him that he didn’t know what he was doing. He had finished school, he was a lawyer now. He knew what he was doing.

It was after 2 am when Obito said they should go back home. Shisui supported Sasuke as they stood outside waiting for the Uber. He was looking at Sasuke’s fumbling hands, which were struggling to type something on his phone. 

“You shouldn’t be sending any messages right now, do you even know who you are? What’s your name?” Shisui tried to take Sasuke’s phone, but Sasuke shoved his phone into his pocket before he could get to it. 

“I’m Sas’ke,” Sasuke replied. 

“Come on, you’re shit-faced,” Obito said. He shoved Sasuke into the backseat after Shisui had climbed into the car and made sure he had his seatbelt on before they were on their way. 

“So did you have fun?” Obito asked. His tone was hopeful.

“Yes,” Sasuke said slowly, carefully. He heard himself being discussed, things about his contacts and whether or not the spot on his shirt would come out in the wash, but he was too tired to have any input, or to care. He thought about his phone. Who had he even been messaging? That was a tomorrow Sasuke problem, he decided triumphantly. He was so smart.

***

Naruto was laughing behind his hand. “I still have those messages.”

“Really? Why, what fucking for? That was 15 years ago.” Sasuke closed his computer and reached across the table for Naruto’s phone. Yes, there they were.

**_NAAAARRRUTTTOOOO_ **

**_it’s my birthday :)_ **

**_i’ve never been out like this!!?_ **

**_it’s hot out here_ **

And it went on and on. Sasuke didn’t _remember_ , but Naruto was glad to tell him that he’d been sending messages the entire night in his DMs.

“You woke me up, yeah,” Naruto said, barely able to breathe. “And I had to turn off my notifications, we were sleeping. I looked at it when I woke up and I was about to piss myself.”

“It’s not funny, Naruto! I embarrassed myself and I don’t even remember that.” Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and opened his computer again to try to hide his shame. It didn’t work, Naruto was still laughing.

“I mean, was it really embarrassing if you don’t remember it?”

“Yes, because _you_ remember it.”

Naruto wiped at his eyes. “Ok, ok. Don’t be mad at yourself. You were clearly still very much in love with me,” Naruto said smugly.

Sasuke pointed his pen at Naruto angrily. “Don’t do that,” he whined. “I just can’t believe that you didn’t answer me.”

“I had other things to worry about, like my sister-in-law from Hell and my busted ass knee,” Naruto pointed out. He took a sip of what Sasuke discerned as nearly white coffee, and then a different look came over his face.

“You called Shikamaru when I didn’t contact you.” Naruto wasn’t asking.

“... Yeah.” There wasn’t any point in lying, even though it was embarrassing to admit. Somehow, telling Naruto that he was in love with him even when he was engaged to someone else was less shameful for Sasuke than something that had nothing to do with Naruto, on the surface.

“Did you ever really expect me to call? How long did you wait?” Naruto seemed to be less smug now. Sasuke would have enjoyed it if the subject of conversation had been different.

“I… the first day, I did,” Sasuke admitted. “And then I started thinking about you and the fact that you’d been talking to him. Like,” Sasuke twisted his pen around. “I heard you say that you love him, I knew you weren’t coming.” Sasuke shrugged. “And I was lonely. I mean, I’m not proud of it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Naruto closed Sasuke’s laptop and reached across the table to hold his hand. “I couldn’t have gone over, but I wish you weren’t lonely. And,” Naruto said, squeezing Sasuke’s hand before letting go, “I am glad that you have admitted that you were trying to manipulate me. Bad trait of yours. So glad that you grew out of that.”

“You just got smarter,” Sasuke quipped. “Let me see those again,” he said. He held his hand out and closed his fingers around Naruto’s phone when it was placed into his palm. These messages were from over ten years ago. “Why did you screenshot it? You could have, like, answered me instead of wasting time doing that.”

“I couldn’t have,” Naruto corrected him. “Me and Gaara were in a bad place, there was no way I could have answered you. And you were drunk, anyways. Who knows what the next message would have been?”

“Alright, don’t be an asshole.” Sasuke gave Naruto his phone again. “You’re really playing chivalrous right now… I don’t know how you can sit here and do that.” 

Naruto’s face was getting red. “Hey, hey. We aren’t there yet. Let me get married first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that this wasn’t so ugly to read for you as it was for me... ngl this really isn’t my favorite but i had no idea how to make it better. i know that i didn’t *have* to post today but... come on. so, i hope that it wasn’t as bad as i always think they are, and that someone found something to like about this mess


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i can really say is i am _sorry _sigh i didn’t mean to be away so long__

Even with Naruto’s terrible memory, he would never forget the day. He wouldn’t ever forget the grass, or the sun, or the way that Sasuke’s hair looked. He wouldn’t ever forget the way he almost reached for his heart, but didn’t. Or couldn’t. Something. It was the first time he’d seen Sasuke in two _more_ years, but somehow, the feeling was always the same. Stupid, giddy, hot excitement curling up tight in his veins as he watched Sasuke come closer and closer. 

It shouldn’t have been this way a week after his first year of marriage. Naruto had really just been glad that he’d remembered it. For once, it had just been the two of them, instead of _everyone else_. There was no media, there was no sister, there was no brother, there was no father or mother. Just Naruto, and Gaara, and something that they’d never done before. Naruto’s face was growing hot at the memory of it as he walked alone on this sidewalk. Would Sasuke see how red his face was? Would Sasuke even notice him? Naruto chewed his lip and slowed his pace as he saw that Sasuke was alone, too. He was wearing casual clothes; perhaps off work? Naruto shook his head to himself for a moment. It didn’t matter, either way. Why did he care? Would he ever not care?

Naruto turned to face the nearest storefront, looking idly at the mannequins as they modeled expensive suits and ties. He needed more clothes, anyway, he reasoned with himself. Anything to keep him from staring at Sasuke in his slow path to closing the distance between them. _Just don’t say anything_ , Naruto told himself. It was a normal thing, to pass people by on the street. It was a normal thing, to see people you know but to not say anything. It was a normal thing, to have your heart beating inside your shoes as they approached. 

He hadn’t had these feelings for two years, and a million years before that. Why did it always have to be like this? Every time, Naruto convinced himself that he was finally over it, and that his mind wasn’t in that space anymore. And, really, it wasn’t. He was _thinking_ about his husband, but his _heart_ was still somehow finding a way to beat frantically for Sasuke as he stopped short.

“Naruto?” Sasuke was surprised to see him.

It took everything in Naruto not to wince as he turned his head just slightly to see Sasuke pushing his sunglasses down his nose to get a better view, to make sure it was really him. And of course, it _was_ him. He could just never catch a break.

“Yeah, hi,” Naruto said stupidly. He pinched himself in his pocket so that he didn’t fidget. “Didn’t expect to see you out of your office during the day.”

Sasuke scoffed. “I’m not supposed to be,” he said. “Mom let me out of my cage for a few hours.” Sasuke turned his eyes to see what Naruto was looking at in the window. Naruto wondered when he would get to the level of confidence that Sasuke was at, had been at for years now. “Suits, hm? Fancy soccer dinners coming up?”

“Ah, no,” Naruto said too quickly. “I thought maybe you’d have heard by now. I retired.” 

Sasuke’s eyes drifted to Naruto’s knee. “Oh, right. I think I heard about that,” he said lightly. “Sorry to hear about your injuries and stuff.” Sasuke was fidgeting then, as if there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to voice. There it was. They were level now.

“So are you living in the area, now?” Naruto asked as casually as possible. He didn’t need to know this. He didn’t need to still be standing here. Sasuke was busy, he’d be busy soon, or something. 

“Yeah.” Sasuke nodded. “Finally got my own thing going.”

“Your own thing?” Naruto didn’t know why his mind shifted to Shikamaru. It should have upset him that he was so predictably stupid sometimes.

“My own place. I’m a homeowner.”

Naruto masked his sigh with a small chuckle. “Oh, yes. Mortgages. HOAs and stuff. I see.”

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. Naruto felt the dynamic shifting before Sasuke even spoke. “Are you still in the same place? It’s close by, right?”

Naruto nodded and didn’t speak. His phone was ringing in his pocket and he knew that it was Gaara. His husband. Naruto wondered when Sasuke would bring it up. If he’d heard about the retirement, he would know about Naruto’s marriage, too. It had been the same week. But here Sasuke was, expectant that Naruto would actually say something to him, rather than continue to stand there with this stupid look on his face. Not bringing it up and seemingly having no inclination to do so.

“Yes,” Naruto said eventually. “The same place.”

“That’s nice, that’s cool.” Sasuke looked at his watch, and Naruto felt so out of place in front of him. “I’m gonna have to start heading back soon.”

Naruto nodded once more and cleared his throat. “Well, if you’re around, I’ll probably see ya.” It was gratifying to be the one to end the conversation this time, knowing that the last time they’d spoken, Sasuke had been in full control.

Except that it was exhausting, Naruto thought as he opened the door to the shop and stepped inside. Each of their interactions always felt so _political_ and _calculated_. So many thoughts whirled in his mind when he laid his eyes on Sasuke. Should he step closer, or should he keep his distance? Should he mention the past, or keep it light? Should he bother to look Sasuke in the eye, should he even acknowledge him? “Fuck,” Naruto muttered to himself. It wasn’t worth it, was all he knew. 

But it was still in his mind when he returned home to Gaara, who had stopped waiting for him these days. It felt weird and empty in the house whenever Gaara went to Temari’s house. It was just Naruto’s luck that she had taken up residence in the neighborhood. At least she hadn’t moved in next door, Naruto always reminded himself. 

Before he went upstairs, Naruto stopped by the windowsill and checked on their plants. _Their_ plants. Naruto had never imagined that he’d enjoy these cacti, but they were a part of him now. His and Gaara’s family. They hadn’t ever spoken about expanding, but Naruto was fine with that.

Naruto waited for Gaara, which was a strange feeling. He was in a good mood when he came home. Naruto ambushed him at the door with a tight embrace that caused Gaara to make a sound like Naruto had knocked all his air out. 

“I— missed you, too,” Gaara coughed. “Tried to call you.” 

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. He’d forgotten to call Gaara back. Every time he’d thought about it, his next thought was of Sasuke’s eyes. Naruto cleared his throat. “Sorry. What’s that?” 

Gaara was holding a piece of paper in his fist. His eyes went down to it when Naruto pointed to it, and he suddenly seemed a little tense. “It’s from Temari,” he said. His voice sounded like he wasn’t going to offer very much else in terms of an explanation, but they both knew he wasn’t going to get away with it.

“Yeah? Well, what _is_ it?” Naruto repeated, this time with just the slightest edge. He was ever wary of Gaara’s sister. A year of marriage so far had not changed her opinion of Naruto. There had been a fight when Gaara told her that Naruto had seen and talked to Sasuke in Georgia. She had been _excited_ about it, so evil. It was what she’d been waiting for, the most visible crack that she could wedge into without being completely and utterly invasive. Gaara had chosen to stay with Naruto instead of going to Temari like he usually did. Naruto remembered that it made his chest swell when Gaara had hung up the phone and come to him instead of leaving.

Now, though, Temari was still at it. She always had a criticism for the _progress_ of their relationship.

“No new house?” 

“No pets?”

“No kids?”

There was a never-ending stream of negativity from her end, and Naruto didn’t even attempt to understand it anymore. She was looking harder, even, for a crack. One slip up and she’d be shoving the divorce papers at Gaara herself. Naruto eyed the paper in Gaara’s hands as he unfolded it and handed it to Naruto with a tired sigh.

Naruto hummed in discontent as he read over the paper. It was a flier for some resort far away, on an island. There were red circles scrawled over some parts of it, like the price and the duration. 

“So… Is this for us, or something? A vacation, to celebrate my retirement. Or the wedding, maybe. _A year_ out? Is your sister really being so nice?” Naruto raised an eyebrow when he brought his eyes up to Gaara’s. 

Gaara took his time answering, and seemed much more interested in his fingers wrestling in front of him. “No,” he said eventually, and Naruto let out an annoyed sound. Naruto sat on the sofa and threw the flier on the coffee table just as Gaara sat next to him. 

“She wants to take you with her. Away.” Naruto was not asking. He didn’t know why he was surprised by Temari and her tactics. Well. He supposed that he wasn’t surprised by her goal, just the means. A vacation? He shook his head and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Why does she want you gone right now? What’s the point?”

Gaara shrugged. “She said that she thinks I could use some… time.” He picked up the paper again and leaned into Naruto even though they were both tense. 

“Time for what?” Naruto asked into Gaara’s hair. His eyebrows were drawn together as he glared at the window, but he felt himself relaxing all the same. Every time Gaara came home, Naruto was relieved. He never knew what Temari said to her brother, and he never knew if one day it would be too much. But Gaara always told him that there was nothing that anyone else could say that would tear him from Naruto. Naruto could think of one person whose opinion might change Gaara’s mind, but he never brought it up when they talked about it.

“Time for family, or something.”

“You see her every other day,” Naruto pointed out. Gaara’s shoulders sagged.

“All of us, though,” Gaara clarified. “Her and Kankuro and Dad.”

“Rasa.” Naruto tried not to scowl at the curtains. “Am I not invited?”

Gaara tensed up again. Naruto let his arm fall from where he had wrapped it around Gaara’s shoulder, but Gaara didn’t stand. He shook his head, though, tickling Naruto’s nose and almost distracting him from what the action was confirming. “No.”

“Figured.” 

Gaara sat up then and fixed Naruto with sad eyes. “I don’t want to leave you, it’s stupid. It feels like it’s been two days, who cares if it’s been a year? Annoying. You are my family, we are a family now. You’re in it.”

“So you’re not going to go, then?” Naruto did nothing to keep the excitement from his voice. He also didn’t allow his mind to dwell on the prospect— no, it was a _fact_ that Kankuro and Temari and Rasa were his family now. He’d only end up getting upset all over again.

“I don’t know,” Gaara said after a moment. He was looking away again. Naruto waited as patiently as he could for Gaara to elaborate, because he knew that Gaara would. “It’s not like I want to be without you, I don’t. I tried to convince her to think about you, too, but she just wouldn’t.”

“… But?” Naruto knew it was coming.

“But… I haven’t seen Kankuro and Dad in a year and it had been even longer before then, and I miss them.” Gaara chewed his lip while Naruto processed what he’d said.

“You miss them.” Naruto supposed he understood. “Why don’t they come here? Stay at your sister’s? It’s big enough,” he suggested. “And then you wouldn’t have to leave,” he added. It was just so clearly malicious on Temari’s end. At this point, Naruto wasn’t sure if Gaara was just that naive, or if he was going along with it. If Minato and Kushina had planned a trip, Naruto would _assume_ Gaara was invited, because Gaara was invited. They considered him a part of their family. Naruto couldn’t understand how at this point, after an entire year of marriage and five years of a relationship before that, Gaara’s family could still manage to make him feel like an outsider. But they were _so_ good at it.

“I tried that, too, but Temari just insisted.” Gaara watched as Naruto stood from the sofa. “Wait, before you go.” Gaara caught Naruto’s wrist and caused him to turn around once more.

“Yeah?” Naruto tried hard to keep his irritation from showing. It wasn’t Gaara’s fault that his family was full of selfish hellions who cared nothing about the seriousness of their relationship. Gaara did his best to live in both worlds and fill all his roles, and Naruto admired that.

Gaara released Naruto’s wrist when he was certain that Naruto wasn’t going to retreat. He cleared his throat before he asked, “Why didn’t you answer my call?”

Fuck.

“I was just so wrapped up in some nice suits I saw,” Naruto said. He hated, _hated_ that it was so easy to lie about Sasuke. It was his second nature. It was his first choice. And he hated that even after all of this time, that Gaara would even ask. And with that tone of voice. The uncertainty.

But Gaara’s attitude shifted quickly, fast enough that Naruto didn’t have to dwell on the fact that he was lying. “How many times do I have to _beg_ you to stop spending money? We have projects, Naruto,” Gaara said, annoyed. Naruto almost felt bad that Gaara really seemed to believe him. 

“I didn’t buy anything, babe, I promise.” Naruto held his hands up. “Even though I don’t think we should be _renovating_ …” Naruto mumbled to himself. He did not miss the sharpness of Gaara’s eyes, but he did ignore it. “Did you do anything else at your sister’s house, besides plot to remove yourself from me?”

Gaara rolled his eyes and shook his head. “We cooked,” he said, seemingly ignoring Naruto’s petulance. He sighed deeply when Naruto raised an eyebrow. “We mostly talked about the trip.” 

Naruto fell back onto the sofa and echoed Gaara’s sigh. “So you were helping her, then? Planning and stuff? If you want to go, you can just tell me.”

Gaara shook his head fast. “No, I was just _asking_ ,” he insisted. “She seems to have been planning this for a while. There are a lot of details.”

“And who all will be going, again?” 

“Temari, Dad, Kankuro,” Gaara said, counting on his fingers. “Dad has this new weird hippie girlfriend, he will probably want to bring her.” 

Naruto grimaced. He wasn’t sure how anyone could be interested in Gaara’s father, but. 

“A lovely family affair,” Naruto said with slight bitterness. “What am I supposed to do while you’re gone?”

“I never said I was going,” Gaara said. Naruto closed his eyes so that he didn’t roll them. 

“Alright, ok. Let’s say that you _did_ go. What then, for me?”

Gaara shrugged, his expression beginning to edge on hopeless. “Wait for me to come back, the way that I wait for you?”

Naruto hummed, but didn’t respond out loud. They both knew that there was no way that he’d do that. He hadn’t even enjoyed waiting for Gaara _today_. A week or two was far too long. 

Too much time to himself.

When Gaara was asleep, Naruto allowed himself to finally think those words that had been scrambling at the edges of his mind for hours. 

**_If he leaves, what stops you from reconnecting with the boy?_ **

“Thank you,” Naruto mumbled to himself with annoyance. He hadn’t heard from the voice in years, but he wasn’t surprised. It was just like Kurama to pick a moment of intense emotional weakness to speak up. There were times in the past, when Naruto was on acid, that he would have conversations with Kurama. He’d stopped his habit, though, and the conversations had stopped, too.

It was more difficult now, because Gaara never slept in the other room. There were no more boundaries between them physically. It was a welcome change, surely, but some nights Naruto missed being able to spread himself all the way across the bed and cover his face with a pillow so that he might burn the image of Sasuke out of his mind. 

(This usually did not work, and Naruto would wake up covered in sweat, with ragged breath, and the pillow shoved firmly between his legs. And shame, lots of shame.)

**_Do you think that he will choose you over his family?_ **

“I am his family,” Naruto murmured. He felt Gaara shift against his front, and he tightened his hold on Gaara’s shoulders. “You don’t know everything.”

**_I know what is in your mind. You doubt him, and you doubt yourself._ **

“No, I don’t.” 

But he did. What would he do if Gaara left, and he knew that Sasuke was so close by? It would be nothing, really. It would be less than nothing. But Naruto shook his stupid head to ward off those stupid thoughts. If Gaara left, he’d do exactly as Gaara said: wait for him to come back.

The next time Naruto saw Sasuke was a month later. He had been avoiding that strip of street ever since he’d stumbled upon Sasuke that day, because he didn’t trust himself. The only reason he was on this street was because his physical therapy was here, and his knee was still healing from all of the breaking and tearing of its component parts.

“Naruto!” 

Naruto hummed to himself as he turned around. Why did he turn around? 

“Sasuke.”

Today, Sasuke was wearing his work attire. He was wearing glasses with darker lenses, and his suit was a deep blue. His shoes were dark, too, dark and rich brown. He had a pocket square the color of salmon and his tie had one of those clips on it. His cufflinks made Naruto blink hard a few times when they shone in his eyes. Then, Naruto blinked again because Sasuke’s grin was blinding.

“Hey. Haven’t seen you in a little bit. You look well.” Sasuke had stopped in front of Naruto. His energy was affable, and Naruto felt so weak when he returned Sasuke’s smile shakily.

“Yeah, um. Thank you. Had an appointment today.” Naruto decided not to give too many details, to start. He wanted Sasuke to _want_ to know before he told him.

“For your knees? Or…?” Sasuke’s voice held what seemed like genuine worry about Naruto’s health.

Nodding, Naruto shifted his weight from his bad knee to his good one. “Yes, those,” Naruto said. “Since I won’t be on them so much anymore, it’s time to get them back to form.”

Sasuke nodded. “That makes sense.” He was sweating, Naruto could see. Sasuke looked at his watch, just like he had last time.

“Somewhere to be?” Naruto asked before he could stop himself.

Sasuke shrugged. “Ah, I was just about to look at some suits in that place you were in. I still have, you know…”

“A job, yes.”

Sasuke made a sheepish face. “Yeah.” When Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together, Naruto’s did, too.

“What?” Naruto asked.

“You’re frowning,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto ran a hand over his face. “Am I? I’m fine.” Really, though, he sort of wasn’t. He was angry. He was thinking about Temari. Since a month had passed, Gaara had decided to ‘consider’ going on the trip, and Naruto grit his teeth now just thinking about it.

“You sure?” 

Fuck, Naruto thought. Please stop _caring_ so much.

“Yes,” Naruto said firmly.

“Alright, ok.” Sasuke’s eyes fell to Naruto’s pocket, because there was an alarm going off in it. “Somewhere to be?” Sasuke mocked.

Naruto rolled his eyes with no annoyance. It was funny. Would be, in any other circumstance. “My appointment,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke slapped his forehead. “Oh, yeah, shit. Sorry to keep you. Should be going now, too. Um… weren’t you going this way?” Sasuke pointed in front of himself.

“Yeah, it’s that way,” Naruto said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder. He could see it swirling behind Sasuke’s eyes before it came out of his mouth.

“Wanna walk together?”

They talked idly, but not about very much. Naruto didn’t want to ask Sasuke about anything too deep, but he felt himself dying to know. Whatever, whatever, Naruto thought. They reached the door of the suit store, and Naruto wished that it wasn’t having to end. He twisted his ring around on his hand, to remind himself of where he’d be going after his appointment.

“I hope you find something nice in there,” Naruto quickly. He was turning on his heel fast because he needed to get to his appointment and then home to Gaara to try to convince him to stay home. But Sasuke called out to him, and so Naruto turned around again.

“What’re you doing after that?” Sasuke asked. He gestured down in the direction Naruto was leaving in.

Naruto shrugged. “Going home, doing home stuff,” he said. 

**_Are you going to let him walk away from you?_ **

_Fuck off._

**_Say something to him._ **

_Fuck off._

“Hey, um, Sauce?” 

Naruto saw Sasuke’s fingers uncurl from around the door handle. “Yes?” When Sasuke’s eyes lifted to Naruto’s, Naruto knew he was making a mistake. He knew it, could feel it. But something _else_ was talking when Naruto next spoke.

“Do you wanna, like, catch up, sometime?”

Sasuke’s hand fell from the door and hung slack at his side. At this point, Naruto was going to have to reschedule this appointment. Naruto started fidgeting, wishing that Sasuke would just say something, anything even _no_. He was praying that Sasuke would say no, to prove this fucking voice in his head that this was a lost cause.

Sasuke pursed his lips for a moment. “Um. Sure, yeah. Sometime.” 

God damn it. Who was Naruto even more angry at? Himself, for posing the stupid ass question? Or Sasuke, for saying yes instead of spitting in his face?

“Cool, cool.” Naruto turned his ring over on his finger some more, and this time, when Gaara called him, he took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i do have a bit more to say lol
> 
> i really hope this isn’t so bad of a reintroduction to naruto’s point of view. i was trying to get him in the mind space of a married man and not just some high schooler, and not just some college student.. he’s older and has older struggles ((though we all know one that is a constant)), and i really hope that i was able to convey that. or begin to convey it, obviously there’s more to come!
> 
> please let me know what you thought, and how you feel about what naruto is going through lol


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun  
>  _they’re idiots ___

Gaara had been gone for two days. 

Sasuke messaged Naruto the third day, to ask if he had been serious before. 

**Naruto:** **_Yes, I was serious. Why wouldn’t I be?_ **

Naruto wished desperately to wipe the grin off of his own face every time Sasuke sent him a message, but it was in vain. He just couldn’t stop smiling at his phone like an idiot, like a fool. 

**Sasuke:** **_i don’t know, just wasn’t sure_ **

**Naruto:** **_You still text like a teenager._ **

**Sasuke:** **_you’re still annoying_ **

Naruto wasn’t sure how friendly to be. Sure, they had once been friends… something like ten years ago. Six, seven (it was definitely seven). But, anyways. They had been friends, once, and Naruto knew that. But then, all of the other stuff had happened; the cheating, the lies, the secrets, the separation, Naruto got _married_. Things were different and would never be the same, to include their dynamic. So he was going to let Sasuke lead.

 **Sasuke:** **_are you free tomorrow?_ **

Naruto chewed his lip. 

**Naruto:** **_I’m free all week._ **

He hated to say it. His hand clenched into a fist as he thought about it. Gaara had really, _really_ gone on that fucking cruise with his family. Naruto rolled his eyes at the ceiling and put his phone down for a moment. He turned over to face Gaara’s side of the bed. It smelled like him. Naruto missed his husband. He missed being able to curl around him and forget about the tumult in his own mind. He missed seeing Gaara come down the stairs wearing one of his shirts. He missed hearing Gaara remind him to water the plants every four days in the afternoon. Naruto grit his teeth.

 **Sasuke:** **_no therapy? that’s cool. and no home stuff?_ **

**Naruto:** **_No therapy, no home stuff._ **

It took Sasuke a while to reply. 

**Sasuke:** **_say, what exactly is… home stuff?_ **

Naruto quirked an eyebrow. Something about the question felt dangerous. But he had to be truthful, because nothing untoward was going to happen either way, right? Right. If he lied, it wouldn’t do any good. 

**Naruto:** **_Stuff with Gaara, usually. Plant stuff, laundry stuff, in-law stuff._ **

And then, Naruto didn’t hear from Sasuke for two more days. The _tomorrow_ Sasuke had been propositioning about came and went. Naruto was beginning to worry, like maybe he should have lied. But, no, he would next tell himself, why lie? He was a married man. He did not need to attempt to hide it from anyone. Even Sasuke. And why was he so excited, anyway? Why did it matter so much? He could see Sasuke on the street, he could see Sasuke anywhere. It didn’t matter if they never had the time to catch up, because they were living different lives by now. Sasuke’s business was Sasuke’s, just like Naruto’s was his own. 

But Naruto knew, just as soon as those thoughts crossed his mind, that they were lies. It wasn’t good enough to see Sasuke randomly on the street. He wanted to _talk_. He wanted to _express._ For whatever it was worth, he wanted to _feel_. 

Naruto was out when Sasuke messaged him again. He didn’t need any context to understand the question Sasuke posed. He was so exhausted with loathing for himself that he almost didn’t _care_ how happy it made him to see it. 

**Sasuke:** **_so it was true?_ **

**Naruto:** **_Yes. It’s true._ **

**Sasuke:** **_i see_ **

Sasuke didn’t like it, that much was evident. Naruto exercised his thinning self control and didn’t push it. Sasuke would either come to terms with it, or he wouldn’t. Perhaps, Naruto thought bitterly, this was his way out of this mess before it had even begun. 

There was still no reply by the time Naruto returned home with the groceries. _Groceries_. As though anyone would be home when he got back. It was the worst, the worst possible feeling to come home and not see Gaara waiting for him. It didn’t feel like home. It was just a house that he’d been sleeping in for almost a week now, cooking for himself and forcing himself to separate his lights from his darks. 

In the shower, Naruto closed his eyes. He was taking excessive showers this week, because it was the only place he could think without being reminded of either Gaara or Sasuke. He played his music loud, but he was silent. His mind was telling him two opposing things every five seconds, and he could only turn it off as he stepped underneath the water.

“Shit,” Naruto mumbled. A notification tone told him that Sasuke had finally replied. Oh, now he was thinking about Sasuke. Naruto was thinking about Sasuke’s eyes, his beautiful eyes. He thought about Sasuke’s hair, how soft it felt when he threaded his fingers into it. He thought about Sasuke’s body, how he carried himself different with age and success but still must have been the same underneath.

Naruto’s lip slid between his teeth as he felt the blood rising to his skin, all over. The water was scalding, but this heat had nothing to do with his reddening skin. Naruto wrapped a hand around himself shamelessly and began to let his mind wander to other parts of Sasuke, parts of him that he had not explored since they were teenagers. 

Sasuke’s lips on his. On his neck, on his chest. Where his hand was now, tugging with little mercy. 

Sasuke’s thighs, so smooth and inviting as he spread them wide.

Sasuke’s fingers, digging hard into Naruto’s shoulders as he pushed in deep, deeper, deepest.

Sasuke’s body, glorious on the inside, taking him and holding him until Naruto thought he wouldn’t be able to ever leave. And he didn’t want to.

Naruto released his lip from his teeth to growl as he came down the drain. It was useless, really. There wasn’t one scenario where he would be over it, as long as they kept contact. And here they both were, the most persistent that they’d ever been. Naruto couldn’t blame Sasuke for replying to him, because he replied, too. But was Sasuke as desperate as Naruto was to talk? It was hard to tell. Sasuke had always been hard to read. 

**Sasuke:** **_congratulations_ **

Naruto snorted at this. He could read _that_.

 **Naruto:** **_Thank you._ **

Tapping his fingers against his bare thigh, Naruto contemplated ruining his own life. Gaara would not be home for another few days, at least two. Naruto would be here, alone. Nothing to do but take care of himself and try vainly to keep his mind off of his husband’s absence.

 **Naruto:** **_So do you still want to catch up, or whatever?_ **

**Sasuke:** **_sure, if you want. where at?_ **

Naruto glanced around the bedroom. There were still traces of Gaara here, in the clothes that Naruto had forgotten to put away and the pictures strewn across the room. Naruto's heart was beating wildly when he replied.

 **Naruto:** **_Over here? Are you in the area? It’s just me._ **

Foolish.

 **Sasuke:** **_well not really, but i can make the trip if it’s what you want_ **

**Naruto:** **_Yes. Come._ **

And then, an entire thirty minutes later, a sweaty-palmed Naruto was rubbing his right hand over his thigh while his left hand turned the knob. He tried hard to mask his sigh, but he was sure that Sasuke still heard it. 

_Sasuke_. And so close, once again. They had been close enough on the street before, but this wasn’t open air. Naruto felt his own breaths catching in his throat as he watched Sasuke survey his home, his decorations, his plants. He asked Sasuke if he wanted something to drink, but Sasuke declined. He still followed Naruto to the kitchen, his entire expression sharp.

“Why here.”

When Sasuke turned around from examining the photos on stuck to Naruto’s fridge, his eyes were hard. Though his voice was low, Naruto still felt something sharp in his mind. Something telling him to defend himself. He did what he knew best. Deflected.

“Aren’t you happy to see me, Sauce?” Naruto chanced a step closer, and Sasuke put the same amount of distance between them with a step back. Naruto wasn’t used to looking directly at Sasuke’s eyes like this anymore.

Sasuke turned his head away from Naruto and closed his eyes. “You’re married,” Sasuke said quietly. 

“That isn’t what I asked you,” Naruto reminded him. Naruto took another step closer, and this time Sasuke did not attempt to retreat, probably because there was a counter at his back. He did, however, cross his arms to guard himself.

Sasuke cast his eyes upon Naruto again, and there was anger there. “Of course I’m happy to see you… what do you want me to say? Would I have come if I didn’t want to see you?” Sasuke’s voice was at a regular level now, but since he’d been whispering before, it sounded like he was shouting. It was deafening in Naruto’s ears, the mounting anger in Sasuke’s voice.

“I want you to mean it,” Naruto said. Both of his hands came to bracket Sasuke’s hips so that he wouldn’t try to wiggle away again. Naruto would let him go if he wanted to, but Sasuke, for all of his angry glares, did not seem inclined to move. What was in Naruto’s head, where was his mind? Putting his hands so very close to Sasuke’s body wasn’t smart.

“This isn’t the place for this,” Sasuke said. He was defiant, now, and he kept his eyes on Naruto’s. Something in Naruto’s mind almost asked why Sasuke had come.

Naruto averted his own eyes for a moment before looking at Sasuke again. “This is my house.”

“Exactly. The house that you share with your _husband_ ,” Sasuke said. Naruto saw him grit his teeth before he shoved himself free from the cage of Naruto’s arms. He stood a little ways away. It was always about power, control for Sasuke. He had been fine to stand where he was, but he didn’t want Naruto in control of him.

Naruto ignored the comment about his marital status and asked instead, “If not here, then where?”

Sasuke shrugged. His arms were still crossed. “Maybe this isn’t really something that should even be happening.”

Annoying. It was annoying that Sasuke would come all this way just to say this, and it was made only worse by the way that Sasuke looked. He’d just come from work, and his suit was fitted. He was wearing contacts, for whatever reason. He was still too pale to be living in California. Naruto chewed his lip as he tried to think of something to say.

Sasuke took Naruto’s silence for submission, or something, because he decided to continue talking. “Maybe it’s wrong for me to talk to you, _married_ , when he’s not here. You could have invited me over when he was here, if it’s only talking. This could wait.”

“It’s only talking,” Naruto reiterated. It could not wait. “Why wouldn’t it be only talking?” 

“Because you—” Sasuke huffed a breath and shook his head. “Why do you want me _here_ , I will ask again.”

“It's the easiest thing,” Naruto said simply. Sasuke raised an unimpressed eyebrow, spurring Naruto to elaborate. “I just mean… I knew you were here. I knew you’d be close, close enough, and I wanted to catch up. Why go someplace else when my house is so close?” No need to mention that people would be taking pictures, and he’d be lucky if none surfaced of this, alone. No need to mention that he was a public figure, and the press would enjoy nothing more than to exploit the cracks in this relationship and show them to the world even more than Naruto already felt them at home.

Sasuke still wasn’t satisfied. “The easiest thing,” he repeated. Naruto saw him roll his eyes. “That’s all? To catch up? We could have texted.” Though his eyes were still like steel, Sasuke’s voice was hesitant.

“Yeah, to catch up.” Naruto nodded at this. “And I…” Would he really open his mouth to say the words? Sasuke’s face screwed slightly in confusion when Naruto hesitated.

“I missed you…?”

Naruto’s voice turned up at the end of his sentence when he felt Sasuke’s chest on his.

“If that’s so, why did you get married? And why didn’t you send me an invitation? I don’t even know why I’m standing here.” Sasuke was still angry, Naruto could tell, but at this proximity it was hard to make sense of anything except the fact that Sasuke’s eyes were asking him for something he couldn’t give anymore. To tell a truth that he couldn’t say anymore. 

“I,” Naruto breathed, “I love him. He was there for me when you weren’t. And I knew that it’d be a waste of paper and postage to invite you. You wouldn’t have come.” Naruto’s eyes watched Sasuke’s fingers as they trailed up and down his bare arm. He wished he’d put on something else before Sasuke had showed up. Sasuke’s hand eventually came to rest on Naruto’s shoulder. “But you’re here now because that’s the past, and I miss my… friend.”

“There for you when I wasn’t,” Sasuke repeated, mulling it over. He made a thoughtful sound just as his sneaky fingers ran underneath Naruto’s shirt sleeve. “But, you said it yourself.” So close, Naruto thought he might be able to feel Sasuke’s eyelashes as he blinked. “I’m here now.”

How did it always come to this? Naruto was always so staunch in his own mind. _No_ , he’d say, _we can’t._ The words changed, but the reason didn’t. They couldn’t because they knew what would happen. The stakes were always too high, but Naruto always found himself risking it all.

“It’s a good thing,” Naruto said, tearing himself from Sasuke’s hold. It _hurt_ to pull away, when all he wanted was to go to Sasuke and stay there. Damn it, Naruto thought. After years, it was still so easy. Naruto grumbled to himself as he went to sit on the sofa. He expected Sasuke to follow, but when he turned his head, Sasuke was still standing where he’d been before.

“This…” Sasuke was at a loss for words. He was holding a picture frame. Naruto twisted his wedding ring around his finger as he watched Sasuke look sorrowfully at the picture. Sasuke had been right. This _wasn’t_ the place for this, but it was too late now. “I’m terribly upset that I couldn’t make it to… witness this moment.” Naruto knew exactly the picture Sasuke was gazing at. It was of him and Gaara at their wedding. “Was he always so short?”

Naruto lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t even remember,” he said. His eyes followed Sasuke across the room until he was seated next to Naruto on the couch.

“You say you wanted me here to catch up,” Sasuke said. He took his shoes off and put his feet up on the couch, and Naruto let him. He wondered how tiring being a lawyer could really be, but he knew that he could never do it. “So.” Sasuke’s hands moved in a circle. “Let’s catch up.”

“Oh. Yeah. Uh. How is your Mom?” Naruto’s voice was hopeful. He knew that it was unlikely he’d get anything real out of Sasuke, but it didn’t hurt to try. There were so many things he’d wanted to know, before Sasuke showed up, but now his mind was blank.

“She’s good. We went into practice together,” Sasuke said. He seemed distracted by the links on the cuffs of his expensive suit. “We used to do the same sort of cases, but now she does the criminal stuff. I do the family stuff.”

“Family?”

“Divorce, custody,” Sasuke said, waving a dismissive hand. “Seeing other people going through bad things reminds me that I could always have it worse.” Sasuke loosed the buttons on the front of his suit jacket and then slid it off his shoulders. Naruto blinked hard but forced himself to ignore the way Sasuke was getting so comfortable. “I see your name on TV sometimes,” Sasuke said, after he’d carefully laid his suit jacket over the back of the couch. 

“Oh yeah?” Naruto grinned. “Might it be for my philanthropy?”

“No, loser,” Sasuke said with a slight eye roll. “It’s because of your records and stuff. All the points you earned. The kids are trying hard to beat your legacy.”

Naruto stretched. “I see, I see.” He nodded. Sasuke was paying attention to him, on his own time. Naruto felt his heart in his toes.

“I always thought you were going to kill yourself out there,” Sasuke said. His tone was serious now where he’d been joking before. Naruto quirked an eyebrow.

“I was fine,” Naruto said. “I only got injured—”

“Three times,” Sasuke said.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. “Give or take. How do you know that?”

“Didn’t I just say that I watch you on the TV?” Sasuke ground out. A bit of venom.

“Oh. Yes.” Naruto sat back against the arm of the couch and ran a nervous hand over one of his thighs. It would be fine, he promised himself, they wouldn’t do anything but talk for a little while longer. “Been thinking of coming out of retirement.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? _Why?_ ” He asked, breaking Naruto from his careful concentration of anything except the way Sasuke’s shirt was clearly too tight.

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “I have a lot of energy, and I think I came out of it too soon.” 

“And how does _he_ feel about this?” Sasuke pressed. He had sat up straighter and was now closer to Naruto, but a respectable distance.

“I haven’t told him yet. I’m going to assume that he will wish that I’d give it some more time and thought,” Naruto said. “But, everyone always tells me that. I’ve been alright so far.” Naruto rolled his eyes once more at the fact that Gaara was gone, and all they seemed to do when he was home was argue. He hadn’t brought up his desire to go back to the league because it would only cause a fight. If not with Gaara, with Temari, vicariously.

“Flying by the seat of your pants.” Sasuke shook his head. He ran a hand into his hair and held it a fist before releasing it. “Tell me the real reason.”

Naruto scoffed. “That is the real reason. I can’t just sit around, get an office job. I have to do something with myself.” Naruto’s hands were shaking as he spoke. He hoped Sasuke didn’t notice.

“You’re a very bad liar,” Sasuke said. 

What was the real reason?

He was unhappy. He needed to get out of here sometimes, when he couldn’t stand to wait for Gaara when he knew that Temari was planting poisonous seeds in his mind. He needed something to _do_ during the day. Gaara was looking for work now, and Naruto knew that when their dynamic shifted, he’d be lonely and with nothing to keep himself entertained. After all this time, he still did not have very many _friends_. He knew that Hinata and Kiba were close enough, but they were the last people he wanted to spend his time with on a given day. There wasn’t anything else for him to do but exercise. He may as well make some money for it, right? It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about to _anyone_. But if he did, it should have been with his husband, and not Sasuke.

In the silence that stretched between them, Sasuke released Naruto’s hand and played with his own in his lap. His face was pensive as he sat. Eventually, he looked to Naruto again, and this time there was pleading there.

“Tell me what you like about him?”

“About Gaara?”

Sasuke nodded and looked back down to his wrestling hands. It was only an invitation. He didn’t have to tell Sasuke anything.

“He makes me much better than I ever was,” Naruto said. His voice was low. He closed his eyes and saw Gaara where Sasuke sat, telling him about succulents and the life he’d lived before. He saw Gaara’s gorgeous green eyes, so wide as he asked Naruto what his day had been like. He saw Gaara’s red hair that he needed to get cut soon. He saw Gaara’s love for him, and his understanding that some things took time. He saw himself with Gaara today and tomorrow. The next day? A year from now? Naruto felt his heart twist dangerously. Things weren’t going the way that he’d hoped.

“He has never given me any reason not to trust him. He is gentle, he is kind. He doesn’t call me a _loser_ ,” Naruto added, flicking his eyes open to see Sasuke scoff and shake his head before letting them fall shut again. Naruto felt the ring on his left hand. It was heavy now.

“Does he make you happy?” Sasuke asked. Naruto opened his eyes again. 

“Of course.”

“Happier than I made you?” 

Naruto didn’t know how Sasuke had gotten this close to him. He could see that the first button of Sasuke’s shirt was undone, and it exposed just enough of his skin to make Naruto crave more, but also not enough to make him lose his wits. Naruto kept his hands folded in his lap even as Sasuke drew himself closer. “I can’t compare the two of you,” Naruto said slowly. Two could play the game of not directly answering questions.

“You could try,” Sasuke said. Naruto felt a hand on his shoulder, and then his back was hitting the arm of the couch again. This time, though, Sasuke followed Naruto’s body down so that he was hovering just slightly above him. Naruto was itching to touch, but he did not.

“I don’t want to,” Naruto said, shaking his head slightly. “You are you, wonderful you, and he is him, wonderful him. I have loved you both in different ways.”

“We are not the same,” Sasuke snorted. He closed the distance between his hips and Naruto’s, causing Naruto to let out a heavy sigh. Sasuke spread his hands out across Naruto’s chest.

“I kn—” Naruto had been trying to speak as he _watched_ his demise coming closer to him. His eyes followed Sasuke’s down until he closed them on instinct and wrapped an arm around Sasuke’s middle. It had been seven years since Naruto had felt this body on his, since he had felt these lips kissing him, this tongue pushing past his teeth. Seven entire years, and some change.

But it felt like the very first time. 

Naruto’s fingers gripped the hair at the base of Sasuke’s neck tight, brushing against the chains Sasuke wore, just as Sasuke’s hands were creeping up Naruto’s shirt. Every touch from Sasuke was like a firecracker going off against Naruto’s skin. He wanted Sasuke so badly. 

They were both breathing heavily when Sasuke sat up again. “Does he kiss you like that?”

“ _Sasuke_ ,” Naruto whined, “don’t.” 

Sasuke rode over Naruto’s lap hard one time, jolting all of Naruto’s attention onto him. “Tell me,” he said. 

“No,” Naruto breathed, shaking his head. Sasuke’s eyes held that emotion again, that look that was asking Naruto for something he couldn’t give, no matter how badly he wanted to, _needed_ it.

“We can’t do this,” Naruto said. He sat up straight, and he had hoped that it would make Sasuke slide back onto the couch, but Sasuke instead wrapped his legs around Naruto’s waist tight so that he wouldn’t fall.

“Do what? We’re catching up, isn’t that what you wanted?” Sasuke laid a hand over Naruto’s cheek, which was burning hot red.

“I’m married,” Naruto said. The ring got heavy again on his finger.

“Yes,” Sasuke said, “we went over that.” He made a decisive sound and extracted himself from Naruto’s lap. He retrieved his suit jacket from the back of the sofa and stood to put it back on. “Thank you for inviting me to your home,” Sasuke said professionally.

“You’re leaving?” Naruto didn’t try to mask the hopelessness from his voice.

“We don’t want to make a mistake, do we?” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. Naruto stood, too, a little too close to Sasuke.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Naruto said. “You don’t have to go, we can talk. Just talk.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I can’t talk to you,” he said flatly. 

“Why?” Naruto followed Sasuke to the front door and leaned against the frame while Sasuke kept his back turned to Naruto. When he turned around, there were tears in his eyes. 

“Because I love you too much,” Sasuke said shakily.

“Sasuke, I…” Naruto’s voice trailed off just as Sasuke lifted a hand weakly. What was he supposed to do with that? He couldn’t say it back, though there was something dangerous in his veins telling him to. He couldn’t reach out, he couldn’t be what Sasuke needed in this moment.

“Do. Not.” Sasuke snuffed hard and drew in a steadying breath. “Thanks, really. Congratulations on your marriage.” 

Naruto felt a thread being pulled out of his heart with each step that Sasuke took away from him. It was just like the day Sasuke had graduated all over again, only this time the pain was deeper. Time was supposed to heal all wounds. It only served to open Naruto’s up and leave them to bleed. Naruto clicked the door shut and leaned heavily against it before sliding down until he hit the floor. His heart was hot, so hot that he felt that it might burn a hole through his chest. He ran a hand over his face in frustration. He hadn’t wanted it to go like that. Sasuke was supposed to come and talk to him, tell him how things were going, and they would be friends again soon. Naruto being married wasn’t supposed to matter to Sasuke so much. 

But he couldn’t really ask that of Sasuke, who had risked his life to ensure that he’d have Naruto by his side by now. Naruto grit his teeth as the lump in his throat grew heavier. Of course him being married would matter. Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship had always been a matter of life and death. Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. Stupid, stupid. Did he really think that either of them would have the capacity to just sit and _talk_? Naruto could slap himself. He touched his face and let his hand fall back down in a fist when he felt tears there. He wasn’t allowed to cry. He was supposed to be happy, his life was _good_. He was married and Gaara loved him, his knee was healing and he was about to start playing soccer again. He was far from home, but home was anywhere he wanted it to be, now.

Naruto scoffed to himself. That wasn’t true. Home was _still_ where Sasuke was.

Standing shakily, Naruto thought that maybe if he went to sleep he’d be over it faster. But his mind would not let his feet take steps away from the door. He turned to face it again, imagining Sasuke there, on the verge of tears. He imagined Sasuke walking away from him, in this age and in another, and he couldn’t. He could _not_. Naruto felt like it was someone else that threw the front door open again, hopeless, helpless, needing Sasuke so badly that he didn’t think he’d ever need anything else.

Sasuke’s eyes were wide when Naruto opened the door to reveal him there, on the step, his hand poised to knock. His hand fell to his side and his lips parted for a moment before he remembered himself. “I just…” Sasuke looked away as his voice trailed off. Naruto shook his head and dragged Sasuke back inside by his arm.

As soon as the door was closed again, Naruto pushed Sasuke’s back against it. He wanted to say the words, they were burning a hole in his throat as they traveled to the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t. All Naruto could do was hope that Sasuke understood when he kissed him. All Naruto could do was pray that Sasuke knew what he wanted to say when he held him close by his waist and dug his fingers into his hips.

“You’re going to mess it up,” Sasuke said breathily, shoving Naruto away from him. He took off his suit jacket just as carefully as he had before, though this time he held it in a fist instead of laying it anywhere. Naruto could only roll his eyes at Sasuke before he felt Sasuke wrapping around him.

“You’re stupid,” Naruto said against Sasuke’s neck. 

“It was expensive,” Sasuke stuttered out.

Naruto could hear that Sasuke’s breathing was already getting ragged when he pushed him down onto the sofa. Sasuke briefly left him to lay his very expensive jacket on a different chair, and then he slid himself onto Naruto’s lap the way he used to when they were younger. Naruto felt it in his knee now, but he didn’t complain. Sasuke’s weight on him was a welcome one. It was the kind of thing where you didn’t know you needed something until you got it. Naruto’s hands came to Sasuke’s waist again, rougher this time. Sasuke was looking down at Naruto carefully, and Naruto watched the way Sasuke’s eyes grew hooded when he sat back.

“In charge, ‘s that it?” Naruto thought Sasuke’s body might corrode his skin. Every part of him was just so _hot_.

Sasuke scoffed. “When am I not?” He didn’t give Naruto a chance to give the answer they were both thinking. Instead, he pulled himself free from Naruto’s hands and situated himself between Naruto’s knees on the floor in front of him. Sasuke’s thumb ran a rough line over a scar Naruto had from surgery. He made a thoughtful sound before drawing his attention away from Naruto’s past injuries. Sasuke ran a tentative hand from the inside of Naruto’s thigh to where his shorts tied together. Naruto hummed low in his throat, but he was patient. There was no rushing Sasuke.

Though his fingers were deft, Sasuke still took his time untying Naruto’s shorts. Naruto was twisting his ring while he waited, an idle habit he’d picked up. Sasuke stopped what he was doing just as his fingers had hooked beneath the waistband of both Naruto’s and his underwear. “Take it off,” Sasuke instructed. Naruto thought Sasuke meant his pants, but Sasuke laid his right hand over Naruto’s left when Naruto attempted to take them off. “This,” Sasuke said, pinching the ring between his fingers and tugging it. “Take it off.”

Naruto pulled his hand away. He turned it so that he was looking at the palm, and then the back again. “I can’t,” Naruto mumbled eventually.

Sasuke sat up straight on his knees where he had been leaned forward. “Is it because your marriage is just so important to you?” 

Naruto’s eyes fixed on his finger. He closed his eyes as he slid the ring off and placed it blindly, with a clink, on the coffee table in front of him. Sasuke made a triumphant sound, and then he shoved Naruto’s pants and underwear down to his thighs. There would be time to think about it later, when Naruto wasn’t so intoxicated by the look on Sasuke’s face between his legs.

A perfectionist, Sasuke had always been. He worked hard for his grades, he’d worked hard to get his degrees and pass the bar exam. He worked hard in the courtroom, whether his client was right or wrong. And he was working very hard right now, driving Naruto ever so slowly closer to the edge. Seven years had put this sensation nearly out of his memory, but not quite. He remembered the first time he’d ever seen Sasuke like this, and he had to close his eyes. Naruto’s head fell back when he felt himself hit the back of Sasuke’s throat. Sasuke’s free hand reached for Naruto’s. At first, Naruto thought Sasuke wanted to hold his hand, but when he sat up he saw that Sasuke was guiding his fingers into Sasuke’s hair. Naruto groaned and squeezed his eyes shut again. He fisted Sasuke’s hair more for Sasuke than for himself. He knew that Sasuke wanted it, needed it.

Sasuke’s voice was _rough_ when he pulled off of Naruto. He stumbled as he stepped back to unhook his belt and take it off. He kept it wrapped around his fist as he opened his pants and shoved them down until he could step out of them. He left his underwear, because he knew that Naruto wanted to do that part. After he opened up his shirt, Sasuke sat on Naruto’s lap again and ground out a heavy breath. Naruto wanted to take his time in exposing Sasuke’s skin, but he couldn’t. There was no time. Sasuke shifted to the side so that he might be able to kick off his underwear when Naruto was finished dragging them down slowly. He pressed down onto Naruto’s lap, and Naruto knew what he wanted.

Sasuke hummed around Naruto’s first two fingers. Naruto felt Sasuke’s teeth against his knuckles, and it made him laugh. “You don’t usually use your teeth,” Naruto remarked. Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together and Naruto winced when Sasuke harshly scraped one of his knuckles with his teeth. He seemed ready to say something rude when Naruto took his fingers from his mouth, but then Naruto pressed both of his fingers inside, and he was rendered speechless. Sasuke’s free hand gripped Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto wondered what he was trying to do with that belt in his other hand. Sasuke kissing him distracted him from that and pulled all of his attention toward hearing Sasuke make those sounds, those noises Naruto hadn’t heard in seven years. 

Sasuke did not disappoint. It was the same, but _better_ , more desperate. Even when he wasn’t saying words, he was still trying to prove something to Naruto. He could pretend to not know what Sasuke was working so hard to convey, but that would only be disingenuous. Naruto knew that with every movement, every rough kiss, every heated touch, every _sound_ he emitted, Sasuke was trying to make Naruto remember. He was trying to make Naruto remember the way it had been, so long ago, before everything changed. Before the distance, before the lies, before the arguments, before everything was pushed to a point where nothing could ever be the same.

And Naruto wanted to remember. He couldn’t help but remember. But his eyes caught sight of his silver wedding ring, and it came to his mind once again that nothing could ever be the way it was before. Would it hurt to pretend, just a for a little?

When Naruto pulled his fingers free, he went to grasp Sasuke’s hips, but Sasuke shook his head. “Ah ah,” Sasuke said wickedly. He took both of Naruto’s wrists and held them above his head. “No touching.” Sasuke wrapped Naruto’s wrists with the belt loosely, lazily. He knew that Naruto wouldn’t protest to whatever he wanted to do, and he was right. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Naruto muttered. Sasuke pretended not to hear and instead slotted their lips together. Naruto’s thighs tensed when he felt Sasuke’s hand wrap around him. Sasuke leaned his head against Naruto’s shoulder, his chest heaving. Naruto drew in a sharp breath when their hips met. 

“I’ll gladly be the death of you,” Sasuke said raggedly. “You’ve nearly been the death of me.” He tightened the hold that the belt had on Naruto’s wrists when he felt Naruto trying to touch him. Naruto felt a shiver run up his spine. He wanted to be here forever, feel this feeling forever. He thought vaguely about the fact that this was all happening unprotected, but that slipped fast from his mind when Sasuke held onto Naruto’s shirt tight for support as he started to ride him.

Naruto wanted to touch Sasuke so badly. He wanted to dig his fingers into Sasuke’s skin, scratch over Sasuke’s chest, grip Sasuke’s thighs. Having his hands tied forced Naruto to pay attention to what was in front of him. Sasuke’s eyes were closed and his head was thrown back, exposing his throat. Naruto wished he’d come closer, so that he could put a little color on it. The chains there only made it more obvious that Sasuke needed some marks. Naruto’s eyes trailed down to Sasuke’s shirt, which seemed much too expensive for him to be sweating in. It was open, and Sasuke’s skin was all taut over his stomach and chest. Naruto ran his tongue over his lips lightly. He wanted to eat Sasuke alive. His eyes came down to where their bodies were joined, obscured by the hem of Sasuke’s open shirt and the fact that Naruto was sitting at an angle. Naruto loved that Sasuke took charge of him, made Naruto do _his_ bidding, made Naruto fuck him the way that _he_ liked.

“Does he do it like this?” Sasuke spoke gruffly. He fisted Naruto’s t-shirt tighter. 

“Sasuke—”

“ _Tell me_.” Sasuke’s voice broke in the middle of his words. “Tell me if he’s ever fucked you like this. Tell me if it’s ever felt like this.” Sasuke cut himself off a few times to curse under his breath. The hold on the belt was loosening because Sasuke was so focused on how hard he was grinding his hips down, and Naruto took the opportunity to free himself and dig his fingernails hard into Sasuke’s hips. Sasuke’s breaths stuttered out as Naruto took control of their movements, growing higher and higher in pitch.

“You wanna know so bad? No, he hasn’t.” Naruto pulled Sasuke closer by his other arm and he attached his mouth to Sasuke’s skin. “He hasn’t, it hasn’t. Nothing ever has.” Naruto wasn’t sure if Sasuke had heard him with how loud he was being now.

Sasuke kept saying _please_ , over and over, but Naruto didn’t know what Sasuke was asking for. Naruto released Sasuke’s hip and ran his fingers into his hair hard. Sasuke whined and he started moving against Naruto, meeting him in the middle every time. Sasuke moaned something about how close he was. He wrapped his arms around Naruto’s shoulders just as Naruto was pulling Sasuke’s hair back so that he could grunt against his throat. “Do it, do it, need it.” Naruto knew that if he hadn’t been wearing his shirt, he’d be feeling the way Sasuke’s nails were digging into his back a lot more than he was. Still, he knew there would be marks there. Now, the only thing that mattered was that Sasuke’s thighs were tightening around Naruto’s waist, and his body was convulsing on the inside. So tight, so hot, so wet, and so much need. 

Sasuke bit down on Naruto’s bottom lip as he came. Naruto’s body was shaking as Sasuke’s stopped moving over him. Sasuke breathed heavily. Naruto worried about Sasuke’s asthma. Did he still have asthma? Naruto’s hands let Sasuke free and he fell back hard against the back of the couch. Sasuke placed a hand on Naruto’s chest for leverage so that he could stand up. His legs were wobbling as he retrieved his clothes carefully. Naruto saw the deep red marks that he’d put in Sasuke’s skin as Sasuke pulled his underwear back up. Naruto’s eyes flicked up to Sasuke’s eyes to see that Sasuke was watching him.

“Your shirt,” Sasuke said. He nodded his head in Naruto’s direction as he buckled his belt. 

Naruto shrugged. He leaned forward to slide his wedding ring back on his finger. “I’ll get over it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoilers: naruto will not get over.   
> they're the worst kind of stupid and i do formally apologize for anyone who really really really didnt want them to cheat... my bad  
> in all honesty i just hope that they can fix themselves before they end up destroying everyone around them! because then what's left? nothing!!
> 
> as always, please tell me what you thought, what you think will happen next, and how this one made you feel. thanks for the read!! 💓


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all, welcome back to dysfunction
> 
> just a little more.. red

He just didn’t want it to be true. 

Who ever does?

He wanted what Naruto had promised. He wanted the words that they’d said to each other, the feelings that he’d seen in Naruto’s eyes. He’d only been in _one_ relationship before he got with Naruto. That had ended amicably, with no fighting or malice. They simply hadn’t had the same vision anymore. 

This was not that. 

It wasn’t even like they were fighting, or even arguing. They were disagreeing about things, but that was to be expected. No relationship existed without minor problems. It was just that Gaara could _feel_ Naruto, and this wasn’t the same feeling. Before, he had been secure in the fact that Naruto was close to his heart, and he was close to Naruto’s. They were _together_ , no matter the distance. It was useful to know when Naruto was across the country, or across an ocean. And yet.

And yet. 

Despite this, despite the fact that Naruto spent a majority of their relationship far away, it was only now that Gaara began to feel Naruto slipping away. 

He had hoped that this time away would help them clear their minds, would make them miss each other and stole something in them, some feeling that they’d once had before. He knew that leaving with his family at such a contentious time, instead of staying with Naruto and _talking_ about it, wasn’t the best choice. Alright. But he was tired of it, he was tired of the tension between Naruto and Temari. He couldn’t act like that was the only problem they were having, or the most monumental one, either. But it was what he was sick of the most right now. He was sick of coming home only to want to leave again, because Naruto wouldn’t stop making those comments. He was tired of leaving only to want to go _back_ again, because he loved Naruto too much to listen to his sister talk like this about his boyfriend. Ah, fiancé. 

His _husband_.

Naruto was his lawfully wedded husband, it was that simple. Even a year out, it was hard to remember that sometimes. They were _married_. They weren’t dating, they weren’t engaged. Gaara released a sigh as a bird flew over his head. Naruto, his husband. When they woke up next to one another, and Naruto gave Gaara that _look_ , like he’d hung the sun up just for him, it almost felt worth it. When they did little things, like purchasing new plants or went over the renovations they wanted to do on the house or watched something on Animal Planet about cats, it almost felt worth it. When Naruto didn’t insult his sister, and Temari didn’t insult his husband, it almost felt worth it.

And then, the thoughts would begin to creep.

Always slow, at first. Gaara might have been pouring himself and Naruto some tea, or folding their clothes, or simply waiting for Naruto to return from practice or the season. He would be silent, and there would be silence. It’s what he enjoyed, so that he could allow himself time to process all of his thoughts without distraction. It came up suddenly, after he would settle into his chair or next to Naruto or on the edge of the bed.

**_Do you really believe that he thinks of only you?_ **

Gaara used to jolt when the voice would come, but he endured the thoughts with no outward reaction now. 

_Why do you keep asking?_

He had given up on figuring out who or what the voice was long ago. This was the same voice that had told him that Lee was slipping away, the same voice that had told him to warn Temari about Shikamaru and Sasuke. It was an evil, that was all he knew.

**_You are ignoring what is right in front of you._ **

_He is right in front of me. He’s next to me, and he will be next to me for the rest of my life._

**_There are things he still isn’t telling you._ **

Gaara would glance at Naruto then if he was there, over the rim of his mug or across the room while Naruto was rambling about how these kids these days were trying to do too many fancy tricks on the field. Gaara felt his heart beating erratically as Naruto went on and on, or when he sat in silence, when Naruto was far away. He was in love with Naruto, and Naruto was in love with him. It had to be true. It had to be real.

_I don’t believe you._

**_You’re a fool._ **

_I don’t care._

It was hard to fight with a voice in your head when they could hear your thoughts, but Gaara made himself manifest positivity. If there was something Naruto wasn’t telling him now, he’d tell him later. If there was something that they needed to talk about, they’d talk about it later. 

Except now, Gaara found himself away from Naruto and with the same thoughts in his mind. It had only been a year and some change since what Temari had called their “quaint” wedding. Gaara hadn’t wanted theatrics, and Naruto gave him whatever he asked for. Still, Temari was shocked at the simplicity of it all. Besides herself, Kankuro, and Rasa, Minato and Kushina were the only other attendees. That was the way they wanted it, so Gaara pushed it out of his mind when Temari said that they should have invited more people, or asked her for help instead of taking it upon themselves. 

**_What do you think he does when he wakes up and you’re not there?_ **

Gaara looked out at the ocean as the sea breeze ruffled his hair and filled his lungs. 

“He waits for me to come back, just like I wait for him,” Gaara murmured to himself. The sun was just rising on the horizon, as though it were sprouting straight out of the water. A giant pearl, or something. Gaara shivered when the wind turned a bit cool. He wouldn’t allow himself to imagine that Naruto did anything else. Naruto cared for their plants, he went to therapy for his knee, he came home, he kept the house clean. That’s what he had to be doing.

**_Even you know that isn’t true. Do you think that the boy moving so close was not on purpose? An accident? A ‘coincidence?’_ **

Gaara shrugged. “I don’t care,” he said. He repeated this a lot. If he said it enough times, it would be true. He could manifest nonchalance at the idea of Sasuke moving a neighborhood over. It was, in fact, an accident. An accident that Naruto had not wanted to tell him, but. An accident nonetheless.

“Little brother?” 

Kankuro’s voice jolted Gaara from his mind.

“Hm?” Gaara looked down from where he had been gazing at a passing cloud. 

“Why are you up so early?”

Gaara was silent for a moment. He couldn’t say that he was waiting for Naruto to call. Though Kankuro and Naruto had worked through their differences, Gaara still felt _embarrassed_ at it all. He had been with this man for, what, six years or something? And there was still uncertainty, there were still parts of Gaara that weren’t sure if Naruto was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

“I was watching the sun come up,” Gaara said eventually. By then, Kankuro had settled into a chair next to him on the deck, and they both faced the sun as it fought to free itself from the waves. 

Kankuro seemed to be thinking deeply about something. Gaara wondered sometimes what went on in his brother’s head. His father and his sister were open books; he never had to guess what Rasa and Temari thought about anything. But Kankuro was different. He was more like Gaara in that he took his time to speak, and he sometimes opted not to speak at all. 

“Are you ok?” Kankuro asked eventually.

Gaara glanced at his brother skeptically. “I’m fine,” he said robotically. He trusted Kankuro with his emotions more than Temari, but that wasn’t saying very much. “Why do you ask?”

“I heard you crying earlier.”

At this, Gaara gripped his phone tighter and closed his eyes tight.

“You can tell me the truth. I… I might not understand, but you can tell me. Bottling isn’t good. Makes you sick and stuff.” Kankuro was looking in Gaara’s direction when Gaara opened his eyes again.

“Did you learn that on the sports channel, or from your Minecraft tutorials?” Gaara quipped before he could stop himself. He sighed weakly when Kankuro chuckled.

“Look,” Kankuro said, and Gaara did, albeit a little stubbornly. “I only want to be here for you. I know that it probably has to do with ‘Mari and Naruto, and I feel bad. I don’t know what I could do to _help_ , so I at least want to be here to listen. I don’t want you to feel alone.”

Gaara looked away again when Kankuro finished talking. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you, um. Do you promise to be serious? No jokes?”

Kankuro shook his head solemnly and put a hand up. “No jokes.”

Nodding, Gaara thought about where he should start. Kankuro had been around for most of it, all up until Gaara had moved in with Naruto. That was when he started keeping things from his family.

“Um. Well.” Gaara cleared his throat and willed his hands to be calm. “You remember Naruto’s ex?”

Kankuro scratched his head. “Uh. Sasuke, right?” 

“Yes. Him.” Gaara didn’t want to breathe the name into the universe any more than he was required. “You know that they had a really bad relationship, bad breakup. The whole thing was shitty. And I just thought, just _hoped_ , that by the time we actually got married, he’d be over it.”

“You don’t think he’s over it?”

“I am not sure if he’s over it, and what’s the difference?” Gaara felt himself growing hopeless as he thought about all the times he’d asked Naruto if he was over it. Before and during their relationship. He shivered before he continued. “He tells me that he is, but we barely talk about it to begin with. We never bring up the past. At first I thought that was a good thing? Because I didn’t want to talk about Lee, either. But now I wonder. I wonder what he’s really thinking or… how he really feels.”

“Why are you worrying about it now?” Kankuro asked, and his tone was gentle so that Gaara didn’t misconstrue him. “Ya know, like,” Kankuro waved a hand in the air in an abstract gesture, “what happened?”

Gaara shrugged. “He moved closer to us, closer than he’s ever been while we have been together. Before, he was over there and we were on the East Coast. It was easier to keep myself from becoming insecure. Naruto was a little far away from me, but he was _very_ far away from Sasuke.” Kankuro nodded along as Gaara spoke. All the while, Naruto didn’t call. Gaara bit his lip when it started to shake. “So, Sasuke moves closer. Naruto didn’t want to tell me, I had to find out, but I know that he’s close by. I also know that two years ago, at that wedding, they had a conversation. And he still isn’t honest with me about that.”

“What do you mean? And what do _you_ think happened?”

Gaara was surprised at the relevance of Kankuro’s questions. He supposed that since Kankuro had become sober, his temperament was completely different. He’d just spent so much time away that he didn’t remember. “He says that they didn’t talk about anything, just family stuff. But he gets snippy. Tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t come with him and he’s still unhappy about that.” And what did Gaara think happened? He hadn’t thought about it. He didn’t let his mind go that far. But now, while Kankuro was waiting for his answer, Gaara allowed his mind’s eye to imagine the conversation, the whole trip.

“I don’t think anything _bad_ happened,” Gaara said first. “Naruto is a terrible liar. He’s always been a bad liar with me. I don’t know how he was… before.” Gaara shifted his mind from that, the past. “I guess that I think he had a more meaningful conversation than he let on. It meant something to him, but he wouldn’t talk about it. Still won’t.”

Kankuro sipped his water and lifted his finger from around the bottle. “That’s not good,” he said eloquently. “Why didn’t you go?”

“I knew that Lee would be there,” Gaara said instantly. He’d been anticipating that question.

“Yeah, so? You should have gone with him.” Kankuro screwed the top back onto his water bottle. “Then, you wouldn’t feel like this. Because you’d know exactly what he did. You wouldn’t have to worry about what you _think_ he might have done or said. You’d know.”

Gaara breathed a sigh and closed his eyes once more. Yes. Yes. That’s just what the voice in his head had told him. But Temari was _real_. This voice was no one. No one that he could see. Gaara opened his eyes to watch Kankuro stand up. By now, there were other patrons beginning to come out of their rooms, too. 

“Gotta go wake up Dad and Holly,” Kankuro said as explanation. Gaara nodded and turned towards the ocean again. No call. 

“Hey.” Kankuro put a hand on Gaara’s shoulder. “Don’t wait for him forever. Make the first move. Whether it’s the move you want to make or not.”

Gaara watched his brother leave. He looked from the clouds rising in the sky to his phone in his lap. He could almost snort at the time-out huddle sort of pep talk his brother had just given him, if only it were funny. If only he weren’t right.

One time, he would only call once. And if Naruto didn’t answer, there would be a problem.

So it rang once as Gaara made his way back down to his room.

It had rang twice by the time he’d sat on the bed.

The third ring came as Gaara felt his heart beating dangerously. “Please,” he whispered. _Please pick up._

“Hello?”

Gaara looked to the clouds out the small window above his bed. “Hi.”

“Are you alright? You sound, like. Shaky.” Naruto, for what it was worth, did not sound shaky. He looked and sounded groggy.

“I’m fine. Were you sleeping?” Gaara admired the way that the sun was shining in Naruto’s hair, even though the video quality wasn’t too great. He was still so golden. Gaara wished to reach over and touch him, touch his face and run his hands over Naruto’s chest. Wake Naruto up and _be_ there with him.

“Yes,” Naruto said. “Sorry. I’m looking at the time now. I know that I was supposed to call earlier.” He sat up on the other end and Gaara heard the sheets rustling. “Shouldn’t be so hard,” Naruto said ruefully, though he chuckled. “We’ve spent a long time out of the same time zone. I’m sorry.”

“You answered,” Gaara said eventually, after a pause. He couldn’t say it was ok, but he wasn’t angry anymore. The sound of Naruto’s voice and the sight of him had held a candle to the old, stale feeling, setting it all aflame. “What did you do last night?”

Naruto seemed to choke on something. “I stayed up playing video games. Suppose that’s why I slept in like this.” Naruto coughed again. “Oh, shit. I have to feed the plants.”

Gaara was patient as Naruto left the screen to get himself dressed. He thought about Naruto tripping around the room the way he always did before Gaara collected his clothes from the previous day and washed them. Gaara heard Naruto curse before he picked up his phone again and took it with him down the stairs. 

“That’s all you did, play video games?” Gaara tried. It wasn’t unlike Naruto to do something stupid like that, but Gaara felt doubt about the size of the distance between them. He couldn’t not ask.

“Um, yes.” Naruto didn’t sound so sure. Gaara frowned until he realized that Naruto was reading the instructions for feeding the plants. “I tried to watch a movie, but it was scary, so I turned it off.”

Gaara shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t have taken Naruto seriously if he tried. “Read it twice, Naruto.” 

“Yes, yes. I read it three times.” Naruto moved away from the camera, but he’d set it up so that Gaara could still see him as he crossed the room. “What will you guys do today?” Naruto yelled across the room.

“There’s a musician doing a show late tonight. My Dad and his girlfriend will be at the bar the whole night, until Temari drags them away. I will probably do some more stargazing.” Gaara gave a wistful breath as he thought about it. “I’ve gotten a lot of good constellation photos.”

“For drawing, right?” Naruto asked distractedly. “Mm, I don’t remember which one is Mr. Fuzz and which one is Ferny.” He sounded upset. Naruto brought the two pots up to the camera, and Gaara helped him differentiate them. 

“Yeah, for drawing,” Gaara said. He was surprised that Naruto remembered about his interest in sketching stars; he’d only mentioned it once, and Naruto didn’t have the greatest memory. 

Naruto reached into the back of his shirt to scratch his lower back while he fed and watered their plants. Gaara squinted at the phone and pressed his lips together. “Babe?”

“Yeah?” Naruto turned his head to see Gaara when he was addressed. “Am I doing it wrong?”

“No, no. I just… thought I saw something.” 

Naruto put his hands up as though to box something, completely forgetting about the measuring cup in his hand. “Is there a ghost? Don’t say that.”

“No, Naruto, please. You’re spilling stuff on the floor,” Gaara said hopelessly. 

“Damn it. Now I have to clean it.” Naruto came close to his phone and picked it up again. “I love you,” he said. He gave a wide smile to the camera just as Temari began beating on Gaara’s door.

“Little brother! We’re going to miss the buffet, they’re going to have steak today!” Temari never stopped knocking, even as Gaara did not answer. 

Gaara rolled his eyes in tandem with Naruto. “I love you,” Gaara echoed, hoping that Naruto could hear him over Temari’s incessant beating. “Little brother has to take care of his family.”

“I am your family, too,” Naruto said with a pout. Gaara could hear the edge in Naruto’s voice, but he didn’t acknowledge it. “Me and the plants.”

“The plants and I,” Gaara said automatically. 

“Alright, Merriam-Webster,” Naruto said with annoyance. “Can I call in, like, four hours? Going shopping soon, after I take a shower.”

“Four hours is good, I guess,” Gaara said with a nod. Temari had stopped knocking, but Gaara knew that she was outside waiting for him. He could hear her foot tapping. “Have to go and mingle.”

Naruto nodded as he placed the measuring cup in the sink. He turned a smile to Gaara and Gaara felt his heart fluttering. _God_ , he thought. _He makes me so crazy_. “I love you,” he said again.

“You already said that,” Gaara snarked.

“I’ll say it every day of my life,” Naruto said. He looked off to the side for a moment, but before Gaara could ask, Temari started yelling again.

“I’m coming!” Gaara directed loudly at the door. He turned to Naruto again and shook his head lightly. “Clean the floor and turn off all those lights,” Gaara said sternly. “And do your laundry!”

“I did it yesterday!” Naruto said triumphantly. “Go with your sister before she breathes fire and burns the door down.”

“Naruto—”

“Ok, ok. My bad.”

Gaara huffed. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Oh, wait, wait!” Naruto exclaimed as though he’d just remembered. “I have to tell you something, later. Ok, bye!” 

Gaara frowned at the blank screen of his phone for a moment before deciding to finally stand and open the door.

“Goodness, what took you so long?” Temari ran a hand over Gaara’s face. “You didn’t comb your hair, little brother.”

“It’s fine,” Gaara said dejectedly.

“Don’t be moping today,” Temari warned. “There’s live music! And steak.”

“Steak.”

Temari rolled her eyes to the side and shook Gaara’s shoulder lightly as they walked. “What’s the matter? You can tell me.”

**_You saw it, too._ **

“Nothing’s the matter. I’m excited for the steak.” Gaara plastered a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. 

Temari raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Then you’d better eat one,” she said, and she went on and on about the selection at the buffet today and the music they’d hear later that night. Gaara wasn’t listening. He watched his reflection in each of the portholes as he passed them. 

**_You saw it. Of course you did._ **

Gaara grit his teeth against a scream. 

_Of course, I saw it_ , Gaara thought angrily. He sucked in a sharp breath just as they broke onto the deck and he was faced with the sun and the salt air again. Of course, he’d seen it. Gaara looked down at his hands when Temari wasn’t looking at him. He saw that they were pale, and shaking. He wondered what his _face_ looked like.

Naruto wasn’t wearing his wedding ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, different point of view!
> 
> a lot of you all have expressed negative feelings towards gaara, and while i don’t want to sway anyone’s opinions, i _do_ want to give a small view into his mind. so, what do you guys think? do you want some more from gaara, or keep it strictly naruto and sasuke? i’m open to anything, just let me know! 
> 
> and, as always, thank you for reading and let me know how you felt about this one!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helllllooo everyone, trying to get the hang of updating more frequently. this one is a little bit more than a little heartbreaking... so i’m sorry!

Naruto looked up at the top of the stairs just as Sasuke came out of the room. “Is it over?” he mouthed, and Naruto nodded after looking away. 

Sasuke descended the stairs slowly, and he came into the kitchen with Naruto. Naruto didn’t look up from washing the measuring cup, not until he felt Sasuke’s arms wrapping around him. Naruto sighed and his shoulders sagged. “You have to leave,” Naruto said as gently as possible. He didn’t want Sasuke to leave, and he didn’t want this to end. It felt like old times, when Sasuke would sleep over at his house when Kushina took Minato with her on business trips, and they’d wake up with the whole house to themselves. They _did_ have this house to themselves, and they could do anything they wanted to. 

“I do,” Sasuke said slowly. He released Naruto and took a step away. Naruto looked to Sasuke’s face, then, and wished that he hadn’t. Sasuke’s hair was tousled in a sleepy way, even though he’d spent 15 minutes in the bathroom while Naruto had been on the phone with Gaara. His eyes were sad. Naruto reached out for Sasuke, and Sasuke allowed himself to be held. “I don’t want to go.”

Naruto grit his teeth and forced himself not to sob. He held Sasuke to his chest and he wondered if Sasuke could feel his heart beating. Naruto knew that Sasuke was crying before looking at him, but he had to look. He had to mean it when he told Sasuke to leave.

“Can’t I stay for one more night? One more day?” Sasuke took the breath from Naruto when he begged like this. “I just want to be with you, a little longer. I stayed away for so long, so long. Two days, is that too much to ask?” Sasuke’s hand came to frame Naruto’s face. His fingertips were feathery as they ran down to Naruto’s chin. “One more day. Please.”

Naruto grasped Sasuke’s hand and held it. He was a weakling, he was stupid. He didn’t deserve this, to have Sasuke be here today and then his husband come back at the end of the week. Who was he except a liar? A liar who was twisting everything and dragging everyone along with him on his way to nowhere.

“One day.”

***

One day turned into the rest of the week and suddenly, Sasuke was everywhere. When Naruto had previously only seen Sasuke once in a blue moon… things were different. He woke up next to Sasuke, he watched Sasuke eat across from him, he was showering with Sasuke. Sasuke was coming over, _staying_ over. It was surreal. It was just like it had always been, so it should have felt good. Right?

It was good when Sasuke was there, the best. He hadn’t felt like this since he was a teenager; this heat and this chemistry. It was _good_. And he hadn’t felt these parts of Sasuke, seen this side of Sasuke, in the same amount of time. There were no more walls, like there were when they’d seen each other in public. It was just Sasuke, and just Naruto, like it had been before. It was _great_.

That is, until the thought of Gaara would come to Naruto’s mind again, and he remembered what he was doing. He was cheating on Gaara. He was sleeping in their bed with someone else, _fucking_ someone else in their bed. He was sharing their space with someone else. Naruto drew the line at the ring, and though it was essentially nothing when compared to all else he was letting happen, it meant something to him. He never touched Sasuke if he was wearing his ring. It would be too far, too far.

Naruto was confused every few minutes, but he hadn’t been sure what to expect; he’d never, ever cheated on Gaara before. He was unfamiliar with the states of mind he found himself in. He missed Gaara, but he also wanted Sasuke so badly. He wanted to stay married, he wanted to remain in this relationship. But then, he thought… did he? Did he really? When he could feel the way that he felt about Sasuke in that moment, that pivotal moment, and in these days after?

It wasn’t any good, feeling so dejected about it at times. Sasuke was no one, nothing to Naruto. Nothing to his _marriage_. They weren’t even friends before this. Naruto didn’t know how he could have even let this _happen_. 

But he did know, really. He knew, but he wouldn’t admit it to himself.

Naruto knew one other thing, too, and that was that he was not ready to see Gaara yet. He did not trust himself, would not know what to do with himself. What would happen if Gaara found out? Would that be the end, would there be any hope?

It was a hard decision. Should he tell, get in front of it? Or just keep it a secret forever and hope that Gaara never found out? The latter wasn’t a very plausible way of existing. Naruto knew Sasuke was still close by, even if he wouldn’t be around so frequently. It would only be a matter of time before they saw one another again, and what would happen then? Would Gaara be there? Naruto knew he was a bad liar, he knew that his façades always fell through eventually. Gaara would be able to sense something amiss instantly. Naruto struggled with himself while finding what he might want to say, but he ultimately came up with nothing by the time Gaara returned. He would just have to think of the right way to say it. He couldn’t keep it from Gaara for long, so that was the only thing to do.

Naruto had washed the shirt before Gaara had returned, but he knew that he could never wear it again. When Sasuke was sleeping next to him, Naruto tried hard not to think about what he had done. But he had done it; he had broken his vows. He had promised never to do what he’d done, never to take another lover, to forsake all others, and to never lie to Gaara if he was unhappy. He had never been good at sitting and solving his own problems, but these weren’t just his problems anymore. He was married now, and tied to someone else for life. Someone that wasn’t Sasuke, and it had not been Sasuke for over seven years now.

Which was why Naruto hated how easy it had been to fall back into it. It shouldn’t have happened at all, but Naruto had never imagined that he’d be down this hole so quickly again. He felt stupid, so immature. This isn’t what the Naruto he thought he’d grown into would do. This isn’t what he’d hoped acid-free, post-career Naruto would do.

When Gaara came home, Naruto was exhausted. Naruto was sure it wasn’t a fair thought, but sleeping next to Sasuke wasn’t so easy as sleeping next to Gaara. Naruto had to fight Sasuke for the covers every night and Sasuke got into his space. He also spent a lot of time staring into the dark, thinking about how fucked he was. More time than he spent asleep.

“I’m home!” Gaara was yelling as soon as he opened the door and started bringing his things inside with Kankuro’s help. Naruto stood up fast from where he had been slumped against a counter.

“Hey, hello. Let me help you.” Naruto was not ready to see Gaara yet. Maybe if he did this, then he could complain about being sleepy, and he could find some solace. Just a little bit more time before he had to lay in the bed that he’d made.

“No, it’s alright.” Kankuro waved Naruto off when he tried to come outside. “I got it, yeah?” 

Naruto felt strange speaking to Kankuro. They hadn’t had many conversations, even after all of these years. Naruto was confronted with a different Kankuro than the one that he’d known before. He was cleaner and a lot less deadpan. He had color in his face. Naruto stood back and scratched his neck. “Thanks,” he said eventually.

Gaara came to save Naruto from the awkward situation, only to unwittingly throw him directly into another one. _Look him in the eye,_ Naruto dared himself. He had to. He knew that he was shit at lying, or even keeping something from someone, but he couldn’t let it be known now. He didn’t have the capacity for it, and he hadn’t thought of what to say, yet.

Naruto felt Gaara wrapping around the back of him, and he forced himself not to wince. Gaara hummed into Naruto’s shoulder blade. “I missed you,” Gaara murmured, so low that Naruto almost didn’t hear him.

“I missed you, too,” Naruto stammered. He brought his hands up to Gaara’s arms to hold them, a way of returning the embrace. He steeled himself before turning around and facing Gaara. He was just the same as he’d been before. Maybe a little tan, but still Naruto’s husband. Still someone who had never hurt him or given him a reason to do what he’d done.

Gaara searched Naruto’s face silently. Naruto usually did not flinch under Gaara’s analytical eyes; he was used to it. He knew that, if anything, Gaara was gathering mental images of Naruto to reflect upon later, when he was away. But this time was different. This was not that. Gaara was looking for something. Naruto willed his face not to redden as Gaara stood, watching him, without speaking.

“How was your trip?” Naruto asked eventually. He cleared his throat when his voice shook. 

“Sunny, breezy. Salty… loud.” Gaara counted the different words on his fingers. “We had a lot of drinks, did a lot of dancing.” He looked around Naruto’s shoulder and gave a small nod to his brother. “Thank you,” he said. 

“Of course, little brother,” Kankuro said. Naruto heard him close the door behind himself and his car pulling out of the driveway. It was just the two of them, then, Naruto and Gaara. Gaara focused his eyes on Naruto once again, and this time, Naruto felt like Gaara was looking through him.

“Can I help you put this stuff away?” Naruto asked, attempting to be cheerful. He gestured to Gaara’s few bags that he knew were heavy. Gaara had a lot of clothes and he packed for vacations like he was moving away.

Gaara’s eyes drifted to his bags, and he shook his head. “Mm, no.” He got a loose hold on Naruto’s arm when Naruto began to bend down to get the handle of the closest bag. Naruto sucked in a sharp breath and stood up straight.

“Ok,” Naruto said, nodding slightly. “Are you sleepy?”

“No,” Gaara said again, harsher this time. He released Naruto’s arm and Naruto felt a cold part on his skin where Gaara’s fingers had been. “I need to talk to you— we need to talk.”

Naruto chewed his lip. He could see something fiery in Gaara’s eyes, something he was sure he’d never seen before in this shade. Never green. He’d seen it in a hue of brown, a million years ago, and a grey. Never green. “About what?”

They sat on the sofa, Gaara’s bags forgotten. Naruto shifted away from the spot where he knew he’d ruined his life. He let out a silent breath when Gaara didn’t sit there, either. Naruto felt Gaara’s eyes on him, even when his own were on his hands as he rested them on his knees. His palms were beginning to sweat. 

“Naruto,” Gaara said, drawing Naruto’s attention from himself and back to that green fire. Gaara reached for Naruto’s hand, and Naruto let him hold it. Naruto watched as Gaara’s fingers twisted his wedding ring. When he finally spoke, Naruto startled a little.

“What did you do when I was gone?”

Naruto hoped his hand wasn’t sweating too bad as it laid in Gaara’s. “I went to knee therapy, I went to the store. Fed the plants, slept a whole lot. I did my laundry, I did the dishes, I played video games, I worked out.” Naruto hummed before nodding. “Yeah, that’s all I did.” Lying through his teeth should never have been so easy, but it was his greatest skill. To a point. It would fall apart eventually.

“Mhm.” Gaara was silent again, ruminating. Naruto could _feel_ him thinking and he didn’t want to interrupt. Whatever this was, he knew that he was in trouble.

“So, you’re wanting to play soccer again?”

Naruto felt his eye twitch a little. “Yes,” he said slowly. His panic was mounting. Why wouldn’t Gaara just come out with what he really wanted to know? This couldn’t be it. They had discussed this at length on the phone that night, until Sasuke had whispered to him that if Naruto didn’t get off the phone on his own, he’d make him. Naruto blinked hard as he thought about the way Sasuke’s words had felt on his skin just earlier today. “What about it?”

Gaara pursed his lips. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” It was exactly what Naruto had expected him to say.

Naruto managed to shrug. “I know it isn’t so practical, it’s not—”

“It’s crazy,” Gaara said. He crossed his arms. “It’s not _safe_ , forget practical. You just went to therapy last week for your knee, and you want to get out there again and risk messing it up worse?” Gaara pointed to Naruto’s knee as he mentioned it. “And for how long?”

“Just one more year,” Naruto said. He didn’t have any reply to what Gaara had said about his injuries, because Gaara was right about that.

Gaara sat back against the arm of the sofa, his arms still crossed. He raised a hand to point a finger at Naruto. His voice had an edge when he said, “Are you sure that you don’t just want to be out, on a season again? Away from here? Away from me?”

Naruto’s eyebrows knitted together. “No? That isn’t why I want to do it,” he said. He could almost roll his eyes and mention the fact that Gaara had just left him for weeks to go on a stupid vacation, but he knew he was in no place. “Why do you think that?” he asked instead.

Gaara shrugged and stood. “It’s out of the blue, and it doesn’t make any sense. I’m just trying to make sense of it.” Naruto watched Gaara go into the kitchen, and then he turned his back to that direction and heaved a heavy sigh. He wished Gaara would _stop_ trying to make sense of it, because that was the least of the things on Naruto’s mind. 

“It’s not in stone,” Naruto said loudly, so that Gaara could hear him over the banging he was doing in the kitchen. Naruto twisted his wedding ring around a few times, before he couldn’t bear to look at it anymore. He hadn’t even thought of going out on the season to get away from Gaara and do bad things. Maybe, he supposed, he could use this to his advantage until he figured out how to tell Gaara what had actually happened.

“You ate all of my orange sherbet?” Gaara called from the kitchen. Naruto slapped his forehead with his palm.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Naruto said quickly. _Sasuke_ had eaten that, and he’d meant to go and buy some more before today. He grit his teeth and hoped that Sasuke the lawyer had not left any other incriminating evidence of his presence behind.

Gaara came out of the kitchen with something for the plants. It was only then that he seemed to remember his things were still packed away in bags sitting behind the couch. “Can you… help me, with them?” Gaara gestured to the luggage. 

“Yes,” Naruto said. He didn’t wait for Gaara to come and help him before he picked up one of the bags and brought it upstairs, because he knew that ‘help’ only meant Naruto would actually do it himself. It was fine, he needed to be out of Gaara’s space for a while.

Mostly, he needed to make sure that there was no trace of Sasuke around here.

Naruto searched through the drawers and the laundry basket to make sure that there was nothing of Sasuke’s left behind. He had changed the sheets, so there was nothing there. He looked in the bathroom connected to their room and made certain that there was nothing, nothing, nothing of Sasuke. Sasuke had never been here. He then hastily began throwing Gaara’s things into the drawers, just the way he did his own things when he came back from the season.

When Naruto went down to get the second bag, Gaara was feeding the plants. Naruto stood on the last step and watched Gaara move, watched how he delicately touched the leaves of some, spoke quietly to others. Naruto saw the light coming in high through the window, hitting Gaara’s face and washing him in a sort of glow that Naruto felt unworthy of gazing at. Gaara’s green eyes were sparkling when he cast them up in Naruto’s direction. Naruto gripped the railing of the stairs so that he didn’t topple over. He had betrayed _this_ , this beautiful man, his husband, someone who had seen some of his worst moments with the acid, someone who had been patient with him while he traveled the world and did who knows what, someone who had never for a moment before today doubted that he was telling the truth.

“Are you ok? You look pale.” Gaara set the measuring cup down and came closer to Naruto. Naruto’s eyes were already closed when Gaara’s hand came up to hold his face.

“I’m ok,” Naruto lied again. He was not ok. He’d never been less ok in his whole life. But with Gaara here, his fingertips ghosting over the shell of his ear, Naruto thought that he could pretend for one more day. One more hour, at least.

“Do you wanna sleep?” Gaara asked. His malice and general disdain had dissipated, and he was soft and sweet again. The Gaara that Naruto knew the best, better than anyone else. He was there when Naruto opened his eyes. His heart was in his ears. As though he hadn’t just told Sasuke goodbye at that front door this morning. But that was then, and this was now.

Sleeping next to Gaara was suffocating. Gaara wanted to do all the things they did, tucking himself into the crooks of Naruto’s body so that they fit like a lock and a key. Naruto felt _wrong_ touching Gaara at all, let alone like this. He didn’t want to close his eyes, because all he could see was the way Sasuke looked sitting over him, his hands gripping Naruto’s arms, his thighs bracketing Naruto’s hips. Naruto flicked his eyes open fast before he started sweating.

“You’re so tense,” Gaara mumbled into Naruto’s throat.

“Sorry,” Naruto whispered back. He couldn’t even begin to try to explain himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> naruto kinda...did this to himself... when will gaara find out? how will it end?
> 
> spoilers they break up
> 
> sorry if the ending felt a bit abrupt, i wanted to space out the drama just a little bit


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm what is wrong with these fools!!! will it ever end

It was all such a mess. Naruto had told himself that when Gaara came back, it would be over, that it would end. He’d use his time to think about how to tell Gaara, and what they’d do about it after. He wanted to stay in it, he didn’t _want_ to be divorced. He wanted to be with Gaara forever. He didn’t want to lose someone who had put so much of themselves into Naruto, and so blindly. Maybe this was clear as day for anyone else, but Gaara had trusted him. Trusted him to change, trusted him to mean it when he said that he was over Sasuke for good.

But that couldn’t be the case, not really. Because every time Naruto told Gaara he was going to conditioning to decide if he wanted to sign somewhere next season, he didn’t pull up to the gym. Naruto showed his face in the doorway of Sasuke’s house. He kissed Sasuke with a fever that he thought he’d never feel again. He took his _ring_ off, every time, and now.

He’d lost it.

Naruto was sure that it would turn up, it had to. He knew that he could only stall Gaara for so long, saying that it was ‘in his other pants’ or ‘probably at the gym.’ It had been three days and Gaara was doing the laundry profusely. He said that it was because Naruto came home smelling like sweat, but Naruto knew that he was looking for it.

 **Naruto:** **_Come on. You have to know where it is._ **

**Sasuke:** **_i thought i did, but it wasn’t where i was sure you’d left it_ **

Naruto chewed his lip and huffed a desperate breath. He looked at his naked ring finger and clenched his hand into a fist around the steering wheel.

 **Naruto:** **_Can I come over? I really need to find it._ **

**Sasuke:** **_um sure_ **

Naruto wasn’t sure if Sasuke had known he meant right then. When he got to the door, it took Sasuke ten minutes to answer.

“You’re gonna break my door down,” Sasuke said in a stiff attempt to be light. Naruto blinked hard and pinched himself in his pocket. Sasuke was wearing shorts and a t shirt, and Naruto could see just about everything that he knew Sasuke would want to display. After a few moments of silence, Sasuke stepped out of the way to let Naruto pass.

“Where have you looked?” Naruto began picking things up in Sasuke’s kitchen. It wasn’t like home, because they only ever did it in two places at Naruto’s house. If this were at Naruto’s house, it could only be in one of two places. But, Sasuke lived alone. Sasuke wouldn’t have to be accountable for anything going on in here. So they did it everywhere, anywhere. And Naruto remembered taking his ring off in nearly every room in this house.

Sasuke was watching Naruto scour the countertops with his arms crossed. “I looked there,” he said eventually. Naruto put a container back down onto the counter unceremoniously andt turned to face Sasuke. “I told you, I looked everywhere I thought you might have put it.” Sasuke put his hands up and shrugged. “But I don’t know where it is.”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t say anything to Sasuke and instead went into the living room. Naruto dug between the expensive cushions and picked up all the books and magazines in Sasuke’s coffee table. It was just _not there_. Naruto sat on his knees in front of Sasuke’s couch and made a desperate sound.

“Is he asking? Where does he think you are?”

Naruto glared at Sasuke across the room. “He thinks I’m going shopping.”

“What’s with the look?” Sasuke had the nerve to sound indignant.

Naruto used the sofa to support himself as he stood up. “Oh, I don’t know. You could help,” Naruto suggested, and Sasuke snorted.

“You lost that thing, not me,” Sasuke retorted. “And I told you, I looked everywhere.” Naruto rolled his eyes hard and ignored Sasuke then, instead deciding to dig through the knickknacks and things on Sasuke’s shelves.

But it wasn’t there either.

Naruto flounced past Sasuke, down the hall to where he knew the bathroom was. He chanced to turn the knob and looked at himself for a long time in the mirror. Every time he saw himself in this mirror, it gave him a feeling like his blood had been replaced with some sort of accelerant, and it was being lit from each fingertip. Naruto gripped the counter and closed his eyes tight. He remembered Sasuke, under him, needing him, watching him, in a time far away, in a body that wasn’t his own. Maybe none of this would be happening if they hadn’t done that that night. He had to find it, he had to find it. His life depended on finding this ring. Naruto opened his eyes when he heard Sasuke make a sound behind him.

Sasuke’s face was the picture of concern. He pushed his glasses up his nose as he asked, “Are you alright?” and moved closer to Naruto. 

“I need to find it,” Naruto said rather than answer the question. It had to be rhetorical. Sasuke stood over people litigating divorces. He must have known that someone in Naruto’s position was _not_ alright.

At this, Sasuke’s features took on a different expression altogether. His eyebrows drew together tighter, and his mouth turned down in a frown. “You’re going to find it,” he said. So _flippant_.

“Would be a lot easier if you helped. And if you’re not going to help,” Naruto said, pushing past Sasuke once again, “then you need to stop watching me.” Naruto stood eye level with Sasuke, feeling the same fire in his blood as before, though it was smoldering lower now that he was out of that bathroom mirror. “Has anyone been here since I lost it?” Naruto asked. Sasuke pushed his glasses up again, this time with a bit more force.

“Itachi. He never talked about seeing anything.” Sasuke shrugged. “What happens when you find it?” Sasuke asked. His voice didn’t match his expression, until it softened. It was evident by his tone that he was worrying about something.

“Then I’m gonna put it on and go home,” Naruto said, as though it were the most obvious course of events. “Can you ask your brother if he saw anything?”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows in a way that conveyed to Naruto that what he’d said wasn’t the right answer, but it’s what Sasuke expected. “Of course. I’ll ask him, I guess.”

“Yeah, of course. I can’t stay too long,” Naruto said. He began to feel an itch to look for the ring again, so he stepped away from Sasuke and put a hand on the door to the bedroom. “May I?”

“You’ve never asked permission before.” Sasuke waved a hand and rolled his eyes. Naruto pretended not to see it and opened the door.

The bed was made, just as it always was before they messed it up. That was just the thing; Sasuke was clean, Sasuke was meticulous. Everything had a place, and nothing was usually not where it belonged. Which was why this was so stressful, and so suspicious. Nothing was out of place in the room. The pillows were in their perfect positions, the sheets were flattened. The closet looked the same even from the doorway. Naruto glanced to his side, where he knew the dresser was, and he knew before he looked that everything was in order there, too. Naruto took a few steps into the room and gave a hopeless sigh. He got down onto his knees to try to see underneath the bed, but of course, there was nothing. There was nothing anywhere but what was always there. There were no traces of Naruto in here, save for him standing in the middle of the room.

“Did you find it?” Sasuke asked boredly.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop watching me if you weren’t going to help?” Naruto replied instead.

“In my house, you tell me not to watch you?”

Naruto stood up from where he’d knelt on the floor to check beneath the dresser. “What? What is it?”

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. “What is what?”

“There’s a reason why you’re not helping me. What is it?”

Sasuke stopped leaning on the doorframe and stood up straight. “You think I don’t care.”

“I know that you don’t.” Naruto sat on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. “And you just don’t get it, do you?”

Sasuke approached but did not join Naruto. “Oh, enlighten me.” Snotty.

“You’ve never been married, Sasuke,” Naruto said, looking up quickly to watch Sasuke’s expression change. “You’ve never stood in front of people, your family, someone else’s family, and promised to never do what we did. What we’re doing.” Naruto drew in a shaky breath and looked at his naked ring finger again. “And that ring, that ring. It _means_ something. I never took it off one day before you—”

“Before you invited me over? Before you opened the door for me a second time?” Sasuke had been silent before, but this was his limit. Naruto could see the pink rising to his cheeks. “So, what, I’m not helping you find your wedding ring. It wasn’t my wedding. You’re not my husband.”

“That’s right,” Naruto said. He stood and came to face Sasuke close once more. “I’m not.”

“D’you think I’m burning about it? That I can’t live without you, that I did this so that I could live in that fantasy world from before?” Sasuke’s voice was quiet, but so cold. Naruto suppressed a shiver.

“I don’t know why you did it, Sasuke. But you reached out first.”

“After you suggested that we catch up.” Sasuke took a step back then, but it didn’t feel like a victory. Despite all of this, Naruto wished Sasuke would come close again.

“I’m just gonna ask you one more time, and then I’m going to leave.” Naruto held his hands together in front of himself. He saw a twinge of red at the corners of his vision right as he closed his eyes.

“Do you know where my wedding ring is?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Nope.”

Naruto pressed his lips together in a hard line before exhaling deeply. “Ok. This was nice. If it comes up, please let me know. I’m serious.” Naruto didn’t leave Sasuke any time to say anything, not this time. Something in him just knew, _knew_ that Sasuke wasn’t telling the truth.

“What good would it do me to keep your fucking ring, Naruto?”

Hearing Sasuke talk made Naruto stop in his tracks, right as his fingers curled around the doorknob.

“Someone else put it on your finger. It’s a symbol of all of the things that I wanted with you, for all of my life. Before my memory even starts. Why would I fucking want it?”

Naruto turned the knob and opened the door. He put one foot outside before he decided there was no reason to hold his tongue. Over his shoulder, he gave Sasuke a cold look. “I know that you wouldn’t want it. You just don’t want me to have it, either.”

Naruto made sure the door slammed on his way out. He sat in his car for a while, crying and punching the headrest of the seat next to him. He flexed his hand a few times and looked at the place where his ring belonged. He cursed lightly and ran his hand over his face. Sasuke would never understand, could never. All he’d ever had were hookups. He’d never been in a relationship except with Naruto, and it showed. He didn’t _care_ about anything, anyone. Not even Naruto. He could lie, and he could spout it, but Sasuke couldn’t care. He had to be able to see that Naruto was hurting over this. If you love someone, you’re not supposed to want to see them hurt.

There was the red, too, the red that he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager. Since he’d punched Kiba in the face at Hinata’s Christmas party. He felt that way about Sasuke? He felt that… _he would have deserved it_ feeling about Sasuke? Deserved what? “Fuck,” Naruto spit to himself. He was halfway to the store when Sasuke sent him a message. Naruto decided to ignore it and find something to buy, anything that would prove he was here. Maybe a Hallmark card and some flowers.

Sasuke sent Naruto two more messages before he’d even set foot in the store. Naruto didn’t have time for it. He knew that all Sasuke wanted to do was be derisive, to make him mad. Sasuke liked their fights to be reciprocal. It wasn’t any fun on his end if Naruto didn’t care. He’d said so, once, a long time ago.

Naruto waited until he was in his car again, after purchasing some of Gaara’s favorite healthy snacks and some chocolates, before he looked at Sasuke’s messages.

 **Sasuke:** **_naruto i know where it is_ **

He had sent plenty of messages, but that was the one that stuck out. He knew where it was, now? Had he always? Had he hidden it, and started to feel remorse after he saw how it was effecting Naruto? Naruto hoped desperately that that wasn’t the case. That he knew Sasuke better than this.

 **Naruto:** **_Don’t lie to me because you think that’s what I want to hear._ **

Naruto had just hit the button to send the message when Gaara called. He cleared his throat and felt a sting where his ring was supposed to be.

“Hey,” Naruto said, drawing it out a tad.

“Come home,” Gaara said.

“What happened?” Naruto looked in his rearview mirror and saw that he was a mess. He’d mussed his hair past an acceptable point while he was looking for the ring in Sasuke’s house, and his eyes were a little red.

“Now, now,” Gaara said, his voice hard and cold. Naruto looked up to the sky and hoped that this wasn’t what he knew it was.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nart is in trouble now


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25 again wow! i can’t believe it’s come to this, and it’s still nowhere near over XD hang in there guys, it may not look like it now, but good times are ahead!!
> 
> thanks as always for reading, and sticking with these fools ((and me!))

Gaara was waiting when Naruto came home. Naruto noticed Temari’s car in the driveway and thought that a more humane situation right now would be to walk into the middle of a busy street.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Naruto grunted to himself. Now was not the time, here was not the place.

Temari and Gaara were making noise in the kitchen. When Naruto closed the door behind him, he saw Gaara come out with an apron on. Temari came up behind him, her face the picture of disapproval.

“So you decide to come home now.” Gaara’s voice was a little colder than Naruto expected.

“Um, yeah, sorry I took so long,” Naruto said weakly. He placed his singular bag on the table and heaved a sigh. “Hello, Temari.”

Temari nodded once to acknowledge Naruto. He hated her more than ever. Not for being here, and not for talking about him when he wasn’t around.

For being right.

“You were gone that long and that’s all you bought?” Gaara came into the dining room and Naruto felt himself tensing. How was he supposed to save himself? How, fast?

“I wanted to bring you something special, but you’re always doing the shopping, so I… didn’t know where to find it,” Naruto said. It wasn’t even a decent lie. Naruto wasn’t sure how Gaara had managed to keep up appearances for so long. It was pretty obvious that _no one_ would believe the things he said, let alone someone so smart and complex-thinking as Gaara. But maybe the truth hurt too much.

Gaara examined the contents of the bag and gave a small smile. “My favorite,” he mumbled. “And what are these for?” He held up the chocolates.

“To say sorry for taking so long,” Naruto said stupidly.

“Oh, but you know that little brother doesn’t eat chocolate,” Temari said. Naruto had almost forgotten about her. “You got them for yourself.”

“Maybe I did,” Naruto said with annoyance.

Gaara cleared his throat. “C’mere,” he said, grabbing onto Naruto’s wrist and pulling lightly. “I have to ask you something.” Naruto kept his eyes on Temari as Gaara dragged him into the living room, presumably so that she couldn’t hear him.

“I still can’t find it,” Gaara said quietly. His face grew pink. Naruto thought about traffic again. He reached up to push some of Gaara’s hair out of his eyes, only to see that Gaara was on the verge of tears. “Where is it? I’ve looked everywhere. I washed all your pants three times. Where is it? Why did you take it off?”

Naruto closed his eyes tight and willed himself not to choke on the lump forming in his throat. He couldn’t answer that question, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lie, but there was no way that he could tell the truth. And with Temari here? Never. Naruto shook his head and leaned forward to kiss Gaara’s forehead. “We’re gonna find it. I promise.”

Gaara sucked in a sharp breath and stood when he heard Temari calling his name. Naruto waited until he was sure Gaara couldn’t see him before he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. This just couldn’t be happening. That ring was everything. Naruto wished he’d never taken it off, never let Sasuke in here. Sasuke was in their home, in their marriage, in Naruto’s heart at that very moment.

Dinner was tense. Naruto sat before Gaara and Temari, his hands still naked. Temari, for once, was relatively quiet. Naruto didn’t allow himself to think about what kind of conversation they’d had when he was gone. It was strange, though. When Naruto had his act together, Temari had everything to say. Now, all she wanted to talk about was the house and the cruise and Naruto’s conditioning. She couldn’t possibly know that every time she changed the subject, the hole in Naruto’s heart got bigger. That she was getting closer and closer to the mistake Naruto had made. That when she mentioned their furniture, all Naruto could think about was Sasuke, on the sofa. That when she mentioned the cruise, all Naruto could remember was the feeling of heat rising in him every single day until it all snapped. That when she mentioned Naruto’s conditioning, he felt fit to sweat because every time he told that lie he found himself on top of Sasuke, or _under_ him.

Unless it was all some sort of game, and she _did_ know. 

Naruto could never tell with her. And Gaara, just listening. Still hanging off of every word Naruto said, when more than half of them were lies. He couldn’t be in on it, he couldn’t possibly keep up with something like that. Right, right?

Naruto offered to wash the dishes as soon as Temari said that she was finished. He just needed to get away, he needed to be able to breath and look up without her perfectly waxed eyebrows being raised at him in that _way_ that made him feel like he didn’t know anything about anything, and that she knew everything, and that it was all on purpose.

“Naruto—”

He jumped when he felt Temari’s hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t heard her coming.

“Yes?”

“You’re looking a mite jittery.” Temari let her hand fall to her side. Always so smug. She leaned against a countertop and narrowed her eyes.

“I’m fine,” Naruto said. He wiped his hands on a dish towel and turned from the sink to fully face her. He fought the urge to roll his eyes at her.

“So, what’s the reason you’ve started trying to play your soccer again? It’s a bit sudden.” Temari turned and opened a cabinet, where she took a glass to inspect.

Naruto crossed his arms so that his hands didn’t shake at his sides. “I just feel like I have a little left in me,” he said.

“Right, right,” Temari said absently, setting the glass down carefully. “You know what’s funny?” She mimicked his stance, though she left one hand out to accentuate her words as she spoke.

“I’m sure whatever you think is funny, I’d find horrific.” Naruto had no clue what she might say.

“Hm, charming. You do some of your conditioning at that gym by the tanning studio, right?” Temari raised her eyebrow and gave him that look. She knew everything and he knew nothing.

“Uh, yeah.” Naruto hadn’t been to that gym since he’d retired. He told Gaara he was going there twice every week, but he never did. He went the opposite direction, to Sasuke’s.

“It is just so _funny_ , that when I asked the desk clerk if you’d been there recently, she said she hadn’t seen you in a long while,” Temari said. Her voice was low now. Perhaps she actually did care about Gaara, and she didn’t want him to hear. All Naruto knew was that there was an icy sweat traveling down his neck and that there was no escaping this.

Temari crossed the kitchen and Naruto felt himself trapped as she put a finger into his chest. “So what is it, huh? You think it’d fly that you’re lying? There isn’t a weapon formed against my little brother that’s gonna prosper.” Temari took one step back and resumed her small half-smile. “But don’t worry, sunny,” she said. Naruto would usually have expressed disdain for this or any of her nicknames, but he remained silent. “What’s done in the dark always comes to the light.”

Naruto thought about Temari’s words even when she’d left for the night. He thought about her voice, and he thought about how she was _right_. How long did he think it would go on before he committed some monumental and unfixable fuck-up? How long did he really think he could keep this up? Naruto turned over slightly in the bed and saw Gaara sleeping next to him. Needing him, wanting nothing from him but the truth. Then he thought about Gaara’s sister again, who was two steps away from finding out what he was trying so desperately to hide. He needed to fix it, he needed to find the ring. Then it would all go away.

**_Wrong._ **

_Don’t you get into this,_ Naruto thought harshly. 

**_You’re dragging it out, and for what? You don’t want this to be this way._ **

_You’re right. I want it to be right._

**_There was never a hope of it being right. He isn’t the boy._ **

_What happened with Sasuke was a mistake._

**_Don’t be a fool. Your marriage to this one was a mistake._** **_You knew it would be inevitable before you were drawn to the boy again. You’re meant for him. He’s meant for you._**

Naruto shook his head and wished he was anywhere else. In his room, in a time passed on. In his car, that night that Sasuke made that horrible decision to nearly vault off the cliff. At Sakura’s parents’ lake house, looking at Sasuke and wondering if he’d ever wake up. In his backyard, looking at Sasuke and realizing it for the very first time. Naruto closed his eyes but it didn’t stop the hot tears from coming to the corners of his eyes. A mistake, a mistake.

Naruto had known from the moment that Itachi had hung up the phone all those years ago that he should have said something, _anything_. He shouldn’t have let it get this far, shouldn’t have allowed himself to fall so far like this. So far from who he’d been before. Who he thought he was supposed to be. But, really, he didn’t know who he was supposed to be, yet. He was just a stupid kid, a stupid kid in love with another stupid kid. Stupid kids with problems. He shouldn’t have ever told himself that what he had with Gaara would ever come close to what he’d had with Sasuke. He just needed time, time and space and help. But he’d skipped ahead, he’d just done what he could to stop feeling so lonely. No matter if Sasuke knew he was married, he shouldn’t have been married in the first place. He shouldn’t have ever asked Gaara to marry him, he shouldn’t have ever let it get this serious when he knew he wasn’t ready. When he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready.

And now, Naruto wasn’t ready for what he knew had to be the next step. He’d have to come clean, he’d have to face it. He couldn’t let this keep going. He hadn’t figured out what he was going to say, but Gaara needed to hear it from him. _Yes_ , Naruto thought. From him, and not from his sister. 

This was his mess. He had to clean it.

***

It was late in the afternoon when Naruto told himself that he was just going to do it. It was worse than ripping off a bandaid. He didn’t know any sort of analogous feeling for the one that was coursing through him as he stood from the sofa and traipsed to the kitchen. He knew that there wasn’t going to be any point to which they could return, once he said it. His hands were so sweaty as he approached the doorway.

“I’ll just say it,” Naruto mumbled to himself. He was shaking and his hands were opening and closing with each step he took. “I’ll just tell him.”

Gaara was looking inside the fridge when Naruto spotted him. Naruto watched as Gaara took note of the things they had and the things they’d need next time someone went out. He was scribbling on the notepad he used for the grocery lists. Naruto cleared his throat to get Gaara’s attention. Gaara put a hand to his heart when he saw Naruto standing there.

“You scared me,” Gaara said with a smile, before his face fell. “Are you alright? You’re all red.” Gaara closed the fridge and placed the list on the counter. Naruto wished he wouldn’t come any closer, but Gaara was there, right before him, with his cool fingertips on Naruto’s chin. “Sweaty,” Gaara remarked.

Naruto closed his eyes at Gaara’s touch and counted to ten before he opened them again. “I… I have to tell you something.”

Gaara’s already concerned face twisted more. “Tell me what?”

Naruto ran a hand over his face when Gaara tried to take it into his own. “You’re not gonna wanna touch me,” Naruto said quickly. “It’s.. it’s about when you left.”

“Earlier today? Did you make a mess?” Gaara stood on his toes to look over Naruto’s shoulders to see if there was something out of place.

Naruto shook his head fast. “No, there’s no mess,” he said. _Not a tangible one_. “I meant when you left with your family.”

“Oh, the cruise.” Gaara nodded. “What… happened?”

Naruto felt like he was going to throw up. He knew that there was no way to go around it, there was no more lying. He’d hurt everyone involved too much already. Gaara deserved only the truth from him. Only the truth. Only accountability, now. He’d done it, he’d done this. The least that he owed everyone was an apology, and to mean it.

“Why don’t we sit?” Gaara said, gesturing to the table behind them. Naruto figured he was probably wobbling. He nodded and made sure that there was a little room between himself and Gaara. His hands were folded together so that his fingers didn’t quake.

“There isn’t any easy way to, um, to say this,” Naruto began. He really wished he’d spent more time trying to think of what to say. Now, the only thing in his brain was the look on Gaara’s face as he was talking.

“Say it.” Gaara’s voice was sharp. He leaned forward in his seat.

“I took off my ring because I…” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I cheated on you.”

Gaara sat back and rubbed his fists against his eyes. He ran a hand into his hair and then let it fall to his side. Naruto could just barely see his lip beginning to tremble.

“It was with him, wasn’t it?”

Naruto nodded and hung his head. He heard Gaara stand from his chair, and when he looked up, he saw that Gaara had his arms crossed. “Where.”

“Here. And… there.”

“Here where? Here, in this room?” Gaara pointed at the table. “Here, in the kitchen? Here, in the living room? Here, in the bed? Where, Naruto.”

Naruto coughed to try to loosen the lump in throat. It didn’t work. “In the living room.” When Gaara came close, so close that Naruto could feel his anger rolling off him in waves, he whispered, “In the bed.”

“Look at me,” Gaara said. He was crying. “You… who started it?”

Naruto took a few deep breaths before he started talking again. “I saw him, on my way to therapy. I’d see him sometimes. We talked, it was never serious and then once, I don’t know, I—”

“You? You what?”

“I told him that we should catch up.”

Gaara put his hands on the table and leaned down until he was close to Naruto’s face. “So _you_ started it.”

“I… yeah.”

Gaara walked away then, all the way across the room. His back was to Naruto as he was fiddling with the leaves of their plants. “So you started it. You told him to come here. You took off your ring, and you defiled our home. You broke your vows.”

Naruto sighed weakly. “Yes.”

Gaara finally turned around, and his face was streaked with tears. “Do you know how I’ve changed my life for you?” His voice was quiet, probably because it was going to break and he didn’t trust himself. “Do you know how I went against everything I’d ever known? Do you know how much my whole family didn’t want me to be with you?” Naruto was shaking his head, trying to not hear it. “But I _love_ you. I love you. I moved away from my home for you, after I told myself I’d never do that. I said yes to you, yes to marry you, even when everything around me told me not to do it. I married you, I humored you, I took care of you, I helped you get off the acid. I waited for you. I waited for you to be over it. I waited for you to come back to me, every year, and I told myself that this time, he’ll be all mine. He won’t think about _him_ anymore.”

Naruto laid his head on the table so that maybe Gaara wouldn’t hear him sob. And Gaara never stopped talking.

“You were never over it. You were never over it, and you never fucking tried.” At this, Naruto’s head lifted in shock. He didn’t remember the last time he’d heard Gaara curse. “I gave you everything. I gave you my all, my soul, my _body._ I gave you my time, my patience, my love. I love you.”

“Please,” Naruto murmured, hopeless.

“Please, what? Please don’t say it?” Gaara scoffed. “Temari was right. You haven’t ever cared about anyone but yourself. You don’t care about him, either.” Something changed on Gaara’s face then.

“Does he have it?”

Naruto wiped his eyes. “He said he doesn’t know where it is, until yesterday. But I thought he was lying, just because that’s what I wanted him to say.”

“You lost it _there_ , then. And that’s where you went yesterday.” Gaara shook his head. “Do you have anything to say? Anything, _anything?_ ”

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said. His voice was ragged from crying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He stood then, too, and Gaara took a step back.

“You’re sorry for what? Don’t come closer.” Gaara held out a hand. His left hand. The hand where his ring sat, intact and in place.

“I’m sorry that I lied, I’m sorry that I did it, I’m sorry that it ever got like this,” Naruto said, so fast that he could barely understand himself. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, that I broke your trust. You never, ever deserved this from me. All you ever did for me, all you ever gave, and I…” Naruto wiped beneath his eyes and his nose. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t, I can’t.” Gaara was looking toward the doorway, but he would have to pass Naruto to get through. “Let me leave.”

“Leave? Go where?” Naruto sniffed hard.

“Temari’s. I can’t be here tonight.” Gaara’s voice was shaky, but more steady than it had been before. He’d made his mind up about this.

“Can we talk about it, can we go and see someone?” Naruto asked quickly.

Gaara took the few steps required to cross the room and stood before Naruto, looking up at him hopelessly. “Do you even want to see someone? Do you want to be with me? How could you— no. Just, let me go, Naruto.” He put a hand to Naruto’s chest, but he didn’t apply any force. “Let me go.”

Naruto turned away and didn’t watch Gaara leave the room. He stood in the dining room, listening to the sounds of Gaara getting things together to spend a fair amount of time away from here. Away from home. Naruto leaned heavily against the doorway to the kitchen so that he didn’t fall over. He hadn’t known what to expect, but there was no way to prepare himself for this feeling. He was shattered, watching Gaara crying and hearing him ask why. There wasn’t any reason except that he wasn’t ready. He hadn’t been ready for this, for something so serious. He’d barely known himself, when they got together. There wasn’t any excuse for this, for dragging everyone into this mess.

When he heard Gaara come down the stairs, Naruto dragged himself away from one doorway to another to watch. “Will you call?” Naruto asked. His voice was barely there.

“I don’t know, Naruto.” Gaara had bags with him. Would he ever come back? Naruto didn’t have the heart to ask. “You know how to take care of the plants. Don’t let them die.”

“Y-yeah. I won’t let them die.” Naruto watched Gaara struggle to the front door with the bags. Gaara had his hand on the knob when there came a knock. Who now, Temari to make this even worse?

But no, no. It was _not_ Temari. Naruto wished that it was.

“I tried to call, I— oh, fuck.”

Gaara dropped his bags and turned to face Naruto slowly.

It took everything in Naruto not to scream. “Sasuke, what the fuck are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes things have to get _really shitty_ before they get better


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while, i know you all were worried about this bunch of stupid idiots
> 
> it’s a little sad, i must warn
> 
> but it won’t be like this for long!!

There was silence, so long that Naruto wondered if time had stopped. He considered for a moment just running away, or trying to vanish, or getting a piano to fall over his head. He looked between Gaara and Sasuke over and over. The two halves of his life. His real identity and the identity that he’d tried to create, struggled to maintain. Sasuke’s face was paler than Naruto had ever seen it, and Gaara had never looked so upset. His face was past pink and edging on red. The green of his eyes burned hot on Naruto’s face as he turned to him.

“Well?” Gaara spit. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

Sasuke cast surprised eyes in Gaara’s direction. Naruto eyed Sasuke’s hands, one balled into a fist and the other shoved into his pocket.

“I don’t know,” Naruto said, and for once today, he’d told the truth. He had no clue why Sasuke would show his face here right now, or why he’d call anyway, or what he was thinking to begin with. All Naruto knew was that this was liable to get very ugly very fast, and that he didn’t want to be here when it did, but that he didn’t have any choice. He was going to have to deal with this, because this was all his fault to begin with.

“I, um.” Sasuke pulled his hand from his pocket and opened his fist to show Naruto’s wedding band, cleaner than it had been when Naruto had left it there. Gaara gasped loudly and Naruto closed his eyes in hot and shameful defeat.

Of course, of _course_ that’s why Sasuke was here. 

“Wh— you really… found it?”

Sasuke nodded and looked at his hand. His eyes saddened visibly. “My… brother came over, and he saw it. He knew that it wasn’t mine, um.” Sasuke cleared his throat and tried again, though his voice didn’t sound much better the second time around. “He said that he was going to come and give it to you if I didn’t. And I knew that that wouldn’t have been the right thing, that it had to be… me.” 

Sasuke stepped over Gaara’s discarded luggage to reach Naruto. He waited for Naruto to open his hand before he dropped the ring into it. “I’m sorry,” Sasuke mumbled.

“No, no. That can’t be all.” Gaara shook his head fast. Naruto quirked an eyebrow at Gaara’s words. “You think you can just come in here, into my home…” Gaara’s voice trailed off and Naruto could see his jaw setting.

“I never meant for it to get like this,” Sasuke said quickly. “I mean, it was never my intention to—”

“To wreck my home? Stomp on my marriage? Coming in here with your fancy suit and the ring I bought with all the money I had left.” Gaara’s lip curled in a hard scowl. “I want to hear you say it. Tell me what happened, or get out.”

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke said, louder this time. “I’m sorry for doing anything with him, I’m sorry for coming in here. I’m sorry for ruining your life, his life, _my_ life.” Sasuke looked to Naruto then, his eyes swimming with tears he wouldn’t let himself shed.

“You’re not sorry,” Gaara said angrily. “And you want to cry?” Gaara scoffed hard. “You’re the opposite of sorry. If you were sorry, it wouldn’t have kept going on. It wouldn’t have ever happened to begin with!” Gaara took a few steps closer to Sasuke. The hair on Naruto’s arm rose slightly.

“Do you know what I think?” Gaara’s voice had dropped to a near whisper.

Sasuke shook his head slowly. “No,” he said. Naruto thought it was remarkable that Sasuke’s voice was even. Maybe he was employing some sort of tactical lawyer skills. Naruto was sure that if it were him facing that wrath, he’d be shaking.

“I think.” Gaara crossed his arms. “I think that you’re glad this happened. You’re happy about it.”

“Why would I be happy?” Sasuke’s face twisted into one of deep confusion.

“Don’t give me that face. You _are_ happy about it. You’re happy that after all that time, after all those _years_ of thinking you’d lost him, he came back to you. After watching me marry him, feeling like you’d lost, you finally won again.” Gaara came closer again, so close that Naruto could see the curves of his mouth and the lines etched between his eyebrows. “Because that’s what it was always about with you. You don’t care about him, anyway. You just wanted to see if you could. You two belong together, really.”

“Gaara,” Naruto said quietly. He flinched when Gaara turned the green flame of his eyes onto him again.

“What, are you going to tell me to calm down? I hate you.” Gaara turned away from Naruto and regarded Sasuke then with deep contempt. “Tell me what happened.”

Sasuke scratched the back of his neck. “My brother visited me once, after he left,” he said. “I hadn’t noticed it, and he didn’t even say anything. He just _took_ it, he took it. Said he hoped that I’d notice, come clean. Took me way too long to even think that he had it, or to care enough to ask. I told him that… we hadn’t made any plans to come clean. I could stop any time I want.” Sasuke ran a hand over his face. “He told me that if I didn’t bring it back and tell you what happened, then he’d do it. I don’t even… I don’t know how, what he meant by that. But I thought about it.” Sasuke turned to Naruto then, and Naruto couldn’t look at him.

“I thought about how much I love him.” Sasuke’s voice held conviction, but Naruto still looked at the floor. “I thought about how much I love him, how long I’ve loved him. How if… if it were me, I’d want him to give it back. And I knew that I needed to stand here, and tell you. Face you.” Sasuke was talking to Gaara, and that was the only time Naruto lifted his head. The lines on Gaara’s face had only grown harder, but Sasuke seemed almost to be melting in his sentiment.

“So I called, tried to call, at least. I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted to sit down, to talk about it.” Sasuke sighed wearily. “I’m sorry, Gaara, for coming between you two. I’m sorry for ever doing what we did, no matter how I feel about the fact that you two are, um.”

“We’re married,” Gaara said coldly.

“Yes,” Sasuke said. He took a deep breath. “You’re married.”

Gaara was quiet then. Naruto wondered how long he’d put up with this before it either escalated or did the opposite, but he knew that it couldn’t go on like this forever. Gaara’s temper only ever did this when things got in the way of him and Naruto; he’d _heard_ a story of Gaara and Temari fighting one singular time, and it reminded Naruto of this now. There were flashes of something Naruto didn’t recognize twisting around in Gaara’s eyes.

“So you thought that you could just come, and we’d _sit_ and _chat_? About you fucking my husband in my bed?” Gaara’s voice sounded like his teeth were gritted.

“Not just out of the blue, I mean. I tried to call—”

“Call and say what?” Gaara started counting on his fingers. “Tell me that you wanted to come over, sure. Say it was important. Go on about how it hurts you more than it hurts me, or something else conniving.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I wouldn’t have ever said that,” he said. “I can’t speak on that, on how it feels to have someone you’re married to break their vows to you.”

“With you! With you!” Gaara’s voice grew louder. Naruto felt himself shifting his weight between Gaara and Sasuke. “And you want to be right, I can still see it in your eyes. Because he belongs to you, right? You’re meant to be with him. It’s only right that no matter what stood in your way, you were still entitled to him. Even if he’s married.” 

Naruto wondered to himself why Gaara kept using the present tense. Surely he remembered that he was just about to leave? There were his bags, still in the doorway. Maybe it was just to make Sasuke upset, make him think that somehow they would try to survive this? Naruto grimaced in Gaara’s direction but couldn’t bring himself to look into his eyes.

Sasuke put both of his hands into his pockets. “I won’t deny what we did, or how I feel about him. But it wasn’t about you. I have to be honest. If the chance had presented itself, I’d have done it no matter who he was with.”

“Because he belongs to you,” Gaara said.

“I don’t think that.”

“You _know_ it. He’s always belonged to you. Your grip on his heart has never weakened, no matter how hard I tried to claw my way in.” Gaara shook his head as though he pitied Sasuke. “I mean, I feel bad. What is it even about him? I mean. He’s essentially no different than when we met.”

Sasuke pursed his lips. He wasn’t going to answer, Naruto realized.

“You know what, I don’t want to know.” Gaara put a hand up. “I just want you to know that you win,” he said. “I tried, I tried so hard. I fixed him the best that I could. Got him off the drugs and I really thought that he’d forgotten about you. I stayed here, I stayed home when he was thousands of miles away, and I trusted him. Of course, it happens when he’s here.” Gaara let out a huff. “I can’t believe that I ever thought that it would be just me and just him. It never was. He used to tell me about you, about how he’d never get over you. You should have seen how you left him. He was _shattered._ And I was there. Always, always.” Sasuke’s eyes had grown wide by then.

Naruto closed his eyes and wiped at his face. He hadn’t realized that he’d been crying until his eyes weren’t open. He hated all of it, he hated himself for starting this, hated Sasuke for going along with it, hated Gaara for being right. He flicked his eyes open when he heard Gaara beginning to fiddle with his bags again. “You win,” he repeated. “I never stood a chance. I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff tomorrow, or something.”

Watching Gaara leave felt fake, alternate. He wasn’t _really_ standing in the driveway, waiting for his sister to come and pick him up. He didn’t _really_ put all of his things into her car, nor did he _really_ get into the passenger’s side. Naruto looked away from Temari’s car when he saw Gaara beginning to cry. Naruto wandered into the kitchen, hoping that Sasuke would leave.

He was never that lucky, though.

Sasuke’s voice was small when he spoke. “Are you—”

“Ok? No, Sasuke,” Naruto said. He had to clear his throat a few times to try to loosen the lump. “Are you, would you be?”

Sasuke let out a strained breath but otherwise didn’t reply. Naruto leaned heavily against the counter on both hands. He saw that his arms were shaking and that only made him grip the countertop harder, until his knuckles were white and his fingers were numb. “He’s gone for good,” Naruto told himself. He felt something sharp digging into the palm of one of his hands, and only then did he look to see the ring there, still clutched between his fingers. Naruto pressed his lips together so as to stifle a scream and let the ring fall to the floor. “Gone for good,” he repeated. “Forever.” Knowing Gaara’s family, they’d never let him come over here again. At least, not alone. He’d have some sort of escort. No doubt Temari would be over as much as she could, to watch, to scrutinize, to say that she told them both so.

“Fuck, fuck!” Naruto turned his head to the ceiling and yelled. He closed his eyes and didn’t bother then to try to hide his tears. It was all his fault, he knew it was. If he hadn’t been so _stupid_ , so obviously ill-equipped to have someone else depend on him, then maybe he wouldn’t have even talked to Gaara. All because he was driving around outside of where Sasuke used to live. And, anyway, what did he think, that he could just be friends with Gaara? He’d never given himself the chance to even try to just be friends with _anyone_. And now, after Gaara had picked up his entire life and moved across the country with Naruto, given up on everything that he’d dreamed of, changed his mind for Naruto after _breaking up_ with Lee because their paths didn’t match. It was over. Over. 

Naruto couldn’t even begin to blame Sasuke, because it had been his own idea. What had he really thought would happen if he saw Sasuke again? Inviting him over, yeah. They’d just talk, then Sasuke would leave. They’d just be friends. Sasuke would exist in his life with Gaara. It had been so fucking stupid from the very beginning. He knew he couldn’t live with Sasuke, but he refused to live without him.

“I’m sorry.” Sasuke’s voice broke Naruto’s spiral just slightly. Naruto opened his eyes and turned to where Sasuke’s voice had come from. There he was, there he was. Naruto felt his heart in his throat. Maybe that’s why he didn’t recognize his own voice when he spoke.

“What are you sorry for? It’s my fault.”

Sasuke held his elbow with his other hand. “It isn’t all your fault,” he said eventually, after clearing his throat. “Just the way you knew what would happen, I did too. I _came onto_ you in your own house. That was my idea. And I knew that if I saw you in any sort of, you know, private space… I wouldn’t be able to control myself. So it isn’t all your fault. You made me aware that you’re married.” He had some difficulty saying that word. “I knew it when I saw you, I knew it when you invited me over, I knew it when I kissed you. I knew it when I turned around and walked back up to your door.”

Naruto knew that Sasuke was right, but he barely cared. All of these things were a result of Naruto crossing the line. He had done this; if he hadn’t, Sasuke wouldn’t have had the opportunity to come onto him, or to do things despite knowing he was married. He startled when Sasuke’s arms wrapped around his middle and Sasuke pressed his face into Naruto’s neck.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself,” Sasuke said weakly. “I, just. I love you, I love you. And I tried to be without you. But I can’t.” Sasuke’s tears started to wet Naruto’s face as Naruto rose his arms to return Sasuke’s embrace.

“I love you,” Naruto mumbled. “For the rest of my life.” Naruto held Sasuke at his arm’s length.

“I don’t like that look on your face,” Sasuke said.

“You’ve always been too smart for your own good,” Naruto said in an attempt to be light. He ran his thumbs beneath Sasuke’s eyes to clear his face of tears. “I love you,” he repeated.

“But?”

“But, right now, I can’t, we can’t. There’s just so much that I got wrong and I can’t bring anyone else with me. Not right now, I… I don’t know. I love you.” Naruto kissed Sasuke’s forehead. “I love you. And that’s why I can’t right now. Just have to be alone.”

Sasuke let out a small breath. He looked down and nodded his head against Naruto’s hold on his face. “I know. I know.” Knowing it didn’t help him to stop crying.

Naruto couldn’t watch him leave, couldn’t bear it.

***

“When’s the next time you saw me after that?” Sasuke asked. He was trying to hide the fact that he was crying, but Naruto decided not to mention it.

“Um, years. A long time. I hurt my knee again and retired for good and then just kinda existed on the beach and stuff.” Naruto shrugged and held Sasuke closer to his chest.

“On the beach.” Sasuke snorted. “You aren’t good at sunning.”

“I know, but the sun, the sand, the salt. Helped clear my mind. I thought about trying to surf.”

“Surf!” Sasuke sat up fast, jostling Naruto and laughing hard. “I would have liked to see that.”

“You wanna see me surf tomorrow?” Naruto asked.

“No,” Sasuke said quickly. “You’d kill yourself. Don’t surf.” He grew silent then, and Naruto looked to see that Sasuke was gazing at his hand.

“Hey,” Naruto said quietly.

Sasuke shook his head. “It’s ok. Just marveling at this. At you, at the story.”

“Big words, fancy pants.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “What was it that happened next?”

“Ha. Sakura got pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even though it was a little sad, i hope you all still enjoyed and will stay tuned for the next parts!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sauce in the house
> 
> and sakura

Sakura came back into Sasuke’s life by accident. Sasuke hadn’t ever forgotten her, but had forced himself to move on. He knew that she was happy, somewhere with Ino, doing flower stuff and psychology. He knew that she was probably better off without his and Naruto’s problems, and that of course she was the smartest one of them, and got out of it before it destroyed her, too.

“So imagine my surprise when I get a knock on my door, the door to my _private_ office, and there she is.”

“Just like that?” Naruto asked. They were on the private plane again, this time going back home. Naruto missed his mom, and Sasuke’s mom, and Kenny.

Sasuke nodded. “No, of course not just like that. She said she’d been referred to me by someone that… needed help getting a divorce..”

“Oh, I know this part,” Naruto snorted.

Sasuke pinched Naruto, so that he’d move over in the seat. “You already asked what comes next, so just shush. Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve talked about your favorite girl.”

***

She was talking on the phone when she walked in. Sakura’s eyes grew so wide that Sasuke thought they might fall out of her head. “L-let me call you back,” she stammered, hanging up the call and closing the door behind her. Sasuke had turned around in his chair by then, after hearing the door open. He watched Sakura grip her phone tight in her right hand, and ball her left hand into a fist a few times. “Sauce?” When she finally spoke again, her voice was quavering.

“Yeah,” Sasuke sighed. “It is me.” He was wearing contacts and more expensive clothes than she’d ever seen him in. He was suddenly aware of the year, of the time, of the second. It had been so long, he wondered if he looked the same? She certainly did. Her hair was more pastel than it had ever been, but her eyes still shone with the same youth and fire that Sasuke remembered. He saw that she had somewhat grown into her long limbs, though her fingers were still too long for her hands. He figured her toes were still too long for her feet, too. There was a ring on her left hand ring-finger, which told Sasuke that he’d missed something important. He regarded Sakura carefully, just the way she seemed to be regarding him. They each allowed their eyes to trail over the other before, finally, she took a few small steps into the room.

“Have a seat,” Sasuke said formally, standing and gesturing to the chairs available. Sakura’s gaze followed his arm, but only for a second before she instead rounded the desk and caught Sasuke up in a tight embrace. He knew she was going to start crying the moment he’d felt her arms circling around his neck. She was sobbing before long, and it only got worse when he finally returned her hug.

“Sasuke,” Sakura whispered, sad, wet, and close to his ear. “It’s really you.”

“Mhm,” Sasuke replied, rubbing over her back to try to get her to breathe. She smelled the same, too, but there was a hint of _outside_ that wasn’t there before, something flowery. When she finally released him to look at his face closely, he couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face. She was still Sakura, after all of this time.

Sakura went back around the desk to sit in one of the chairs after pulling it up close to the desk. She took the time then to look around and examine his fixtures. “Hm,” she sniffed. “You are an expensive man these days, it would seem.”

Sasuke looked around himself, too. He hadn’t ever realized how different this space was from where he used to live. To him, the only difference was that there was no snake in here. But, no; the old Sasuke wouldn’t have had so many books that he didn’t have time to read, or all of that alcohol that he didn’t have time to drink with glasses that he didn’t have time to touch. The old Sasuke wouldn’t have had two monitors on his desk, or this fancy chair to swivel around in, or this view from his window, should he decide to go on swiveling. The old Sasuke would have marveled at all of this.

“I guess I am,” Sasuke said finally, when he realized that he still hadn’t answered. Sakura looked at him again, and coughed awkwardly. “So, like… what are you doing here?”

Sakura pursed her lips for a moment. “I…” She sighed and tried again. “Someone asked me to help them. They need a divorce.”

Sasuke nodded and opened a drawer, bringing out a legal pad. “Why didn’t they come in themselves? Who is it?” Sasuke looked up from his paper when Sakura hesitated to answer. There was an anxiety in her expression that Sasuke didn’t really recognize. “Who is it, Sakura?”

“… Hinata.”

Sasuke put his pen down and frowned. “Hinata? She asked you to come here, for _me_ , because she needs a divorce?”

Sakura nodded and ran a hand over her face. “Look, she didn’t tell me it was you. She didn’t want me to call in advance, not really. She just gave me the card to these law offices and told me to ask for the best lawyer, what did she say? The ‘winningest’ lawyer. Maybe… she didn’t know it would be you? But I’m starting to find that hard to believe.” Sakura sighed angrily, a sound Sasuke hadn’t expected to miss.

“I’m sure it doesn’t matter if it’s me,” Sasuke said eventually. “She clearly needs some help,” he said after clearing his throat. “Can she come to see me on her own sometime? You can tell her that I’ve agreed to take the suit.” Sasuke turned and opened the calendar on his computer, setting himself a reminder to ask after Hinata’s behalf again soon. It felt so _crazy_ to type her name into his itinerary.

“I can tell her, she’ll be grateful.” Sakura typed something quickly on her phone and then set it in her lap again. When Sasuke turned to face her once more, her eyebrows were drawn together in what was clearly a concerted effort not to cry.

“Sakura?”

She shook her head and wiped beneath her eyes preemptively. “I know what you’re thinking, you know. ‘You stopped talking to me!’ I know.” Sakura shook her head, her face full of sorrow. Sasuke couldn’t help but to frown. “And I had my reasons,” she continued. “It wasn’t an easy decision.”

Sasuke was silent for a while. He thought it must have been almost ten years since he’d seen her, and it felt strange. His heart had known her immediately, and he loved her just the way that he always had. But he also felt that despite this, he didn’t _know_ her anymore. He didn’t know what she’d been doing, where she’d been, who she’d been around. Well. He could tell one thing, as evidenced by the sparkling ring on her finger. But, still. He wanted to know the other stuff, but firstly, he wanted answers from her. How could she leave him hanging like that, at a time when he felt that he’d needed her the most? And what had she done instead?

“I mean, I get it,” Sasuke said, nodding slightly. “I know that I wasn’t good for you, I wasn’t being a good friend.” Sasuke deigned to mention who surely was the other reason Sakura had stopped talking to him and sat forward. “But you left me, you left me when I really needed you. It hurt, you know? I know that you went off to live your perfect life, but it made me feel even worse.”

Sakura wiped at her eyes and nodded. “It took me a long time to realize how selfish I was being. Ino tried to tell me, but she told me that I needed to figure it out for myself.”

Sasuke wasn’t sure how easily he could let Sakura back into his life. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to, he did. He loved her then and he loved her now. It was because… he still thought about Naruto every day, though it had been years. Days had turned into weeks, and they’d tried, but it fell apart before it had even begun. Weeks fell into months. Sasuke had felt Naruto slipped away, but he held on with everything he had. That’s what you do, right? That’s what you do when someone is your person. But it hurt too much, even when Naruto tried to come around. The months turned into years and Naruto moved further south, where there were more beaches, more sun, and no Sasuke.

(“I can’t stay here,” Naruto had said while he was packing. “I mean. This is the house where I lived with my… husband.” He’d choked on the word.

“And that’s the couch where I cheated on him.” Sasuke’s eyes followed Naruto’s shaking finger as he pointed to the sofa.

“There’s the kitchen where he used to cook for me,” Naruto continued, “and I’d wash the dishes. And those are the spots on the windowsill where the plants used to be.” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose to keep from crying, but it was in vain.

“I can’t stay in here, I can’t.”

And Sasuke knew that he couldn’t fight with that.)

Sasuke had known that his path was not to follow Naruto, not this time. Maybe he’d moved across town because he knew it was closer to Naruto, and maybe he’d stayed only because Naruto did. But Naruto was _leaving_ now, and that was his business. Sasuke had his own things to do. Like, be a successful lawyer, and pull himself from Itachi’s shadow one way or another.

Anyway.

The point was that Sakura reminded Sasuke too much of the past, before everything had become so terrible. She reminded him of home, real home. Georgia, thousands of miles away and so much greener, less hot. She reminded Sasuke of high school, and the times before that; skinning his knees and climbing trees and staying up with the _two_ of them all night. She reminded Sasuke of his visions, which he hadn’t really forgotten; more that he had forbidden himself from thinking about them. Now, his most recent vision, ten years ago now, was coming to him, and he shook his head hard.

“You don’t have to forgive me,” Sakura was saying, cutting Sasuke’s thoughts and making him blink in her direction. “I know that there are things that I shouldn’t have let you go through alone. I know that I can’t just waltz back into your life and ask you how the last ten years have been. I wanna know!” Sakura added, “But you don’t have to tell me, but I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

Sasuke nodded and decided not to answer that right then. “I guess, if we’re going to talk, it shouldn’t be while I’m on the clock,” he said.

“Well, um. Ino and I have been hoping to see you, soon. We’re moving over here soon enough.” Sakura’s voice had an earnestness that Sasuke wasn’t used to.

“Over here? From where?” Sasuke asked.

“From Vegas,” Sakura explained. She was texting Ino, Sasuke assumed, from the speed and intent with which she was typing. “We moved out when she finished school.”

“She?”

Sakura looked up. “I finished before her,” she said before returning to her typing.

“Of course,” Sasuke mumbled. He supposed it wouldn't _hurt_ , just a simple meeting of the three of them again. He could get his answers, and he had missed them both so dearly.

Sakura stood to leave after writing down her number. “I’ll talk to Hinata and she can send you some more details before she comes in to see you. It’s really cool of you to take the case.”

“As long as she pays me what I ask her to, I’ll help anyone do anything,” Sasuke replied. He stood and went around his desk to hug Sakura goodbye one last time. She was at the door when he called her name again.

“Yeah?” Sakura turned on her heel, letting her hand fall from the knob.

“It’s… just gonna be us, right? Just me and you and Ino?” Sasuke hated the way his voice sounded. So weak and hopeless, so small and stupid. What did he even want? Did he want Naruto there, so that they could talk it out? Or did he never want to see Naruto again? He was always at this stupid fork in the road, when he knew what he should do but would still do what he wanted to, if he got the chance.

The corner of Sakura’s mouth turned up slightly. “Yes. Just us. He won’t be there.”

Sasuke felt fraudulent for letting out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t really relieved.


End file.
